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Were you looking for Avatar: The Last Airbender? Please say yes...
Fursona (sometimes called Avatar) is James Cameron's crack at creating the most expensive self-insert furry transformation fanfiction in history. He succeeded, creating an obnoxious story where he becomes a giant lanky cat-thing with USB hair and saves a race of ludicrously perfect, ludicrously stereotyped natives from evil rich white people other than him. Eventually he is recognised as superior to them due to his ability to make an incredibly obvious logical inference about a giant flying dinosaur, allowing him to become Turok and bone a gratingly self-righteous female abomination while all the other
interesting characters in the movie die.
Not to be confused with Avatar: The Last Airbender or Khaela Mensha Khaine's Avatar, which are both awesome and in no way deserve to be on the same planet as this abomination, unless it it to purge the abomination that this is.
Very much to be confused with the Destination Void series by Frank Herbert which also has its head up its own ass but is still a far better scifi story. Oh what's that you've never heard of the stories set on a Deathworld covered by a sapient plant network with the local organisms being influenced by it to attack human defenders? And it involves cloning and mutants. And the planet is called Pandora, and all life on the planet is connected to and controlled by a consciousness named Avata.
FUCK YOU CAMERON, FUCK YOU! YOU CAN ONLY RIDE THE TOLERANCE YOU BUILT UP FROM ALIENS AND THE FIRST TWO TERMINATOR FILMS FOR SO LONG FAGGOT!
James Cameron John Connor Jack Dawson Jake SullivanSemaj Noremac: A not-at-all self-insert character who is a cripple and finds his brother has died and left him a Second Life account, allowing him to live vicariously as a furry abomination in a magical fantasy land where he can bone barnyard animals with his hair. Sent to tell the local abominations to pack up and move to a different tree since the biggest mineral deposit on the planet happens to be under the one they're currently living in. He proceeds to totally fail to do so, lies to every one of the furries, avoidably gets half of them killed, and then be forgiven for it after capturing a legendary Pokemon. He then rallies the natives and gets the Earthers sent back, rather than killing them all. Like that'll work out.
Miles QuaritchMilhouse Quidditch: Three-times world coffee drinking champion and Earth's top racist, sent to yell incoherently and blow things up. The unsung hero. He's also a big enough of a badass to rival Ciaphas Cain, but without the sense of cowardice or the need to fake the grandstanding. Selfridge Not-BurkeSelfish: A greedy executive with a "subtle" name who wants to get to the huge reserve of plotdevicium, which, for no adequately defined reason, cannot be mined without cutting down a large tree, as sub-surface mining techniques are apparently impossible. Known for being an enormously passive-aggressive douche who's as unhelpful as possible outside of the need for a useless fuckwit to whip over the plot for the first two acts before promptly disappearing. Dr Grace Augustine Not-RipleyUseless scientist and Not-VasquezUseless helicopter pilot: Two female characters who exist to be awestruck by the furries and their respect for all life, since placing yourself in the middle of the food chain is noble and beautiful and not, for instance, incredibly dumb. One is the classic Hollywood woman scientist character who still has a job, despite not once accomplishing anything useful for the people who employ her, and is generally actively acting against their interests. The other is a helicopter pilot, who, although a heretical traitor, actually is competent at her job and kicks a decent amount of asshas nice perky tits. She pulls a tactical genius moment at one point, but fucks it up by not using all of her dakka. When they are done being awestruck they are both struck in a more traditional manner and die.
- Useless Scientist #2: A male scientist who helps with the Avatar project, and was originally supposed to be the original diplomat until Semaj Noremac proved that a soldier was better at negotiating with a slightly warlike tribe. He has no apparent use outside of getting over his inferiority complex, but that was also a plot thread with Cameron saved for a spin off, or something. He turns out not to be a complete pussy, though: in the climactic battle, he gets killed in his avatar, but that just sent him back to his human body. In other words, he just survived death, and got right back up to keep killing.
NeytiriPocahontas cat: A blue cat-thing who has been taught the arts of self-righteous speechifying and being perfect and noble from a young age. There for Semaj Noremac to fuck. Tsu'teyAngry cat: A scowly, growly cat-thing who is set up to marry Pocahontas cat, and glares at Semaj Noremac a lot. Unfortunately for him, Semaj Noremac screws Pocahontas cat, making sure he won't get to marry her. This also screws up being the heir apparent or something, probably not but Semaj Noremac still screwed his girlfriend. Usually, this would be the guy who betrays his people out of jealousy, only to to be killed by the people he sold them out to, because that's how evil they are. This was clearly not perfect enough for the blue cat-abominations and so he just glares at stuff and then later stops when he dies; in the extended version he gets badly wounded but lives long enough to jerk off Semaj's ego before the latter preforms a mercy kill on him. Eytukan and Mo'atPocahontas cat's parents: Exist to stand around being wise and vaguely judgmental towards humans. Their only real function is for one of them to get killed to show how mean the humans are and make Pocahontas cat angry at Semaj Noremac, and the other to spout exposition about Their Ways (except one moment where she saves Semaj's and Useless Scientist's avatar bodies from being lynched by most of the other Na'vi).
