4 chan anime Writefaggotry

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A collection of Writefaggotry for the 4 chan anime

/tg/ and /v/ at the LGS[edit]

(scene) In the LGS. Is working, someone wearing a trench coat and sunglasses with most of his face covered comes in.

/tg/: Welcome to the Local Gaming Store....*looks at the man*.......sir?

/a/ (aside to /tg/): I know a few things about androgyny, that's a male.

Man: I'm here for some of that....*whispers* Dungeons & Dragons stuff.

/tg/: Sure. Which edition are you looking for?

Man: Uh....uh....the first one.

/tg/: *.....*

Man: What?

/tg/: We're out of stock sir, might I suggest either 3rd or 4th?

Man (voice accelerating): Why don't you just tell me when you'll get the shipment in andIcangiveyoumyaddressandyoucanshipittome.

/tg/: Sir?

Man - And you can ship it to me.

/tg/: When we get our first edition shipment in....

Man: Yes. Would that be OK?

/tg/: I don't think we're expecting a shipment for the next....year at least. Are you a first time player?

Man: How did you know?

/tg/: Lucky guess sir. Might I suggest 4th edition then? Excellent for beginners such as yourself.

Man: *taking off his sunglasses to get a better look*

/a/: /v/?! Is that you!?

Dammit, /k/! What did I tell you about the landmines!![edit]

  • BOOM*

/c/: Waaaaaaah!

/tg/: What the hell was that?

/c/: A squirrel just exploded! It was watching it from my window, and it was collecting nuts, and it was really cute and then it explodeeeed waaaaaaaa!

/tg/: DAMMIT, /k/! What did I tell you about the mines!

/k/: I though I got them all! I must have forgot one!

  • /x/ leaves the room*
  • ...*

/k/: Dammit, how am I supposed to find them now?

  • /x/ returns to room*

/x/: I have a metal detector.

/tg/: Really? Why?

/x/: In case I needed to know if you were a secret robot.

  • Holds it up to /tg/*

/x/: See? Now I know I can trust you if the robot revolution comes.

/tg/: Oh, /x/. There's no such thing as secret robots.

  • /r9k/ walks through the room with a sandwich, passing behind /tg/*

Metal Detector: BEEP BEEP BEEP

  • /r9k/ stops and looks around*
  • awkward silence*

/r9k/: What?

Thieves attempt to break into this building. Hilarity ensues.[edit]

/k/: DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA!

Burglar: OMFGWTF! *runs into /x/'s room, slams door closed*

/x/: What was that? WHO ARE YOU?

Burglar: Help me, he has a gun!

/x/: *whips out holy symbol* LEAVE THIS PLACE!

Burglar: I will! I'll leave, I swear! *scrambles for the window*

/x/: It worked? *pause* AAAAAAAAAAAAH Its a demon! Demon!

  • THUD* on the door.
  • Burglar looks at the door in fear*
  • /tg/ Bursts into the room with a bastard sword in hand*

/tg/: "I KICK IN THE DOOR!"

Burglar: OH GOD! *leaps out window, makes a break for it*

/x/: Glad that's over.

  • BLAM!*

/v/: Boom, headshot!

/k/: Don't take credit for my kill.

/tg/ and /k/ do some wargaming[edit]

"/tg/," /k/'s eyes were level with the board, only a slight glimmer of moisture suggesting there were eyes in those wrinkled sockets, "You're distracted."

"What tells you that?" /tg/ asked.

"Princess Patricia's Light Infantry appears to have been recruiting Catachan's to replenish its lost numbers to the Kaiser's Regiment Nr. 459," he growled, standing up.

Embarrassed, /tg/ fumbled, snatching the bemuscled and screaming figure from the Canadian light infantry arrayed in the trench, "Uh, sorry /k/, I just-"

"What'd I tell you about being saying sorry," growled /k/, as he reached for the dice.

"Uhm," /tg/ hesitated, his Catachan still in his fingers, then shrugged, "Only say sorry when there's a gun in your hand-"

"Or a bullet in their head," /k/ pulled the cigarette from his mouth, and smiled, "Look's like Princess Patricia's got to get some new boyfriends."

"What- oh come on, /k/," /tg/ gave the veteran a weary look, "Do I have to explain line of sight again?"

"What?" /k/ scowled, "My men have been shooting that shed to shit, it only counts as light cover-"

"COMBINED with the trench that my men are in-"

"IT'S ARTILLERY, I DON'T EVEN NEED TO-"

Rent Day!![edit]

RENT DAY! m00t goes to collect rent and everyone pays in their own unique way:

  • /ck/ gives him a pie.
  • /r9k/ notes that he paid in advance.
  • /k/ shoots a hole through the door when moot knocks, screaming that moot shouldn't sneak up on him like that. Moments later, a hand pops through the blast-hole with a check.
  • /d/ just opens and says that her/his payment will come at the usual time. What perversion could be planned?
  • /b/ flings feces and howls about mudkips.

Finally moot gets to /tg/. There is a note scrawled on the door stating that /tg/ is at work with /co/ (they co-own a game/comic shop) but the money is on the table. As he enters, moot is thrown into a dungeon crawl, and must brave traps, monsters and slay a dragon, and retrieves a bag of gold as the hallway starts to collapse!

Moot returns to his room, and opens the bag of gold to see a note from /tg/: "Sorry the place is a mess, wasn't expecting company."

Moot relaxes into his chair, and /d/ walks in, drops a package in his lap, and walks out. moot opens the box, and inside it is a wig and a cute little girly dress, with a note pinned on it reading "Wash it before you return it this time."

A Visit to the Diner![edit]

Scene: Diner

  • /tg/ enters, /k/ shortly after

/k/: Why are we here, you said we were going to the hunting store after picking up your paycheck. */k/ pauses for a moment, seemingly lost in though* Come to think of it, why would you wanna go to a hunting store anyway?

/tg/: Well the hunting store has a good variety of combat knives and daggers; and I want to check their critical threat ratings. Also we're here because I didn't have lunch- *He's interrupted by the rather high pitched voice of /c/*

/c/: Welcome to TGINF, how many in your party?

/tg/: Uh just two, and we'll take a seat at the counter...

  • /tg/ takes a look at /c/, about to say something*

/k/: Aren't you a little young to be working here, /c/?

/c/: Yeah but nee-chan /a/ buttered up the manager and got me a part time job!

/tg/: Is that even legal-

  • Cut off again as /b/ comes screaming from the kitchen knocking over busboys and waiters alike, several links of sausage in hand*

/b/: NEVAH GONNA CATCH MEEEEE!

  • /ck/ shorty thereafter bursts from the kitchen waving a frying pan in her hands*

/ck/: Get back here you little maggot!

/b/: AHAHAHHA-

  • As /b/ leaves the diner, he is clotheslined by /co/ at the door. He falls to the ground dropping the sausages and coughing heavily*
  • /co/ looks down at him, disapprovingly, shakes his head and sighs*

/co/: Man, we really should keep him on a leash.

Laundry Day![edit]

  • /tg/ enters* "Anyone seen my D20 shirt?"

/a/: *lounging in chair, watching TV. Faint Japanese-esque dialogue can be barely heard* "Where'd you last see it?"

/tg/: "When I was doing laundry."

/a/: "Maybe you left it in the dryer?"

  • Basement: The washing machine hums, there's no light, just the glow from /g/'s monitors*

/tg/: *Head in dryer* "Not in here...what's this?" *pulls out six-breasted corset* "Eh..."

/g/: "/d/ was down here doing her laundry earlier." *CLACKCLACKCLACKCLACK* "You lose something?"

/tg/: "Yeah, my D20 shirt. The one with the amusing critical hit reference."

/g/: "Maybe she found it?"

  • Outside /d/'s room*

/tg/: *staring at door, has 6-breasted corset in hand* "Well, here goes..." *walks up to door, knocks*

  • Switch to view of door from inside room. Door opens, we see /tg/* "Hey, I was doing laundry earlier an- SAN CHECK SAN CHECK! OHGODOHGODOHGOD"
  • Back of /d/'s head* "Oops! Thought you were...someone else. Is that my corset? I was looking for that." *takes corset, which /tg had started to shield his face with* "Oh, and you left your shirt in the dryer." *tosses shirt, shirt lands on /tg/'s face, /tg/ has remained totally still during this time* "Thanks!" *door closes*

/tg/: "Th-the horror...."

A Walk Down the Street[edit]

  • Scene: Sidewalk, maybe 4 blocks away from 4chan apartment*
  • /tg/ and /k/ exit the hunting store*

/tg/: Man, none of those had any decent critical threat!

/k/: I can't believe how ignorant that clerk was, he didn't even know the difference between a glock and a deagle. How do retards like that get hired anyway!

  • The two begin to slowly walk back towards the apartment, quietly muttering about what the didn't find at the store, when /k/ spies /an/, on her knees, staring at the grass looking in the abandoned lot*

/k/: Well hey there /an/, what ya lookin' at?

/an/: Shhhh! You'll scare away the beetles.

/k/: Oh well, I'll be careful then.

  • /k/ walks away again, then raises his hand, as if a light bulb went off in his head*

/k/: By the way, I got rid of all the landmines. I finished my tests on my new detonators.

  • /an/'s face lit up as she looked at /k/, knowing that her little critters would be safe*

/an/: That's wonderf-

  • An explosion from the 4chan apartment interrupts her sentence*
  • /tg/ and /k/, recovering from the shock of the explosion, look at each other and exclaim simultaneously*

/tg/ & /k/: My traps!

  • Both bolt towards the 4chan building*

Why Bother With Combat Skills When You can get Bluff? [edit]

Scene: /tg/'s room

  • BAM BAM BAM* /tg/ is startled from his BLUHD REHVENS (or whatever army the board decides on) army list, hearing /r9k/'s voice slightly muffled though the door.

R9K: I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE /tg/! GET OUT HERE NOW!

  • /tg/ puts down his notebook, codex and pen, and slows walks to the door, reaching his hand behind his head to satisfy an itch.

TG: Yeah yeah, what is it this time. (mutters to himself: It's always something different with him)

  • /tg/ opens the door, quietly mumbling "I open the door." He is greeted by an astoundingly pissed /r9k/

TG; yeah yeah *yawn* what is it this time?

R9K: YOU! You ate the rest of my Chinese leftovers didn't you!

TG: Wha? Ive never been in your room. ( /tg/'s face sharpens as his brain clicks together the pieces.) Wait, you don't keep your door locked?

R9K: Well, yes, but not when I'm in the building...That's beside the point! You took my food and I want it back!

TG (leaning on the frame of his door, arms crossed): And how do you know *I* took your food?

R9K: My olfactory sensor-I mean I could smell it coming from your room! ( R9K points his finger towards /tg/'s mini fridge)

TG: You know I can't afford to order out, I just bought a Land Raider and some more d20's on Tuesday. ( does a hitchhikers thumb towards the plastic spruces laying next to his notebook on his desk)

R9K: BS! I wanna look in your frid-

  • R9K suddenly turns his head to the left at an exact 90 degree angle, watching /g/ walk up the stairs slurping some Chicken Lo Mein from a pint box.

G: *slurp* Oh, by the way, thanks for the food 9k.

  • /g/ waves at R9K before taking another spoonful (forkful?) of the food and shoving it into his mouth. He then notices R9K's belligerent look and a grimace of panic overtakes him as he dashes back down the stairs slurping up as many noodles as he can before R9K gives chase.

R9K: Excuse me for my rash actions earlier.

  • R9K looks down the stairs, and without looking back:

R9K: Now if you'll excuse me.

  • R9K leaps down the entire flight of stairs chasing after /g/

TG: Well, that was entertaining.

  • /tg/ shuts the door to his room and sits back down at his desk, reaches to his mini fridge and pulls out some leftover Chinese food.

TG: I love Bluff.

  • As TG inhales the food, and single d20 reads 20 on his desk.


/tg/ moves in [edit]

SCENE: Outside. A pigeon lands on a power line. Suddenly, it explodes into a puff of feathers with a loud BANG. K:(voiceover) "Damn winged rats."

