Elesh Norn
 | This article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you. |
Elesh Norn is one of the fuckawesome Praetors from the totally fuckawesome game Magic the Gathering.
She leads The Machine Orthodoxy, the white-aligned New Phyrexian faction that believes that Phyrexia must adhere to the teachings of the Father of Machines. Elesh Norn intends to indoctrinate everyone about the truth, even if it means flaying them, tearing them limb from limb, and reattaching the parts into a creation that is worthy of Phyrexia. She kinda like a miniature version of Khorne, Tzeentch, and the Inquisition all rolled into one. Yes she's that awesome. She also has been seemingly designated by /tg/ as the most fappable of the Praetors. Oh, sweet heresy.
As of recent developments in Magic fluff, she has subdued at least two of her fellow Praetors, Sheoldred and Urabrask, and is well on her way to becoming the sole ruler of New Phyrexia (for those not familiar with magic or lacking attention to detail, Elesh Norn is white and the color of the other 2 praetors just mentioned are black and red, which are white's enemies). Whether or not they are alive and serving her or dead in her wake is unknown; given this is Phyrexia, they could easily be both.
In Game
In the actual game, she's a legendary creature, a really expensive one, that gives all your creature +2 to power and toughness and -2 power and toughness to your opponents. ALL her controller's opponent's creatures with 2 or less toughness die pretty much instantly. It doesn't matter if they have protection from white or are indestructible, they're dead. Like the rest of the praetors, the game is all but over if she comes out, though her mana cost makes a lot players shy away from using her. Her evergreen keyword ability is vigilance, so no, you don't get to tap that (via attacking at least).
Gallery
Magic the Gathering's original take on Elesh Norn
It is a little-known fact that Elesh Norn personally chose the symbol for New Phyrexia PROBABLY BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T
A handy scale for fapfiction writers
No one has ever been able to see the eyes of Elesh Norn, even when they should be able to
Elesh Norn and Sheoldred are the bestest of buddies
Elesh Norn has a predisposition to be FABULOUS in everything she does
Every time you make an Elesh Norn thread, she loves it. It pleases her immensely
Elesh Norn, thinking of new and wonderful ways to convert heretics like yourself...
... and this is what she came up with.
Elesh Norn is in your cards, hijacking them
That isn't actually snow, it is the ashes that spew from the depths of Phyrexia. She loves to frolic in it
Not always fappable
The human version is considered equally desirable BY FAGGOTS, but for different reasons MAINLY FAGGOTRY
This is what happens, /tg/. THIS is why you stay away from /d/!
| Factions and Praetors in New Phyrexia | |||
|---|---|---|---|
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Factions:  The Machine Orthodoxy  The Progress Engine  The Seven Steel Thanes  The Quiet Furnace  The Vicious Swarm |
Praetors: Elesh Norn Jin-Gitaxias Sheoldred Urabrask Vorinclex |
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