Captain Matthias Ward

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Holy shit where to start, some random anon asked /tg/ to make the Ultimate Mary Sue....Needless to say /tg/ fucking gets shit done.


Captain Matthias Ward[edit]

Brother-Captain Matthias IronSoul Ward the All-Magnificent of the Ultramarines.

Captain Ward was born on Macragge. Upon turning five, he asked to enlist in the Ultramarines (best chapter of them all) like his father to help Daddy kill the aliens. He was taken in as the youngest ever initiate due to his superior marks in schools, blinding speed, and deadly strength.

He passed all the training with ease. At the age of 13, fully augmented, he joined the Tenth Company. He was given a special sniper rifle that shot plasma and was also a melta, and on his first mission killed five Carnifexes and a Chaos Baneblade with it. Sgt. Telion was amazed at young Matthias's magnificence. Telion asked Ward how he had done it, and the young scout gave him instruction in how to kill aliens better. Telion made Matthias Ward his second-in-command after this. Ward was given the special rank of "Plasma Sergeant Infinity Class."

It was at this time that Marneus Calgar himself learned of young Matthias's heroic deeds. Calgar wondered at the extent of the youth's skill. On a grey and bright morning, one day, Calgar and Matthias had a duel to see which of them was the best. Calgar used his power fists, and Matthias used his bare hands. Matthias Ward wrenched off Calgar's power fists and did a dance with them for five minutes to taunt Calgar. Calgar's fury was great, but Ward's was greater. Ward punched Calgar in the face with both of his own power fists, but in a way that wouldn't kill him. Calgar was so impressed he made Ward a Company Captain right there and then.


Now a Captain of the Second Company (the best company), Matthias Ward was given a special assignment. He would have to kill Abaddon the Despoiler, alone (a special exception in the Codex Astartes let him do this). Ward flew a special ship solo to Cadia (extra fast so he did it in a couple days) (he's also part of the Navis Nobile, but looks like a regular human). There he broke into Abaddon's bunker where Abaddon, Creed and Kaldor Draigo were fighting. Abaddon used his powers of chaos to corrupt Kaldor Draigo's soul, and Draigo turned on Creed and badly wounded him. Ward knew what to do.

Captain Ward whipped out his Lightning Claws, which were actually Blood Angels Dreadnought Talons, and beat Abaddon into a pulp in a single second. Abaddon escaped into the warp, but not before trying to corrupt Ward. Ward then revealed to Abaddon that he was also a Psyker almost on the same level as the Emperor. Abaddon was so sad that he cried for a full day while Ward drank his tears. Ward made two final slashes, removing both Abaddon's arms, and banished him back into the warp.

Draigo (who Ward had been fighting for a day) thanked Ward for saving him from Chaos, and made him the new leader of the Grey Knights. Ward decided to keep his Ultramarines armor, Ultramarines being the greatest chapter ever. He prided himself, though, that he was now an officer in the two best Space Marine Chapters. Creed praised Ward's tactical genius for arriving just in time to save the day. Ward sped off back to Macragge covered in medals.


Captain Ward returned to Macragge to find it under siege. The Tau and Tyranids had allied and were invading! They couldn't stop Matthias Ward, though. Using his Blood Claws as Force Weapons, he single-handedly wiped out an entire Tau strike team. But it was too late. Tyranids were overrunning the palace. They had reached Roboute Guilliman's shrine.

Captain Matthias Ward saw his spiritual liege's poisoned body in danger, and ran to his aid. He killed Tyranids left and right. He unhooked Guilliman, and used his psychic powers to heal him of his poison. Guilliman and Ward dispatched the rest of the Hive Fleet with ease, and then partied with hot women afterwards.

Guilliman made Ward Honorary Primarch, and gave him his Primarch powers. He put Ward through a fast, three-week long genetic engineering program to make him a Primarch just like him. Matthias Ward became a second Spiritual Liege to the Ultramarines.

At this point, the Inquisition were wondering why the Ultramarines had two of their own as Spiritual Lieges, and not the Emperor. A bunch of Inquisitors approached Matthias and screened him for heresy. Ward was found guilty. However, his likeable personality charmed the Inquisitors, and they pardoned him.


Matthias Ward was bored. He decided to go on a galactic Crusade.

