Chapter Master Smashfucker
Smashfucker was one of the most cheesey, rapey, deadly character builds in Warhammer 40,000. An Iron Hands Chapter Master with a monstrous set of wargear, he is practically immortal and will smash your shit with extreme prejudice.
- 1 The O.G. Smash
- 2 Clan Raukaan Supplement version
- 3 Angels of Death supplement
- 4 Bring Your Friends!
- 5 The Bane of Smashfucker
- 6 SMASHFUCKER PRIME VERSUS THE PRIMARCHS
- 7 The Matchups
- 8 8TH EDITION: CAPTAIN SMASHFUCKER AND THE IRON BASTARDS
The O.G. Smash
Smashbane, Smashfucker's original incarnation, is an Iron Hands Chapter Master kitted out to be rock-hard. He was conceived using the 6th Edition Codex: Space Marines. In his most basic form, he looks a little something like this:
Smashbane (220 points)
- Frag grenades
- Krak grenades
- Iron Halo
- Orbital strike
- Shield Eternal
- Space Marine Bike
- Adamantium Will
- And They Shall Know No Fear
- Chapter Tactics (Iron Hands)
- Eternal Warrior
- Feel No Pain (6+)
- Independent Character
- Invulnerable (3+)
- It Will Not Die (5+)
It'd be a damned shame to leave him like that, though; he's damned near unkillable but won't do much killing. You'll want a real weapon, plus maybe some melta bombs for special occasions and digital weapons to help your hits land. If you take a Thunder Hammer - and there's really no reason not to, you're paying so much for him as it is that there's no point in trying to save points - you'll be hitting at strength 8, AP2 with Concussive, and you won't need to worry about initiative as you're not going to die anyway. While he won't win against everyone - notably, he'll (mathematically) lose against Be'lakor, Skarbrand, Abaddon, and a Waaagh-buffed Ghazghkull - he's still dead 'ard and dead killy.
Also of note is the fact that he managed to go head-to-head with Darnath Lysander and the two punched each other out, despite Lysander's S10.
Clan Raukaan Supplement version
With the release of the Clan Raukaan supplement, Smashbane evolved into Smashfucker: a Clan Raukaan detachment loses access to C:SM relics (i.e. The Shield Eternal), but gains its own, including the amazing (and 5 points cheaper) Gorgon's Chain. This piece of gear doesn't take up a weapons slot, unlike the Shield, and not only do you get 3++ and Eternal Warrior, you ALSO get +1 to your Feel No Pain! You lose the Shield's Adamantium Will, but that's hardly a big deal. Unfortunately its effectiveness decreases as you take wounds, first losing the Feel No Pain boost, then the Eternal Warrior, and then having its 3++ decreased to a 4++. However, you're unlikely to get that far, and if you regain wounds with your IWND, you get the previous levels of the Chain back!
Clan Raukaan also includes a new table of warlord traits that you can use in addition to the rulebook ones. One of the possibilities is a further +1 to FNP, for a total of FNP (4+). Sure, it takes luck, but with a CAD's rerollable warlord trait you have a not-terrible 31% chance of getting it.
Because the Gorgon's Chain doesn't take up a weapons slot, you can grab a Lightning Claw / Thunder Hammer combo, receiving an extra attack and the option to strike (weaker, but shredding) blows at initiative. Alternatively, you could go with a ranged weapon, like a combi-plasma (Gets Hot! will not be a problem for you). If you're willing to make the argument that you're allowed to replace your bike's twin-linked boltguns (and let's be honest, if you're trying to field Smashfucker then you probably are), grab them all at once!
If you field it, they will die. Almost nothing short of a Daemon Prince of Nurgle wielding the Black Mace can even touch this guy, and even then the Daemon Prince might lose given one bad roll.
Angels of Death supplement
The new Angels of Death supplement has even more toys for you to break the game with. First, it extends the benefits from the Clan Raukaan supplement to all Iron Hands detachments, without imposing restrictions on what C:SM stuff you can use. Second, it adds a Gladius-style detachment specifically for the Iron Hands called the Fist of Medusa Strike Force which provides yet another +1 FNP. Last but not least, it adds a new Terminator Captain who has the ability to take Cataphractii Terminator Armour, allowing him to rerolls 1s on invulnerable saves.
