Gunnery Sergeant "Stonetooth" Harker

From 1d4chan
Revision as of 07:38, 3 March 2021 by 2406:3400:20f:ffc0:9468:3cb7:885:bda2 (talk)
(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)


"You're hit man. You're bleeding."

Gunnery Sergeant "Stonetooth" Harker also known as the "Stonetooth Devil", is a veteran of the Catachan "Green Devils" regiment, filled with the elite Catachan Devil Squads (That's a lot of Devilin'), THE most badass group of motherfuckers on the already badass filled Catachan. He personally leads one of these units, who have been nicknamed "Harker's Hellraisers".

While the standard Catachan guardsman is giant and incredibly, insanely buffed beyond belief, Harker takes this ten steps forward. His body and strength is so incredibly massive, manly, and unbelievably tough that it's on par with a Space Marine's, only better. For example, he carries and shoots a motherfucking Heavy Bolter as if it was just a pissy little lasgun shotgun AND he's even able to move through the terrain like a scout while carrying that around. Hell, even Space Marines can't do that.

Besides his strength, Harker is also renowned for his toughness, such that he has been known to shrug off blade cuts, gunshot wounds and place his hands into searing flames without so much as flinching. Strangely, the only thing that isn't supposedly true about him is that he chews glass instead of tobacco, hence his nickname.

Such is his badassery, that weedy little guardsmen across the galaxy tell stories of his heroics to try and instil comfort and bravery during dire situations. Such as the tale of how he got the fuckhuge heavy bolter he carries around, which involved him reaching into the flames of a vaporised Heavy Weapons Team, picking up the insanely hot bolter and then using it to wipe out a horde of Orks (Sound familiar? Search up "John Basilone", and you get a real life equivalent).

One of his most famous exploits was when his squad was ambushed by a pack of Tyranid Raveners. When his Heavy Bolter was knocked out of his hands after the 'nids suddenly burst from the ground, Harker killed the one trying to kill him by crushing the frigging thing's neck between his massive biceps in record time, giving him enough time to ready his Heavy Bolter and cut the rest of the Raveners down. This deed alone gave him the pass to be in the same Friday night poker table with the likes of Straken, Stubbs, and Marbo. There is a manly and honoured rivalry between him and sergeant major Merrick of who is the manliest mother fucker who carry around an heavy bolter, a rivalry who is being disputed through the kills of THOUSANDS of heretics, xenos and demons. Men like this make the emperor cry tears of joy, probably.

Despite being described as the toughest of the tough motherfuckers, his in-game profile lists him as only having Toughness 3 (human average and the same as any other random Guardsmen) because Games Workshop doesn't have time for consistency. He's also listed as being only Strength 4, despite his stunning feats of manliness both on and off the table (he gets Relentless with no explanation on the tabletop). Pre-7th Edition he was also accompanied by his Catachan Devil Squad, who received the same special Infiltration rules as Stormtroopers.

See Also[edit]

Famous members of the Imperial Guard
Commissars: Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt - Commissar Anton Gebbet
Commissar Ciaphas Cain - Commissar Holt - Commissar Severina Raine - Commissar Yarrick
Senior Officers: Colonel Greiss - Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken - Knight Commander Pask
Lieutenant-Colonel Mikail Leonid - Lord Castellan Ursarkar E. Creed
Lord Solar Macharius
Junior Officers: Captain Al'Rahem - Commander Kubrik Chenkov
Enlisted Guardsmen: Arden - Colour Sergeant Jarran Kell - Gunner Ferik Jurgen
Mogul Kamir - Nork Deddog - Ollanius Pius - Sergeant Harker
Sergeant Lukas Bastonne - Sly Marbo
From Dawn of War I: Colonel Carus Brom - General Sturnn
Vance Motherfucking Stubbs - Governor-Militant Lukas Alexander
From Dawn of War II: Commissar Lord Bernn - Lord General Castor - Sergeant Merrick