- Other cat-abominations: Many lanky cat-creatures who are strong and mighty and noble, never fight among themselves though for some reason they have warriors, have diseases and parasites they have no idea how to cure, ostracize people for no real reason, or anything mean. In other words, native culture put on an impossibly high pedestal as part of a ridiculous attempt to apologize for the entire colonial era by defeating a bunch of
pretend white peopleevil humans (because a fursona movie will make up for years of attempted cultural/ literal genocide, right?). The cats are magically linked together by their USB hair into a giant biological internet; like the real internet, it hates them and lets giant doom-animals try to eat them constantly. This largely serves the function of preventing them being impressed with the white man'shuman technology like real people would be. EwyaStupid Deus Ex Machina: The living spirit of the planet and the deity of the Na'vi, which shows up one second before the movie ends to kill the humans with a bunch of large animals despite the entire preceding film, and Pocahontas Cat - one of Ewya's most knowledgeable followers, being very clear that it does not do this.
There is a stupid mineral with a really stupid name that is worth a really stupid amount of money which is on a stupid planet full of stupid animals with stupid chemicals in the air that stupid humans can't breathe. Some really stupid people decide the most stupid way to extract the stupid mineral is to send Earth's stupidest scientists to use stupid remote controlled bodies to tell the stupid locals to leave. They are backed up by a stupidly elite force of stupid marines in case anything stupid happens, but stupid things happen eight times an hour anyway and they decide to come up with a stupid plan to fix this. Stupidly.
Enter our hero, Semaj Noremac, whose twin brother hit his balls on the corner of a table and died of a broken heart or something like that (in non-lolspeak he was murdered by a mugger). Sadly Semaj's legs are made entirely from liquorice and fail due to his service in
Iraq not-Iraq and he lives in Rick Deckard's cupboard in a case of futuristic sub-letting. However, soon stupidity enters his humdrum life as a group of very silly men arrive and tell him he can do something asinine for humanity by controlling his brother's giant blue cat-clone. Rather than doing the sensible thing and trying to have the blue-cat-man-creators arrested for treason and coming up with completely terrible ideas, he accepts and is immediately sent to Pandora via futuristic UPS eighth-class spacemail.
On Pandora he gets his marching orders from an incredibly angry scarred man named Miles Quidditch, who tells him to make the blue cat-abominations leave so stupid strip-mining can commence under their implausibly gigantic tree, making as many clumsy allusions to the Iraq war as the screenwriters think they can get away with. Semaj then starts controlling his new
Avatar Fursona, apparently not worried about the whiff of Cheetos and wank coming from his brother's cyber fursuit-pod. After a series of dull and / or pointless scenes he meets Pocahontas cat, who proceeds to hate him, making him realize he'll need to take a rag into the fursuit pod with him next time because it's so godawfully obvious where this is going. He learns the ways of the locals, such as fucking animals with his hair and whining, but notably fails to inform them of the one thing he was actually there to tell them.
Eventually, Minus Queerage gets fed up of his shit and deploys a bunch of tree-fucking hardware (Why not mount a fuckhuge cannon to the top all orky style and use them as tanks? Stupid 'Umie gitz), taking everyone by surprise with his meanness despite that it was established more or less immediately that he was going to do this. Semaj is shocked, having just got his leg over with Pocohontas cat. Just before Miles and the tree-killing squadron arrive Semaj spilled the beans about why he was there and banging Pochontas Cat. Then Milos Quarters arrived and destroyed their home tree (literally called Hometree) which kills alot of people in the process (including Pocohontas cat's dad) in a clear 9/11 reference. The locals understandably feel betrayed by Semaj because of the whole thing where he just betrayed them and go to an even more sparkly and magic tree to sulk, while Semaj is unplugged by the other humans he also betrayed so he reaches an all-time nadir (or peak) of fail.
However, before Semaj and the fursuit pod can be sent to Earth to be disinfected, Semaj and useless scientists and the helicopter pilot break out and sneak away with it, which somehow actually works. Semaj finds a giant silly pterodactyl which was alluded to several times, specifically that anyone who rides it becomes Turok and can lead all the abomination tribes, who mysteriously all share this single nonsensical tradition (there are, of course, no unfortunate implications to giving an entire planet's worth of utterly transparent Native American/African stand-ins the exact same beliefs). Semaj duly becomes Turok due to his skills at dinosaur hunting, but the mean humans have decided, for no good reason, to blow up the second tree as well, despite it having nothing to do with their original objective which they have just completed. This leads to a long, preposterous fight scene in which idiots with bows and arrows last a surprisingly long time against an airmobile force with rapid-fire cannons supported by extremely stupid robots. Eventually, however, Semaj is forced to call upon the power of bad writing to defeat the humans, whereupon the spirit of the planet sends swarms of wild animals to kill all the humans despite it being said repeatedly that it doesn't go in for that conflict shit, dawg.