Ward joined the Black Templars (they let him join because he is so awesome) and he flew around the galaxy killing the bad guys. He used his scientific genius to invent a special kind of plasma nuke that he could aim so well he could exterminatus a planet while keeping innocent humans alive. He flew the plasma nuke ship to Armageddon, and killed all the Orks. He then went into the Eye of Terror and killed Lucius the Eternal. Lucius didn't possess him because of his godlike psychic potential.

Then he flew out, seeing the Astronomican well enough to escape. Realizing his warp-sight was so superior to a normal Navigator's, he became Navigator for the Black Templar's ship. He led the entire Black Templar's legion outside of the empire's bounds on a magnificent crusade. He named this the Wardian Crusade. He flew to a Halo star and grabbed a halo device and wore it.

This let him gain insane regenerative capabilities. Ward used his psychic powers to stop the normal side effect of him into a vampire insect. He returned to Macragge, and Roboute Guilliman was sad. There was no position for him in the Codex plan for the chapter. The Chapter Master slot was already held. Matthias Ward used his charm to persuade Calgar to make an exception to the Codex Astartes. Ward, Calgar, and Roboute Guilliman became three co-Chapter masters. Calgar was the regular chapter master, Guilliman the Spiritual Liege, and Ward the Twenty-First Primarch.

As Twenty-First Primarch, the Grey Knights made him their Primarch too, since they didn't have one yet.


Primarch Matthias Ward was mad about having to share his power. He used his sheer sexiness to persuade Guilliman to make him full primarch of the Ultramarines. Now that we was primarch of two legions, he decided to go on a new quest. He went to an Eldar Craftworld, and shot up the entire thing. He killed twelve Avatars in close combat with his Blood Talons. Twelve more Avatars came at him, and he fired his melta at them. His melta was a special kind of melta that could harm Avatars. He killed all of them. The Eldar were sad and gave him all their Xenos tech.

Ward used the fact that he was also a Magos of the Adeptus Mechanicus to analyze the tech and make a new spaceship with it. He then went back to Armageddon to talk to the Ork survivors. He bargained with them, giving them all his teeth (which then regrew because of the Halo Device) to have the paint his new ship red to make it go faster. He used a special psychic power that he had to bond with the Ork's psychic field to make sure it would go faster. He then flew it back to Macragge.

In Macragge, he used a trillion of his family's galactic credits to buy incredible bling for his spaceship. He plated it in solid gold (it still counted as being red because of Ward's special power). The gold was a special kind of gold which would protect it from everything that was shot at it, even Eldar Lance weapons.


Primarch Matthias Ward decided to get back to his roots one day. He asked his dad about who is mom was.

It turned out his mom was a blindingly, incredibly, droolingly sexy Daemonette, although not quite as sexy as Ward. Ward was half-demon. He now took control of his new demon powers. He entered the warp and made a pact with the Ruinous powers (He talked to the Inquisition beforehand about this and they said it was OK)

He was given the marks of all the Chaos gods. He would get to use them, even against Chaos, because of his deal with Tzeentch. His pact with Slaanesh increased his sex appeal tenfold, so that all women on the same planet as him would go mad with lust for him wherever he went. His pact with Khorne made him even more awesome in battle. His pact with Nurgle made him immortal and unable to feel pain. He left the Eye of Terror again, after giving Abaddon a get well soon card.

He had cheated all the gods of Chaos, even Tzeentch. The souls he had sacrificed to them were fake illusions generated by his psychic powers. He had stolen all the powers of Chaos, and now he was so strong Chaos couldn't take them back. He put the powers of Chaos to good use for the Imperium. He especially enjoyed using Slaanesh's power to plant the Emperor's geneseed in some hot Sororitas babes.


When he got home, Ward's dad told him "your mom was also a quarter Tau." Primarch Matthias Ward, Champion of both the Emperor and Chaos, decided to see what Tau were like.

He wasn't impressed. His Tau relatives were all obsessed with the greater good. He talked to them, and persuaded them to join the Imperium. He did this in a manner overriding the ethereal's pheromones, due to a special implant he had been given during his training as a Space Marine. He then went to Holy Terra and persuaded the Imperium to join with the Tau. Tau and Imperium became best friends forever. The Tau gave Primarch Ward a special add-on to his Blood Claws that would also let them fire railguns. They had a scope so big he could spy across the galaxy.

He used the scope to spy an entirely new hive fleet coming, 1,000 times the size of the previous hive fleets. He fired his dual railguns at it from across the galaxy (they had special add-ons that he personally designed that would let them shoot through the Warp) and killed all the Tyranid ships. The Tyranids were destroyed.