This is Smashfucker's Final Form. The Smashiest, fucking hardest fucker to ever live. No Smashfucker can ever be more smashfucky. The basic form starts with a Terminator Captain leading a Fist of Medusa, sacrificing Chapter Master status to take Cataphractii armour:
- Cataphractii Terminator Armour
- Power Fist
- The Gorgon's Chain
- Special Rules
- And They Shall Know No Fear
- Chapter Tactics (Iron Hands)
- +1 FNP, IWND (5+)
- Deep Strike
- Eternal Warrior
- Lost at 2+ Wounds Suffered
- Independent Character
- It Will Not Die (5+)
- Feel No Pain (4+)
- +1 (Fist of Medusa Command Benefit)
- +1 (Gorgon's Chain)
- +1 (Iron Hands Chapter Tactics)
- Degrades to 5+++ at 1 Wound Suffered.
- Slow and Purposeful
Obviously already hard as diamonds, but wait, there's more! You could make the argument that Cataphractii Terminator Armour isn't Terminator Armour, even though it can only be worn by a Terminator Captain, in an attempt to get around the restriction that prevents regular Terminators from taking bikes. Obviously it's nice not having to footslog any more, but equally important is the toughness boost so you don't have to worry about Instant Death from anything less than S10. Smashfucker 9000 has Eternal Warrior, so ID attacks only wound him, but they prevent him from taking his epic FNP roll. The bike will bump him up to 185 points, which is a goddamned bargain. However, do note that because Cataphractii Armour is explicitly stated to be Cataphractii Terminator Armour, some people (namely your opponents, all of them, as well as every tourney organizer) would argue that is just enough RAW for the bike to be illegal (since Bikes say they cannot be bought by anyone wearing Terminator Armour). If you're dead set on fielding this guy, be sure to put on your Phoenix Wright hair and go in prepared for a rules lawyering battle that will leave the wargame you're supposed to be playing in the dust.
Of course you'll still need to make him killy, but that topic is pretty well covered by now. There are only a couple of things to add. Because Smashgasm has two free hands, you can grab a Thunder Hammer / Lightning Claw combo. In addition, Terminator (and Cataphractii) armour can take a chainfist, which is a fine alternative to the Thunder Hammer. Ask yourself these two questions: "Is anyone actually going to survive long enough to be affected by the Thunder Hammer's Concussive?" and "Do I want to tear Land Raiders in half with my fists?".
All by his lonesome, Smashfuckomatic has a 2+ armour save, a 3+ invulnerable save that rerolls 1s, a 4+ Feel No Pain save, and 5+ It Will Not Die. With just a little help (see below), though, Smashfucker Prime can be pushed to the absolutely monstrous saves line of:
Which means that you would need 1296 Conscripts to put a single wound on Smashfucker. And of course, even if you do somehow succeed in wounding him, he still has a 5+ IWND, so there's no guarantee that wound will still be around next turn. And let's face it, you already need multiple turns of your entire army laying into this guy non-stop to even tickle him.
Pretty much the only reliable way to even threaten Smashfucker is with either a massive amount of S10 AP2 or a roll of 6 on the Strength D chart. Even in the case of the S10 AP2 route, Smashfucker still has the ungodly 2++/2+++ to burn it off, so you need 36 shots at S10 AP2 to shave off a single wound.
Note: A much much cheaper Bloodthirster of Insensate Rage takes Smashfucker in 2 turn mathematically, without sweating too much. So run like a Roid Forest Gump if you ever face one. Oh wait, you're Slow and Purposeful. Fuck.
Bring Your Friends!
Things only get smashier when you roll with your crew. Keep in mind that a Fist of Medusa Detachment and a good roll on the Iron Hands warlord traits table will improve FNP by an additional +1 each.