Scene: /B is scratching his overlapping beer belly, walking away from the front door, camera follows. B: "Rent is due on the first of the month. Every month. You pay, you stay. You forget, I sell your shit. *turns around and glares into camera, pulling a limp cigar out of his mouth* "You -can- pay, right?" TG: *nearly walks into B when he turns, a poorly-balanced Leman Russ nearly falls off the stack of rulebooks he's carrying* "Y-Yeah. I have Profession (sales) at the shop down the street." B: *nods, replaces cigar* "Right. C'mon. I'll show you the room."

They walk, passing doorways. We see Ck in the kitchen, washing a cookie sheet while C laughs and stirs a bowl. In the living room, V and A's faces reflect on-screen explosions. They near the basement door, open just a crack. When they've passed, a red eye is there. B: "If you ever hear chanting coming from there, stay out. That bitch is fuckin' nuts."

Close-up of red eye shows the reflection of B and TG walking away, followed by CO who is carrying a box from which a piece of cape and a sword protrude. The trio turn a corner.

SCENE: Upstairs landing. B, followed by TG and CO appear from the stairwell. On of the doors near the stairs opens and /D steps out, carefully closing the door so as not to allow anyone to see inside her room. As the three men walk by she turns around and smiles impishly, her single cat ear popping out of her hair.

B: "We gots rules. No niggers. If you don't want someone to eat your food, label it. No jews. This here's the room." SCENE: Inside TG's empty room. There's an old four-poster bed with only 3 posts, a pair of empty floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, and a card table folded against one wall. TG and CO set down their loads. B: "Where was I? No spics...?" He turns around, notices the cape that's falling out of CO's box. "..." He pushes TG out of the way and grabs CO by his hoodie, "What the fuck is this? You lettin' ANOTHER one of those fuckin' yiffers in here?" He points at the cape, which has a fur-lined collar.

CO (decidedly not-at-all-threatened) "Relax, B. It's just a cape, he wears it for games. I wouldn't bring one of them in here. Especially not after last Friday."

B looks from CO to TG, who looks puzzled. He puts his hand into a pocket, which rattles. B lets go of CO and opens the door to head out. "Whatever. I'm out of here. Enjoy your AIDS, fags. Oh, which reminds me." He turns to TG. "We got a pool, but you can't swim in it."

TG (with a few 40K vehicles in his arms) "Why not?"

B: (facing camera on his way out) "Pool's closed."

Scene: Living Room. No sound. A and V are still gaming, in the background. In the foreground is the apartment building's stereo. A bleary-eyed be-headphoned MU walks over to it, hits the 'Play' button. Montage music starts.

SCENE: TG's room. He's opening his boxes. We see paperback books going up on shelves, a LOTR poster goes up on the wall by the bed, a pegboard getting over the desk to hold miniature-painting implements, TG puts up another poster as CO comes in with another box and TG accidentally staples his thumb when he looks over, 3.5 rules going onto a shelf, a sourcebook being lifted, then casually thumbed through, 3.5 is taken off the shelf and 4E is put up instead, the card table is set up, a shoebox full of technicolor spess mahrines is opened, 4E gets spaced out and then the gaps filled with 3.5, the cloak from before is hung on a hook inside the closet door, the spess mahrines are now dominating the card table. (For simplicity, the previous montage needn't be animated, but with still images panning across the screen).

Camera pulls back to TG's shoulder, showing the whole room. He goes over to his desk and empties his pockets.

  • knock at door*

TG: "Just set it beside the card table, I'll- who?" The D20 lands on an 5, on the desk.

CK: *holding a plate of cookies that look so good they're probably not legal in one hand, and a glass of milk in the other* "Hi. I'm CK. Welcome to the house. I hope you're not diabetic?"

TG: "No, I er... thanks." Takes plate, sets it on the only bare spot on the card table. "I'm TG, I'm.. well, the new guy."

/TG/ meets /JP/ [edit]

TG: God dammit, I'll never let /a/ borrow one of my books again, fuck, I really wanted to play MAID with X.

  • Knocks on the door*
  • silence*
  • Knocks on the door louder*

TG: You can't critically fail skill checks, what the hell is going on in there?

  • Opens the door*

JP: GET BACK! THE LIGHT!

TG: Woah, what the-?

  • Closes the door, followed by an awkward pause, JP then opens the door*

JP: Who are you? *heavy Japanese accent*

TG: Uh....sorry, I didn't catch that

JP *strained*: Who are you?

TG: I'm TG, uh... *looks at the obviously American JP* are you...from around here

JP: You're here for the book?

TG: You haven't answered my que-

JP: I was praying that game with A, C and D rast night, it was fu-

TG: Wait...D?

JP: Yes, what of it?

TG: You know what? I know better to read a book after D went through it. Keep it, I've played too much CoC to-

JP: CoC?

TG: I'll just let you keep it. I'll see you around.

  • Closes the door*

TG *whispers behind the door*: God dammit, that book is hard to find

JP *whispers behind the door*: Baka!


Rooftop Deviance [edit]

Scene: Under Construction Sky Lobby/Penthouse its on the rooftop

  • /g/ is starting at some blueprints, wearing a hardhat
  • /v/ walks onto the roof

V:What goin' on up here G?

G: I'm building my new apartment here. Gonna have all the best up to date tech, and it'll have breakaway walls for easy upgrades.

  • /v/ takes a bite out of a Powerbar*

V (while chewing): Sounds expensive (swallows) Is moot gonna allow this, is it even allowed by the building's code?

G: Not right now it isn't, he's down at town hall trying to get permissions, he wants me out of the laundry room so he can set up some more water heaters.

  • /g/ finally looks up from his blueprints at /v/

G: Where'd you get that Powerbar?

V(after finishing the last bits, licking his fingers): FIT gave it to me, he said he wanted to try his new concoction. Tastes great, but I dunno what its...*yawn*.supposed..to..do...

  • /v/ collapses on the ground, passes out cold.
  • /d/ appears from the stairway, looks straight at /g/, looks down at /v/, back at /g/, then proceeds to drag the unconscious /v/ back into the building.
  • /g/ blinks twice, then looks back at his penthouse blueprints

G: Man, I'm glad I'm moving out of the basement.

/tg/ gets his Power Hammer [edit]

Scene: Lobby of 4chan apartment building

  • /fit/ enters, checking his pulse and his watch, after his afternoon 10 mile sprint

FIT: *panting* Man I just can't shave off those last 10 seconds, I'll never beat my record.

  • /fit/ stubs his toe on a very heavy and oblong package

FIT: OW! What the hell! What's this weird ass box doing here?

  • /fit/ picks up the box, breathing heavily, clearly worn out from his earlier activities.

FIT: hm... this must weigh at least 40 pounds, who's it for? /tg/, huh? Wonder what he wants something weighty like this for?

  • /fit/ begins to walk up the stairs. SCENE CHANGE: outside /tg/'s room
  • knock knock*

TG: (from inside the room) Yeah I'm coming. (Opens door) Oh hey /fit/ whats up?

FIT: I found this package for you in the lobby.(He sets it down on the floor, it lands with a loud thud) Not that it's heavy in general, just seems like ti would weigh a bit much for a shrimp like you. What is it anyway? Is it a weight set? I bet its a weight set?

TG: No, I didn't order any weight lifting equipment...(/tg/ smacks a fist into the other open hand) Aha, it's my custom Power Hammer I ordered.

FIT: A custom what?

  • /tg/ bends over and begins to open the box

TG: It's a favored weapon from one of my games.

  • The Power Hammer is laying on the floor on top of the opened box, gleaming with deep reds and bright gold. What appears to be a spiked tip at the end and "d12" engraved on the head of the hammer.

TG: Yeah, now that's a beaut, mmhmm, d12 engraved just like I asked. (he effortlessly picks it up with one hand, a bit to /fit/'s astonishment. /tg/ turns his head, with a smug look on his face) Hand crafted in Scandinavia, cold iron core too, cost me a bundle, had to sell off my Black Templars to afford it.

FIT: How can you so easily lift it with one hand? I mean it's not that heavy, but you don;t look the muscular type.

TG: Oh, I have heavy weapons specialization.(he says offhandedly while swinging the massive hammer around)

  • /fit/ takes a step back to avoid getting hit in the swing arc. /x/ comes up the stairway, rubbing her eyes, her hair is a bit of a mess.

X; Ooooh, cool mace..wait I see evil spirits inside! Give it to me I must cleanse it!

TG: Um, I don't think you should be holding it, it's kinda heavy...

X; That's because the spirits are weighing it down, now quickly let me see it!

  • /tg/ hands her the hammer, she grasps it firmly with both hands, but it's too heavy, her arms wobble and the head of the hammer falls down, slamming a hole in the floor and landing squarely on /a/'s foot.

A (looking up at the trios head's peeking through the hole): FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF- WHAT THE HELL! MY FOOT IS BROKEN!

TG: Don't worry, it wasn't a critical hit.


Beginner's Luck[edit]

Scene: /v/'s room

  • /v/ and /g/ are playing on his new system, playing SF4, specifically

V: OH yeah, Hadouken in your FACE! Ah, looks like I win again.

G: Pfft, it's not my fault the system has random slowdowns whenever I start up my mega combo. You should really just let me mod your (insert next gen console here). I can up its speed by 57%!

V: no way /g/. Last time I let you touch one of my consoles you voided the warranty and broke it beyond repair!

G: That wasn't my fault! Your table was just wobbly. How could I have even kicked the leg of the table out when it was on the other side!

  • at this point both /v/ and /g/ throw down their controllers and begin to throw stuff at each other in fits of rage.
  • /r9k/ is passing by in the hallway, drawn by the sounds of battle and bursts into the room.

R9K: I cannot allow harm to come- I'm sorry I mean, Whats going on in here?

  • The two both look at /r9k/ and stop their barrage of accessories.

V: This jackass won't pay me back for an old broken system!

G: This jerk still won't let that little mistake go, AND he refuses to utilize my expertise on his equipment!

V: Pfft, stop blaming the machinery for you lack of skill at the game. Man if only I had a real challenge.

G: Whatever I don't need this, have fun with him 9k.

  • /g/ leaves the room with a huff, muttering about outdated processors.

V: well, now that that distraction is gone, wanna play a round or two of SF4?

R9K: Well, sure I don't see how it could hurt. Just go easy on my, I've never played this before.

  • both take a seat on /v/s couch (which is rather unceremoniously lifted from /m/'s place)

V; alright, as a beginner I suggest you choose Ryu, he's a pretty good all-around character.

R9K: Okie, here I go.

  • The TV blurts Round ONE!. V unleashed an onslaught of punches and kicks upon poor /r9k/'s fighter.

V: MM YEAH, take that Zangief Pile driver, oomph! That's what I'm talking about flawless victory!

R9K: Oh, I see how this works now, Lemme see if I can win the next round.

V: not likely, but you're welcome to try.

  • The TV blurts out Round Two! /r9k/ hits the buttons on the controller with such speed and precision that every attack of his lands, and not one from /v/ hits.

R9K: Wow I got a flawless victory too! Maybe this game is a lot of fun.

V ( a bit disgruntled at the shameful loss): Yeah yeah, beginners luck, this is the final round, this ones for all the marbles!

  • the TV sounds FINAL ROUND! It's a complete repeat of the previous round. /v/ drops his controller in amazement; /r9k has a dopey grin on his face.
  • blinks to the doorway to /v/'s room, /r9k/ on the outside.

V: Go bother someone else Mr. Roboto!

  • /v/ slams the door in /r9k/s face.

The Junk Shop[edit]

/TG, followed by /V walk through the door to RST, the junk store. There's a kid at the counter, starting at a plate of noodles.

TG "You think they have it here?"

V: "They have everything here. This is where I got my Spore crack. And A's birthday present, which she loved but pretends to hate. Or hates and pretends to love... anyway.." (He walks up to the counter.) "Hey, kid. We're looking for-"

R: "SAUCE!! I NEED SAUCE!!"

