Warhammer 40,000

Warhammer 40,000 is a tabletop wargame produced by Games Workshop, currently in its 5th Edition. It depicts a dystopian hellhole of a future where the majority of the human race in the form of the gargantuan Imperium Of Man is the dominant but dwindling force in the galaxy and constantly (and we mean CONSTANTLY) wars against heretics, aliens and communists for their survival.

In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only awesome.

In the Grim Dark Future

Women of the 41st millennium, not the prettiest....

In the grim, dark, grim darkness of the 41st Millennium, there is only grim. And darkness. And war. Set in the never-ending year of 999 in the 41st Millennium, the Imperium of Man will go to any ends to protect itself from an endless tide of foes. From the Eye of Terror come the dreaded Legions of Chaos, slavering and relentless as they continue the 10,000 year war they have waged. The mysterious Eldar pursue their own ends which often conflict with that of the Imperium while their fucked-up brethren, the Dark Eldar, enslave and pillage. From another galaxy comes the Tyranids, a biological hive-minded colossus that lives only to consume all life©. The Necrons, robotic monstrosities who once cleansed the entire galaxy of life, have began to reawaken on their tomb worlds throughout the Imperium. Orks, green-skinned war-loving monsters, are MADE FOR FIGHTAN and have the monopoly on MOAR DAKKA, as well as outnumbering everyone else put together. The Tau, a progressive and technologically-advanced race of weeaboo communists, basically do their own thing. Standing in defense of the Imperium are the numberless regiments of regular military men, the Imperial Guard and the Space Marine Chapters, massive super-soldiers who live only to fight the Imperium's foes. The Sisters of Battle, Grey Knights and Inquisition safeguard the Imperium from internal threats including heresy, traitors and daemonic possession. They go about this by killing people for heresy.

Grim dark grimness shrouded in never ending darkness is grim, and in the 41st Millennium, there is only war. Basically it sucks to be the Imperium, or anybody living in it. Despite being by far the most powerful united force in known space (Tyranids aren't there yet, Necrons cbf getting out of bed, ORKS IZ MADE FOR FIGHTIN [each other]), the Imperium and its million planets can never gain any more ground. In the grim dark future of the 41st Millennium, there is only stalemate. And heresy.

In case you haven't guessed, this premise and 40K's official tagline (In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only war!) is the origin of the grimdark meme. Not knowing this is heresy. As is knowing it.

Background

Not even riding a dinosaur will save Mr. Spess Elf from that bolt round that's micro-seconds from slamming into his head.

Note: In 40K there is an alternate dimension where the gods of Chaos (the grimdark supervillains) exist and where all psykers draw their power from, known as the Warp. It is also Warp navigation that forms the 40K take on Faster-Than-Light travel. The Warp is a batshit insane place full of things that want to fuck you inside out, and as such being a psyker is very dangerous. Basically everybody but the Emperor has a danger of having their head explode every time they channel Warp powers. It goes without saying that using the Warp as FTL travel will also result in a grade 5 clusterfucking if the ship is not protected via some sort of shielding (the Gellar Field). The Warp affects every race in 40K in some way(except the tau, who are too pants on head retarded to produce psykers)(and except the necrons, who are too pants on head roboted to produce psykers), but is the very source of Chaos itself and as such works best for them.

Now for some tl;dr:

Once upon a time, there was the EMPRA. There are no words in the human language to describe his radiant levels of awesome, but basically he told the human race to do as he said and they did. Re-conquering planets that mankind had lost in the distant past and many thousands of new ones, the Emperor's loyal Army (now Imperial Guard) and 20 Space Marine Legions composed of 20,000 demigod soldiers each (before they were organized into 1,000 strong Chapters) took the galaxy for mankind. In the process, they destroyed countless alien races for the crime of not being human, as well as killing millions of humans for the crime of not being Terran enough. But they did it for great justice, so that makes it okay.

40K: Never letting practicality get in the way of manliness.