A Command Squad with an Apothecary grants Feel No Pain (5+); when Smashbane was conceived, this replaced his Chapter Tactics FNP (6+), and Smashfucker's Gorgon's Chain improved it to FNP (4+). However, with C:SM 7th edition, all of the FNP sources they get base (Chapter Tactics, the Gorgon's Chain, and Fist of Medusa command benefit) can simply add 1 to another FNP source if present. That brings Smash* to a monstrous FNP (2+), or FNP (3+) if not leading a Fist of Medusa. The Iron Hands Warlord Trait table has a result that can add another +1 to the Warlord's FNP, so that means Smashfucker could get an FNP (3+) without the Apothecary! While theoretically possible to get FNP (1+), you obviously still fail on a 1 (GW had to include that in the recent FAQs to check the rules-lawyers trying to max out the immortality of Smashfucker), so no point in that, although it DOES mean he will stay at FNP (2+) even after managing to lose his first wound, which also removes his +1 from the Gorgon's Chain.
You can kit out the Squad with Bikes, if you wish; since non-Challenge Wounds are resolved against majority Toughness, this means Smash* is T5 against most things, making it even harder to shut down his FNP and slightly improving his already absurd durability against any non-Poisoned weapon below S7. However, remember the unit will only move at Smash*'s speed and won't fit in a Transport any longer.
Because magic. Take a librarian, or go all-out and grab a whole fucking conclave. If you want, grab bikes and attach them to Smash*'s squad. Finally, roll on Sanctic Daemonology and hope for Sanctuary. That will give Smashy and any shield-toting command squad vets a 2+ invulnerable save; if your fearless leader is rocking Cataphractii armour, that shit is rerollable. The libby and apothecary will have to settle for a 6+, so wrap them up tight and remember that even a command squad apothecary is a character who can make Look Out, Sir! rolls. If you successfully grab Sanctuary and still have powers left to roll, Endurance deserves a special look: it'll deliver FNP (4+) without taking Shen and his detachment.
You can even try to do the legendary "Psysmashfucker", an Iron Hands librarian in a big Librarius Conclave. Put him on a bike with a Force Maul and either the Gorgon's Chain or the Shield Eternal, and try to roll Iron Arm, Warp Speed, Endurance, and Life Leech. If you get the necessary buffs and still have librarians with powers to generate, try for Sanctuary so you can push that invulnerable save to 2+. Assuming you get them all up and running, get a load of this stat line:
- Bolt pistol
- Force maul
- Frag grenades
- Krak grenades
- Psychic hood
- Space Marine Bike
- The Gorgon's Chain
- And They Shall Know No Fear
- Chapter Tactics (Iron Hands)
- Eternal Warrior
- Feel No Pain (3+)
- Independent Character
- Invulnerable (3+)
- It Will Not Die (5+)
With 5 S9/AP2 Instant Death attacks at I7, he's killier than Smashfucker, but much squishier too. He's 3+/3++ without Sanctuary (no artificer armour for you), and he has just two wounds. If you took Terminator armour instead of a bike, he'd have a 2+/3++, but he'd give up a point of toughness and lack the mobility to stay out of trouble (or at least choose the trouble he gets into). Use Life Leech to keep him healed up. If you went the Gorgon's Chain route, hold on to a pistol for yet another attack, or swap it out for more dakka (Betrayer's Bane again?).
Just in case you haven't already blown all your points on a single unit, the Command Squad can grab the Standard of the Emperor Ascendant, which provides +1A in a 12" radius around the standard bearer. The Angels of Death supplement now lets you mix-and-match the former Raukaan relics with the codex relics, so the old restrictions are now dead.
For one more bonus attack, you can switch Smashfucker over to an Honour Guard equipped with a Chapter Banner (+1A to that unit), and keep them in the command squad's 12" +1A zone. Unfortunately the Honour Guard can't take bikes or an apothecary. You can compensate for the latter by using a librarian with Endurance. You can even embrace the slowness by swapping your librarians' bikes for Terminator armour and giving them storm shields. You give up Sweeping Advances, but now they're part of your hard candy shell instead of your gooey center.
Because Angels of Death lets you use C:SM's relics as well as its own, and the Shield Eternal and Gorgon's Chain can make almost identical 'fuckers, you can take two of the Super Smash Brothers in the same detachment. Two Chapter Masters would probably be frowned upon (maybe take a "successor chapter" allied detachment if you want to use both Smashbane and the original Smashfucker), but Smashfucker Prime is a Captain! You could take him along with his boss, or go Psysmashfucker. You could also accept that nobody will ever play with you and just take two fucking Primes.
