CnCNet

From 1d4chan
Clean-Up.jpgThis page is in need of cleanup. Srsly. It's a fucking mess.

CnCNet is a modern IRC client designed to support the freeware Command and Conquer games in anticipation of the remaster by original Westwood [1] aka the demigods of PC gaming. Folks can play C&C95, Tiberian Sun, Red Alert 96, and Dune 2000 all for the low, low cost of one million Zibabwean dollars.

If you are unable to afford such a scrupulous fee, please contact the Brotherhood of Nod and we will issue you a charity copy.

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This page is designed to serve as a primer for the inevitable flood of newcomers once the remaster is released.

Brief History for the Noobs[edit]

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Before DOTA, before Blizzard.net, and before Lol there was Command and Conquer. Back in the day -- circa 1995 onward -- we had to either set up a LAN or direct dial another user's address over a phone line. Westwood always had this functionality in mind, as they spent most of their time fragging one another in their office in the name of "playtesting". From 1995 to the mid 2000s, there was a wonderful time period where volumes of users wanted to play these games and it was never hard to find a pickup match via a forum, a client like GameSpy, Hamachi, or any number of cracked 3rd party software hosts designed to enhance gameplay. In 1998 Westwood was acquired by EA Games, the destroyer of all that is holy and precious in PC gaming. Several meh/10 sequels later and interest in these games declined and everyone collectively decided to move on to other games.

Fairly Astute Questions[edit]

1. What is the balance patch?

A. We do not speak of such things.

2. Why do I get kicked from games constantly?

A. Because you're a noob, no one knows you, and its pretty much a reflex to kick anyone new unless they have been seen playing beginners games.

3. Are beginners games really easier?

A. Not really. Pro players play beginner games all the time due to the fact that there's only ever like a max of 3 games hosted at a time.

4. How do I make maps?

A. Read literally everything Nyerguds has ever written on the subject and then some. Try, fail, try some more, and maybe you'll come up with something workable.

5. Why are most of the maps made by Chem?

A. Chem's life is Command and Conquer. There is nothing else.

6. Why don't I ever beat anyone?

A. Did you play the campaign?

7. I played the campaign and I still lose.

A. Losing is one of the many ways players impart superior knowledge to you. If you find this upsetting, we have a game recommendation for you below.


List of Players of Note[edit]

Presented in no particular order:

  • NyergudsThe living patron saint of C&C and one of the patchers of Tiberian Dawn for C&CNet. Hosts a load of related files on his private website, including versions of the original discs that one can use to play the campaign if, for whatever reason, they slept through the mid-90s. You can find his holy shrine here [2]
  • RC1985: Singaporean player who claims to be divinely ordained to both play this game and accept the obedience and recognition of other players regardless of their ability level. RC is completely serious about this and is known to quote from 1 Kanelossians from time to time, a letter from the Good Book of C&CNet of spurious origin.
  • Chem: On any given week, Chem is muted or banned for insulting people. We have come to not only accept this as a part of life but embrace it.
  • LoveHandles: worked on the balance patch but we tolerate him anyway. Likes to design maps.
  • GDI: Despite the name, does not always play GDI, but usually does to great effect.
  • Xerox: Probably named for their ability to encounter a new technique or playstyle and effortlessly mirror it / adopt it into their own. Routinely kicks everyones ass and rarely if ever gloats about it.
  • Hub: Hub is a playah from 'stralia, family bloke, 'n ass kickah wen he wants ta be. Fahkin' known ta appeahr with ovah 9000 buggies befawah yah refinery is built. Sometimes 'as a shawrt attention span fawr games. Does very well as a team playah. Fahkin' too right, cobber.
  • ColKlink: aka like a hundred variations of this name.
  • expertdef: aka JOHNNY. Loves to build elaborate defensive bases, cries when anyone rushes him in a game. Sometimes other players humor this proliclivity; other times not so much.
  • echo: generally hosts Arabia map RA1 games. Severely dislikes anyone who isn't exactly at his skill level or better. Fun to play with if you get used to it.
  • Spartan: Very little known. Arguably one of the best players of RA1 in 1v1 matches. Always plays Greece, no matter what.
  • Spike: Seems innocuous, will wreck your day faster than you can count.
  • PhD^SY: Arguably the best player of C&C95. Many players have not beaten him despite many attempts. His name is a reference to his level of skill in the game and also his willingness to help teach other players and share his techniques, reinforcing the idea it is not merely the techniques themselves that matter, but how they are applied in real time.
  • makhno: the only one who consistently uses the same fucking name and will generally both play with and attack anyone. Hardcore Nod anarchist; never plays anything except for Nod and Ukraine in RA1.
  • Ferret or Sinyxer or whatever handle decided to pick this time around. Self proclaimed messenger of RC1985, active moderator on the forums and actually gives a damn though thinks he's better than us with his fancy mod powers. Known to be friendly in both victory and in defeat. Don't tell him we sent you.
  • ZAFEORG: aka GROEFAZ. Made at least one map and we'll let you figure out which one it is.
  • Tea: Likes being held at 99 centigrade. Just a little sugar, no milk. Can rush your base before your cup is done brewing.
  • Elizabeth: one of the few confirmed femanons. Takes advantage of the fact that newbies dont know how to react to a girl and crushes them. Brags continuously about how she can "take two guys at once", and once, "three". Insists this is only a game reference, though we know better.
  • SpeedyDashe: is speedy.
  • SMT: only shows up on occasion, likes to have overly complicated name variations and mostly plays team games.