The Space Marine Legions, 20 of them in total, were the main offensive force of what was known as the Great Crusade despite their comparatively minuscule numbers. They were, however, the manliest skullfuckers in the galaxy at the time. According to the Imperium, the only thing that could beat the Space Marines were other Space Marines. Which was kind of like when the Titanic began its maiden voyage and some fucktard said "God himself could not sink this ship". Which God responded to by trolling said fucktard by sinking the ship (Implying God exists).

A guy named Horus, the Primarch (demigod super-Marine in charge of a Legion, created by the Empy himself) chosen by the Emperor to lead the Great Crusade while the Emperor went back to Terra to work on some super secret pwn-the-galaxy scheme, fucked everything up at this point. Succumbing to the whispers of the Chaos gods, he led a third of the Imperium's armies straight to Terra where he attempted to fuck up the Emperor's Palace and obviously the Empra himself. The siege took too long and in an attempt to end it quickly Horus fought the Emperor one on one. In an extreme display of gar and awesome the Emperor GOT HIS FUCKING GAME ON and blew Horus into oblivion while crying manly tears of pure disappointed rage. Unfortunately, the Emperor was seven kinds of fucked up by the fight and had to be attached to a life-support machine known as the Golden Throne, where he has remained for ten millennia as a super-psychic vegetable.

Cue grimdark.

During this time, humanity did everything in their power to fuck up the Emperor's vision of the Imperium of Man. With the Emperor no longer in charge, the total IQ of the Imperium's leadership dropped by about 99%. The Imperium is now a bureaucratic militaristic state governed by force, religious fundamentalism and good old fashioned ignorance. At some point 'heresy' was reinvented by the Imperium as a blanket term to cover every single act a human being could possibly commit for good or for worse that any amoral Imperial Official subjectively deems as counter to the interests of the Imperium/whoever is in charge. Disagreeing with this treatment of heresy is not only heresy, but probably treason. Treason is heresy. Heresy is punishable by death.

Not in a million years...

Not everything revolves around the Imperium, however. Just the vast majority of things.

After the Horus Heresy, the armies of Chaos fled into a section of disturbed warp-space known as the Eye of Terror, where they are pretty much safe from the Imperium until they leave en masse periodically in what is known as "Black Crusades". There have been 13 so far, and all but the last have been massive failures. The last one was only a moderate failure.

The Eldar, one of the most ancient races in the galaxy and basically space-elves, are the source of the aforementioned Eye of Terror. Back in the old days, the Eldar had a galaxy-spanning empire too. Except instead of enjoying themselves the old-fashioned way by constantly fighting for their own existence and accusing each other of heresy, they indulged in lolhueg amounts of hedonism. After one too many cocaine and alcohol fueled underage transsexual orgies, the fabric of the Warp tore open and created the unstable phenomenon known as the Eye of Terror. It also wiped out majority of the Eldar race in a sex-fueled explosion and birthed the fourth major Chaos god, Slaanesh, the Prince of Pleasure. Created by their own desires, the Eldar race basically belongs to Slaanesh and when they die, their souls go to his little section of the Warp to be tormented for all eternity (unless they store their own souls in things called Spirit Stones etc). Whoops. Some Eldar kept being decadent fucks and pissed off to the dark hidden city of Commorragh (the Dark Eldar), but most became very srs business mopey arrogant bastards consumed with manipulating the future to preserve their own race and the alcohol, sex and cocaine now belongs to Slaanesh. Cue grimdark.

GOD HIMSELF COULD NOT SINK THIS GAME!

Orks is the biggest and the baddest, and they have been around forever. They are somewhat more numerous these days, what with their method of reproduction consisting of an Ork scratching himself and seeding a few more Orks in the ground (Protip: Orks are ~~plants~~ ~~a fungus/algae symbiosis~~ eukaryotic heterotrophs). Eventually they will WAAAGH and blow away the whole fucking universe, but until then they'll just be a major pain in the Imperium's ass.

