Battle for Tiddius Majoris

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On the newly rediscovered medieval world of Tiddius Majoris, life was pretty good. The Adepta Sororitas from the order of the Golden Light set up a convent on the planet while the Administratum set up a small hive command post on the largest moon Culus. Everything was going pretty well... then a Magos Explorator fleet showed up, started digging for archeotech, and it all went tits up.

Characters[edit]

Imperium[edit]

  • Governess Von Gosk - Formerly Governor Fredric Von Gosk, ruler of Tiddius Majoris and its moons, he was turned into a she by the Slaanesh cursed mists that affected the moon. However, the governess took to the change rather well. Her current whereabouts are unknown, but it is said she eventually settled down as the governess of some unnamed, planet.
Sisters of Battle[edit]
  • Canoness Helga - Canoness of the convent of the Golden Veil on Tiddius Majoris. Gets sent the 'dregs and borderline scholam dropouts from the Ministorum'.
  • Sister Mallory - Newbie Sororitas that's 'as top heavy as a Dreadnought' who was sent to Tiddius Majoris to serve under Canoness Helga and Sister Superior Gwellian. Remains surprisingly wholesome despite all that happens to her.
  • Sister Superior Gwellian -
  • Sister Angela -
  • Sister Gwyndolin -
  • Sister Puriah Selios aka Purity Seal - A heavy flamer-wielding Retributor who is secretly an assassin for hire and has an obsession with purity seals. She was later made an acolyte of the Inquisition, to hunt down the clownworld. She hasn't been heard from since.
Deathwatch[edit]
  • Wilhelm Mordred - A sword brother from the Black Templars Chapter, when the first team failed to report back in, Wilhelm was part of the second team sent to see what happened. He was the one who helped to escort those trapped on the moon offworld. It is also mentioned that he was a former squadmate of Ulfric and Marius. Has a knack for doing paperwork (mainly picked up out of necessity more than anything else).
  • Ephraim - A Primaris Marine originally from the Dark Angels who was part of the first Kill Team that was sent to take care of the escalating situation. Had a secondary motive of acquiring a big tiddy Sororitas GF so the Space Wolf in his Kill Team would stop calling him gay. When he was knocked out in the first combat situation, Sister Angela rushed to his rescue and it was love at first sight. He took part in every battle of the conflict and witnessed every strange event. Always thought he was ugly since people kept saying "he looked like Rogue Trader Benitio Affleckian", which he always assumed to be an insult. In the end he closed a deal with the Canoness that he would get to be with Angela and in turn he wouldn't report that the Canoness recruited Crusader Victoria into the Order.
  • Matteus - A Blood Ravens Librarian assigned to the same squad as Primaris Brother Ephraim. Last seen warning the Sisters of Battle led by Sister Gwellian that a Chaos Incursion by the Word Bearers about to happen.
Black Templars[edit]
  • Emperor's Champion Ulric Williams. - Leader of the Black Templar's glorious 4th Company. Arrives on Tiddius Majoris after their astropaths tell the 4th Company that the Admech woke up the Necrons. Became a big tiddy space marine with thighs so wide it cracked her armor. Muscle grill. Got fucked in the ass by a gay Eldar.
  • Chaplain Marius Alfred/Mariette Alfred - A gentleman chaplain of the Black Templar's glorious 4th Company. Polite to a fault, he was turned into a woman by Slaaneshi witchery and now serves Necron Overlord Addathes because the Necron saved her life. Comes equipped with a top hat and a crozius cane, and is more than willing to use that cane to discipline a hoe.
Marines Malevolent[edit]
  • Sergeant Eisen Martellus - Primaris Reiver of the Marines Malevolent 4th company. Even as a Primaris Marine, Cawl wasn't able to remove the 'biggest assholes in the galaxy' geneseed flaw of the Marines Malevolent.
Imperial Guard[edit]
