Commissar Holt

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He likes men.

COMMISSAR HOLT!

Commissar Holt is a badass muthafucka who enjoys pimp slapping the shit out of stuck up Imperial governors for stories of their ineptitude. He is originally from the Warhammer 40k computer game Final Liberation, which about only two people played.

Commissar from Warhammer Epic 40,000: Final Liberation. (You're gonna need the patch... or get the updated version on Good Old Games.)

Kane loves him.

His other jobs include Pirate and Vampire Overseer of werewolf-slaves.

Volistad[edit]

Holt was notified of an impending Ork Waaagh! heading for the Imperial planet of Volistad, and immediately diverted to the planet. With the help of an Ultramarines detachment, Holt was able to establish a base on the planet for external reinforcements to land. Being pre-pre-Wardian in their sueness, the Ultramarines there led by Captain Agrippa expressed his gratitude for the Commissar's rescue and even said that "no living Commissar holds no more respect". Course, this might imply that this has to be some time before any other badass Commissar alive became badass.

He also managed (with the help of the Commander General, AKA you) to get some cogboys to an unnoticed cargo bay and managed to summon a fucking Warhound titan. At some point, those same cogboys would also uncover a fuckmothering IMPERATOR BATTLE TITAN.

Holt is more than willing to tell you you suck at liberating an Imperial world, he'll do it quiet out back (presumably near your stercore-class portajohn), reminding you he's served under two lord commanders in a single campaign before ... if you collapse entirely, he takes command to salvage what he can and in a moment of deep menace (you'd rather just have the pistol in the face) obliquely indicates the next attempt will be led by someone else.

The Imperial forces on Volistad, which Holt keeps in good order, include (in cut scenes) Titans, Mordians, Tallarn, Volistad PDF (who are very Valhalla-looking) and Ultramarines while in campaign he also can lead Catachans and Attilans; with a bit of game-file fiddling he can also call upon Imperial Knights.

Badassery[edit]

He arm wrestled Commissar Yarrick and won. Yarrick got out of it only by sheer luck, though, when the Orks appeared and kidnapped Yarrick. However, Holt did not let this pass, and he proceeded to destroy 134 Trukks, 200 squads of Shoota Boyz, 15 Nobs, a Warboss, and a Mekboy carrying a Shokk Attakk Gun simply by giving them the *SLAP* COMMISSAR Holt! look.

Another (Retarded) story about Holt is where the fuck he went; as he was leading ten million conscripts into battle against Chaos, the Warp unexpectedly opened and daemons started appearing. Not about to retreat, Holt charged into the daemon horde, shooting them with his bolter and slicing them with his power sword. Suddenly, a Daemon Prince appeared; Holt instantly squared it up and charged, cutting the foul daemon in half. As he stood triumphantly, he tripped, while standing still, over a fallen guardsman and fell into the Warp. There, he saw the most vile, unholy, and Mary Sue force in the Warp; Kaldor Draigo.

Holt has gladly executed numerous Imperial Governors for mistreating troops that would be far more suited dying for the Emperor.

Holt in Deathwatch[edit]

Fantasy Flight Games once again proved they were beardiest of companies, showing their collective raging hard-on for Holt with a large number of (All new!) quotes throughout the Deathwatch gameline, collected below:

  • "Space Marines are men in the same way a knife is a piece of metal. Space Marines are forged, not born. They are the finest weapons of the Emperor's Will."
  • "A finely crafted weapon is like a finely-crafted battle plan. Both will serve you well."
  • "No one man, however exalted or base, is more important than the mission."
  • "I have watched massive Titans striding the battlefield. I have seen entire armoured divisions at war with the Ork hordes. I have borne witness to the firepower of an orbital lance strike. Yet among all these, none compare to the effectiveness of the Adeptus Astartes at war."
  • "No foe is more pernicious when dug-in than the forces of the Archenemy."
  • "All too often, the difference between victory and defeat lies with one man."
  • "The coward represents as great a threat as a traitor. The traitor at least stands by his convictions."

Gallery[edit]

Famous members of the Imperial Guard
Commissars: Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt - Commissar Ciaphas Cain
Commissar Holt - Commissar Yarrick
Senior Officers: Colonel Greiss - Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken - Knight Commander Pask
Lord Castellan Ursarkar E. Creed - Lord Solar Macharius
Junior Officers: Captain Al'Rahem - Commander Kubrik Chenkov
Enlisted Guardsmen: Colour Sergeant Jarran Kell - Gunner Ferik Jurgen - Mogul Kamir - Nork Deddog
Ollanius Pius - Sergeant Harker - Sergeant Lukas Bastonne - Sly Marbo
From Dawn of War I: Colonel Carus Brom - General Sturnn
Vance Motherfucking Stubbs - Governor-Militant Lukas Alexander
From Dawn of War II: Commissar Lord Bernn - Lord General Castor - Sergeant Merrick