TG "We're looking for a game."

R "I still need sauce."

V "We're not going to get anywhere with him." He rings the bell at the counter. Within seconds, RS pokes her head around the a shelf. She adjusts her glasses. "Yes? How can I help you?" She comes to the counter, carrying a box full of jars filled with red substances. She's dressed like a librarian, but it's the kind you find in the start of a men's magazine pictorial. Before the clothes come off.

TG "We're looking for a game. An RPG?"

RS sets the box on the counter, then goes around the back of it. "Hang on..." She comes back with Boggle and a Rocket-Propelled Grenade. "Anything else?"

TG and V stare. V grabs the grenade, "You know, I think K was looking for one of these..."

TG "No. I was asking if you have any Role-Playing Games."

RS opens a jar of sauce from the box, then pours it onto R's spaghetti. "We've got lots of those. Could you be more specific?"

TG "It's called MaidRPG. It's a Japanese game that was recently tran- let me finish!"

V "She's like this. Once she hears the name she's off. I wonder if she's got a copy of Mother 3 in English..."

RS pops up again and sets a stack of books on the counter. "Here you go!"

TG picks up the first. It's in Japanese. As is the second and third copy. The fourth is full of blank pages. The fifth is in English, but it's blurry as hell. He sighs. "Well, thanks anyway."

RS cocks her head to the side. "Have you tried the game shops down the street?"

V "He kinda works there."

RS nods. "We could always ask my husband..."

  • SMACK*

RS "Ooo!"

T: "Arrr, I do loves that booty."

/ck/ Visits /x/ [edit]

“Nope”, replied /r/, never looking up from his girly magazine, “for something like that you should try that creepy girl.”

Disheartened, /ck/ shuffled back to the kitchen and opened the book once again. coq au vin. A rustic French chicken dish: hearty, refined but not haughty, fancy but not schmancy. /co/ would love it she was sure. “Truly a dish of super-heroic standards”, he would beam, “you’re the greatest!” She couldn’t help but smile at the thought.

There was just the matter of that one elusive ingredient. She had tried all the usual spots, and had made called every butcher and specialty food shop within 50 miles of the apartment. No luck. Some other recipe perhaps? No, her mind was made up and her heart was set. For the dish, for /co/, she would summon her courage. She would visit /x/.

Her resolve lasted all the way to /x/’s door. The door was covered with warnings and strange symbols she could only guess were meant to ward off whatever /x/ was convinced would come for her. With a deep breath she rallied her remaining courage and knocked. After several moments and half a dozen door latches being undone the door opened several inches, though a door chain remained in place. A single red eye was visible peeking through the crack.

“Yes”, a quiet voice questioned. “Hi /x/.” “Um”…, she stammered. “I have kind of an odd question.” After a few moments of silence the voice replied, “Yes?” “Do you, um, happen to have a pint of chicken blood I could borrow?” she finally spat out. “One moment.” The door closed and a sudden feeling of relief swept over /ck/. She was proud of herself. She faced her fear and now she could prepare a wonderful dish for herself and /co/. He would probably be doubly impressed with her for her bravery. Again she couldn’t hold back a smile thinking about it.

The door opened once again, this time a pale hand could be seen holding a cup. “Thank you so much /x/”, she chirped as she reached for the cup, “I have to admit I was a bit worr…” SPLASH Long moments passed as /ck/ stood in shock and /x/ watched her intently through the crack. She was drenched but…. Wait… this isn’t blood “Holy water”, /x/ replied. “Vampire check . Standard procedure for anyone coming to my door asking for blood. No one is bidden to enter before checking out. I’m sure you understand”

“Wouldn’t a cross or something be more efficient?” /ck/ blurted out slightly flustered and wiping her face. “You seem fine.” replied the pale young girl, ignoring the question. “I guess you can come in.” /ck/ couldn’t think of anything she wanted to do less, but after /x/ released the door chain and opened the door fully she hesitantly stepped in. “Do watch your step though.”

/ck/ quickly halted and looked down to see an elaborate array of candles and bizarre occult looking bric-a-brac covering the floor. “Try not to knock anything out of place; these things can be very… finicky.” “Finicky?” /ck/ puzzled aloud. “Oh yes. The slightest mistake can cause all kinds of unexpected things to happen. Even a simple love spell can cause havoc with nothing more than a misspoken gender qualifier.” “That /v/!” a voice could suddenly be heard from the hallway. It was /a/ holding a plastic box as he emerged from his apartment. “He left his new game at my place, I should return it.” He looked up to notice /ck/ and /x/ watching him through /x/’s still open doorway. “Uh… not that I care if he loses his dumb game or anything! I’m just sick of that idiot always leaving his stuff around for me to clean up!” he blurted before running off. “Finicky stuff.” /x/ mused. “Wait… does that mean…”

“Just what do you need chicken blood for?” /x/ interrupted. “Oh, it’s for a recipe… coq au vin, the classic version uses blood to thicken the sauce. It sounded kind of interesting and I think /co/ will really like it.” “I see. And how is /co/?” /x/ asked turning to a mini fridge in the corner of the room. “He’s good, he and /tg/ have patched things up for the most part. We were both a bit worried about him for awhile there.” “You give him too little credit” /x/ snapped a little more forcefully than she intended. “He’s stronger than you know.” /x/ quickly turned back to the fridge, a little confused by her own out-burst. “I… I didn’t mean to imply… I was just worried that it may have hurt him. Me with his best friend after all.”

“He seems to have gotten over it well enough.” said /x/ walking back with a small thermos. “Yes, it was kind of mutual really. I guess the magic was just gone.” /ck/ paused a moment considering her words. “If you’ll excuse the expression” she mumbled feeling a bit silly now. “The magic?” /x/ replied with what may have been a slight grin. “And is the ‘magic’ there with /co/?” “Oh yes! We’re very happy!” “I figured as much. Enjoy.” /x/ said with that same sly grin, handing the thermos finally to /ck/. “I’m sure the magic will be there for some time to come.” “Th… thank you” /ck/ said, unsure of what just happened. “I’ll be sure to save you some if you like?” /x/ simply nodded as she quietly closed the door behind /ck/, still with that sly half-smile; a smile that would haunt /ck/ for days to come.

So Tsundere![edit]

  • we hear /v/ grunting very hard and /fit/ shouting

FIT: YEAH COME ON! OH BABY ALMOST THERE! UNF COME ON!

V: URRRRGGHHRRRMPPHF * exasperations*

  • scene brightens up /v/ is laying on /fit/s weight being, attempting a bench press with what looks to be very little weight. /fit/ is spotting and being very encouraging.

V; I...I can't..do..it! (face bring red before his arms collapse and /fit/ has to catch the bar, one handed)

FIT: Oh man, ya almost had it, woulda been a new record for ya!

V: Yeah, you say it like its so easy *pant* (he's looking straight up, arms limp and fallen down to the sides of the bench.)

FIT: It *is* easy, you just need to put your mind to it!

V(sitting up, still panting, face now a bright pink): Whatever, I'd rather be fit in one of my games that deal with this...physical training.

FIT: yeah yeah, you say that every time we finish. So, same time next week?

V(begrudgingly):Yeah, here's your payment, Mister Personal Trainer.

FIT: Always glad to help!

  • /v/ stumbles out of the room, rubbing his left arm, wobbling a bit. he bumps into /a/, almost knocking him over*

A: Hey, watch it you jerk!

V: Oh, I didn't see you there. *chuckle*

A: Yo-you liar! You just wanted to see me like this!

V: Maybe, maybe not. Here lemme help you up.

  • /v/ extends a hand to /a/. /a/ begins to reach out, but then slaps his hand away*

A: I-I don't need *your* help. (/a/ glares at him and pushes himself off the floor)

  • /a/ give a girlish *hmph* and walks away, blushing a bit*

V(with a somewhat dumbfounded look on his face): I was only apologizing!

  • He is completely ignored by /a/.*

V: FINE SEE IF I CARE! (he jams his hands into his pockets and starts to walk down the hallway towards his room)

V: Stupid /a/, never know whats goin through her head. Pfft, I don't need her anyway.

  • /v/ unlocks his door and starts to open it, when a familiar shadow comes up behind him, and an eerily familiar voice.*

D: Well, if you don' need her, then you can just play with...me (she says with a wink, sliding her arms around /v/'s shoulders)

  • /d/ giggles as she dives into the room on top of /v/ and closes the door behind her, locking it with a *click*.

/g/'s Services[edit]

SCENE:the basement, /v/ outside.

  • /v/ reaches to knock on the door*

/g/'s disembodied voice: what?

/v/, looking for the hidden speakers and camera: Yo /g/, you got a minute?

/g/'s voice: I have many; what do you need?

/v/: Can you get me a pirate copy of (insert obscenely expensive game here)?

/g/: Sure I can get it. That will cost you a six-pack of (insert beverage of sufficient caffeine levels) and a package of blank CDs.

  • /v/ leaves*

30 minutes later

  • /v/ approaches the door with a six-pack and a large pack of CDs*

door slides open vertically, /g/'s voice: Enter.

/v/ walks into /g/'s dark domain turns a corner and is blinded by a veritable wall of computer screens

/g/ from behind /v/: I'll take these, and...

/g/ rips open packages of CD's and beverages. puts one into one of the computer terminals and starts chugging the beverage.

/v/: Dude do you ever sleep?

/g/: Huh? No, why?

/v/: What do you do all the time?

/g/: That is none of your concern

/v/: Just asking.

  • disc ejects*

/g/: Here you go.

/v/ leaves; door closes behind him automatically.

/g/ turns to a computer screen enters some commands and a screen pops up displaying the words MONETARY TRANSFER OF 10,000EURO COMPLETED, HAVE A NICE DAY.

/g/'s Services Part 2[edit]

Scene : Basement Staircase

  • /k/ walks down, brown paper bag in hand*

K(knocks on /g/'s door): Hey, kid, you alive in the batcave?

  • Muffled shuffling is heard before the door opens.*

G: Oh, now there's a new one. What do you want?

K: You know what I'm here for.

  • /g/ look at him, eyes half shut, clearly exhausted.*

G: Maybe, but in case I forgot, do remind me. This rather, humid, environment is bad for my memory; and hardware.

K: That's a load of bullshit, but because I know you got it sitting on one of your desks: I asked you about adding digital zoom to my sniper scope.

G: Ah yes, that was quite a challenge, getting the camera and the lens to fit just right-

K: Look I didn't ask for every damned thing that goes through your head and out your mouth, just gimme my scope.

G: Ah yes, of course, business is business after all. Do you have the goods?

K Yeah..I got 'em right here.

  • /k/ holds the bag up, tin cans clink around inside.*

G: AH good, Ive needed those for a while now-

  • /g/ grabs the bag from /k/ but notices a strange lightness to it.*

G: Wait..wait just a second here.

  • /g/ open the bag and looks inside.*

G: There's only 5 cans in here, no deal.

K: Aww, come on! Cut me some slack here, I was really thirsty on the way home. Look I only drank half of it, if you want the rest-

G: No deal, a 6 pack or nothing.(he shoves the bag back into /k/'s chest)

  • /g/ begins to shut the door, but /k/ puts his foot in the way, keeping it open*(This is assuming /g/ has a regular door installed, this obviously wouldn't work if he had a vertical sliding door installed.)

K: Look man, we both have something the other needs, so can't we work out some sort of a deal?

G: And can't you go back to the store and pick up a FULL 6 pack? It will only take you like 15 minutes.

K: Yeah, but look, I need that scope, I need it bad!

G: I thought I said No deal!

  • /g/ yawns, /k/ sees an opening*

K: Looks like you need something pretty bad too, and I have right here in my bag. (he shakes the bag, sending out the siren song of caffeine)

G: Look, you..don't (another deep yawn) OK, OK. Maybe we can work out some sort of a payment plan.

K: Plan? Oh no buddy. You take these 5 cans and give me my scope or you can just fall asleep and fall behind the curve.