The Necrons are hella old and fucked the Eldar up ages ago but decided to go back to sleep after deciding it was all too hard. They will eventually wake up in force and cleanse the galaxy of life, though the Tyranids may have something to say about that. (NOT. Tyranids are avoiding Necrons like an over-sized gonad. Primarily because they realized that Necrodermis isn't very good nom-noms)

The Tyranids have been around for Emperor-knows how long, as they come from another galaxy. There is like, ~~thousands~~ a fuckton of them. And they might be running for their lives from something even more grimdark. It has been theorized by Imperial scholars that the Tyranids will eventually bring forth a massive Hive fleet that would consume everything, however, these are said to have been kept back by something more powerful than the Emperor and Chaos combined: GW's reluctancy to move the WH40K storyline forward.

The Tau are a few thousand years old and have advanced to a technological level on par with that of the Imperium. While that can be explained by the Imperium being far less technologically advanced than they were 20,000 years ago (thinking machines, shit hit the fan, cue grimdark), the Tau have a real penchant for advancing their society rapidly. However, they are Space Communists and as such have no future. They are too small to have an impact on the grand scheme as a whole, and will last all of ten seconds once someone decides they actually give a shit. In fact, the Tau were originally nearly wiped out by a small Imperial expedition and their homeworld was only saved by a warp storm.

tl;dr: Lots of races, lots of history, lots of grim darkness.

Gameplay

Primer

If 40k was made in Japan

Playing the tabletop game of 40K involves the placement of the small plastic and metal models that represent each unit onto a 6x4 tabletop battlefield. This could be anything from a kitchen bench to a detailed hand-crafted board complete with forests, rocks, bunkers etc. Terrain is an important part of the game, as the 40K shooting rules rely on "line of sight" to target any given unit. Terrain can also be used to either player's advantage to provide extra protection against shooting even if within line of sight, block units and vehicles, etc. Difficult and Dangerous Terrain can also hinder movement or even kill units.

The rules for the game are drawn from the Warhammer 40K Rulebook sold by Games Workshop as well as the supplement 'Codex' books. While the Rulebook provides all the general rules required to play the game, the Codex books, one for each race, provide specific rules such as unit statistics, wargear and points costs.

Deployment/Missions

There are two main game modes. Objective games, and Kill Point games. The point of objective games is to be in undisputed control of objective with your Troops. Kill Point missions suck cocks though. Basically, your goal is to destroy more units than the enemy does. Every unit is worth a kill point. That horde of conscripts? It's a killpoint. That truck? It's a killpoint. That Leman Russ Main Battle Tank? It's a Kill Point. So you can kill off more of the enemy, but if he's concentrated his points into a few hordes/"unkillable" units, and you've gone for massed tanks/etc, you can "lose" Kill Points despite killing off most of the enemy...many people hate Kill Points.

You have 3 Deployment modes to further provide variation. Pitched Battle lets you deploy your entire army in a line on the map (though you can put units into reserve, off the table), Dawn of War limits the number of units you may deploy but lets you deploy them further into the table, and Spearhead divides the table into quarters, with all units having to stay 12" away from the center.

Units

Each unit in 40K, whether an Imperial Guardsman, a Daemon Prince or a Falcon Grav Tank, has a set of 'characteristics' that are compared to the statistics of whatever they are attacking to ascertain whatever roll may be necessary on a D6 to succeed in their attack. The characteristics are as follows: Weapon Skill (WS), Ballistic Skill (BS), Strength (S), Toughness (T), Wounds (W), Attacks (A), Initiative (I), Leadership (Ld). For vehicles, it is simplified to Frontal, Side and Rear armor ratings, as well as Ballistic Skill. Certain units that are a mix between vehicle and infantry/monster, such as walkers and Dreadnoughts, retain the Armour ratings in place of Toughness and Wounds but use all remaining characteristics as well. Depending on the type of attack made (shooting, assault, psychic, etc), different characteristics are used to resolve the attack. Some special close combat weapons, such as Power Fists, will enhance the characteristics of the user or provider other bonuses. When shooting, the separate statistics of the weapon fired also come into play.

