Butthurt Marines

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Butthurt Marines
Butthurt insignia2.jpg
Battle Cry "Butthurt for the Butthurt God! Trolls for the Troll Throne!"
Current Homeworld Unknown
Strength Unknown
Specialty Trolling
Allegiance Butthurt God
Colours Blood Red, Turd Brown


The Butthurt Marines Chaos Warband is comprised of troll Chaos Space Marines dedicated to leaving a trail of bleeding anuses in their wake for the betterment of their master.

Butthurt Marine by Joseph Fazio

History[edit]

After the Emperor announced that he would be leaving the Great Crusade at Ullanor, there was a never before seen level of butthurt in the galaxy. This butthurt lead to the formation of a daemon entity in the warp known simply as the "Butthurt God" or his more popular name: Matt Ward. In much the same way as Khorne is empowered by bloodshed, regardless of whose blood, Matt Ward is fueled by any and all butthurt. At some unknown point between Ullanor and M41, enough Astartes had been corrupted by Matt Ward that the warband of the Butthurt Marines formed.

Mission[edit]

The ultimate goal for the warband is to invoke butthurt in all those they encounter, including their own battle-brothers. Their targets, however, extend beyond the galaxy and into the fan base. The corrupted astartes will attempt to make 40k fans butthurt as well, in order to make their master more powerful. Their main, but not only, means of achieving this goal is through their love of Games Workshop writer (and chaos God) Matt Ward. They worship Matt Ward’s gift to invoke unrelenting butthurt in 40k fans and they revel in his efforts in order to create even more butthurt in the fan base.

Organization[edit]

The Butthurt Marines technically consist of what is a traditional command structure including Captains, Sergeants, Battle-brothers, and the like. In practice, however, there is no order within the ranks. When asked for orders, leaders will simply refuse to give a serious answer in order to frustrate subordinates. When given orders, Astartes will generally do just the opposite in order to injure their commanders’ anuses. While this disorder does not allow for much to be accomplished at all, it is generally accepted as it serves the master nonetheless.

Special Equipment[edit]

Anal Bleeder
A device consisting of a bladder and nozzle in the ass of a marines armor. It is used to shoot a thick red substance into the eyes or onto the visor of an enemy. In doing so the enemy is blinded, often resulting in extreme butthurt.