Talk:The Fall of Lelith Hesperax

Could you kindly finish this?

^ Ya, please finish

Workin' on it. Got distracted by a commission for the last couple weeks. Next chapter is gonna have "Enigma" get his ass kicked a bit before anything happens. 66.188.112.88 08:10, 19 March 2012 (UTC)

Please finish.

Yes please do.

Take your time, but hurry up.

Hey, do you have any updates for us?

I do, yes. I've got two different versions currently. The one that is up and another that will be more true-to-form for the characters. I've been thinking of ways to flesh out the Manuaminus Assassins, trying to find a niche for them to fit into that hasn't already been taken up, so that I can write out the interactions a bit better. Originally this was just gonna be spank material but I've found I want to flesh this out much more, give more interaction between Lelith and Mk-537. Unfortunately, these last couple months I've been hit by severe allergies and other (more serious) issues that have completely sidelined me. Hopefully by mid-July I will be back up and running at full capacity and you should see an update shortly thereafter. Again, I apologize for the delays and the constantly broken promises of deadlines that I consistently keep missing. To show that I HAVE been working on stuff involving this I'll be flinging up some codex fluff stuff for the Manuaminus Temple, so you guys can see what approach I'm going to be taking. It's an early draft and needs to be fine-tuned [and finished, herp] but at least it'll show I haven't just been derping around. Sorry to be a massive cocktease, though. If I'd known then what was gonna come up IRL I would've held off and just posted everything all at once at a later date, I really don't like leaving shit unfinished for so long like this. Creed of Heresy (talk) 05:54, 28 June 2013 (UTC)

See? I do work! I just work slowly, is all. Creed of Heresy (talk) 20:30, 12 July 2013 (UTC)

• So, before I start the promotions, I am curious if anyone has anything special they would like to request as far positions or certain actions go. There's a few things that won't happen, like anything involving things that would normally involve toilets, but otherwise I'm open to suggestions. I have to get my head into the game before I start writing, and normally I like to brainstorm a bit before each update, and, well, I'm not gonna lie, having other people contribute some ideas will require less work on my part and will speed up the process. Currently I'm considering some basics like missionary, doggy-style, a blowjob or two, but also making her work for it with some reverse cowgirl, and a fitting fucktoy-facial aimed at the eyes and hair. Mulling maybe a spooning-sideways and rough, biting kisses. Given that some sections will be getting a rewrite to have Enigma less contemptuous towards her and more respecting of her capabilities and skills, this part may end up being more with Lelith being the one doing the rough stuff where Enigma is just merely enjoying his prize. I'm concerned this writefaggotry comes off as a bit misogynistic, which was not my intention; this is meant, instead, to be a "how the mighty hath fallen" sort of scenario, so bear that in mind. This isn't meant to be Lelith submitting for the sake of "NEEDIN' A MAYUN," but rather getting hot for someone who managed to make her experience the one thing she hasn't, which is defeat. Creed of Heresy (talk) 10:03, 24 July 2013 (UTC)

you promised us more after the thread died, don't you keep blue balling us

WRITE MORE, WRITE FASTER, HURRY UP GODDAMNIT

Eh, sorry guys. I'm on some meds for BP2D, and while I'm getting used to the increase in dosage, I'm kind of feeling detached from, well, everything. Once it clears up, I'll get back to working on the good stuff. Maybe I'll poke at some of the existing details, see if that gets me feeling a bit more with it. Creed of Heresy (talk) 11:54, 5 August 2013 (UTC)

Get well most heretical of creeds, also

WRITE FASTA (use red ink bro)

DA RED INKZ GO FASTA, YA GITZ- my god. O_O I might've solved the problem. RED INK. USE IT I WILL. lmao Creed of Heresy (talk) 14:19, 5 August 2013 (UTC)

Run out of red ink?