Marston Quadrangle gets very angry at Semaj for destroying his Manta and locates his wanking lair by tracking the scent of Axe body spray and BO. After finding it, he breaks the glass, exposing Semaj to the planet's poisonous atmosphere and the planet's poisonous atmosphere to Semaj's collection of odors, the latter being of more concern. However, Pocahontas cat arrives on an allosaurus-cat and fucks everything up by killing Milton Quarantine (though he kills her allosaurus-cat in a knife fight with his giant mecha) and saving her new boyfriend from Marston and the planet's poisonous atmosphere.
In the end everyone sends the mean humans home, while the good humans stay, apparently forgetting that they need the mean humans to send replacement parts and such for the machines that make them not fucking die from the poisonous atmosphere. Presumably they are all dead within a few weeks while the humans get back after 14 or so years to park an actual warship in orbit, with actual war machines ready for multiple, simultaneous, and devastating offensive Deep Strikes. So yeah, the blue and non-blue furries better enjoy their round 1 victory with the days they got, because they are numbered.
The good ending
Well, that last one is a happy ending once you replace the humans with blue cat people...
Things that rock
There are no intentional cases of things that rock, because this movie is shit. However, some things rock accidentally.
- Giant monsters that eat ten foot tall Na'vi warriors for breakfast.
- Large amounts of furries slaughtered like livestock.
- Colonel Miles Quaritch is a Hero of the Imperium who kills furries and doesn't afraid of anything.
- He also has a giant flying heap of guns that looks like the product of a Baneblade fucking a Tau Hammerhead, which manages to be cool despite having four huge, stupidly exposed weak points.
- Mech walkers that look like the lovechild of a Sentinel and a Dreadnought/Battlesuit, armed with Autocannons and Close Combat Weapons. While that arsenal may not sound terribly impressive by 40k standards, the suits still prove to kick an impressive amount of ass, and just one of them is more awesome than ten Baby Carriers. The Imperial Guard would kill to get a hold of a few of these and start playing the Tau at their own game.
- Semaj almost certainly poopsocks himself into an early, well-deserved grave while frolicking around in his abomination form and ignoring his human one.
- It made idiots want to kill themselves because Earth is like lame and stuff and humans are all mean. This may have decreased the global level of idiocy slightly if any of them went through with it.
- Hilarity and much trolling ensued as people went to otherkin boards and insisted they were truly Na'vi, leading to ridiculous threads where people stated that one cannot really be a fictional creature, which is totally unlike thinking you're a nine-dicked lazer space dragon.
- The ships are much more scientifically accurate than in many other sci-fi works. This is one of the only movies where spaceships have heat radiators, 'cause space is a vacuum and heat needs places to go and shit.
Things that suck
Again, we stress, this movie is shit. There are a lot of things wrong with it. Such things include:
- Another blatant James Cameron self-insert. Seriously, "John Connor?" "Jack Dawson?" "Jake Sullivan?" Who the fuck does he think he's fooling? Though, to be fair, Jack Dawson was loosely based on real-life victim of the Titanic disaster, Joseph Dawson. Not to mention John Connor is a messianic archetype character, which is character who undergoes great sacrifice to help others/whose story is modeled after Jesus Christ, so the "JC" parallel could also be that.
- Not another "save the environment" story! This is Disney's Pocahontas and Kevin Costner's "Dances with Wolves" as performed by Blue Man Group. It's Ferngully: The Last Rainforest - In Space! as performed by the Smurfs. To make it worse, the movie is very preachy about it.
- Also, once again, "the noblebright natives are noblebright, and the bad mostafakas colonizers are bad" story where "noblebright natives" can't do jack by themselves, before a Hero from among the white people joins to lead them. Heck, their planet-goddess heeds them not at their time of greatest need, but bows to white man's command. There's "unfortunate implications", there's "horrible bullshit", and then, on the far side over, there's this crap.
- Incidentally, the best way Cameron can come up with to go about racial stereotyping is, you guessed it, as much stereotyping as possible. Doesn't matter, human or Na'vi, named or extra, it's gonna be as 2D as possible and then some. The whole 3rd dimension went to special effects, none left for character portrayals.