Of course, if you really don't give a fuck about points cost, or you're playing Apocalypse, then feel free to make sure your opponents understand why PRIME is referred to as such. Go ahead and give PRIME a retinue consisting of 10 Honour Guard, 5 Librarians, and 10 Terminator Captains in Cataphractii Armour.
The Bane of Smashfucker
Okay, we've seen what Chapter Master Smashfucker is. How do we effectively counter him? Cheap units that have fearless, eternal warrior, and/or a fuckload of models, namely termagants from Tervigon or a unit of 50 conscripts with Ministorium Priest attached to them. Note that this tarpitting strategy is only a temporary solution as Smashfucker inflicts around 4 wounds per turn to the tarpit unit, and might also have a retinue to thin it out. The strategy also suffers heavily if Smashfucker just decides to use his mobility to go around the blob. Although it is quite hard to go around 50 model units as they have the ability to smear themselves over the table. Astra Militarum blobs specifically give CMS problems as he cannot reliably inflict enough wounds, and most likely the blob is going to have primaris psyker attachments that WILL ruin smashfucker's day with their instant death power axes and possible psychic powers etc. Large Units with mass rending attacks at high initiative, like Genestealers or Daemonette (or units with enough AP2 attack base would be better but those are very rare) might be able to inflict an ass ton of damage but no guarantee that would work thanks to feel no pain, though his retinue might take a major hit.
Strength 10 weapons are actually quite good in this regard: even though most rounds blink off 3++ or 2+, the master is still T5 so he gets no FNP, and AP2 or 1 weapons will force him to use his slightly worse 3++ instead of the 2+. This is the primary reason why Lysander and Ghazkhull do so well against him. Also remember that Gorgon's chain loses quite a lot of its power once the master gets wounded, and the third S10 hit will instagib him, having lost Eternal Warrior. Coordinate your weapons fire with this in mind.
Knights will actually give Smashfucker issues, as he only hits at S8 with no extra capabilities for armour penetration, and will have trouble going through AV13 with a 5++ for a Lancer, or 4++ from divination psykers. Meanwhile, D-strength weapons prevent FnP from coming into play, and a roll of 6 is likely to kill outright, as are good stomp results. While the biker command retinue can be a threat (if equipped with melta bombs), decent shooting can thin the scouts out. Also note that knight attacks first, so hope for those 6's!
For Chaos! Maulerfiends with magmacutters can cause pretty gory results if you manage to get one or two of these guys in combat with Smashfucker: S10 and extra attacks from magmacutters will chip off a few wounds, and that's all that is needed to deactivate gorgon's chain. A Daemon Prince with Nurgle, Wings, Armour, and Black Mace would ruin Captain Smashfucker pretty good, WS9, I8, 5+D6 Attacks, at S6 AP2, wounding on 2+. While Black Mace's Toughness tests are flimsy at best against T5 units, it might get a wound off, but don't bet on it.
Daemons have a good counter in the form of a Bloodthirster of Insensate Rage. Thanks to its wings, high WS and D Strength hits, the Bloodthirster has the means to catch up to Smashfucker and take him out. Even without rolling a '6' on the chart, D wounds ignore FnP and deny him a huge chunk of his lasting power.
On the subject of psychic powers, he also lacks innate psychic defense, although this can be countered somewhat since he is a space marine and so can have a librarian in the same detachment to give access to psychic hoods. Most notable he has no way to counter psychic deathstars that spam invisibility, he may pulp what he hits but if he's only hitting on 6's that will stop him and he will be slowed down by the strategic summoning of demons to block charge lanes. And of course, there's spamming Wraithguard and their Strength D shots as Eldar like a douche.