  • /g/'s eyes sharpen, /k/ knows he hit a weak spot.*

G: Ok, ok, you have a deal. let me grab your scope.

  • /g/ disappears into the darkness of his lair, only to reemerge a few seconds later with a highly modified sniper scope.

G: Ok, we hand each other the items, and only let go when the other has a firm grip on theirs, deal?

K: You read my mind.

  • the deal goes down, trust not violated*

G; Just make sure you don't tell anyone about this.

K(examining his new scope form every angle possible): About what?

G: I'm glad we have reached an understanding.

  • /g/ shuts the door to his room, and /k/ walks back up the stairs.

/tg/ Shares His Hobby[edit]

Scene: Dark room, Lit by a single lamp above a large card table.

  • the figures of /tg/, /x/, /co/, /a/ and /k/ are sitting around the table.

TG; OK you enter the room, and you see a exit to the North and to the west. To the east you see a pedestal within a small alcove.

K: I search for traps!

A: Are you going to do that in EVERY room /k/?

K: Damn straight I am, you don't wanna step on a claymore do you?

X: There hasn't been a single trap in this whole dungeon, and there are no claymores!

K: How do you know! They're designed not to be seen, they're traps, so I'm gonna search for traps!

  • /k/ rolls the die*

TG: You do not spy any traps in the room.

CO: Lets examine that pedestal in the east alcove.

X: No, we have to get to the end of the dungeon, lets take the north exit.

A: I'd rather see what's up with the pedestal, before we move on, it could hold some significance.

TG: As your party nears the pedestal, /k/ steps on a pressure plate, dropping the pedestal to a lower level, bringing whatever treasures it held with it.

K: I TOLD YOU THERE WERE TRAPS!

A: Idiot, if that was a trap it would have sprung by not, I think what we just did was extend this dungeon crawl to the next level, or worse!

X: W-worse?

  • /x/ turns her face towards /tg/, hoping to get an answer from him

TG: I'm not saying anything, (peeking out from his screen) you'll just have to go through the rest of the dungeon to find out!

X: N-no fair

CO: well seems nothing's happening here, so let's take the North exit.

TG: The door reveals a stairway leading down to the lower levels; however, there doesn't seem to be any torches down there.

K: lets go down the stairs, I'll light a torch.

TG: As you descend the stairs the age of the complex becomes apparent, even the stone of the walls seems like it's rotting, a think scent of undeath and mildew hangs in the air.

  • at this point /x/ and /co/ seem to be completely immersed in the world, while /a/ has a haughty look as if to say "I've seen worse than this" and /k/ looks like a spring ready to jump*

TG: The darkness begins to close in, almost eating the light. Eventually you reach the bottom of the stairs, and stare out into an open-

K: I search for traps!

  • /x/ and /co/ are somewhat startled by this, but are shaken out of their immersion. /a/ facepalms.*

A: Ugh, way to ruin the moment jerk.

K: What? I'm just being cautious!

CO: well while he's searching for traps, I'll cast illumination on myself.

  • /k/ rolls a 20 on his dice*

TG: As the illumination spell lights up the room, you see several traps, both sprung and unsprung, and a massive pile of skeletons, surrounded by a runed circle.

  • /x/ squeaks out a small eek, frightened a bit at her own imagination*

TG: All of a sudden the illumination spell is snuffed out and you hear the rattling of bones and the moans of the undead!

  • /x/'s face becomes even more pale and her eyes widen. Suddenly the lights in the room go off and /v/ and /g/ bust through the door*

V & G: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

  • everyone jumps form their seats. /x/ clings herself to /tg/'s arm, /a/ falls over and /k/ and /co stand ready to fight, card table and die scattered around the room.*

V: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. MAN that was too easy, you guys really are a jumpy sort.

G: *snicker* Wow, that was an even better reaction that I thought.

  • /tg/ stands there, with an "I am not amused" face (with /x/ now completely clung to his arm), and stares directly at /v/ and /g/*

TG: You guys are jackasses.

/tg/'s New Home[edit]

/co/ and /tg/ are walking down the path to the 4chan building. They are both holding boxes of /tg/ stuff.

/co/: I think you're gonna like it here, man. Most of the people here are a lot like you.

A(n) (insert item) falls out of /tg/'s box and onto the lawn.

/tg/: What? They like to roleplay?

/tg/ starts to step into the lawn to retrieve the (insert item).

Voice: I wouldn't do that, if I were you.

/tg/ looks up and sees /k/ with a metal detector.

/k/: I still have four */k/'s metal detector beeps* make that three land mines unaccounted for.

Surprised, /tg/ hastily returns to the sidewalk.

/co/: I was gonna say...obsessed? Yeah, obsessed.

/tg/: With what?

/co/: It varies. Most of them have their own little thing.

/co/ and /tg/ arrive at the front door of the building. /tg/ sets his box down and knocks on the door. /b/ answers and looks /tg/ over, obviously judging him.

/b/: You the guy looking to rent a room?

/tg/: Yeah, that's me. My name's-

/co/: /TG/! His name is /tg/.

/tg/ looks at /co/, confused.

/co/: Long story.

/tg/: Anyway, my parents finally kicked me out and my friend here-

/b/: I'm interested in your money, kid, not your life story.

/b/ motions for /co/ and /tg/ to follow him inside. ________________

(From here I think we should use the "/tg/ moves in" script.)

"I Want To Be Saved"[edit]

She danced.

Swaying to the rhythm of an insane piper, she danced and chanted. A gibberish version of Latin rolled from her unpainted lips, her dark, unkempt hair bobbing and weaving like a serpent. Pale skin etched by candlelight moved. Flickering, swaying. Flame and smoke, body and hair twirled and writhed.

She danced where no one could see.

Her hands wove through the air. Clumsily, though not without a sense of practice. Where skill was lacking, soul and desperation filled. It was not a pleasure to follow these motions. It was a necessity, born of her will. This needed to be done, as it was the only answer she had.

She danced for no one but herself.

Her chants grew stronger, gathered power. Tonight would be it. She was certain of it. This would be the night she would make contact. Her voice reached a cracked crescendo, hoarse, unworked at that volume. Casting her voice to the air, she completes the passage she drilled into her mind.

She danced as a wish.

She halts, her body stiff like a stalked animal on the Savannah. She was certain the eyes of greater entities where upon her. Ready for her wish. Ready to accept her whim. All she needed was to speak it. Shadows beckoned in the light, growing agitated as the moment pass eternally.

Her mind blanked. She had thought of thousands of requests beforehand, but now, here in this magical moment, she had forgotten all of them. Gone were the wishes of truth and power, of proof and control. Gone was the will.


Fear entered her head. She knew that if she didn't offer her whim to that which surrounded her now, the price for hesitation would be herself. Fear overtook her. Fear drove her as so many times before. Panic blossomed as the shadows began to claw forward.

"I..." tears started to form. A great welling up in her heart and throat. She would die. Tell them something, anything, or you'll die. Something worth their time. What do you want what do you want WHAT DO YOU WANT WHAT DO YOU WANT WHATDOYOUWANTWHATDOYOUWANTWHATDOYOUWANTWHATDOYOUWANT-!

"I... I want..." She forced her eyes open, to stare at the abyss staring back at her, searching for an answer, anything. Anything at all.

"I want... I want to be saved." she managed to huck out between sobs. She collapses, her arms clutching her own bare skin, leaving trails of red. She prays the answer is enough. Please be enough. Please please please pleasepleaseplease...

The shadows pulled back. Candlelight flickering across empty walls. And she finds herself alone again. Alone with her echo.

"I want to be saved."

Somewhere, in the distance, beyond where she could hear, her door opened. Ah. It was that day, she must have forced herself to forget. She could hear the landlord descending the steps. She didn't cover herself. She didn't need to. After all... 'rent' was due. She could hear the belt sliding through loops and dropping to the floor behind her. Such was the price of staying here. She had nowhere else. No one else.

"I want to be saved." was the wish /x/ uttered. And already, the cogs of reality were turning. She would be saved. But not in the way she expected. She expected shadows and demons to feast on the depraved flesh that violated her. She expected darkness to take her mind and usher her into a blissful afterlife.

She didn't think that not even a week later, her white knight would arrive.

"I Want To Be Saved" pt.2 [edit]

The basement door creaked open slowly, grumbling in protest to the girl passing through. An argument falling on deaf ears. She had worked up the nerve to leave the confines of her room, and no inanimate object would deter her. She needed to find out about the new one, and if he was safe... at least, if he was as safe as the other walking creatures of impulse she called her dormmates were.

It was dark, well past when even the more nocturnal residents had rested their eyes. Moonlight filtered in through an open blind. She avoided looking towards it, fearing what may look back at her from the yard. A childish fear, but one she never outgrew. Best to respect the unknown, rather than taunt it. Slowly, she started to move. Dabbled moonlight flicked across her features. Dark hair and white skin, more ghostly than what her imagination could picture, she crept to the stairs.

The steps, too, groaned in protest. Their argument much more convincing, as she backpedaled of the step. Hair swayed to and fro, glancing to make sure the subtle sound had not awakened anyone. No lights lit up, no barging footsteps. Just silence.

With a sigh to slow her beating heart, she challenged the steps again. Again they groaned as her light frame ascended. 'Why are you doing this?' 'Go back where you'll be safe.' 'No need to bother.' 'Please go back to be'. All the arguments were answered by another barefooted ascent. 'No,' she thought, 'I need to make sure'.

At the landing, darkness enveloped her once more. Dancing shadows replaced by waiting horrors. Her heart rate climbed again. Doors remained ajar just enough to let the predators within catch a scent and charg- 'No. Nonono. There's nothing here. No monsters here. Stop it.' Deep breath. She clutched her t-shirt across it's skull icon tightly, twisting the fabric, pressing fist between the shallow valley of her breasts. She willed her heart to still, and slowly, it obeyed.

She opened eyes she had not realized were clenched shut. The door was there. Just a few more steps. His door. The new one. She reached up and ran a finger across the cardstock excuse for a nameplate. /tg/.

No light snaked out from around the door frame. She moved her head closer, listening. Snoring, loud and obnoxious, but a sign of slumber. Her hand drifted down to the handle. Cold metal met warm skin as she gripped it firmly. She willed herself mentally to take that final step, 'You're already here! Just do it!'. Slowly her hand responded, and the door silently (thankfully) opened into the dark room dabbled by moonlight.

Quickly and quietly, she slinked inside, closing the door behind her. The last thing she needed was another intruder ruining her infiltration so far. She turned, facing the room she found herself in. And gasped.

Shelves of books of various age and size stacked in the shelves and on the floors. Occult looking figurines of armored monstrosities. Supplies and chemicals clustered together around a desk that served as a workspace. Posters of what must be climactic events in various religious histories donned the walls, as demons and dragons bore down on figures that must of passed as heroic. And there... two meters from her, he lay.

The couch was a mess, and so was he. His hair which had been neatly pulled back when she spied him arrive was disheveled, wildly framing his face. She crept forward, inching her way towards him. 'He's obviously dangerous. He has all this equipment here. A chaos magician? A warlock bound to some ancient cult? An alien worshiping some outer god?

She loomed over him as best her small frame could. Her heart started to speed up again. Unconsciously her hand reached for his brow, an unrealized want to better see the face of this stranger, framed in the light of the moon. Her lips parted, faintly breathing deeper. 'What does he know' her mind asked, 'What truths does he see? What can he tell me?' her hand met his forehead, fingers chilled by the cold metal of the doorknob, his skin warm. Gently, she parted his hair, looking down at that face. Looking for something, some truth.

He murmured in his sleep. He dreamed of fighting, of crusades. Of high fantasy and overcoming villains. She saw none of this, but only heard him murmur as he, in his dreams, reached out for the damsel in distress

"Don't be... frightened. I'm... here to save you..." his head rolled to the side, and had his eyes been open, he'd be looking right into hers.

Th-Thump.