FASTA FASTA FASTA

Nah, didn't run outta red ink, I've just had a very, very rough month, so this got put on the backburner while I've been dealing with everything else. Plus I'm going to put this back up onto /tg/ later. I found out how I can easily ban-evade the mod permanently. Most he'll be able to do is ban my username, and all I need to do is just add numbers to the end of it or just go anonymous. See, all you need to do is just use an IP-redirect to 4chan itself. Shit's really easy, tried it and tested it. The lulz against the mods will commence. Creed of Heresy (talk) 07:18, 29 August 2013 (UTC)

YEW WILL VANQUISH THEM WITH MULTIPLE SIMULTANEOUS DEVASTATING DEFENSIVE OFFENSIVE DEEP STRIKES PENETRATIONS --Boss Ballkrusha (talk) 07:29, 29 August 2013 (UTC)

MOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOAR

The weekend smut threads are a thing now, so why the no show Creed?

As a random guy who happened to read your story, here's my reply:

"Given that some sections will be getting a rewrite to have Enigma less contemptuous towards her and more respecting of her capabilities and skills"
I'm concerned that you might end up taking the story too far away from "Psychotic lunatic who has tortured and murdered thousands of innocent people gets dominated, humiliated, maybe lightly tortured, and then either executed or bound to the Emperors service" towards "Psychotic lunatic who has tortured and murdered thousands of innocent people gets defeated and then ends up in a mutually respectful, enjoyable relationship with BDSM overtones".

"I'm concerned this writefaggotry comes off as a bit misogynistic"
I think people are far too prone to seeing misogyny whenever something bad happens to a woman. It's a fairly hardcore heterosexual domination story where the woman happens to be the dominated one.
A good test is usually "If I reversed the sexes, would the story seem misandric?".
83.142.4.39 18:08, 20 October 2013 (UTC)

Given Creed's complete lack of activity these past few months, it should be safe to assume that this story will not be rewritten or updated. --Newerfag (talk) 18:18, 20 October 2013 (UTC)

Fair enough. Just wanted to share my concerns. Shame about the story. 83.142.4.39 21:07, 20 October 2013 (UTC)

No worries, guys. I'm still around. The no-show has ended, and while nothing new has been added yet, there will be some bits and pieces being added in here in the coming weeks. In regards to the IP-address individal: I have considered this myself rather carefully. I do not intend for Lelith and Enigma to become "lovers" or anything like that. Indeed, Lelith will find herself as a "pet," leashed and collared to Enigma in mind and body, unwilling to heed his word but unable to do anything otherwise. Creed of Heresy (talk) 20:00, 5 November 2013 (UTC)

Ain't dead yet.

Alright, it's been a bit since my hiatus. I haven't even logged on here much, let alone gotten anything to the story done. It's not dead, nor am I. I just recently started a full-time job, and things have been a little hectic in ways that haven't exactly been good for my desire to write. Entering into the holiday season while working as a manager who is also paid commission for selling cell phone services, well...you can guess where my motivation has been. Money money money, baby. I've also been stricken by "fanon's doubt syndrome," or FDS, an obnoxious phenomenon wherein a writer of fanfiction finds him- or herself having concerns about just what they're doing to established characters and canon fiction. I've been having these trepidations since day one of this damn story, and while I have some ideas on how to correct this, they would require extensive reworking of the story.

Not actually something I'm adverse to doing, mind you; I am no stranger to blanking out huge sections of stories in order to improve their flow, narrative, and setting. It's just something that requires, well, blanking out huge sections of the story. Means I'd need to do some reworking. While this may seem rather amusing that I want to have an actual story to what is basically smutfiction, I should probably explain that I am rather scornful towards the idea that just because something has graphic depictions of sex that therefore it should be crap or underwritten. As a society we take violence lightly and the norm, and sex as being something taboo and reserved only for lowbrow entertainment where violence is given large leeway in its depictions with barely a twitch of any disregard. Basically, if I write something, I want the sex to not be the only part that people read it for; I want it to be a component of something larger that people enjoy with a story that is intriguing, that people will want to read for its plot as well as its graphic elements. I write for myself, and I hold myself to a certain standard. If I wanted mindless smut, I would simply just have it start with Lelith getting her ass kicked and immediately transitioning it into an exhaustingly-detailed sex scene that wraps up immediately upon the climax, so to speak.