- Every marine who isn't Semaj Noremac or his pilot is an evil, despicable, racist hick who only makes the situation worse as they serve CORPORATE GREED. Every human character in this movie is either a racist hick or serves corporate greed, including the main ones (at first). It should be noted that it is CORPORATE GREED to piss away half a billion dollars making a movie about your dumb fursona rather than, say, using it to feed poor people.
- Rubbish mechs that don't have gun arms. Also, the lack of Armoured Cockpit in the form of a plain glass bubble canopy leaves the pilot vulnerable to just about any damn thing that hits them hard enough to break the glass. Hell, an open-topped Scout Sentinel leaves the pilot less exposed than this damn thing. Fluff tells us that this flaw, among others, is there because the mechs aren't originally combat vehicles, but that's still bull, as far as excuses go. The humans modified them for combat to begin with, including making FUCKHUEG autocannon rifles specifically designed for the suits to wield, there’s no good reason they couldn’t have slapped on some Extra Armour too.
- No powered armor, mostly because allowing the humans to be stronger than the space furries would give some sort of balance to the narative, and because Quidditch getting swallowed by the giant space allosaurus-cat and shooting his way out of it like this was in Men in Black would have been so hilarious it might have been worth the 12 buck admission price, stressing MIGHT.
- Fucking deep sea bio-luminescence on land were it MAKES NO SENSE. Put there so humans can't use night vision and IR sensors to become unstoppable terrors of the night that go MARBO and cut spess elf throats in the dark as soon as the sun goes down, like every modern army on Earth. Also not even necessary because the giant fucking planet the moon orbits and the other moons would make the nights bright as shit anyway, so it doesn't even make sense a plot device.
- The Na'vi only win due to a literal Deus Ex Machina, and it's not even a well-written one. Their goddess suddenly takes sides when she never did before because the super-special-former-human-marine-furry-space-elf asked her to, rather than the many other Na'vi praying to her.
- The Na'vi screw with their hair. They also tame animals by force with their screwing hair and keep the hair in the animals while they ride. In addition to being furries, the Na'vi are also into rape and bestiality. Slaanesh approves!
- Blue elves are better than humans? Fuck you, James Cameron, you xenos lover. Also, ever heard of "show, don't tell"? It's around the class 101 of storytelling. Blue elves are better, except they aren't any wiser (and infact shown to come within an inch of a lynch mob), suck at diplomacy, suck at war (where they need a white man's leadership to not suck even more...), even their goddess-planet doesn't listen to them. Oh but they are better, we're told. Because reasons!
- Xenos love? That's EXTRA HERETICAL! And it wasn't even sexy xenos love, such as between two Eldar chicks or the alien LI's from SWTOR and Mass Effect.
- Unforgivable lack of orbital bombardment or nukes (this is because the mining company was banned from possessing weapons of mass destruction by earth's government) or any semi-intelligent military tactics. They could've just bombed the super-special tree and the enemy forces from orbit; it's a war crime either way, go big or go home. Even the UNSC, as retarded as they are, still have the intelligence to go "NUKE THAT SHIT!" (or threaten to) when all is lost.
- No tactical genius whatsoever. No improvised use of terrain? Charging a fucking gun line front on - not even a flanking charge - with unarmored cavalry armed with bows and arrows!? Despite being the brainless savages that they are, they had no excuse because the guy leading them was an ex-Marine turned heretic.
- All the vehicles appear to have been made with the Dark Eldar's trademark wet cardboard armor plating and none of the Dark Eldar's speed, badass look or weapons. Even high-tech gunships can't withstand the power of simple wooden arrows. This is due to BRILLIANT design such as thin, unarmoured glass canopies and huge, unshrouded engine fans. Seriously, these things are designed like videogame bosses. This is because of the ludicrously contrived scenario, which is essentially defined as "this planet prevents us using anything that would mean we'd easily win."
- The art design for the humans is stolen shamelessly from the Halo series - seriously, for example compare the Hornet from Halo 3 and the Vulture from Halo Wars with any air vehicle from Avatar. Ya see? (Heck any air vehicle from Avatar is stolen from Halo)
- James Cameron even had the balls to suggest in an interview that the Halo series stole their art direction from HIM because he did a film back in 1986 about Colonial Marines vs Xenomorphs and that it was so epic that everything since has also copied him (which is feasible regarding Games Workshop, since Aliens came out in 1986, while GW released Rogue Trader, A.K.A Warhammer 40K, in 1987). Plus, he isn't entirely wrong, as many games often are modeled after the plot for Aliens.(i.e. Good guys show up, threat is encountered and dealt with, and then some greater threat shows up to ultimately be defeated at great sacrifice from the heroes.)
