The Tale of Tordek
D&D 3.5, I was in 10th grade at the time.
My friend was DMing and invited a bunch of new players to try out his campaign. Some of them wrote decent backstories that were pretty believable seeing as we were starting at level one. Figuring everyone was here I asked the DM when we were starting, he stated that one other person was coming. We waited for about an hour then finally the last guy arrives. The kid is huge as far as muscles go, had mid length blonde hair and sunglasses. The DM asks him what his character's backstory is, the kid pulls out a sheet of paper and slaps it on the table before taking his seat. It read "Tordek is in it for all the bitches." I didn't know whether to laugh or just stare at him.
Throughout the course of that adventure he was pretty "awesome". He raped numerous women and insulted damn near everyone else. In response to the BBEG's dramatic speech he drew his great axe and said "Well, you're just a baby. You want your bottle, ya big baby?" In response to the party's wizard doing anything spell-related he called him a wuss. When the wizard ran out of spells was the best though: "Hey, Mr. Spellman, get in here and cast a spell why don't cha?" "I'm out of spells." "You sucked your spells dry from your bottle, you baby? Magic's for wusses." The best was when he picked on a mentally retarded child, an old man butted in saying in an ever so dramatic tone "Who ARE you? How do you think it's right to pick on a handicapped boy!?" to which he said "I AM TORDEK! SON OF...TORDEK! AND I'M IN IT FOR ALL THE BITCHES!" He then body slammed the old man through a table.
Oddly enough, his alignment is Lawful Good.
- >he sounds more like chaotic AWESOME
- >please tell me that you still game with this guy
Of course I do. He still acts the same as he did back then. In fact every character he ever makes is Tordek, whether it be an ancestor or son, and regardless of whatever the game is. He acts the same in every game and it's always hilarious.
Tordek respects no one except the bitches, trust me.
- >he will when he gets 5d6 fire damage up his 3rd level ass!
You don't seem to understand, Tordek doesn't think magic's for wusses...he knows. He also knows that some baby wizard is about to get snapped in half over his mammoth and fully erect penis.
Then he'll say fuck you and your magic bullshit, grapple you and throw your ass through several windows.
- >PSHAW Tordek would merely eat said fireball, and then proceed to suplex said caster's ass into a table.
- >Tordek is now a Prophet for the Tordek-faith.
- >TORDEK IS MY GOD, AND HE WILL REWARD MY WORK WITH BITCHES.
- >Tordek's dominions are valor, war and bitches