I've been poking at an idea for a series of fanons centered around this system known as the Shaderus system, a system of worlds at the galactic east-northeast surrounded by a crescent-shaped warp storm with the gap pointing outwards towards the outer reaches of the galaxy and the back facing the Imperium; it is a system cut off from the Imperium, where the multitudes of the Imperium's enemies must exit warpspace and pass through this system in realspace to reach the end of the warp storm before they can transition back into warpspace to get to Imperial space, to borders far more unprotected than most others, with any detours around the warp storm taking incredibly long periods of time and with the warp currents surrounding the storm itself causing the courses of these enemies to be thrown way off, resulting in unpredictable exit points to regions far more dangerous and well-protected than the intended goals. Because of this isolation from the Imperium, the Shaderus system is a culture apart from the rest of humanity, yet with its roots based in the Imperial Truth, in ideas and creeds far divorced from the teachings of the modern Imperium. Where the Imperium is based on faith in the God-Emperor, the Shaderus system's inhabitants follow the atheistic, reason and rationality-based original teachings of the Emperor, whom they venerate as a truly great and awesome man, and not as a god. Science and technology prevail here; innovation and understanding and learning are the name of the game where stagnation and dogma are the driving force for the vast majority of the rest of humanity. The technological capacities of those within this system are far greater than the rest of humanity, on levels at least on par with those of the Tau and with strategic and tactical doctrines quite similar as well. Combined-arms warfare, emphasis on individual initiative, quality-over-quantity, high-tech and highly-efficient equipment...these are the trademarks of the Shaderus war machine. Facing endless waves of enemies of all kinds, from the orks to the eldar of all their kind, the tau, the predations of chaos and its legions, and the recent incursions by the tyranids, the Shaderus system is highly-militarized and extremely vigilant against attacking forces. Aiding them in this pursuit is a Chapter of Space Marines descended from the Blood Angels, known as the Flames of Damnation, also long since cut-off from the Imperium and thus having deviated entirely from the Codex Astartes, which has long since ceased to mean anything to the Chapter. This Chapter also has its own secrets and particular foes that they fight against and seek to destroy.

Eventually, the system's scientists find a way to open a "tunnel" through the brunt of the warp storm, which enables the greater Imperium to finally attain astropathic access to the system. It moves to investigate the system, and when it discovers the bastion of humanity standing there, it attempts to bring them into the Imperium proper. Their envoys and scouts, however, are rebuffed and rejected in their attempts to demand the system place itself under total Imperial control, especially in theistic regards, and the Imperium mobilizes to place the system firmly under its colossal boot. However, the battlefleet sent to bring the stubborn system to heel is decimated with hardly a scratch taken by the system's defenders. Nevertheless, the system offers its allegiance and accepts some forms of Imperial influence into the system. A convent of the Sisters of Battle is established along with a sect of the Ecclesiarchy, who are allowed to practice and preach, under severe limitation, to those within the system. The Adeptus Mechanicus, its own presence long since having become the driving force of industrial and scientific advancement and understanding in the system without the usual tech-theism, is allowed to establish elements within the system, again under extreme limitation of their practices and beliefs. The system provides tithes of its highly-capable armed forces to the Munitorum, though said forces are to remain firmly under ultimate control of their Shaderus-originated commanders. Finally, in defiance of the terms and conditions of the treaty, the Imperium has several agents of the Inquisition, namely those of the Ordo Hereticus, moving amongst the population...most of whom find themselves meeting abrupt ends at the hands of the system's counter-intelligence operatives when they move against the system's established bodies of government. A few, however, find themselves intrigued by the system's unique culture and prowess, and form the beginnings of the Ordo Seculos Attendous; Inquisitors who see that the dogma and ignorance perpetuated by the Ecclesiarchy and the Mechanicus has been hampering, if not outright destroying humanity and its progress, and thus find themselves aligning to the Shaderus system's culture and influence, and outright rejecting the Imperial Cult.