- Replace "blue alien" with "colored guy" shows how incredibly racist the movie is; see, only white people need things like written language and everyone else was happier before white man came along with his filthy civilization (protip: you're supposed to not know that sophisticated non-Western/caucasian societies have ever existed or still exist today, and that even the most primitive human cultures would think of the Na'vi as dirty and backwards. When most people in Western society couldn't count past their fingers and toes India had algebra. When Europeans only had huts and cave paintings, the ancient Egyptians had mastered monument-building, writing and invented a precursor to paper. When Western societies were still gathered in villages that answered to whoever lived in the biggest house, China had an administration efficient enough to keep a centralized government in a huge country). Good thing the director's white self-insert is there to save the stupid primitive people by mastering their ancient traditions in a couple of months better than any of them could in their entire lives.
- The film insinuates that xenocide is bad. However, we here at /tg/ and 4chan know what must be done with the horrid offshoots of space elves and furries.
- The unobtainable mineral that the marines want is called unobtainium. I dare you to come up with more retarded name. WARDIUM.GOTOIUM.
- 3 and a half hours of fur faggots in 3d is still 3 and a half hours of fur faggots
- They named blue faggots after blue faggots from a different series
- The film claims that Ludd was right, said film is made with state of the art 3D technology.
The film is rife with plot holes. Some of them are so big, you could fly a Manta through them, and others are small yet still big enough to detract from the plot.
- Since the humans understand the blue furries' biology well enough to clone them, they should be able to synthesize the Na'vi equivalent of chloroform. They could've used this to knock 'em all out, load 'em on a transport and dump 'em 1000 kilometers away with six months' supplies. Problem solved.
- Power armor would've worked better than clone bodies in these circumstances. The Na'vi know the Avatars are fake bodies being controlled by humans aka "the Sky People", and each side knows the other's languages. They could've used pre-existing power armor and spoke to them face-to-face, while also being able to breathe, fight off the native wildlife and save the cost of whatever was put into genetically engineering the Avatar bodies. They could've even kept the same main character, as power armor could've acted as a brace to let him walk again. In addition, the main characters offset the "sameness" the Avatar bodies are supposed to provide by wearing tailor-made human clothes rather than dressing like the Na'vi! (they don't even have the excuse of putting armor on the Na'vi bodies).
- Many bodily functions of the human body while that person is in an Avatar form aren't addressed. While eating and drinking is shown, the main character spends a sixteen hour stint at one point and it's not shown how he, or anyone else, handles things like numbness from not moving or going to the toilet in that form.
- The fact that a bunch of furries using bows and waves of expendable infantry should not be enough to defeat a well trained army, no matter how powerful you think they are. A good example from actual history is the scramble for Africa in the latter part of the 19th century. Despite having superior weapons and technology compared to the Africans, for years they could not actually take over the continent due to diseases like Malaria (which the locals had an innate resistance to), the locals knowledge of where everything beneficial or dangerous is and their superior numbers. What few footholds the Europeans gained were from taking territory through sneaky political work, superior training against the natives or exploiting existing social/political strife among them. However, the inventions of Quinine(an anti-malaria drug), repeating and bolt action rifles, and early machine guns eventually wiped out the advantage the Africans had. In short, it should be impossible for a technologically inferior enemy to defat you, even if they have superior numbers on their side. And even then, the technologically advanced culture often has the higher population anyway.
- Although, to be fair, Na'vi themselves are demonstrably not able to defeat a well trained army. In a full scale battle, they get their blue asses kicked so hard that it wasn't a battle as much as it was a massacre, at least until the planet itself intervenes on their behalf and zerg-rushes the humans with the entire ecosystem. Without a blatant Deus Ex Machina to save them, the Na'vi would've been annihilated.
- Despite the Na'vi being big on respect for life and being connected by their planet-goddess, they still have separate tribes and no-one attempts to unite them, or undergo the "Turok" tradition, until the non-native Jake does so.
- On the subject of the Turok/Great Leonopteryx creature (from now on called the Leonopteryx), how Jake captured it makes no sense. He figures since it's an apex predator it doesn't fear attack form others so it won't' look up and is vulnerable to an attack from above. While it makes sense that Jake might think this, not being a biology expert, that's not how animals work (especially since Pandora's animals work similarly to Earth animals). We don't know much about the Leonopteryx, but every other animal on Pandora and the Na'vi reproduces sexually, so it's likely there's more than one Leonopteryx as they have to breed. That means the Leonopteryx would have to be wary of attacks from others of its own kind (apex predators do fight among themselves and can even kill each other - being an apex predator means being at the top of a food chain, with no natural predators). Even if there is only one Leonopteryx, this doesn't address the fact that the smaller flying creatures (Mountain Banshees) could still gang up on it (in real-life smaller bird species often gang up on and chase away larger birds - sometimes even predatory ones) as they're shown living and hunting together in large groups, so the Leonopteryx should still be aware of the possibility of attack.