If I ever find the fucker who nerfed Rhino Rush...

All units also have a "points cost", representing their overall worth in an army. There are a number of rules concerning selecting an army from a Codex army book, but one of the most important is the points limit. The points limit is the method used in 40K as an upper limit to army size and power. The most common type of 40K game is set at 1,500 points. For comparison, the average squad of Imperial Guardsmen is worth 70 points, and a Space Marine squad worth 150 points. A single Grey Knight Dreadnought is 80 points. With any unit, upgrades can greatly increase their points cost and effectiveness. Fully-equipped Independent Characters can reach well over 200 points, for example, and the aforementioned squads will usually be equipped with more expensive heavy weapons, squad leaders, or other equipment.

Units usually fight as squads, though there are many exceptions. While all infantry are formed into a squad with similar units and often a squad leader (i.e. a squad of Ork Slugga Boyz led by a Nob), units such as vehicles/walkers (Tau Hammerhead) are usually but not always (Sentinels, Jetbikes) fielded as a lone unit. The role of hero units, known as Independent Characters is an important one in 40K. They are the leaders for each army and one of the most powerful types of unit available to any player. They have the distinction of being able to operate as a single model or joining with another squad. Independent Characters, such as a Space Marine Captain or an Ork Warboss, can have a massive impact on the game, especially in the Assault Phase. The game also features individual vehicle-sized models known as Monstrous Creatures that with very few exceptions cannot be formed into squads (eg. Daemon Prince, Tyranid Carnifex). Vehicles, as evidenced by their unique characteristics and other game mechanics, are used very different from all other units and have a significant section of the 40K rulebook dedicated to them.

Phases

"With great balls I shall clad them"- Big E on Guardsmen

The game is divided into three phases: the Movement Phase, the Shooting Phase, and the Assault Phase, and each phase forms part of each individual player turn. Quite simply, the Movement Phase is for movement only, the Shooting Phase is for shooting and psychic attacks, while the Assault phase is for resolving hand to hand combat.

To resolve Shooting players first roll to hit, if they hit, they roll for cover and armor saves, after that they roll a few more times just to make sure noone got hurt. This is at ranges of under 25 meters. Seriously people are bad shots in the 41st millennium. Like you know that news footage you sometimes see of African gunmen who are shooting from the hip with AKs even though they're not fast drawing, or holding said AKs in front of them in willful disregard that rifle butts go on shoulders, who can't even hold their guns level to fire aimed shots, let alone look down their gunsights, all the while standing in the middle of the street which they can do because the guys downrange are doing the exact same thing. Those guys would qualify to be Vindicare snipers in the Imperium of Man. Less elite soldiers, such as Guardsmen, must be carefully instructed on which end of the Lasgun should be pointed more in which direction.

It's for this reason that people in the 41st millennium like to carry outrageously hueg and outlandish melee weapons and like to get stuck in with them. The Assault (or melee) Phase is resolved about the same as the Shooting Phase (which at least makes more sense, since you can parry a sword, but you can't parry a hypervelocity slug, let alone high energy plasma or coherent high intensity radiation, examples in other works of fiction notwithstanding), but since melee combat once begun cannot be disengaged, and units not engaged in melee combat can't fire upon units in melee combat (possibly because with their outrageously bad eyesight they can't distinguish between friend and foe in the clash raging right in front of them), sooner or later someone is going to get melee killed.

Hit rolls for soldiers in a squad can be rolled together, as can save rolls. As yet, the gameplay mechanics geniuses at Games Workshop have not conceived of some physics defying method that more than one dice can be rolled simultaneously to represent the myriad possible results to an individual unit, such as a tank, and so tragically gamers are still forced to roll to hit, and to roll for armor penetration, first one and then the other. (Although it's thought by many this is deliberate to draw out the tension and suspense, since victory can hang on these successive rolls. It's also thought W40k players could instead play back alley craps games for the same effect, and save some money also.)