Smashfucker's biggest bane however is objective based missions in general and Maelstrom of War in particular. While he may destroy what ever he charges, he is not in any way cheap and his "zone of control" (part of the game board he threatens in one turn), is limited to his bike move+average charge, and he can only commit himself to one charge per turn. If a unit takes three turns to finish off, (very likely against big blobs) then he's spent half the game pulping some conscripts/hormagaunts/boyz/guardians/sisters/scouts, and not helping his army. Most likely tho the rest of the CMS's army is tailored to counter what counters Smashfucker (in very "Just as Planned" way) so chances are that you need to get creative with the tarpits or they get squashed out beforehand. However, if you manage to delay Smashfucker and obliterate his anti-tarpit forces then your victory is most assuredly guaranteed since CMS is HQ choice and thusly lacks Objective Secured special rule (because you have it like a good boy, right?).
See the Smashfucker despair as he has those Secure Objective 1 and Domination Maelstorm cards on his hands, only to see a 40-man conscript blob sitting on objective 1. But that's what Thunderfire cannons are for...
Win by objectives!
SMASHFUCKER PRIME VERSUS THE PRIMARCHS
All of these fights are assuming that Smashfucker Prime has his command squad with him making up the points difference, and a single librarian giving him Sanctuary. This normally violates the "Fighting in a Vacuum" principle, but it is done for the sake of fairness given the extreme difference in points cost between Smashfucker Prime, and all of the Primarchs. We are assuming that the Command Squad is also collectively cowering behind a pillar to provide morale/medical support for Smashfucker's fights with literal demigods.
SMASHFUCKER PRIME Vs. Perturabo
Perturabo strikes at the same time as Smashfucker, dealing 3.333 wounds at S10, which is brought down to 0.0925 wounds by Smashfuckers re-rollable invuln. Prime's 4+ IWND brings that down to 0 Wounds.
Smashfucker Prime swings as well, hitting 2.333 times, and scoring 1.944 wounds. Perturabo's invuln save brings that down to 0.648, which IWND brings it down to 0.315.
Smashfucker wins by a huge margin.
SMASHFUCKER PRIME Vs. Angron
Angron Strikes First, hitting 4.667 times, and wounding 3.889 times. Smashfucker's invuln save brings that down to 0.108, and his Feel No Pain brings it down to 0.018. IWND brings that further down to 0.
Smashfucker Prime swings next, hitting 2.333 times, and scoring 1.944 wounds. Angron's invuln save brings that down to 0.972, which IWND brings it down to 0.639.
Smashfucker Prime wins.
SMASHFUCKER PRIME Vs. Horus Lupercal
Horus Strikes First, hitting 4 times, and inflicting 3.333 wounds on Smashfucker. Smashfucker's re-rollable 2++ brings that down to 0.09, and his Feel No Pain brings that down further to 0.01. IWND brings that further down to 0.
Knowing this, it will be 100 turns before Horus can alter Smashfucker's Statline with the Talon of Horus. Keep this in mind, as Smashfucker needs to kill Horus before his statline gets changed.
Smashfucker then strikes next with 4 attacks, hitting 2.333 times, and wounding 1.944 times. Horus' Invuln save brings that down to 0.648, and IWND brings it down further to 0.315.
Smashfucker wins in 14 turns, long before Talon of Horus ever comes into effect, let's assume Horus is too stupid to use worldbreaker to ignore the feel no pain.
SMASHFUCKER PRIME Vs. Rawbutt Girlyman
Rawbutt uses his Hand of Dominion, because denying Smashfucker his 2+ Feel No Pain is more useful than re-rolling to wound. In this case, Rowboat hits 3.333 times, and wounds 2.778. Smashfucker's Invuln brings that down to 0.0771, and IWND down to 0.
Smashfucker strikes back, hitting 2.333 times, and wounding 1.944 times. Rowboat's invuln brings that down to 0.972, and IWND down to 0.639.
Smashfucker wins again.
SMASHFUCKER PRIME Vs. Corvus Corax
Corax hits 4 times, and inflicts 3.556 wounds. Smashfucker's Invuln save brings this down to 0.0987, and his FNP brings this down to 0.0164. IWND takes it further to 0.
Smashfucker swings back, hitting 2.33 times, and wounding 1.944 times. Corax's shitty invuln save brings this down to 1.28, and IWND down to 0.947.
Corax gets his shit kicked in so hard, he actually dies in 7 turns. Making him the only primarch that dies to Smashfucker in a standard length game.