  • Victor(ia) Samson - A crusader who's seen some serious shit, also one of those involved in the Innocence system debacle, during which his regiment was slaughtered and he nearly got raped by a slaaneshi canoness. As a result he developed PTSD and a severe mistrust of all sororitas, sometime later he met Harkus and became friends with him. Later on the two reenlisted as part of the Catachan II and were called in during the Tiddius Majoris campaign. During this, Victor fought several foes in the hopes of securing the planet. After the planet fell he stumbled his way onto a chaos infested ship where he died, and was then brought back, broke free and wound up escaping the ship and rescuing several sororitas. However, later on he was exposed to warp gases and turned into a female. These would later on affect her mental state due to the amount she inhaled attempting to defend others. Wound up going through withdrawal after combat and being conscripted into the Sisters of Battle due to her part in ensuring the survival of multiple Sororitas. Has a fixation on the fabled submarine sandwich and is unnaturally durable, in fact he has reportedly survived injuries most would find mortal.
  • Mack Chamber Samuel- An 18 year old Imperial Guardsman who survived shit he was never meant to survive. He was sleeping in his closet at some random bunker when suddenly warp fuckery happened and transported him to some space hulk (It also gave him a huge dick). There he meet Primaris Brother Ephraim, Sister Gwyndolin (who almost went full batshit insane/heretic), Crusader Victor Samson (due to warp dust shit he turned into a girl), Breezy (Who also almost went batshit insane but not a this time not a heretic, just batshit insane), and PFC. Marisa Clarion Von Engel (She loves to hug people). When the warp dust appeared inside the space hulk he was also affected but instead of turning him into a girl it forces him to dance and almost kills him through exhaustion. After killing some "female" ork a Thousand Son sorcerer appeared and cast in a warp portal, while hanging on for dear life another Thousand son sorcerer and grab Mack to grab a book that was going into the portal, causing both of them to go into the portal, through quick thinking Mack use the sorcerer's body as a launchpad to go back to a space hulk. After surviving the FUCKING WARP WITH NO SHIELD NOR SHIP his adventure wasn't over yet. He uses his dancing skills to help others by distracting the enemy.
Rogue Traders[edit]
  • Billy Mays - A Rogue Trader who is the seller of the wonderful cleaning substance known as 'Oxythrone,' which he dumped into Tiddius Majoris atmosphere, resulting in it literally raining soap. Ended up becoming the Slaaneshi Greater Daemon of Shamwow on a chunk of what remained of Craftworld Hugiv'safuk Shegiv'safuk that was lodged in Warboss Silvatoof ar uk Plotdevice's space hulk.
  • Anne Portia Medici - A rogue trader who's slept, banged and murdered her way across the galaxy. Is one of the many "conquests" of Harkus, who ejaculated in her and then evacuated, later showed up on Tiddius Majoris to deliver a shipment of bolters and kneed Harkus in the testicles. Her current whereabouts are unknown, most likely raising her kids on her ship
Mechanicius[edit]
  • Magos Explorator Alexia - The female leader of the Magos Explorator Fleet that came to Tiddius Majoris looking for archeotech. Her body is, in her words, 'in the perfect shape of the human form.' Somehow ends up unearthing both an Eldar webway gate and the entrance to a Necron tomb complex. She ends up going heretek and siding with the newly awoken Necron Lord Addathes because she wants access to that 'sweet, sweet archeotech/xenotech'.
  • Skitarii TX-24 - Skittari soldier with a huge crush on Magos Alexia, but too shy to tell her that.
Inquisition[edit]
  • Inquisitor Chevalier -
  • Apprentice Inquisitor -
  • Justinian Von Engel - House Operative of the Navis Nobilite, unofficial Spymaster of the Rogue Trader Dynasty of Medici, Acolyte of Lord Inquisitor Jackson Matthias of the Ordo Hereticus and Agent of the Golden Throne. Loyalty is in that exact order. Also a huge dead faggot. And a pedophile, it turned out.