In the 41st millennium military engineers have not yet devised an effective targeting or guidance system that would enable a tank killer to fire on enemy armor (tank sized targets) with confidence of hitting these targets, at the ranges typical of combat in this far future era. As such, infantry are frequently tragically forced to engage in melee combat against such armored monstrosities with chainswords, handfuls of potatomasher grenades, and standard issue steel balls.

Both shooting units (e.g. Space Marine Devastators) and assault units (e.g. Dark Eldar Wyches) have great but very different roles to play. The 40K rulebook describes the manner in which the many varying unit attributes in 40K interrelate. At the end of the Shooting and Assault phases when casualties have been resolved and models removed, depending on the events that occurred to affect any given unit, Leadership (Ld) tests of all sorts must be made. These test whether or not the unit/squad flees from a combat they have lost, at which point other actions can be taken by the attackers such as consolidation or pursuing (sweeping advance). Fleeing units will continue to flee until they rally (a roll can be taken at the start of each new turn assuming certain conditions are met), are overtaken and destroyed, or flee off the board. In this manner an army can be destroyed without actually killing each individual unit.

General 40k Tactics

Contrary to popular humor, you *can* apply tactics 40k beyond "Hurl your units/park a gunline, and yell FOR THE EMPRAH". You will be called a cheesemongering win-at-all-costs bastard, because why treat toy solders you paid craptons of money for like a more expensive chess-game? Rite? Building your army-list is a very important part of this, but given two balanced lists, victory tends to go to the better general (or the far luckier one...some days, the dice *really* hate you). Tactics are discussed here.

Collecting

There are three elements to Warhammer 40K: The background, the gameplay and the collecting/modeling. In the same way that the average powergamer will not give two fucks about the background or modeling and that the writer of most of this article would take the background over the gameplay any day, the modeling is something that can replace the other two elements of the game completely. As the game relies on models to represent every unit in a gaming army and is supported by a massive plethora of awesome artwork, there are great opportunities for the more artistic among us to use those lovely, juicy artist brains of theirs.

Chapter Master Leonidas is among the few non-Space Wolf or Imperial Fists Space Marines who has a beard.

Warhammer 40K models are sold for outrageous sums by Games Workshop in boxed sets(mostly plastic, some metal) and blister packs (all metal), produced by Citadel Miniatures. Games Workshop also owns Forgeworld, who sell ridiculously expensive and ridiculously awesome resin kits of alternative 40K models. Case in point, the Forgeworld Death Korps of Krieg range (fapfapfapfapfapfap). These models must be glued together by hand, and this leaves quite some room for customization, better known as conversion. Conversion consists of everything from gluing on a different arm or weapon to using the modeling putty known as 'Green Stuff' to recreate half the model. This can result in anything from a different pistol to a more dynamic pose to something too awesome for this world that Games Workshop never thought of.

Each model must also be painted by hand, and for those who prefer painting to modeling, 40K still provides plenty of opportunities. While the entire GDP of the U.S.A. could not buy a year's worth of Games Workshop painting products, the fact remains that Games Workshop models, some more than others, lend themselves extremely well to a steady hand. The annual Games Workshop-run painting contest, the Golden Demon awards, is a perfect showcase for the incredible examples of epic that can be made by good modeler and/or painter.

The biggest problem with collecting 40K is the cost, which has gone up by about 300% in the last decade. To buy yourself a playable 1,500 point army will probably cost hundreds of dollars, and a delicious customized army of that size or larger (or heaven forbid, a Forgeworld army) will cost you thousands.

But it's fucking worth it, because CHAINSWORDS AND POWER FISTS HOLY SHIT IF 40K WAS A WOMAN I WOULD IMPREGNATE HER WITH THE FORCE OF A THOUSAND EMPERORS.

Roleplaying

Bling bling, motherfucker

Aside from the wargame, Warhammer 40,000 has also stolen into the long night of roleplaying games with Dark Heresy, and Rogue Trader. Dark Heresy is the way to play in the grimdark universe on a personal level rather than an army level if you so choose- it is also a substantially hearty system, that with a few tweaks brings the dysentery laden fun of Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay to the modern and sci-fi world. Rogue Trader is moar of the same, but you get a PERSONAL SPESS SHIP as well.