Her heart raced. Not in the panic of before. Something else. She felt warm. Dizzy. Confused. Those words. Why did those words reach her? She felt too warm. Was it a spell? Something was wrong. Her chest felt full. Her eyes whelmed, blurry. She remembered that night. Before she was violated, she asked for just that.

"I want to be saved."

"I'm here to save you."

She sobbed, despite her will. She felt as if under a huge, burning weight. She felt flushed, lightheaded. She had to get away. Had to get away. Get away get away getawaygetawaygetawaygetaway-!

She backed away, stumbling. She backed into the desk with a thump, the hard corner catching her in the small of her back. A loud gasp and huck escaped her lips.

His eyes drifted open. Drawn from his dreamworld by the sounds stirring around him. He caught a glance of a ghostly figure drifting in the moonlight, staring at him.

Eyes met. Both froze for an eternal moment.

She was the first to react. A childish gasp of fright, and before he could respond, she fled as if a dream. She scrambled with bare footed steps, darting for the door, She fled before he could realize he was fully awake. she stumbled and tripped but never fell as she ran back to the safety of her room.

"I want to be saved." "I'm here to save you"

/trv/ Sends His Regards[edit]

SCENE: The 4chan building lounge. /x/ is in an armchair, reading a copy of "Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark". /b/ is asleep in a different armchair, snoring loudly. /v/ is playing a video game with /co/ and /sp/.

/ck/ walks into the room holding a stack of postcards.

/ck/: Hey, guys, we got some postcards from /trv/.

/co/: what do they say?

/ck/: It's weird. They're just random sentences labeled with dates and times.

/x/: Let me see them.

/ck/ hands /x/ the postcards. /tg/ walks in with his own mail.

/tg/: Let's see here...junk, junk, junk, what the hell? This one say that I'm the 123456789th person to receive this letter! That doesn't even make sense!

/b/ awakes with a start. He is obviously quite drunk.

/b/: What the fuck did you just say?

/tg/: I said-

/b/ gets up and advances towards /tg/.

/b/: Did you steal my fucking GET?!

/tg/: I-You're what?!

/b/: NOBODY STEALS MY GETS!!

/tg/: I-

/b/ reaches out for /tg/.

/b/: MOTHERFUCKIN' NOBODY!!

/ck/: /B/! THAT'S ENOUGH!

/b/ glares at /ck/.

/ck/: If you don't leave /tg/ alone, you won't get any cake.

/b/ hesitates.

/co/: It's delicious cake.

/b/ glares and points at /tg/, then walks out of the room.

/co/: Once you get to know him and his weaknesses, he's not very threatening.

/x/: "Look at that fucker run with his tail between his legs. Doesn't it just make your day?"

Everyone looks at /x/, surprised.

/co/: That's not a very /x/ thing to say...

/x/: I didn't say it, /trv/ did.

/x/ holds up one of the postcards.

/x/: This one's labeled today at this time. I read it out loud and... it fit.

/sp/: How the hell does that work?

/x/: "Let's just say I've found a lot of interesting things in my travels". (Mumbles to herself: Oooh. I wonder if he knows where-)

/tg/: Who's this /trv/ character?

/co/: He's another tenant. He's never here, though. Always off exploring the world.

/x/: Oh! "Hey! You must be the new guy! Welcome to our happy family!" Then he goes on to introduce himself. Guess I was a little late with that one.

/v/: That is fucking awesome. Let me see those!

/v/ snatches the cards out of /x/'s hands.

/sp/: I think he's just fucking with us.

/v/: "Funny, that's exactly what I was doing with your mom last night."

/sp/: OH, YOU'RE IN A WORLD OF PAIN, /V/!

/v/: DON'T HURT ME! I'M JUST THE MESSENGER!!

/sp/ relaxes, looking slightly disappointed.

/sp/: Well, when that asshole finally comes home, I'm gonna beat the shit out of him.

/v/: "You're welcome to try, fag."

/sp/: ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT!!

/v/: I DON'T KNOW WHY I READ THAT ONE!

/e/ Gets A Job Offer[edit]

E: Hey sp. Is that a gun or are you excited to see me.

SP: Actually, it is a gun (pulls pistol out of pants)

(Enter CK, SP scrolls offscreen)

CK: Hey, E. I heard the modeling thing fell through and all.

E: Yeah I know. I guess I'm going to have to look elsewhere for work then.

CK: Well, that's what I came here to talk to you about. See, I'm about to open a restaurant down the street...

E: ...and you want me to be a waitress.

CK: Well, yeah. I mean, you'd be perfect for the job and all.

E: I dunno. I mean, I could always use the money, but I was about to talk to SP about letting me a cheerleader on his old team. He said he still had connections with the...

(Offscreen, gunshots heard, then screaming)

E: What the hell was that?

CK: I think SP accidentally shot himself.

SP (Offscreen): SON OF A BITCH!

K (Offscreen): Why do I always have to remind you about the safety, SP?!

E: (Comedic Pause) So about that waitressing position...

/d/'s Shop[edit]

Scene: the street

  • /tg/ and /x/ are walking down the street, heading to the Library.

TG: So what exactly did you want to grab form the library?

X: Oh, I heard from /trv/ that some old ruins were discovered on an island off of Africa. Well (she stops walking looks up, thinking) not so much discovered, as an idiot blew open the wrong wall and they found some old old documents.

TG; That still doesn't tell me why you wanted to go to the library.

X; Well I wanted to get a book on the ruins, see what new information I could gather on potential old spirits. But why are you going to the library?

  • /tg/ looks surprised, then looks away briefly, before turning back*

TG: Well, I'm just grabbing my paycheck at work, and... uhm... it's... on the way? (/tg/ blushes a bit)

  • /x/ giggles*

X; Yes, well, the library isn't far from here. We just need to get past *shudder* /d/'s shop.

TG: /d/ owns a shop? what does she sell?

X: maybe it's better you do-

  • /d/ appears behind /tg/, wrapping her arms around his shoulders)

D: I sell that which should only be mentioned...( whispering in his hear) in private.

TG: In...wait...you don't mean?

D; Shhhhh, a girl shouldn't be related to that in public, come inside!

  • /x/ just kinda stares and blinks before processing what just transpired*

TG (excitedly): Come on /x/, I bet she's got just what I want in there!

X: W-what? (she blushes, embarrassed at her wild imagination)

Scene change:Inside the store.

D: So, what do you think of my selection?

  • A plethora of sex toys, from the mundane to the unheard of line the walls and shelves*
  • /tg/ stands there, mouth agape*

TG: I-I thought y-you had old lead based miniatures, the illegal kind!

  • /d/ gives a blank stare at /tg/, /x/ mimics.*

D(under her breath): This guy's fucking retarded, I swear... (normal volume now) Oh silly you, no no I run a shop for the dealings in the bedroom, silly.

TG: Oh, I see, well then, I don't see any reaso-

  • /d/ seeing a potential loss in sales interrupts him.*

D: You don't seem too well versed in how these things works, how about I give you a demonstration.

  • /d/ begins to unbutton her shirt and kick off her shoes.*

X: There will be no need for THAT!

D; Oh? But I was so hoping I could get a sale. (she frowns, a fake frown, then leans close to /x/, and whispers) Getting a bit defensive are we?

  • /x/s face becomes a rather bright red.*

X: F-fine, I'll just buy...this.!

  • /x/ pulls a most unique looking tool off the shelf*
  • This whole time /tg/ has kinda been staring, in disbelief of where he was and what was just about to happen.*

D: Oh my, this is one of my own favorite little toys, you see, it simultaneously-

X: Th-there's no need to describe it in detail!

D: Oh, of course not, I'm sure you'll learn all about it on your own dearie. Lets bring it up to the register and I'll ring you up.

  • /d/ heads behind the register, while /x/ lugs /tg/ behind her.*

D: Ok, that'll be (x dollars y cents, to be determined by the dice roll feature?)

X; /tg/! (/tg/ snaps his wandering eyes back to /x/) buy this for me!

TG: Uh, wha, uhm-O-Ok (still in a bit of a daze.)

  • transaction completes, /tg/ and /x/ leave the shop, with /d/ hanging in the doorway.*

D: Bye bye, I'll see you back at home! (waving)

TG: Well, that was a rather...invigorating experience.

  • /x/ is staring straight down at the sidewalk, hold a nondescript brown paper bag.*

X: Let's just go home.

/d/'s Transformation[edit]

PoV: /d/'s vision. /d/ slowly opens her eyes and sits up, her vision fuzzy at first.

All she perceives is a red glow surrounding her, until her eyes clear and she comes to a realization.

This isn't her room, and there's a strange figure sitting across the room, it's face covered in long black hair.

PoV: Inside /x/'s room. /x/ "Don't try to get up. You could disturb the circle if you move too much."

/d/ Looks around the room, noting candles strewn about, and strange symbols on the walls accompanied by newspaper clippings and what appear to be ancient artifacts.

/d/ "What circle?" She asks, casting her eyes about the room, just a little bit scared at this point. This kind of stuff isn't supposed to be real.

/x/ "We don't have much time, so pay attention. The dark powers are at work in this realm, and your particular "hobbies" have alerted their interest."

"To make matters worse, the Legion is returning, and few if any of us are prepared to offer resistance as we are."

"You present us with an opportunity however. An opportunity that we must seize if we are to survive the night."

"You are a target of a great deal of strange energies. I'm not quite sure what they have planned for you."

"I can help you through this, but you must follow my instructions exactly. They are going to come for you soon, and you need to prepare yourself."

  • /d/ Bolts upright* "Prepare myself for what? What are you talking about? What am I even doing here?" She falls back to her knees and hangs her head, completely overwhelmed.
  • /x/ raises her voice* "If you value your humanity you will calm down and LISTEN TO ME. Look me in the eyes and do as I say." /x/ calms down and continues.

"When the time comes, you must imagine a vision of yourself. Not as you are now, but as who you want to be. The second self in your mind that your body has been unable to attain."

"Keep this vision in your head, and do not allow anything to distract you. If your vision must change, then you may only make it stronger."

"Create this vision of yourself, and hold fast to it. It is your only way to preserve who you are, and it may be our only hope against the legion"

"A mere human is incapable of resisting the coming darkness. YOU MUST THROW AWAY your earthly form and embrace something more."

The entire time /x/ has been speaking, /d/ has been quivering silently on the floor, her eyes locked with /x/ she's scared stiff, but she'll listen.

/d/ "Okay" she manages to utter between shaky breaths. "I can do this". Even as she prepares herself, doubt floods her mind.

Is ANY of this real? It has to be some kind of dream, and why won't she wake up? What could possibly be coming for her?

As she stands again, she finally notices the ring of markings on the floor at her feet. Soon they start to glow.

/d/ begins to hear faint whispers. Countless near-silent voices flow through her consciousness like a waterfall crashing on her mind.

"Oh God... ohgodohgodohgod, LET ME OUT!" /d/ tries to leave the circle, but her hand recoils in pain as an invisible barrier sears flesh.

The voices are growing louder now. She can almost make out a few of their words amongst the din. She holds her head and falls onto the floor.

She curls herself into a ball and clenches her eyes closed as she tries to hide from her fears, hoping this will all just pass.

Suddenly, her vision opens onto a black stone court. She sees herself surrounded by many faceless cloaked figures.

One of the figures approaches her, and she suddenly realizes that she isn't in her body any more. She can only watch as the figure approaches and leans in front of her face.

"What is she?" She doesn't so much hear as FEEL the words pass through her consciousness. /d/ Suddenly breaks through her fear and remembers /x/'s instructions.

She focuses hard on the form of herself in her vision, imagining being at work in the uniform she made. It was a good first step.

Her body changed to reflect the vision in /d/'s mind, but neither it nor the figures surrounding it moved.

"It is only a child." Speaks another of the robed figures as it approaches her body. "See how it plays. It pretends to understand."

"A game then." Whispers the first voice, contemplatively. "Not a game" Thought /d/ to herself. She wasn't just pretending anymore.