Meanwhile, the convent established, known as the Orders Legion, likewise begins to adopt heretical stances and practices. This is compounded by them becoming the guardians of an ancient artifact located within the system, one that the Flames of Damnation have held themselves to guarding. Whatever the artifact's origins may be, or simply whatever it may be, it alters the Order's vision and purpose, and while no less fanatical in their faith to the Emperor, their practices deviate wildly from those common to other, more traditional Orders, with their worship and piety taking on different expressions, forms, and meanings. The AdMech techpriests within the system find themselves allured by the technological wonders those within the system have devised and constructed and employed, and while they view it all as tech-heresy, they cannot deny that the machines and technologies within the system are worthy of their absolute devotion and worship. The Officio Assassinorum is also provided with prospects from the system's populace, individuals who more often than not prove their worth grandly, sometimes bringing the Assassinorum to bend some rules to best employ these individuals amongst its various temples. Lastly, the Schola Progenium establishes a presence, which both the Shaderus system and the Imperium benefit greatly from.

The system's government has ambivalent ties to an eldar craftworld that orbits around a region just outside the Shaderus Gate, neither alliance nor hostility. It holds ties with the Tau, ties that are cool yet amiable enough. It has experience with constant orkish incursions that it has learned how to rebuff with frightening efficiency and lethality, and has learned how to most effectively deal with tyranid splinter fleets that try to worm their way into the system. And last but not least it has a long history of engagement with the dark eldar, the daemons of chaos, and the traitor forces aligned with them. Rumor holds that a particular force of traitor marines, led by a daemon prince in command of them, seeks to take the artifact held within the system for themselves, for reasons none within the system are willing to divulge.

The practical upshot of all this is that I am considering making Enigma an inductee of the Callidus temple, born of the Shaderus system. One of a very limited number of males within the temple who trade an ability to shift shapes for uncanny abilities in stealth, subterfuge, sabotage, infiltration, and lethality, and who are also all exclusively psykers to mask their identities and movements by misdirecting the mind directly, as opposed to physically. Neither greater than their female counterparts nor inferior, they are nevertheless a unique tool to be used. Lelith, for her part, has made the mistake of raiding just outside the system's borders, and has found herself in a desperate situation as a result, one she was not at all prepared for.

This information will be available in greater detail both on my profile page and on its own separate page in the stories section of the wiki, for reference for those interested in reading more about it. So stay tuned. Creed of Heresy (talk) 19:57, 5 November 2013 (UTC)

That wall of text is almost as long as the story currently... You need to stop thinking about it so hard and just write.

Oh such exaggerations. Honestly that's just something I mulled over doing a little while ago, nothing concrete or serious. Just something to tinker with while I'm trying to survive working in retail management over the holiday season. Creed of Heresy (talk) 04:07, 7 December 2013 (UTC)

How are you coming along on this story? I'm interested in seeing where you take this.

-- You still alive? Anyone know where I can find the version of the story that has Lelith turn out to be an Inquisitor?

"Oh such exaggerations." Well the story now contains a few sentences about why it does not exist, so hurry the fuck up and write it.

Apology, or excuse, however you want to see it

Over a year later and still nothing. I started, deleted, rewrote, and repeated the process for this about five times since the last time. It's not just this, either. It's everything I try to write. I've had some mental health issues that have always existed, but thanks to an ever increasing amount of stress, they've peaked.

• Shrug* I guess what I'm saying is...I still haven't forgotten. I'm still trying. But while I have the idea figured out, I don't know how to execute it satisfactorily. Maybe if I can just find the right medication combination to get me out of this downward spiral my psychological issues have been dragging me into, it'll clear my head enough for me to stop kicking myself and just stop giving too much of a shit and to just enjoy writing for the sake of writing again. I don't know. Long and short of it is, I'm frustrated, and I don't know what I'm doing. Creed of Heresy (talk) 16:19, 8 January 2015 (UTC)

--- Honestly, you could continue writing in the same vein and we'd be satisfied :P.

--- Any progress on this one?

---

What's the current status of this story?

I don't know if I wanted to make a separate page but....

Hey so I really liked the idea of weapon-less Mark Assassins so I had written up a data slate page or something like that a loooooooong time ago but decided to chuck it here if anyone's interested. https://1d4chan.org/wiki/File:Marks-_Manuaminus_Temple.pdf

No determined points cost, probably on the cheaper side since it's a no frills assassin for the most part with relatively unimpressive damage stats. Remoon101 (talk) 19:50, 27 February 2016 (UTC)

Is this story dead?