Angry Marine-Bomb

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The Angry Marine-Bomb is a weapon of mass destruction and/or carnage used exclusively by the Inquisition, usually as an option of last resort.

Very basically, the Angry Marine-Bomb involves strapping a heavily sedated Angry Marine onto a Chimera, driving it to the enemy lines, stirring the marine awake, and then... allowing matters to take their course.

Required Parts

To create this weapon most horrifying, thou shalt procure:

  • Four chains made of of His most sacred plaststeel and durable enough to hold back a Khornate Berserker.
  • One old Chimera, of whom thou shalt remove the roof plating (note that this will utterly anger the machine spirit, but that such an effect will actually bolster the destructive power of the weapon). Using a Rhino instead of a Chimera is questionable, as it would be a waste of His most sacred resources.
  • One large pole, from the very same forge that fabricated the chains. It shall be no less than 20 feet high.
  • One member of the Angry Marines, whom must be known for a relatively calm disposition (lest his rage levels will detonate the contraption prematurely)
  • One Servitor of a particularly hardy/gullible/expendable nature (Note: making use of a soldier that is awaiting execution will also suffice)
  • Large amounts of sedatives.

Construction

Thou shalt firstly mount the pole atop the opened chimera. Note that it must be fastened to the tank in such a manner that it will persist against both bolterfire and the passenger it will carry.

Then, thou must sedate one of the Angry Marines. It is strongly advised to seek the aid of either the Apothecarius of the company you draw the marine from, or the..helping hand..of the Officio Assassinorum. Anything less will result in getting torn limb from limb by an unimaginably pissed off marine.

Once this is done, thou must make use of servitors to bind the Angry Marine to the pole and secure him with the plaststeel chains that are at hand. Remember! The Marine must remain sedated, lest he will break free, rip out your spine, and strangle you with it.

As the marine is firmly bound to the pole, which is in turn bound to the Chimera, thou shalt place the servitor into the vehicle, so that he may guide it to the enemies of the Imperium, when the time comes.

Usage on the Battlefield

When the enemies of the Imperium make themselves known, be they the foul followers of Chaos or the monstrous Orks, thou shall trick instruct the servitor to drive the Angry Marine-Bomb on the shortest way to the enemy formations and park it there. Thus, the Angry Marine shall be before the bulk of the heretical or xeno forces.

At this point, the sedative applied to the marine should rapidly fade (take good care the right dosage was administered). Dazed and confused, the Angry Marine will realize that he is in the very midst of the theater of war, but that bindings prevent him from throttling the necks of an otherwise abundant supply of enemy targets. These multiple layers of frustration will rapidly amplify his RAGE levels to heights that even the Angry Marines might consider unfathomable.

Thus, the marine will attempt to tear the chains that hinder him from reaching his enemies. He will curse with a voice that can be heard across miles, and which should be understood as a signal indicating the proper positioning of the bomb. The heretics or xenos before the marine, foolish and simple-minded as they are, will begin to mock the chained marine.

This finally sets off the bomb: As the marine's anger grows to inhuman levels, he will finally shred his chains, roaringly jump into the fray, and embark upon a massacre amongst the enemy's ranks that even the most murderous Eversor would envy.

In the end, beneath the mighty feet of the Angry Marine, little else besides bloodstained mud and small pieces of gore shall remain on the battlefield. If territory is to be claimed in the name of the Emperor, having a bucket at hand is advisable.

Ironically, few if any Angry Marines seek revenge against the Inquisitors that used them as a weapon. For them, the slaughter, combined with the infinite amount of rage they experienced, leads to a momentary sensation an Angry Marine may rarely experience in his life: Bliss.

Indeed, many Bomb-Veterans voluntarily wish to go for a second bomb run. As Sergeant Furius Angraw once stated, it

"...IS LIKE BEING LED TO A GODDAMN BIRTHDAY PARTY WITH A FUCKING BLINDFOLD, BUT IT'S NOT BECAUSE YOU CAN KILL ALL THE FUCKING GUESTS,YOU FUCKING FUCK! NOW WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING SITTING AROUND AND ASKING QUESTIONS? COCKMONGLER!"

However, this request is usually denied, simply because it makes the marine angrier and therefore, better. FUCK YOU DAMN RIGHT THEY LET US DO IT. WHAT THE FUCK. DO YOU THINK THEY'RE ACTUALLY GONNA FUCK WITH US?

CAUTION !

It should be noted that the chains binding the marine must not be too thick, as he of course has to rip them off at some point. Indeed, if the chains are made with such mastery that they will effectively resist the marine for more than 10 minutes after his sedation wears of, His most devout warrior will explode from anger.

Literally.

The blood pressure of the marine will rise to such unthinkable magnitudes that even his superhuman hearts and arteries will be unable to handle it, thus resulting in a most violent blast that will hurl parts of flesh, bone, and power armor in all directions, usually impaling and/or crushing large parts of your foes formation.

Still, this method is highly frowned upon, not only because it means wasting the life of a mighty space marine in a way most heretical, but also because the Chapter Master of the Angry Marines, Temperus Maximus himself, will demand your presence in order to punish you for this lavishness by "TEARING OUT YOUR GODDAMN SKULL THROUGH YOUR GODDAMN ASSHOLE" (sic.).

Notes

  • Another version of the Angry Marine bomb also involves tying a dreadnought to a landraider, though most inquisitors would rather prefer making use of an Exterminatus instead of relying on this scarcely used method. It is cleaner and leaves more of the planet intact.
  • Unlike Orks or Eldar, the forces of Chaos never attempt to actually shoot the Angry Marine bound to the chimera. Radio Chatter indicates that they actually seem to be fond of him because he is not "hiding in the box". It is unknown whether this is a codeword or some kind of ruinous mantra.
  • Various Ork Clans have desperately tried to loot the Angry Marine-Bomb. Luckily, all attempts have failed. OF COURSE THEY FUCKING DID. YOU THINK WE'D LET ONE AS ANGRY AS US BE LOOTED BY THOSE GREENSKIN SCOTTISH FUCKTARDBALLS? FUCK YOU!! If they can loot the Emprah on his golden throne, they can loot a psycho tied to a pole, given enough time of course. sorry, teh Blod Rehvans are teh ones who stole teh Emprah, to ensure his Survival.
  • Video footage shows that Necron Destroyers react with a facepalm when seeing the Marine strapped to the pole. The reason for this is unknown.

Table Top Rules Prototype

///TROOPS//

Angry Bomb- BS- F11 S11 R10 Type: Tank, Open-Topped, Fast

Unit: 40pts each (In squadrons up to three)

Special Rules:

  • Sacrifice- Angry Bombs are not Scoring Units
  • Matyrdom- When tank shocking, it deals D6 Str6 AP3 hits on the enemy unit in the initial impact. Then the enraged Angry Marine goes flying into close combat with the target unit or another unit within 6", gaining a 3+ Invulnerable save, Initiative 10, and +2D6 attacks on the charge for that round of close combat.
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See also