- Jake is not given any prior knowledge or research about Pandora before being sent to the Avatar project. He impulsively pokes alien plants and doesn't learn about the animals he's supposed to be protecting his team from (having to ask his team if the Thanator - the giant, predatory-looking animal snarling right in front of him that scared the not-elephants away - is a threat). The closest he gets is a crash course on important Na'vi individuals and their goddess AFTER he's met the Na'vi and made a bad impression on one of them - Tsu'tey, the chief's successor and Neytiri's fiance.
- The villains' characterization is all over the place, and the arc could be described as follows; "OK we have the carrot and the stick, so we're going with carrot. We spend Lord knows how long and how much - but it's easy to bet more than a couple of months and some spare change - to make clone bodies and arrange a scientific team to "blend in". We're willing to haul a drunk cripple across the stars just to keep that project afloat. OK, it's afloat. Our cripple is considered one of them and is banging the local princess! Surely we're on the verge of diplomatic breakthrough. Wait a minute, banging the princess was bad diplomacy because that ruined an arranged marriage and pissed off their future leader. And he smashed our equipment. Damn! Oh well, despite his betrayal and the diplomatic incident, let's send him back on the off-chance they'll listen to him... BUT, let's also give him an utterly unrealistic time limit to regain all that broken trust. AND let's go on in with the stick. Forget all those years learning Na'vi biology and culture and preparing insert-clones and stuff, we just itched to bomb them back to the pre-stone age, or whatever the state that would sound scary to them is. We're using gas to drive them out and minimize casualties, but let's also blow up their big home tree which will cause untold carnage when it falls! Genius! So now they're marshaling forces against us and will eventually overwhelm our defenses through sheer numbers? Instead of doing bombing runs to thin their numbers, let's be terrorists and blow up their most sacred place BUT instead of being smart and bombing it from orbit, let's fly in at a level where they can try and stop us."
- They can't track the Avatar bodies. Despite being able to put small tracking chips in animals in real-life (it can also be done with people, it just almost always violates human rights) and technology, they don't put a tracker on the Avatar body. Because of this they lose it numerous times, having to personally scour the woods to find him. The characters can barely identify them in the film when they show up on a vehicle's camera.
- Avatar takes place in 2154, but apart from vehicle design and the bipedal mechas, the military is only as equipped as one from the Noughties.
- The movie's premise is rendered redundant by a technology and practice that exists in real-life, namely sub-surface mining techniques. All the humans had to do was dig under the trees without damaging the roots or destroying them, and bring the marines in case the Na'vi got uppity (a scan in the movie shows the plotdevicium extends to at least 2km below their home tree's roots). If people can mine like that today, it should still be possible in an industrialized future capable of interstellar travel. They could've saved themselves a lot of time and money and saved us from a fursona movie.
- Then there is the biggest plot hole of all. Jake, and no-one else, ever just tells the Na'vi what the humans want (the magnetic rocks) and why (starship fuel to find a new planet to live on since humanity's ruined Earth). Since that was sort of his job, and since despite being CORPORATE GREED stereotypes the humans still understand diplomacy, it's a huge amount of FAIL that makes no sense from the characters' or the plot's perspective. Many others have commented on this or made fun of it.
- Most of the animals are just blatant expy's of real life animals. Thanators? an oversize feline, those giant hammerhead beasts? a fucking elephant (they do not hide it well, listen to the noises they make), you get the fucking idea. Furthermore, most of these alien life forms are just biologically impossible, seriously if you want to add in a hexopodal organism correctly, at least have a brain to distance each individual limbs proportionally or else they look like they will trip over one of their four forelimbs. There is a good reason why hexopodal and multi-limbed creatures on Earth such as insects and arthropods have their limbs spread out equally and proportionally in order to retain a center of balance. Seriously Cameron get a biologist as your next designer.
- Made even worse when Cameron said that the Thanator (The oversize kitty cat) could "Beat a T rex and eat a Alien Queen for breakfast". Words cannot describe the sheer fanboyism, and blatant ignorance at his own works, in this statement.