The Good Book of C&Cnet[edit]

The following was discovered in an ancient archive buried in the deepest wretches of the pre-HTML5 World Wide Web.


Excerpt from 1 Kanelossians



Ferret, an messenger of RC1985 by the will of Kane, and Seth our brother,
To the Brotherhood of Nod still among the IRC, the faithful brothers and sisters in Nod:
Peace through power!
We always proclaim the Tiberium future, the purpose of our noble leader Kane when we play against you, because we have heard of your faith in the technology of peace Jesus and of the lulz you play for. The domination of the Scrin that spring from the Ascension stored up for you in Heaven and about which you have already heard is a true message that has come here to you. In the same way, the Brotherhood is bearing fruit and growing throughout the whole wide webz — just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and truly understood Kane's message. You learned it from Seth, our dear fellow servant, who was a faithful minister of Kane on our behalf, until his just reward for the betrayal of Kane.
For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped gathering Tiberium. We continually play match after match to fill you with the overwhelming dread of defeat through all the wisdom and understanding that Tiberium gives, so that you may pwn the nubs and bring death to GDI in every way: launching nuclear missiles at every GDI work, expanding your turret line, being strengthened with all power according to both the regular power plant and the advanced, so that you may have power for your obelisks and stealth for your tanks, and proclaiming both the Tiberium future and the triumph of Kane, who has qualified you to sit on the IRC server anxiously awaiting a game until some poor soul asks for a Mission Failure. For Kane has rescued us from a world without online Command and Conquer and brought us into C&CNet, in which we have far too much time on our hands.
The Supremacy of RC1985
Lo! and Behold! A player is given unto us to show the way in all things. He is RC1985, the visible image of the invisible wrath of Kane, the rightful first over this entire IRC server.  For in RC1985 all things were meet their doom: things in the lobby and in private chat, both things of GDI and things of Nod, whether Tiberian Dawn or Red Alert or Tiberian Sun or Dune2000; all things have been pwned through his mad skillz. He is crowned before all things, and in him the whole Ladder is held together. And he is the head of this server, C&CNet; he was in the beginning with Nyerguds and is always the first one back to the lobby after a match, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. He neither logs off nor logs in, but has always been. For Kane was pleased to have all the excellent things of the Brotherhood dwell in him, and even Stalin gave to him laurel and medal.
Once you were alienated from Westwood and were enemies in the minds of EA because of your preference for GDI. But now RC1985 has shown us the way of conquest. Continue in this faith, established and firm, and do not move from the hope held out in the ability of Nod to always conquer a GDI player, for the time is coming swiftly that the Remaster shall be upon us; the first shall be last and the last shall be first. This is the news that you heard since the beginning and that has been proclaimed to every 16 bit pixel on the screen, of which I, Ferret, am a Commander.
Ferret's Labor for the Community
Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you, getting pwned game after game, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to GDI's totally annhiliation by their own Low Orbit Ion Cannon, for the sake of the will of Kane, which is the Temple of Nod. I have become its servant by the commission RC1985 gave me to present to you this — the gameplay that has been kept hidden since the 1990s, but is now disclosed to the Brotherhood of Nod. To them has been given the ability to observe RC1985's pwnage.
That is the player we proclaim, admonishing and teaching every noob with this wisdom, so that we may present everyone as a Brother of Nod. To this end I strenuously contend with all the Tiberium I have gathered.

Kane Dance.gif