SMASHFUCKER PRIME Vs. HIS OWN PRIMARCH
Ferrus Manus strikes 4 times, hitting 2.667 times, and wounding 2.222 times. Smashfucker Prime's Invulnerable save brings this down to 0.061, and IWND down to 0.
Smashfucker swings back, hitting 2.333 times, and wounding 1.556 times. Ferrus's Invuln brings this down to 0.51, and IWND down to 0.178.
Smashfucker wins against his own primarch, proving that he (and his entire command squad and several librarians) is superior to his own father.
SMASHFUCKER PRIME Vs. Magnus the Red, courtesy of Codex - Thousand Sons
We're assuming that Magnus has 10 warp charges worth of powers to activate before the battle starts, and isn't using Paralyze(Because I hate you mezzy). This battle is unlike any of Magnus's brothers' duels, as the Lord of Sorcery bears powers that simply end the fight:
First, we will assume Magnus doesn't use any offensive powers. Many of these don't allow saves and wound/apply on stat rolls, obviating Prime's defenses. Killing Prime before the battle with a few salvos of Nether Surge or one Living Bomb is considered unsporting, after all.
Next, we'll assume Magnus doesn't open the battle by using Thief. This short-ish range power could deprive Smashfucker Prime of his weapons, leaving him literally unable to scratch the Crimson King once he casts Battle Form (which will raise his toughness to 8, or 9 with a sacrifice token). Facing down the primarch of the Thousand Sons with only your krak grenades (or nothing if Magnus swipes those too) simply will not do.
Finally, we'll require that Magnus doesn't use any warp dice as sacrifice tokens through his Lord of Sorcery rule. Doing so hands him a number of expanded powers including a rerollable 3++ from Flickering or a pool of 1d6+1 choosable dice from Bend Fate. We'll call it charity.
Magnus starts the battle by using Flickering, Battle Form, and Bend Fate. Due to his Power Overload rule Magnus is spending one extra warp charge for each of these powers, as they're all self-targeted blessings. His stat-line is now a fairly fearsome WS 10, S 8, T 8, W 6, I 10, A 8, 2+/4++/5+++/5++++, rerolling his 4++. Not having stolen anything fancy he'll be attacking with his force axe (S 10 AP 2 instant death at initiative, as he's a monstrous creature).
Magnus strikes first, hitting 5.333 times, and wounding 4.444 times. Prime's rerollable 2++ and 2+++ brings this down to .0206 wounds, and IWND will statistically regrow more than that every round. Magnus will be at a stalemate until Prime's friends suffer perils/get killed/fall asleep. All of this, however, gets tipped over by Bend Fate, which allows Magnus to choose the results for 1d3 of Smashfucker's rolls on each of Magnus's turns. A d3 roll of 3 would allow Magnus to push wounds past quite a few of these rerollable 2+ saves, making him the statistical victor within about eight rounds before factoring in the Gorgon's Chain weakening.
Assuming he brought a chainfist and some other specialist weapon (best case scenario), Smashfucker returns by hitting 3 times, and wounding 1.5 times. He could try a lightning claw or some other weapon, but none of his options actually outperform the trusty fists. Magnus's rerollable 4++ and regular FnP cuts this number down to a comfortable .25 wounds per turn, with IWND bringing that down to .0833. Smashfucker would statistically expect to slay the red giant in a meager seventy-two rounds. To make matters worse, unlike loyalist librarians Magnus never fails to cast his powers and with six wounds to burn through it will take quite a lot of lucky rolls for Prime to win out.
Ultimately, this is an incredibly hard fight with the psychic factory that will only take place if Magnus is feeling particularly sporting (he has several ways to erase Smashfucker's chances or wipe him off the board). What were you expecting from 666 points of crimson cyclops?
SMASHFUCKER PRIME Vs. The God Emperor of Mankind
For this fight, we are assuming that the God Emperor has the following Statline: WS10, BS10, S10, T10, W10, A10, I10, LD10, 2+/3++, and is also equipped with The Burning Blade, which does not Get Hot for him, as it's his sword after all! In addition, he has Smash, Eternal Warrior, Fearless, IWND, and Adamantium Will. This is also, of course, assuming The Emperor does not simply erase Smashfucker, his whole retinue and that entire side of the table (table included) with whatever op psychic bullshit Emps would likely be bringing with him.