Matthias Ward was made the thirteenth High Lord of Terra for his bravery. He replaced Ciaphas Cain as Hero of the Imperium. He was second to the God Emperor himself, at age 17.


His first act as a High Lord was to disband the Space Wolves. The Space Wolves were heretics for disobeying the Codex Astartes. As a double Primarch, Champion of Chaos, galactic hero, Space Marine Captain, Halo Star Mutant, Techpriest, Navigator, and High Lord, he said he was an expert on following the codex. Everyone agreed.

He spent the next few years running around and pwning everything in his path. He was granted a special alien aura of awesomeness that fed off how awesome he was. Everyone ran from him on sight.

He then went to Comorragh and had a massive orgy with the Dark Eldar. He dyed his hair in bright colors like a Dark Eldar, and went around for the next few days back at Terra without his helmet. Everyone thought his hair was cool.

After beating every Archon of every Kabal in a game of Dark Eldar Chess which Matthias just happened to master the night before, Ward took for himself one lonely planet hidden behind warp storms which Ward pierced with his Nemesis sword blade and named it the World of Wardcraft. In this planet he fathered at least one known son named Sigmar. He then left his son to run the whole thing before returning to Mars because he had to show his newfound hair style to the Mechanicus.

The Adeptus Mechanicus were so wowed by his pink-haired sexiness that they stopped adding cybernetics to themselves and started dyeing their hair instead. The morale boost from dyed hair at Ward's suggestion, gave the Mechanicus a deeper understanding of machinery akin to superpowers. They found a cool STC. In order to descipher its arcane configuration Ward took a look at it. It was a toaster. He took it apart and turned it into time machine using his superior intellect. He used it to go back in time and become his own father, and to sleep with more Sororitas, and father a few more Sigmars.

He was bored though. Bored of everything. His boredom was so strong manifested itself into the Chaos God of Boredom. He became best friends with the Chaos God of Boredom, and it made him a Daemon Prince. He gathered himself a harem of lusty daemonettes (the God of Boredom has daemonettes too) and had some fun. He then showed all this off in front of the other High Lords. They approved.

The Necrons were invading though. He knew he had to stop them. They had finally all awoken, and had destroyed half the worlds in Segmentum Solar while Lord Matthias was off getting laid. He flew his gold red ork ship to the destroyed Hive Fleet and became one with the Hive Mind. He coordinated the Tyranids to fight the Necrons. He developed special biomorphs for his Tyranids that would be extra good against Necrons. He killed all the necrons.

Then the uber-necrons awoke. They were the best buds ever of the Blood Angels. They and the misguided Blood Angels killed the Tyranids. These necrons were that powerful.

Lord Daemon Prince Matthias Ward knew it was too late. He would have to stop the necrons BEFORE THEY AWOKE.


Matthias Ward went to Mars and grabbed the Time Machine. He made it big enough to fit a Titan through that day, and took an Emperor Titan back in time. This was a unique Emperor Titan he had designed for use while he was still a marine. It had blood talons and could fly through space. It had a smart AI using looted Tau technology, which he had special permission from the Mechanicus to use. He made extra-special sure it wouldn't rebel, so it was ok.

He went back to the year -11th millennium. He went to every planet where the uber necrons were sleeping and killed them with the Titan. But there were too many. The Pharaoh of the uber necrons used the Pyramids on holy Terra to fire a Galactic Gauss Beam, destroying the titan. Matthias Ward plummeted to earth. Humanity was doomed.

He plummeted to ancient Anatolia. There, a band of stone age tribesmen had mastered the warp. They saw the horrors which were flowing forth from Egypt. The psykers gave Matthias Ward all their powers. He killed all the uber necrons in a blink of an eye his powers were so powerful. He had changed the future. He had saved mankind.

The uber necrons had awakened the C'tan void dragon, however. Ward battled the Void Dragon for ten thousand years before imprisoning it beneath Mars. Matthias Ward then waited thirty thousand years for a cooler future to return. He was disappointed. Mankind had entered an age of barbarism. Ultramarines Captain Matthias Ward made twenty clones of himself and saved mankind. And the rest is history.

Fin.

Conclusion[edit]

GOD DAMMIT MATT WARD!

Best story ever

Of course you would say that Mr. Ward. Now there are some Angry Marines here to see you.