The form in the midst of the cloaked figures sheds her outer shell of clothing to reveal a body bound in tight black leather.

"It seeks a challenge." Speaks another voice as a third figure nears her body. "We will enjoy this game."

Suddenly the rest of the cloaks move forward, surrounding her body and completely blocking it from her vision.

The moment she loses sight of her body, her world goes black again. A moment of silent cold darkness envelops her soul.

"you are no more" She hears a voice whisper. "you are no more, and yet you remain" "who are you?"

She struggles to answer the question, but she can utter no reply. She tries to scream her answer, and slowly her figure returns to view.

"That's right. I'm not ME anymore. I can't be that, I have to GROW." She focuses all her thoughts on her body, and it begins to change.

/x/ watches as /d/ falls to the ground and clenches herself into a ball before she lets out a horrible scream, shaking violently for a few seconds before freezing still and silent.

/d/'s prone body lifts itself from the floor slowly, eyes still closed. It lifts its head, as if to regard /x/ and a single red eye slices its way through her forehead.

As the eye stares at /x/, interference well beyond her power by now, /d/'s body begins to rise above the floor, held in the air by an unseen force.

The clothes melt from her skin to reveal what appears to be black leather wrapped tight around her body in elaborate patterns and a wave of color passes through her hair, turning it green.

Soon /d/'s body is in possession of a new tail, and horns sprout from the crown of her head. A serpentine tongue hangs from her mouth as she hovers towards the edge of the circle.

The eye in her forehead still staring at /x/, /d/'s body reaches forward to touch the edge of the circle again. This time her hand does not recoil.

She presses her hand hard against the barrier, a slight burning smell filling the room, as she lifts her head slightly to reveal a sadistic grin.

Her teeth catch /x/'s attention for a moment, then suddenly /d/'s frame begins to ripple with muscle and she presses even harder against the barrier.

Then as if being inflated, the definition disappears and her features become rounded. Soon her body appears to writhe within its skin.

Black tentacles burst forth from /d/ and consume the entire space within the circle, squirming and flexing against the barrier.

They stop shuffling for a moment, before they attempt to break their way through the circle with one last strain and they pop, spilling green slime against the barrier.

The slime slowly oozes downwards, forming into a pool on the floor and it begins to solidify.

When the mound of gelatinous life finally achieves a form, it slowly splits and compresses itself into the shape of a woman.

/x/ rises from her seat and cautiously approaches the circle. "/d/ are you still there?" "NO" comes the reply that freezes /x/ in her tracks "...but I thought that was the idea."

/x/ grabs /d/ and pulls her out of the circle, then turns to her closet, rummaging through it for a minute before returning with an oversized white shirt, she hands it to /d/

/d/ lifts her face to /x/ and says "No need for that anymore. Nobody is going to recognize me when I leave here."

The Invasion Begins [edit]

Suddenly /x/'s door bursts open revealing /k/ standing in the doorway, the light from the hallway casting his silhouette across the room. "We're evacing everybody to the roof, I need you to... WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?" yells /k/ as he unslings his rifle, and /d/ collapses into a pool of liquid and floods out the door. /x/ stands frozen, staring in shock at the gun in /k/'s hands. As /k/ lowers his rifle, /x/ looks around her room, realizing that she has forgotten something important. /k/ stands in the doorway, looking a bit unsettled for a second before he wipes his boots off on the carpet. "Hope this shit doesn't stain, forest camo is worthless in this area." /x/ quickly collects an item from a shelf in her room, and starts to run out after /d/ when /k/ stops her. "No can do little lady. I need you to get somewhere safe." he warns. "The lower floors'll be the first place getting breached. You need to get upstairs. I'm still not sure if we're gonna be able to hold this down for too long." "If that's the case, then I'm staying here." replies /x/ "I can do more to protect this house from my room than I can by cowering on the roof." she states defiantly. /k/ judges the situation for a moment, analyzing /x/'s fierce glare, and decides to let her stay. A brief sigh escapes his lips and he relaxes his shoulders. "Have it your way, missy." says /k/, a proud smile barely hidden on his face as he offers a salute before closing the door and heading to the next room. Later, as /k/ makes it to the roof with several of the others in tow, he steps up to his vantage point and surveys the scene. It looks like the shit has already hit the fan.

/tg/ and /co/ are fighting back to back in an awesome display that you could almost imagine being accompanied by an epic soundtrack. /tg/ would look entirely out of place next to the costumed hero at his side, were it not for the massive hammer he was wielding with a surprising amount of skill. /sp/ and /fit/ are fighting together close by, engaging in a form of combat much more familiar to /k/ and looking damned professional about it. Nobody would have guessed that they'd be able to hold their own against so many, but with their daily training and a bit of teamwork they seem to be handling themselves. /m/ has abandoned any sense of a defensive line, and has wandered well away from the building by now, though it's obvious which direction he went. /k/'s eyes follow a path of destruction littered with bullet riddled bodies, crushed piles of bone and flesh, bloody smears and rubble painting a tapestry of destruction below him. His vision is suddenly distracted by a flash of light coming from the sky directly above him, and he nearly goes to cover before noticing the source. Some kid with a big stick is flying high above the battle on angels wings, decked out in what was probably the most ridiculous battle attire she could come up with. Beams of stars and rainbows fly out from her ornate heart-shaped staff, resulting in what has the be the most cute and wholesome battlefield slaughter /k/ has ever witnessed. /k/ finds himself staring at her for a moment before /v/'s gunfire brings him back to earth. "You still with us, old man? You're gonna need an airstrike to beat my score now."

"A little early for THAT don't you think?" muses /k/ as his gaze darts to several specific points on the battlefield. "Besides, I've got a better idea." /k/ fishes a small device out of his vest. "You guys are lucky I only removed the ones in the lawn" he says, as he flicks the safety off and presses the switch on his detonator. Several simultaneous explosions occur throughout chokepoints and attack routes, ripping a swathe through the enemy as the /b/tards meet a deadly wall of fire and steel. /v/ mouth drops as he witnesses the awesome carnage, and he realizes his score has been beaten with the push of a button. This only increases his rage. /v/ pounds one of the cans on his utility belt and throws the empty into the crowd, impaling some random /b/-tards head with aluminum. He changes his weapon from the sniper rifle he was using into a RAWKET LAWNCHAIR and dives off the edge of the building into a horde of /b/-tards yelling "MAGGOTS!" /v/ lands in the shockwave of the explosions from his rocketfire, a red aura of rage burning into /k/'s vision as /v/ charges out of the smoke, now wielding dual miniguns. /k/ sets his mind back to business as he settles in behind his rifle on the rooftop, amidst the sounds of battle and /v/'s screams of rage in the distance. "Time to get to work I suppose." he says, chambering a round and putting his cigarette out on the ground beside him. "It's gonna be a long night." As the battle continues outside, two tenants remain behind. The forces at work inside the house hold a pivotal role in defending it, and the legion has not forgotten them.

Happy Birth/d/ay! [edit]

Scene: outside /tg/'s room /d/ knocks on the door. /tg/: "Who is it?" /d/: "It's me. I have a present for you."

Scene: Inside /tg/'s room. /tg/: "A present?" */tg/ gets up from painting his new minis and opens the door slightly* A present from /d/ could be anything.

/d/ "Happy Birthday!" chimes /d/ as she thrusts her hand through the the door. /tg/ recoils for a second before he sees the bag in her hand. /tg/ "Oh, thank you."

/tg/ takes the bag and invites /d/ inside, thankful for, but still cautious of the present. /d/: "Open it!"

/tg/ closes his eyes and pulls a GM screen and a handful of dice out of the bag, looking a little confused as he sets them on the table.

/tg/ "I already have plenty of these /d/, you don't want me to DM for you again do you?"

/d/ "Kind of, but these are different from the ones you've got. They're special, let me show you."

/d/ Walks over to /tg/'s shoulder, takes the GM screen and opens it, pointing to the center panel.

/tg/ takes a moment to glance at it, and sees a huge table of DnD character races. As he's poring over the list, he notices numbers placed next to each race's name.

/tg/ turns to /d/ with a look of mixed confusion and anxious expectation as /d/ hands him a pair of dice.

/tg/ glances from the d10 and d% in his hand, to the screen, and back to /d/

He suddenly notices her breasts on his shoulder, and her smiling face held just a bit closer than usual.

/tg/: "How did you know?" /d/: "How about we roll up a few characters /tg/? I feel like an all-nighter."

Halloween with /d/ [edit]

Scene: Outside /x/'s room Chanting can be heard inside the room, and there's only a dull flickering light under the door

/d/ knocks on the door, a pillowcase with a mouth drawn on the open end held in her other hand.

/d/: "Come on, Halloween is supposed to be fun!" No response, but the chanting grows slightly louder

/co/: "Are you ready to go yet? We'd better hurry if we're gonna make it to /ck/'s in time. /d/: "I think so. Does /a/ need any more help with her costume?"

/co/ "Nope, they're just waiting on us." /d/ "Okay, I guess we'd better go get changed"

Scene: Inside /ck/'s apartment There's a stack of small, neatly folded brown paper packages on the table by the door. There's a knock on the door and /ck/ goes to answer it

As she opens the door, she sees Big Boss, Mariya Shidō, and a large black creature standing there. "Trick or Treat!" yells the group, not quite at the same time.

/ck/ puts a package of cookies into the pillowcase held by the large monster. "My aren't you scary. And what are you supposed to be?"

"We are Venom"

/tg/ Makes Some New Friends [edit]

Scene: Kitchen. After unpacking, /tg/ has made the first venture out of his room since moving in. He is preparing a sandwich for lunch.

voice: Excuse me...

/tg/ turns around to see /ck/. She gestures at the sandwich in his hand.

/ck/: What are you doing?

/tg/: I was just getting some lunch.

/ck/ yanks the sandwich out of /tg/'s hand and throws it away.

/ck/: Oh, no. No, no no. That won't do at all!

/ck/ brightens up.

/ck/: I've got it! How about I fix you a nice, juicy steak!

/tg/: A sandwich is fine.

/ck/: Nonsense! Now, how do you like it cooked?

/tg/: Medium-rare. Listen, I don't want to be any trouble-

/ck/: Don't be ridiculous! It's no trouble at all!

/m/ walks in with a toolbox.

/ck/: /m/, honey, I hope you don't plan on "modifying" my refrigerator. Remember what happened the last time you did that?

/m/ walks out.

/ck/: Now then, would you like your potatoes baked you mashed?

/tg/ begins to walk out of the kitchen.

/tg/: Y'know what? Surprise me.

On his way out of the kitchen, /tg/ barely misses stepping on a tarantula.

voice: EEEEK!

/an/ runs up to the spider, picks it up, and looks at /tg/ accusingly.

/an/: You almost hurt my Biscuit!

/tg/: Uh, sorry...

/tg/ walks away, looking over the his shoulder at the crazy lady with the spider. He runs into someone. /tg/ turns his head, staring at the towering black man that he has just crossed paths with.

/sp/: What the fuck are you looking at?!

/tg/: I-I-

/sp/: Man, I will mess you up.

/fit/ walks up to /sp/.

/fit/: C'mon, /sp/. Let's leave the nice man alone. You don't want to kill the nice man, do you?

/sp/: Fuck you, /fit/. Don't talk to me like I'm a fuckin' retard.

While /sp/ is distracted, /tg/ makes a break for the door to the stairs. When he opens it, he /x/ (who was waiting on the other side) splashes him with water.

/tg/: WHAT THE HELL?!

/x/: Holy water. Standard procedure.

/tg/ starts up the stairs. /x/ pulls out a piece of paper and follows him.

/x/: (to herself) Okay, that rules out vampire and demon... (to /tg/) Do you mind if I ask you some questions?

/tg/: You're going to ask them no matter what I say, aren't you.

/x/: Yes. Can you venture into the full moon without any side effects?

/tg/: No, I'm not a goddamned werewolf.

/x/: That may be, but you should know that I'll be watching you during the next full moon.