Playable Races

~~SPESS MEHREENS~~ Space Marines/Adeptus Astartes: Knights in future space power armor. Will seriously fuck your shit up, but often associated with noobs because they are the army that GW markets the most, and most starter packs have them ~~and because casualfags hate having their weeaboo elf shit fucked up~~. Once upon a time, weren't quite as hung up on the Emprah, and more informal. Space marines have been divided into such chapters and legions such as:

Grimdark female space cop, she'll need more than just a good dicking to get in a good mood.

Dark Angels
Emperor's Children
Blood Ravens
Iron Hands
Flesh Eaters
Ultramarines
Mental Legion
Death Guard
1000 Sons
Word Bearers
Alpha Legion
Iron Warriors
Constructors
Black Legion
Storm Titans
Imperial Fists

Sisters of Battle/Ordo Hereticus: Badass ladies in power armor. -4str, but -4 points as well. Still, kind of expensive, but they have totally awesome models. Stormtroopers, though? Please, get that weak shit out of here; if your infantry isn't completely SoB and Seraphim, you're a raging homosexual (and even some of them play SoB because they look FABULOUS).

Daemonhunters/Ordo Malleus: The nearly-as badass Inquisitional brothers of the Ordo Hereticus, featuring Grey Knight Space Marines, Space Marines version 1.5, who are all psykers. Expensive as hell, but pretty badass in their own right. Got totally super-broken-ubercharged by Matt Wards new codex.

SPIKEY MARINES OF CHAOS!

Imperial Guard: Human regulars. Some sweet tanks, and the non-Cadian infantry models are fucking amazing (Especially Steel Legion, and Death Korps, Catachans ~~not so much~~ Look, it was the 80s, alright? 80s nothin' BITCH. Catachans are WH40K universe on Hardcore Mode). They go into battle with nothing but a glorified flashlight/laser pointer, 21st century flak jackets and standard-issue steel balls.

Chaos Space Marines/Chaos Daemons: EVIL space marines. Much more badass than their holier-than-thou brethren. Up until almost a year ago, 'Chaos Space Marines' and 'Chaos Daemons' used to be one in the same. Then some FUCKHEAD at the GW office wanted to simultaneously fuck over every chaos army that used daemons and release another (exceptionally shitty) codex.

Tau: Weeaboo Space Commies. Race of noseless blue guys with railguns and ~~Anime/weeaboo~~ power suits stuck in one corner of the galaxy with shitty FTL tech, yet they somehow get involved in EVERYTHING. They have piss-poor melee skills but it doesn't matter because they blow up everything from a distance. No psykers, little warp presence.

The ORIGINAL Zerg Rush, holy shit that's awesome.

Eldar: Space elves. The members of their race that went "Shit guys, we just partied so hard we made a god of cumming to death, maybe we should rethink our lives" then fucked off to giant worldships to try as hard as possible to forget that time they made a dildo out of bees. Much like college graduates coming face to face with their MySpace page when applying for jobs, Slaanesh is always there to remind them their souls are forfeit. And no, the worldships are NOT as cool as you think they are, they're even cooler.

Dark Eldar: The space elves that after spawning the God of "Let's make some new orifices to fuck" decided that they'd rather be humongous soul eating douchebags than get a grip on their metaphysical coke habit. These Elves will torture the crap out of you, significantly cooler than those faggot Craftworld Eldar. Also, nobody knows if they're extremely straight or extremely gay. Probably pansexual.

Orks: Oh, fuck yeah. When it comes to Xenos, few are more kickass than Orks. Only drawback is Ork players are fat, sweaty nerds who will blast you with a "WAAAAAAAAGH" full of Cheetos-chunks when they win, however there are the few Ork players who are just as ripped as the Orkz themselves. At least it's harder to prismatic spray your gullet all over the table if you yell "FOR THE FUKKEN EMPRAH," as you better be doing; if you aren't you're a goddamn Xenos faggot. Or a heretical fuckwit.