The God-Emperor swings first, hitting 6.667 times, and wounding 5.556 times. Smashfucker's Invuln brings this down to 0.154, and IWND down to 0. SMASHFUCKER PRIME has a net 2.401% chance of going Blind from this, which will reduce his accuracy on further rounds from 50% to 33.33%.
Smashfucker swings back with his Thunder Hammer (his other hand has his unused Lightning Claw), hitting 2.0 times, and wounding 0.333 times. The Emperor's Invuln brings this down to 0.111, and IWND down to 0. The Emperor has a net 8.943% chance of being Concussed from this, which eliminates his Initiative advantage. Accounting for the net probability Smashfucker was Blind this turn from a previous turn of combat, he actually inflicts 0.0919 wounds, and the Emperor's chance of being Concussed is 8.874%.
The God Emperor has a slight wounding advantage but both will remain tied until Smashfucker's Psyker buddies end up getting perils of the warp.
All in all, the Primarchs cannot hurt Smashfucker, though the amount of time it'll take for him to kill them is more than enough for his Librarians to suffer Perils, in which case he loses his 2+ Invuln, and if you're using them for Endurance, you'll also suffer perils and lose the 2+ FnP before the fight ends. These also aren't exactly fair fights since Smashfucker's friends bring his points to well above them, and if they had friends, for example even one apothecary, the match would be an infinite stalemate.
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/28464888/ (The birth of Smashfucker. He's made near the end.) This link does not work, we need a update.
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/28734574/ (Keep in mind that this doesn't factor in the warlord traits, digital weapons, the Betrayer's Bane, or the Tempered Helm.)
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/28818975/ (Some recalculations were made. Made some assumptions on Daemon Weapons and on Stalker and Disarming Strike abilities, as well as disregarding any rolled Powers)
8TH EDITION: CAPTAIN SMASHFUCKER AND THE IRON BASTARDS
Although he may not be the inviolable rape juggernaut we all knew and loved, Smashfucker still exists in 8th and with the release of the Space Marines codex he and his biker gang are still scary as shit. His stats are as follows:
This rendition of He Who Smashes and Fucks is an Iron Hands Space Marine Captain on Bike equipped with a Thunder Hammer, a Storm Shield upgraded to The Shield Eternal relic, and the Iron Resolve warlord trait. The bike gives him amazing maneuverability as well as an extra toughness and wound. The Iron Resolve trait increases his wounds again to 7, and gives him another 6+ FNP(ish) roll which stacks with the Iron Hands chapter tactic because they are separate rule entries. So for every wound he takes (or rather every point of damage) he gets to roll a 6+ twice to try and ignore it, even mortal wounds SO FUCK YOU PSYKER CUNTS. Two 6+'s isn't the amazing FNP fuckery he used to have, but in 8th edition where everything dies alot fucking quicker this is will definitely buff his staying power. Giving him The Shield Eternal will half all damage he takes (rounding up) which reduces the number of 6+'s you'll have to roll, and combo's nicely in that regard. Set him up with his gang of biker veterans kitted however you like them (but you WILL give them storm shields, you aren't an idiot), a biker apothecary to heal him up or bring back those expensive vets, and possibly a biker librarian to give him Might of Heroes, and it'll all ALMOST feel like it did when Angels of Death dropped back in 2016. Remember: neither Smashfucker or his buddies have the tankiness they were known for, so don't run them up the centre of the board and expect them not to get shot, stabbed, and dropkicked right into the dumpster. Use their excellent speed to position them behind cover and erase your opponent's units one by one if you can. Aim for the important/dangerous stuff if you're certain it's not a suicide mission. The Iron Bastards are too expensive to be used as a distraction carnifex.
How you equip the veterans is mostly up to your playstyle and opponent. At only 5pts each, they should always be equipped with storm shields. The twin bolters from their bikes makes their shooting against infantry pretty great already, especially because they can get inside that rapid fire range easier with bike movement. If you're fighting a lot of armor or TEQ's take some combi-meltas or combi-plasmas. If you want to use them primarily as a CC unit, give them lightning claws or thunderhammers (depending on how hard you need to hit).