/tg/: You do that.

/x/: Next question. What's your zombie plan?

/tg/ and /x/ reach the landing. /tg/ opens the door to his floor. /k/ is walking down the hall towards them.

/tg/: Why the hell would I have a zombie plan?

/x/ looks surprised.

/x/: Everybody has a zombie plan!

She turns to /k/.

/x/: What's your zombie plan?

/k/: I've got an underground shelter built in the backyard. You're welcome to join me and /an/ there when the time comes, if you want to. We've got enough food and supplies to last everyone here five years.

/tg/ and /x/ start walking down the hallway towards /co/'s room.

/tg/: (recognizing /k/ from the front yard) You can't ask him, he's insane! I think you probably are, too!

/tg/ stops by the door to /co/'s room.

/tg/: In fact, I think this whole place has LOST ITS FUCKING MARBLES!!

/tg/ bursts into /co/'s room.

/tg/: Hey, everyone here is nuts and I wanted to be in the presence of a normal what the hell are you doing?

/co/ is climbing into his room through the window. He is wearing his superhero outfit.

/co/: Uh...dude, can it wait a minute? I'm kinda busy.

/x/+/tg/ The Morning After [edit]

  • Morning, /tg/'s room*
  • The morning sun filters in between the blinds, highlighting the Cthulhu doll on the floor, among other things. One beam lands squarely on /tg/'s eyes.*

TG:*groan* Ugh, what time is it...

  • /tg/ looks down to see /x/ fast asleep, using his chest as a pillow.*

TG(quietly and to himself): Ah right. The frightened little girl came to me in the middle of the night, running from the eldritch horrors of her own bed. *chuckle*

  • /tg/ begins stroking her long elegant hair, rousing /x/ from her sleep. She looks up, a bit dazed, blinks a few times then jolts up.*

X: Wha-where-(she calms down when she finally realizes where she is.) Eh...(She looks down at /tg/, realizes she is straddling him, and bolts falls down to her previous position, her face a scarlet hue.)

TG(sits up): Well, good morning to you too. Did, um, did you get enough sleep?

  • /x/ sits up as well and nods, not making eye contact*

X: Uhm, how-when did we-I get back into your bed?

TG: Oh, I put you here. I woke up with a bad shoulder pain and found you curled up next to me. No sense in both of us being on the floor, especially when there's a nice comfy, open bed.

X: O-oh. I didn't say anything when I was asleep did I? I recall having a strange dream.

TG: I dunno, I can't really remember well. I was kinda still half asleep at the time. You were mumbling about some sort of ritual, saying it was a success.

X: Ah, I see. So, um, a-are you bus-

TG: Sorry to interrupt, but could you check the time? You're kind of in the way of my clock.

X: Hm..oh sure. It's 11:30.

  • A look of panic strikes across /tg/'s face.*

X(panicking a little as well): What, whats wrong?

TG: SHIT! I'm late! I had to be at work at 9, fuck fuck fuck! /co/ is gonna be pissed!

  • /tg/ jumps out of bed, /x/ eye's wander south, /tg/ is rather oblivious to her at the moment*

TG:(pulling clothes out of his closet and hastily donning whatever he can grab.) sorry I gotta go. but feel free to hang around as long as you want, I'll be back around 6, bye!

  • /tg/ screams out the door still buttoning his pants. /x/ is still staring at where /tg/ was standing, blushing.*

CK(from the hallway): Hey, watch where you're going dice man!

X: I-I better get going too...(she grabs her Cthulhu doll off the floor and walks out the door, and right into /ck/)

CK:(looking down at /x/, whose face is planted firmly between her breasts) A bit tired are we? Didn't get much sleep, eh?

  • /x/ backs off a little, the looks down at herself and realizes she's only wearing her tank top and panties and her hair is a mess.*

X: It-its not what it looks like.

CK: Oh I'm sure, he's not the type that would do anything like that.

X: Like that...

CK(interrupting): But you better get some pants on, or at least get back to your room before anyone else shows; /tg/ did make quite a bit of noise when he left your room, and the others may not be as...perceptive...as I am.

  • /x/ nods in agreement and scampers back down to her room*

/tg/ gets a job at the LGS [edit]

Scene: /b/ has just collected rent for the month

CO: Well that was a potentially dangerous situation. /b/ can get rather, ornery, if you don't have your rent ready beforehand.

TG: yeah...Thanks for the heads up.

  • /co/ examines /tg/'s impressive collection of rulebooks and miniatures*

CO: So, what do you do for work?

TG: I'm not working right now (Hanging clothes in his closet)

CO: Um, yeah that's not really the best idea, how are you gonna pay rent?

TG: I have enough for next month, I'm hoping I can find some sort of employment by then.

CO: ya know, I own a comic book store, we sell a few DnD rulebooks and a few Warhammer miniatures, but we never seem to get much business, but it seems we've gotten more customers looking for them.

TG: I could give you some suggestions, ya know, like what to order.

CO: I have a better idea. How would you like to work at my shop?

TG: Wow, I'd be happy to work for you.

CO: Glad I can accommodate. Now this shouldn't some as a surprise, but you'll be in charge of the Dice Games Section, it'll be entirely yours.

TG: Awesome. Lemme have a look at my new place of employ.

Scene change: the LGS. /a/ is behind the counter.

A: Wow, you;re late /co, some kid was in here asking about some Spiderguy comic.

TG: Oh, you work here /a/?

A: Yeah, and who are you?

TG: I'm /tg/ I just moved into the dorm/house.

CO: yeah, he's also the new hire.

A: What? We don't need anymore people, the two of us are doin just fine.

CO: Just fine? You can barely handle your section, hell most of it is empty.

A: I just need some more stuff to come in that's all!

CO: For the last time, we aren't selling untranslated volumes, the profit margins are not there.

A: FINE! Then just what ARE you gonna put in that area?

CO: We're expanding the Dice Games section.

A; Those pathetic little men those neckbeards come in to buy? And I assume you're gonna run it? You're too busy running the comics.

CO: I'm not running it, my old pal /tg/ will be. These kinds of things are his forte. And I know it'll bring in a lot of money, especially if someone knows how to set it up.

A: Whatever, not like I can say no to you anyway. (/a/ goes back to reading some loli manga)

CO: Well now that that ugly business is settled, I'll show you to the section.

TG: Lead on oh great one.

  • /co/ leads /tg around the corner to a thinly stocked corner of the store with a few blister packs and one or two books, lying on the floor.

CO: Ya know, ,looking at it now I dunno why I ever decided to sell this stuff. Uh /tg/, you alright buddy?

  • /tg stares in horror and indignant rage at the sight before him*

TG: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! This area needs to be at least three times its current size! Where are the codices? Is this a lead based model? That's illegal! Where are the tables? No fluff books? WOULD IT KILL YOU TO GET SOME PLASTIC SETS!

CO: Chill. dud-

TG: NO! I cannot sit by with this disrespect in front of me! Leave me; I'll have this straightened up and store worthy within a few days. Also, I need access to the order forms.

CO: Ok ok, here's the folder with all the contacts, I expect good things from you here. you may be my friend and all, but I'm still running a business.

TG; yeah yeah, I hear ya, now shoo, I cannot be disturbed.

/tg/ gets a job at the LGS pt.2[edit]

  • /co/ walks around the corner and massive amounts of dust start clouding up.*

CO:/a/, you can head home now, I'll cover the register for the rest of the day.

A: Later then, and I hope this new guy is worth it.

  • /a/ walks out the door, /co/ walks into the backroom and begins rummaging through binders on the shelves
  • Flash to the corner with /tg/ he is frantically organizing what little is there and clearing out dusty manga volumes.

CO: Man, he sure is making a lot of noise, I hope he isn't making too much of a mess. Well, he is going to have to clean it up anyway, so not my problem.

  • /co/ pulls out a binder and grabs 3 pieces of paper and makes copies of them, and a huge crack is heard, /co/ facepalms)

CO: Maybe I did make a mistake, but I can't just fire him, he is a good friend.

  • The order sheets finish copying and he puts the masters back into the binder. He then quickly studies the sheets themselves.

CO: Yikes, these things are really expensive, now I remember why I stopped stocking them.

(NOTE:elapsed time, 4 minutes 47 seconds) */co walks out of the backroom and rounds the corner to /tg's workspace, only to be amazed at the sight of thee pristine gaming tables, several stools, and yards of unused shelves, all with temporary labels.

CO: I-uh-How (he collects himself) Ok who else is here (he looks under the tables), how the hell did you get all this done so quickly?

TG:( he holds up a red hammer) Red ones go faster.

CO: I...what? Uh, anyway, here's those order form-

  • /tg/ pulls them out of his hands excitedly*

TG: Alright just what I needed, I'll have these done in a jiff. Hope the business has enough capital for this.

  • /tg/ pulls a red pen out of his pocket and begins filling out the order forms with amazing speed and accuracy.

CO: I can take out a loan if...

TG: All done, here ya go...unless you want me to phone these in as well.

CO: How in the hell? That should have taken you at least an hour to do!

  • /tg/ hold up his pen*

TG: I told you, red ones go faster.

/tg/ gets a job at the LGS pt.3 [edit]

We see /co/ walking down the street to work.

CO: Man, those things /tg/ ordered cost a ton. I really hope the bank will let me extend the payments on the loans.

  • /co/ looks up and sees a line forming out of his shop, but doesn't recognize any of the faces*

CO: Um, excuse me, but what's going on here?

Patron: Oh it's games day. Yeah this place finally got some new miniatures and rulebooks, so I decided to come back and see whats up. Looks like there's a pretty big turnout for the tournament.

CO: Games day? What is that, some sorta holiday?

Patron: I wouldn't say a holiday, but it's been advertised in several places over the past week. It's a great way to get the name of your store out there.

CO: Ah, I see, well if you'll excuse me-

  • /co/ tried to get in but is cut off by a rather large man sporting a neckbeard*

Neckbeard: No cuts, shrimpy.

CO: I own this place, now let me through!

Scene switch: focuses on /tg/ and his corner of the store, chock full of people, all 3 gaming tables are being used. /tg/ is assisting a customer.*

TG: Ah, a fine army choice the IG is. If I may suggest, try picking up some of the units with-

CO: /tg/! Whats going on here? I've never seen this place so busy!

TG: Ah, yeah. It's great isn't it? I put an advert for a sale in the newspaper, and look at this turnout!

CO: A sale? I didn't green light that, how much are we marking down?

TG: Hmm, 15% I think?

CO: F-FIFTEEN!? ARE YOU NUTS! Do you know how much it costs to get these things? Why don't you just give them away!

TG: Well, I'm sure you've seen the line outside right?

CO: Yeah, some neckbeardy guy tried to stop me from getting in.

TG; That's the line for the register, speaking of which you should probably go let /a/ take her break. She's pretty steamed about this.

CO: The...register? Wait, you're telling me all these people are here buying your stuff?

TG: Yes, I do believe that was the point of me having a sale. Although, hosting tournaments here would have brought people anyway, a sale really helped get our name out there.

CO: Yeah some guy outside said that same thing...wait a tournament? We're paying these guys to play here!?

TG: What? No, there's an entrance fee, on top of them having to have their models properly painted, speaking of which I need to order some more brushes, they also need to have purchased something from here. The grand prize for winning is $1,000. Though the total paid in from the entrants is $1,500.

CO: So wait...you mean you just made the store an easy $500, on top of selling out of the painting supplies AND selling tons of these models and books?

TG: Yeah that's about the gist of it. It can sometimes be of difficult to find places to play these games, so advertise a tourney and soon you'll have a few people. They're kinda like Orks, the more there are the more that will show up.

/a/: /co/ GET YOUR ASS UP HERE AND HELP OUT!

TG: you better get up there, I think it may be /a/'s time of the month. (/tg/ looks back at the game tables) HEY! You can't field a Titan in that match! (back to /co) sorry but I have games I need to ref.

  • /co/ makes his way through the crowd up to the register*

/co/: well I'll be, you actually have to do work for a change.