Necrons: Sweet ass space robot zombies made of cheese. Their souls or past lives or gods or whatever it is did it. Oh, and when they die, they stand right back up. And they rip your atoms to shit. And did I mention they stand right back up when you kill them?

Tyranids: If it's not Orks, it better fucking be Tyranids. Look as these motherfuckers; every single one of their models (except for those artillery guys with a scrotum about as large as the rest of their body) is fucking badass to the bone. And that wave of badass is starting with their insides, because they have exoskeletons. Exoskeletons made of kickass and, as previously mentioned, bone.

Reasons why 40K is awesome

Grim darkness is grim
Huge body count
Tanks the size of buildings
Buildings the size of tanks.
Titans can level cities with fuckhuge weaponry
Orks iz da biggest an da meanest
Zerg
Space Elves are nearly extinct
Fucking CHAINswords chopping things into meaty little chunks and covering your face with a thick viscous spray of the enemy's vital fluids
There's a 40k movie, though GW fags wanted to purge it. That never happened.[1][2]
~~There's a full CGI 40k movie about to be unleashed on the world: [3]~~ Please excuse this pile of shit. Instead, look at this: [4]

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

CHAINAXES, THUNDER HAMMERS, FORCE HALBERDS, POWER FISTS, HEAVY BOLTERS, EXPLODING PLASMA GUNS, VOLCANO CANNONS, EARTHSHAKERS, NOVA CANNONS, EXTERMINATUS, HOLY SHIT I'M GOING TO CUM
POWER EVERYTHING. POWER ARMOR, POWERFISTS, POWERGLOVES, POWERAXES, POWERSWORDS, POWERFEET, POWERSPAWNING BABIES, YOU'LL HAVE SO MANY BABIES
40,000 BABIES
GIVE POWERFISTS TO YOUR BABIES AND THEY CAN SERVE THE EMPRA!!
Space Marines are so manly that they eat war and shit awesome, also PAULDRONS
Forgeworld Death Korps models
Catachans
DOOMRIDER NA NA NA
Slaanesh, owning the monopoly on cocaine, sex and booze for millions of years
Just as planned...
Commissars *BLAM*
Little E
Dawn of War (derpderp)
Love Can Bloom
Perpetual virgins
Shlicktau
CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!
Flankitus of Battlefleet /tg/
Jubblowski
Suavis Astartes
If you don't think a certain rule exist (or just causing you problems), you can roll a die to see if the rule is real (STATED IN THE RULEBOOK!)
Codex always have a cool story bro
Apocalypse games (3,000-50,000 points of win!).
Inquisitors, "Everything is heresy! EVERYTHING!".
Wryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Adeptus Titanicus

Endless List of Significant Personalities

When fatguys have nothing to do, they invent new characters. Yeah, they are pretty bored. THE FUCKING HELL KHARN WOULD EVER TRY TO PICK SOME WHORE UP! AND AN IMPERIAL WHORE AT THAT!!! HE SHOULD KILL EVERYONE IN THE ROOM DAMN IT!!! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-!!!!

The Emperor
The Chaos Gods: Khorne, Nurgle, Slaanesh, Tzeentch.
The Primarchs (Alpharius, Angron, Sanguinius, Rogal Dorn, Jaghatai Khan, Lion El'Johnson, Fulgrim, Perturabo, Leman Russ, Konrad Curze, Ferrus Manus, Roboute Guilliman, Mortarion, Magnus the Red, Lorgar, Vulkan, Corax, and daddy's favorite Horus not forgetting the two that no one knows about ~~o.O well they probably just didn't work or some such nonsense and got disbanded, yay to GW for finaly making some fluff that is intruiging ^_^ then not doing a damn thing about it!!! seriously FU!)~~ *BLAM*WEABOO. Please ignore the Tau Commie. Please do listen to the commissar- that guy's embarrassing to even the rest of us.