- First of all, the Thanator was roughly calced at being the sized as an Indian Elephant which are around 5 tons, big yes, however compared to the above aforementioned two, it's still a dwarf. Just by looking at it, the Thanator is an obvious ambush predator, its long elongated front teeth are reminiscent to the sabre tooth cats which makes them excellent at slicing flesh but piss poor in both crushing bone and being as fragile as a stick, meaning that these teeth would literally snap in two against anything remotely armored. This is further supported in its skull structure, with it being relatively streamline and light which means the Thanator must compensate muscle power for its fuck huge delicate teeth, which in turn supports the really feline dominate aesthetic of the creature and just like a feline it is dependent on its arm strength to bring its prey of equal weight down (note how in the film it regularly uses its forelimbs when attacking). Now compare this to the T rex, a 10 ton beast with a skeletal and muscle structure meant for brute strength, its teeth are serrated, short and thick allowing it to easily crush steel let alone bone like paper. Additionally, not only was the T rex powerful in both bite force and mass, it was also gifted with a ridiculously powerful eyesight (As powerful as a Hawk), sense of smell (Just as good if not greater then a dog), an infectious bite and being just plain durable as fuck (Seriously this thing shrugged of blows from tanks like Ankylosaurus and Triceratops as well as other T rexes and survive, and it was still just in place 10 of most powerful dinosaurs.). If Cameron ever went into paleontology he should know that even if the Thanator manage to have a surprise attack on good old rexie, the tyrant lizard's superior mass and thick skin would just yell "LOL Fuck You!" and proceed to pummel and rip apart the ever loving shit towards the overgrown house cat, even a small nibble from the rex could prove fatal due to its highly infectious bite; there was a good reason why the T rex was considered as the most powerful land super predator to date. Furthermore lets not forget that Earth has a higher gravity then Pandora, making the T rex even more denser and hence more powerful than the Thanator, there is no kill like overkill.
- And that was just the T rex. The Alien Queen can get at least the size of a T-rex implying similar strength and durability but also has longer upper arms, hands with opposable thumbs, greater intelligence (recent studies estimate T-rex's intelligence at the level of a squirrel or a crocodile while the alien queen's intelligence is between an elephant and human levels), a prehensile blade-tipped tail (that can be used as a slashing or stabbing weapon) and acid blood. The Alien Queen would slaughter it 10 ways to hell, and that is assuming that the QUEEN is fighting the Thanator. A preatorian(think special bodyguard xenomorph to the queen), or heck, even a swarm of warriors could probably kill it.
The Fall of Pandora
- "Spare us your pity, xenos scum. You gush about your connection with nature, your primal wisdom, but what has it brought you?
- "Where are your marvels of engineering? Your voyages of discovery? Your great insight into the nature of the universe? Even at our basest, when we dressed as you do, dwelt as you do, hunted as you do, lived as you do, we did more than merely survive. We built wonders. We made great journeys. We forged epics. You have not.
- "You speak so proudly of the plugs dangling from your skulls, little realizing that they are but strings and you puppets. What little you have accomplished you attribute to the wisdom of your goddess, who is nothing but the voices of your dead echoing for all eternity. She moors you to the past, serving as a leash that keeps you as little better than apes, sad parodies of civilization that lack that special spark to become something more.
- "We have come to your world in search of resources. Whether your actions drive us back or we take what we want and move on, the outcome is the same. We will depart from your wretched planet, leaving you behind. And in a thousand years, you will not have changed from this contact with another world. You will remain in your trees, hunting your prey, communing with your goddess, until your sun burns out and your world dies.
- "And above your tomb, the stars will belong to us..."
- -Unknown Space Marine of the Raptors chapter, "How The Movie Should Have Ended."
But wait, it's actually about World of Warcraft!
So sayeth whoever this is, anyway.
- "After seeing this movie and staying up WAY too late a few nights, I realized the truth about this movie. Everything in this movie is a metaphor for real life and World of Warcraft... We have Jak. His brother died, he's crippled, he has no friends, and he's just moved to a new job, so he's pretty depressed. He doesn't like his new co-workers. They're massive nerds and well...he isn't. But they introduce him to their favorite game, World of Warcraft, and they all get trial accounts, knowing that the trial period is only 3 months. After that, if they don't pay, everything crumbles. So he joins, creating a Night Elf character alongside his co-workers. thrilled to find that he can do everything in the game that he couldn't do in real life. He has friends, he can walk again, and as he learns to play the game, he meets guildmates, earns a mount, and when leveled up enough, gets a flying mount. Yay! He even gets an online girlfriend! But you can see his decline in the real world. He starts out balancing the game and work, as you can see him submitting reports to his boss, doing presentations, ect. But soon, he stops exercising, getting in bad physical shape. He eventually stops showing up to meetings at work, so his bosses investigate. When their bosses find that they've been playing WoW at work instead of doing their job, they're all fired. While they're all leaving after being fired, their former supervisor, Quaritch, launches a lecture at them for wasting their lives in a video game (Represented as him firing off "wild gunshots" at them). The only one who takes it to heart is Ripley, and it slowly starts eating away at her. Since they can no longer play WoW at work, they all end up getting an apartment together in the middle of nowhere. His co-workers take