A: Shut up you smug bastard. It's because you hired that friend of yours that I've been stuck here getting stares from these losers buying little plastic men or dice!

/co/: Well, I was going to let you go on lunch, but maybe I'll have you work the register some more since you badmouthed my very "magnetic" friend.

/a/:Y-you wouldn't...

CO: Wouldn't I? Nah, go ahead, get yourself a bit to eat.

  • /a/ glares at /co and shakes his fist at him*

/a/: I swear, if you didn't sign my paychecks...

  • /a/ storms out and into the backroom*

/co/ (to a customer): Well, now that that matter is settled welcome to the LGS, will this be all?

Daily Rounds. /R/'s day. Part 1[edit]

Midnight, /T/'s Air? Ship, /R/'s Room

  • The Captain of the ship, /T/, wails his fist down on the door.

/T/: /R/! GET UP!

  • Inside /R/ sat at his desk, writing in his Planner. Standing up to get the door, He writes a note to himself on his chalk board.

/R/: What is it /T/ ?

  • /R/ opens the door only to get a face full of parrot. "MOAR!!!!"

/T/: Where is that Package I requested!?

  • /R/ sighed and turned around to his hook stand and reached into the messenger bag there. The he pulled from it a package that was too big to fit in the bag. Checks it and passes it to /T/

/R/: Good?

  • /T/ opens it and looks inside. A golden glow shown back at him.

/T/: Very. Now go. I know you have to get to delivering....

  • To that statement the Parrot squawked in a way that sounded like a laugh. /r/ nodded and got dressed. Then with brutal efficiency he got on his transport. /r/ Wasted no time. He had Three different Deliveries to make. First was Old man /O/ at his garage.

/R/: /O/??

  • /R/ looked in, saw nothing, and went in. as he did he pulled out a tablet PC of sorts.

/O/: Down here. Hand me the tablet. I assume that is why you are here.

  • /O/ was beneath one of the cars.

/R/: Here. where do you want it placed?

  • /O/ Takes the tablet, Looks at the contents and Makes a positive noise.

/O/: Moment... Let me show you.

  • /O/ handed back the tablet and led /R/ Round back.
  • /R/ opened the hinges of his bag and began to pull out what appeared to be a Lamborghini Diablo variant, possibly a Coatl.

/R/: Is it what you wanted?

  • /O/ stood there in shocked silence.

/O/: I hate you kid. But the Request is to the perfection point. Good work... How did you find one?

/R/: Lets say I know a good man In South America who Likes his Lamborghinis but was running out of room...

  • And With that /R/ was off. OFF to /i/ and /ic/ 's


The /b/tard Files [edit]

/co/'s journal. May 10th, 2009

a /b/tard died today, and nobody cared. worse yet, the culprit must still be out there. but /b/ had a lot of enemies. so what is it? was somebody just cleaning up the trash of the internet? did the cancer he often spoke of finally catch up to him? or is somebody out there targeting boards? need to warn the others, and need to get on the trail of whoever did this. will write again soon...


/co/'s journal. May 10th. 9pm

/x/ was assaulted. she escaped relatively unscathed. assailant ran off when /tg/ happened to arrive. accounts and evidence identify the attacker as /b/.

has /x/ been dealing with the occult too long that she's waking up ghosts? a copycat feeding off /b/'s infamy? or is /b/ playing us all for suckers and avenging his own 'death'?

leave /x/ in the care of /tg/ for now. he's proven himself tough and trustworthy enough to do it, even in the face of /b/ himself. he thanks me for it. not quite sure why

head home for now to regroup. the missus brings us cocoa. she says it has spices in it that i can't pronounce. it's amazing. god, don't let her have to get involved in this


/co/'s journal follow up bears reports claiming that /d/ was attacked. Says the suspect spoke Russian. doesn't sound like /b/. /d/'s on the level, but can never tell if she's trustworthy. used to flirt before marrying /ck/. She might just be wanting the attention, but she doesn't know /ck/'s the jealous type.

...I'm thinking in the wrong direction. thoughts to logical to follow a random trail. /b/ was a collective of people. one who spoke Russian?? make calls to the usual allies. there's one place i haven't looked yet, and i have to hit it tonight.

...trying to avoid a wet dream with /d/ and /ck/ wrestling in oil later



/co/'s journal. May 11th, midnight

/b/'s funeral was a bustling event. too crowded for good questioning or investigation. that's why i need to hit the grave tonight, a day after the burial. there may be some key there.

meet with friends for my visit. /tg/ is best with /x/ for now. /v/ agrees to come to the grave. mentions a squabble with /a/ briefly. the consistency of their relationship assures me a bit. go to pick up /k/. i don't even knock and he's there, armed like an NRA meeting. they are my allies for a reason. we all expect trouble, and we get it when the zombies start popping up

we finally reach the tombstone. "Cannot connect to server. Please try again later" /b/ always had a sense of humor, even if it was a sick one.


btw, really want to make a comic about this, even if it's mostly just narration in /co/'s scratched out handwriting


/co/'s journal. March 11th, 1 am

clues at last. /b/'s grave is here, body freshly buried.

too fresh. someone has been here, and after the funeral took place. footprints fresh as well. not much to go by. subject is probably male. don't feel like digging up to see if /b/ is still there. mostly out of respect. partly wonder what i'd find.


return home... house in ashes... smoldering wood in the shape of a message. "404." /ck/ alright, but the numbers mock my impotency as a sleuth. it's telling me my answer. it's an address. if memory serves, that's right around where /gif/ used to live until recently...

the wife wants to come. no where else feels safe. i have to bring her. will never forgive myself if something happens to her.

perhaps. perhaps if i think that enough, it will be too obvious a plot point to come true...



/co/'s journal. 3:14 am.

possible last entry. wife laughs every time i write that line. must try not to abuse it. should we survive.

head to /gif/'s old house. /k/, /v/ and /ck/ still in tow. /v/ seems curious. angry too, it's to be expected of /v/. believe /k/ is in it for the promise of more violence. /ck/ is here because she cares

/gif/ is long gone, naturally. moved a few blocks away for reasons unknown. maybe he knew trouble was coming. he was always a bit more active than the rest of us.

break his lock open to find the first floor empty. not so lucky on the second.

meet someone new. rare to find someone like that around here. wild-eyed, greasy-haired man. he has /b/'s corpse with him. claims to be one of his.

"/bif/" it identifies itself as. claims there is no more /b/ or /gif/ anymore. Biff is clearly a lunatic necrophile. battle's fierce. he's quicker than all of us. dodges gunshots like a shadow. takes us down with alarming speed and efficiency. head hurts.

repaid in kind with a bullet to the lunatic's head while he's busy gloating. apparently didn't notice /ck/. how i love my woman.

head still hurts. but is this freak the killer? just some murderous scum? a fan of /b/'s gone mad?

need to rest. can't. don't know when it will strike again. patterns forming, though. maybe targeting the female boards, after /b/ left. should /d/ be considered a woman, anyway...

who can be trusted? will this madness be catching? and who killed /b/, and how?

head hurts... too many injuries and thoughts at the moment. will press on anyway.


/co/'s journal. 4:06 am.

tired. we all seem to be running on adrenaline at this point. can't let that make us sloppy. take /b/'s body back and bury it proper.

/ck/ is the only one to cry at this second funeral, because manly tears don't count. /b/ was a jerk, at his worst, not a monster. he was a comedian, who saw life as a joke and all of us were punchlines. /b/ had some shining moments, when he wasn't raiding the other boards like some kind of barbarian. he deserved better than this

/v/ seems disturbed. know he's heard talk comparing him to /b/. never sat right with him. maybe imagining in his shoes. remind him it's not healthy thinking. make a /v/tard joke. crowd laughs. snare drum. mood a bit lighter when we leave the graveyard

Moot help us all, I was going to find this bastard...



/co/'s journal. March 11th, 4:30 am.

check on /d/. still cleaning up the damage from her earlier assault. ask more on the attacker. describes a large bearded man. likely obese, which would not explain how it caused so much damage. may need to consult /r/ for any profiles it may fit. hate talking to him. comes off as aloof and only interested in debts and favors like some sort of demon

/d/'s information doesn't add up. /b/ was dead and buried. then /b/ attacked /x/. the odd Biff character digs up and claims to be a part of /b/ himself. someone burns down my home while I'm away for hardly any time at all. like I'm being watched, even as i pursue them... none of it makes sense.

then it adds up. it never make sense. it's /b/. the angle you expect is never what's really there. i find myself thinking outloud.

"we are annonymous..."

/b/... /b/ was the cancer that was killing /b/. it was a cultish, one-man civil war

(really hadn't though far into an ending, mind you... nothing beyond the appearence of Biff. pulling stuff out of my ass at this point)



/co/'s journal. 4:35 am

quickly dispense orders. refuse to explain, since time may be vital. any could be next. innocent little /c/. the harmless and lonesome immigrant, /jp/. the reclusive and mysterious /po/

i practically have to order /v/ to go and protect /a/. i don't know how many /b/tards there are, but they'd be spreading like wildfire. tell /k/ to go get /fit/ and some shovels and bring /b/'s body back to /tg/. i apologize quickly, but he seems to understand. at least, understands his orders

take /ck/ with me. nowhere is safe. no one left i can totally trust. try to tell her it, but she holds my hand. can't say lay that burden on her. swear she suspects from the look in her eye.


/b/ was random. but he had always had so many voices. so many personalities. he was never one man. he was an avatar for a world. when he was gone, the /b/tards broke loose.

and the only people who could possibly benefit were the /b/tards. /b/ killed /b/ so that there would be more /b/'s. it was dying so more would be born. it was a goddamn koozbanian!

...i need sleep. i truly wish i wasn't about to call back the soul of the most dangerous one among us, just when he was out of our hair.

I am waiting for /x/ to finish her conjuring right now. /tg/ has some enchanted sword or another at the ready. he's sent the word out to everyone to keep anyone trying to get into his house, or to lock themselves in their own homes and do the same.

/ck/ makes more coco. it takes all my strength not to cry


4:47 am.

incantation nearly complete. can hear the epic rumble and shouting of combat outside. can't help but smile. a lot of people trying to stop you usually means you're doing the right thing. almost envy those caught in the battle against a bunch of blindly wild lunatics

/x/ manages to get /b/'s ghost brought back. asks him to stop the damage going on. to call off his /b/tards. offers him anything in exchange. /tg/ limits that to "almost anything."

/b/ is stubborn. /b/ is stupid. /b/ adores the chaos it's causing. it is breeding more madness and rage and hate than it had in life. it had multiplied its influence on our world a hundredfold.

we have all heard enough, /b/ included. struggle. /b/ is weak as as spirit, but slippery and surprising. we can only keep it at bay, keeping it inside the summoning room.

that's all we need. /k/ returns with /b/'s corpse, bleeding and dirty himself. he looks naked somehow, and i see he's been stripped of his guns somehow. at least, the ones i can see. perhaps he spent all their munitions fighting his way in.

he throws the body to the ground, /x/ quickly conjuring a binding spell. /b/'s spirit is stuck where it is, writhing and shrieking before /x/ hits it with a spell. it's a nonsensical string of sounds, barely pronouncable by human tongues. "gtfi."

/b/'s ghost is hurled into his body. never comes out. /b/ awakes. seems very tame, even for when he was alive. the sounds of combat outside die out. /b/ excuses himself. says he has traitors to hunt and followers to reclaim.


5:19 am

we let /b/ leave. he's less harm alive, being a sort of cork for idiots and savages.

I lean on my wife's shoulder. it's just to rest, but she's dragged me home like this before i realize it. silently observe that /m/ works fast... with a little help from Moot perhaps

I'm so damn tired. she takes my coat and hat, and finally my mask. she's the only one to see beneath it...

and she kisses me. it's a kiss with a fire behind it. she kisses me to celebrate that we're alive. I celebrate back with her, holding her tight against me in our bed for a while. sleep...

yea. just another day as /co/