In most cases it is NOT worth spending 3cp to make him a Chapter Master again. The "reroll all to-hit rolls" bubble is nice, but in most games that's half your total CP and god forbid you fuck up and get Smashfucker merc'd in the first 2 turns then that was a straight up waste son. Stick with the rerolling 1's and use those CP's to, among other things, reroll the apothecary's 4+ revive roll maybe?
- NOTE* There may have been opportunities to create him through the Primaris Captain in Gravis Armor, except that unit entry can't swap his weapons and wargear around (the stubborn Primaris fuck). Besides Primaris Captain in Gravis Armor costs 137pts to Smashfucklers 136, and is objectively worse.
- Theoryhammer* Perhaps a stronger, if slower variant of our favorite Iron Hands Commander; Venerable Chaplain Smashfucker. Hear me out here. For 38 points more than a fully kitted Captain on Bike, you can take a bare bones Chaplain Venerable Dreadnought (2CCW+Stormbolters). What do those 38 points buy you? +2S(+3 in Fight from Icon of Hate), +2T, +3W, & +1LD. You lose the -1 to hit from your CCW that the TH gives you. Because you're taking 2 CCW you retain the ability to reroll 1's to hit(logic dictates this only applies to the fight faze and the CCW's themselves, but it doesn't actually say that sooo..) although it's only for you and not an aura. And you also gain an innate 6+++ thanks to Unyeilding Ancient, which stacks with the Iron Hands Chapter Tactic, which also stacks with the Iron Resolve Warlord Trait(Also bringing his woulds to 10!) for a total stat line while in combat of
Yes. Venerable Chaplain Smashfucker is significantly slower, has a notably worse base Invuln thanks to not being able to take The Shield Eternal, and loses the damage reduction for the same reason. However his ability to shrug off wounds, and amount of wounds he has to shrug off are notably higher. And he has slightly more reliable melee combat, and brings double the firepower (You can also replace one or both of the Storm bolters for Heavy Flamers at 15 more points a piece if you fancy even more close range death and destruction). And he can still get even tankier. Since Smashfucker is now a VEHICLE instead of INFANTRY, on taking his first Mortal Wound you can spend 1CP to use the Armour of Contempt Stratagem, which gives the friendly VEHICLE another FNP, this one being a 5+++ instead of his others, against any further Mortal Wounds dealt to it. A bit situational, but significantly useful if you're going up against an army that can dish out Mortal Wounds on a consistent basis like Grey Knights, or other Psyker heavy armies. And to top off his ability to shrug off damage, if (I don't believe they can, but) you can toss him a Relic, grab the Armor Indomitus for a 2+ Armor Save, and once per game when you feel you really need it, make his Invuln a 3++.
So Venerable Chaplain Smashfucker's only real problem left is that crippling blow to his movement. Yes it's 6" like any other standard infantry, but for a Vehicle it's murder. There are two solutions to this. The first is to buddy Smashfucker up with some tanky infantry who can also help shore up the lack of momentum with heavy firepower such as Devastator Centurions, more Dreadnoughts (Because why not?), or just surround him with Honor Guard (Yes they're not too shooty but they can Look Out Sir with 2W a piece). Or, you can load him up with some chums in drop pods and laugh as your opponent shits his pants at a sudden turn 1 assault of Terminators/Assault Centurions/Dreadnoughts. I personally think it'd be hilarious to set up something big and scary like a Fellblade or a pair of Knight Wardens, run them up the table at my opponent to make them forget about whats on my side board before suddenly dropping Venerable Chaplain Smashfucker down flanked by 2 Relic Leviathan Siege Dreadnoughts and a handful of LC Terminators and watch them panic. In either case you'll want to accompany Smashfucker with the usual support of a Librarian or two (Stacking Psychic Fortress & Might of Heroes for hilarity), an Ancient for the banner buff (If accompanying Smashfucker with infantry models instead of vehicles), and a pair of Techmarines to keep him healed up. Upside to Techmarine healing is they don't lose their entire turn if they fail at their job. Granted apoths only do that if they're trying to raise the dead, but still. They're also a bit more survivable, and have slightly better offence.