pity on him since he's crippled, but even they notice his decline and even take pity on him, ignoring his lack of hygiene, forcing him to eat, and such. Eventually, their free subscriptions run out. This causes his real-world life to crumble around him, starting with one of his co-workers (Ripley) finally taking the advice the Supervisor gave in his lecture, quitting WoW, and getting a new job, realizing that it's time to move on and stop wasting her life. The guild tries to convince her to stay, but she's done with the game and deletes her character. This causes a schism between her and the two WoW players, so she ends up moving out and they both declare her "Dead" to them and to the entire guild. So Jak and his roomate pool together the last of their money to buy accounts and pay for internet service. The final part of the movie is Jak finally being able to unite several night-elf clans to start going on Raids together. However, the money is running out. Eventually, even his best friend tires of the raids and realizes that it's time to move on in life, so he quits WoW and leaves in the middle of a massive raid... In the end, he drives out the real world, fully escaping into his fantasy world of night elves...as he's shattered his real life to the point that he has nothing to go back to. Even when his former boss, fearing for his safety, finally tracks down his apartment, which he's now alone in, and tries to pull him away from his fantasy world, Jak lashes out at him And when Jak's online girlfriend lashes out at the boss to Jak, the boss realizes how far gone he is and finally leaves forever, becoming "Dead" to Jak just like his former friends... So the movie ends with Jak's real life being non-existent as he spends the last of his days with his guild as his physical self starves and wastes away in the cold loneliness of his apartment in the wreckage of his former life. With all this in mind, the movie makes a hell of a lot more sense, including why the Na'vi and their world seems a helluva lot better than the "real" human world. And all the antagonistic attempts by his bosses, the "Marine Commander" and "Corporate executive", were actually attempts to get him to do his job and to stop wasting his life on a video game, which he sees as horrible, genocidal acts in his warped mind. Anyone who's not in the game is "Dead" to him. It's truly a sad tale and has a way better message, a warning about taking a game too seriously. The bizarre part is that the more you look at it this way, the better it works. Better than most of the hippy BS messages the movie is intending to throw at you, to say the least..."
The Pandora Incident
Simply put, One of the few good Warhammer crossover fanfictions and pretty much a more complete version of the above Writefaggotry. Though the aftermath is plainly obvious, The author manages to capture the feel and atmosphere of the Warhammer books. (not the ones by that Black Irish midget cyclops) Like most fanfiction, it is riddled with spelling and grammar errors, but such things are but minor gripes because the story gives a righteous ass-kicking on those damn furries without making the Imperium of Man seem invincible. Which is ironic, since flak armor canonically (and flak shirt and flag pants, so says Only War) are invulnerable to stubbers other than heavy stubbers and hand cannons, so the locals just aren't strong enough to actually hurt a Guardsman. Which is hilarious. Bladed weapons used successfully against the Guard in the lore are mono-molecular (or hefted by a hulking enemy who probably chews ceramite as gum or a super-fast enemy who aims for the weak spots). So, the Imperium's most basic grunt mook is basically an unstoppable super-soldier against the Na'vi. The Na'vi are, therefore, the only species that actually lives down to Imperial propaganda about alien weakness. Wow.
Link to glorious nega-heresy: 
The Terrible, Terrible Truth
As we all know, once something is successful it will be mined and raped to death by being sold all over again to the throbbing masses out there. What does that mean? Sequels, my friends. Oh yes, James Cameron is not done with his smurfs. Even worse, the man who plays the bad ass (though blatant rip off) colonel says he might come back as a clone! Fuck, seriously? He might have been speculating, but don't be surprised if it happens. Cameron also states that it might happen somewhere on Pandora underwater. Really? WTF? (Oh great, massive supermonsters inbound) Whatever. The
worst part only good part is that people might commit suicide all over again for this bullshit. Just as planned. It gets worse better still, since apparently there is still another sequel and a prequel lined up as well - which means more of these fuckwit mongs will be contemplating suicide all over again... Just as planned.
Having said that, call your local inquisitor to Exterminatus their asses.
To be fair, no one denies that it's bad to actually damaging an ecosystem just to show you how much of a jerk you are, however, Cameron overdid it. Besides, it isn't like damaging a patch of land smaller than most suburbs is actually relevant on a planet. If it is just that interconnected, it's gonna die out anyway, just too fragile. Probably unable to adapt, too, as it's too dependent on everything else working exactly a certain way. If you really want to see a cool scene of Gaia's revenge we just recommend you The Two Towers, where there is this miniplot about the Ents going to war to defend their forest from the indiscriminate destruction caused by Saruman, point of fact is that all the Free People took resources from the forests as any civilization would need, but Saruman just exploited the woods for his own personal gain while not showing even a glimpse of respect or sense of care for it. Also, there is no embellishment of the Ents, they were just another people, with their own shortcomings, attempting to defend their own without trying to show they were inherently superior or "cuter than thou". And they kicked ass without having to call on a mystic Tarzan-style Deus Ex Machina.
It is nearly time. Release dates for Avatar 2, 3, 4 and 5 have been released. The visit of the fifth Chaos God will be upon us again on December 18, 2020, December 17, 2021, December 20, 2024 and December 19, 2025. Emperor preserve us all.