Xenos[edit]

Eldar of Craftworld Hugiv'safuk[edit]
  • Unnamed (recently promoted) General of Craftworld Hugiv'safuk - A former monitor of the craftworld's webway portals who ended up being elected a general to go stop the Mon-keigh from waking up the Necron tomb complex buried underneath the newly re-activated webway portal on Tiddius Majoris. Most of the warparty gets slaughtered fighting the Sisters of Battle, Necrons and Admech waiting on the other side, and the entire Craftworld ends up getting corrupted and hijacked by Daemonettes/Slaaneshi worshipers. Not exactly a good day at the office.
  • Male Howling Banshee Enladiel Feanwe - Rather cowardly male eldar who joined the Aspect Warriors to get chicks. Traveled through the Webway portal to fight alongside the newly appointed general, tried to disguise himself as a Sister of Battle and ended up getting captured and stuffed in a Repressor by Sister Mallory. Assumed KIA.
  • Autarch Belamyn Ytharl -
Dark Eldar[edit]
  • Caoimhe - A cowardly Dark Eldar. She tried to help the Mon'Keigh- being the only type of ally she could possibly make. A massive faggot killed her by beating her to a bloody pulp, strangling and then putting her into a headlock, & then proceeded to snap her neck like a twig. After doing so, he ordered for her corpse to be doused in promethium which was then subsequently set alight via a flicked cigar, General Shepherd MW2 style. All of this occurred as she tried to convince and prove her intent (while remaining submissive like the Deldar bitch she was and somehow still is), but she was later revived by another Deldar that she couldn't understand. However they were able to make a mild understanding that she was indebted to him (as deldar pay to be revived)- spiting the faggot that tried to kill her. She also has a chip on her shoulder that the faggot didn't try to fuck her like he did every other Eldar he ever met, although knowing Deldar that was probably for the best.
Necrons[edit]
  • Overlord Addathes - Formerly a normal Lord of Tiddius Majoris, he promoted himself upon awakening. His mental capacities were minorly corrupted even before the Slaaneshi mist event, causing him to make himself into a pimp. Near the end of the rains, responsibility hit him, making him realize that it was no way a ruler should act, and promptly left his pimp regalia behind. He is now patrolling the stars looking for a new home for his people. Soloed a chaos space marine and came out on top. Also promoted to Minister of Hoes by Governess Von Gosk

Is also a faggot.

  • Flayed One -
  • Death Cultists - While not Necrons themselves, they were natives who worshiped the Necrons as 'death gods' as opposed to righteous worship of the God-Emperor of Mankind, or as the natives of Tiddius Majoris called him, the "Golden Hero."
Orks[edit]
  • Warboss Silvatoof ar uk Plotdevoice - Or Boss Silvatoof for short. An Ork Warboss who kept bragging about how big his WAAAGH was, until it wasn't. His Space Hulk arrived in the Tiddius Majoris System just after the climax of the battle between the forces of Slaanesh and basically everyone else. His Hulk was boarded by the Slaaneshi Daemons and despite attempts being made, all counterattacks failed. He miraculously survived the Hulks crash onto the Moon Culus and wanted to keep krumpin' together with da sneeky git, but his "plans" were yet again foiled by a mix of a Slaaneshi uprising in the lower hives and the incompetence of da sneeky git, who was supposed to sabotage the enemy but was too busy being purple. He was teleported onto another one of Tiddius Majoris' moons, Femuris Densissima when he saw that he had failed to get anything done and wanted to rebuild his WAAAGH there. His further fate remains unknown.
  • Da Sistahs of Da WAAAGH!! - Orks affected by the pink mists and rains of the moon, becoming female as an effect. Due to never ceasing to view themselves as warriors, and due to their main source of perception on female warriors being the Sisters of Battle, they went into some sort of convergent evolution towards Sisters of Battle. Their hair squiqs even dyed themselves white. What the fuck.

Forces of Chaos[edit]

  • Savorius, Sorcerer(ess) of the Thousand Sons - A Thousand Sons Sorcerer who hijacks Craftworld Hugiv'safuk with a bunch of Tzaangors and rubrics when the Eldar weren't looking. He proceeds to start fucking up the craftworld while the Tzaangors find a button that makes the craftworld make loud "HONK!" noises, and ends up stripping the craftworld's infinity circuit so the Slaaneshi daemons can harvest the "Big Titty Space Elf Energy". He ends up removing said protections by channeling psychic power into a stained porno mag, which results in the entire craftworld being morphed into some sort of giant lesbian Harlequin wraith construct. Ends up getting turned into a sorceress by Slaaneshi energies radiating from the now corrupted craftworld.
  • Unnamed Thousand Sons Sorcerer -
  • Lord/Lady Savage -
  • Chaos Salesman -
  • Word Bearers Chaos Lord Laranos -

What Happened[edit]

Magos Explorator Fleet shows up on newly found medieval world named Tiddius Majoris. Start pissing off the natives. Local convent of the Order of the Golden Light confronst Magos in charge just as she and her followers uncover an Aeldari webway gate leading to Craftworld Hugiv'safuk, and a large Necron Tomb complex underneath.

Things go to hell in a handbasket really fast.

The Threads[edit]