|This article or section is about something oldschool - and awesome.|
Make sure your rose-tinted glasses are on nice and tight, and prepare for a lovely walk down nostalgia lane.
"As I ride to war, the scent of death washes over me like the wind itself. All my senses come to life, and each kill becomes more exhilarating than the last!"
- – Doomrider himself, in the Black Crusade book The Tome Of Blood. Yes, in a book dedicated to the servants of Khorne. Because that's how Doomrider rolls.
We were somewhere near Cadia on the edge of the Eye of Terror, when the drugs began to take hold...
Doomrider is the Chaos version of Charlie Sheen crossbred with Snowflame/Dr. Rockzo AND FUCKING GHOST RIDER!!!His head burns with his sheer amount of awesome, and the flame is fueled higher by all the drugs in his system. He does cocaine and every other drug known to the galaxies. Plus other stuff that makes every drug known to man and xenos (combined) look like powdered milk. But COCAAAAAINE is his favourite. Cocaine is best (even though it probably makes him impotent, which is hilariously ironic for a Slaanesh worshiper).
He and Warboss Wazdakka Gutsmek fought once, the planet they were on promptly exploded because no planet can contain that much motorcycle related awesome.
Doomrider is an old Warhammer 40,000 Slaaneshi special character hailing from 3rd Edition. Doomrider had to be summoned, and would disappear at the end of his turn if you rolled a 1 on a d6. This could lead to him disappearing on the same turn he was summoned, completely wasting the points spent on him which sucked ass. As for his performance, think of a titan moving like a Raptor that requires the constant blessing of Lady Luck and Admiral Awesome. Despite being a Daemon Prince he retained his Biker Marine statline (we've provided a picture below) but at least he had a twin-linked melta and an armor-ignoring power weapon.
The Ballad of Doomrider
"Out of the mists of chaos he rides, bike in his crotch and sword at his side!
Na na, na na.
He fights his own war, takes his own track, If he doesn't bail he might make his points back!
Na na, na na.
Son of Slaanesh, full of desire, He does cocaine and his head's on fire!
Na na, na na.
Fights with fury of a dozen men, Spends two turns on the field then he's gone again...
Na na, na na.
His bike squeals as it ploughs on through the nearest guard, His skull is flaming as his daemon sword gets hard!
Na na, na na.
He's a killer and he's bursting out for fun! Screaming off, now he's gone, someone rolled a one!"
Oh great Lord Slaanesh, send forth your servant, the Daemon Prince Doomrider!
Let our enemies tremble in ruptured awe before his fearsome visage!
Grant them an exquisite death, crushed beneath the flaming wheels of his chromium steed!
Permit them the ecstasy of being slaughtered by Doomrider's throbbing Daemonsword and his pulsating gun of gushing plasma!
Bestow on them one fleeting moment of pleasure as they stare in wonder and orgasmic delight at one of your most divine creations before dying at his hand!
Oh great Lord Slaanesh, for these reasons and many others that tease and titillate our imaginations, we beseech you, send forth your servant, the Daemon Prince Doomrider!
The song of Doomrider
[music] Faster than a Las-bolt Terrifying scream He's fueled by coke and Metal He is Daemon and machine He's the Daemon biker Breathing coke and fire Summoned by the cultists he is nigh / high (just choose one, both seem to be true) He. Is. The Doom-ri-der This. Is. The Doom-ri-der Planets devastated Mankind's on its knees A Daemon comes from out the Warp because a psyker sneezed Drowning out arty thunder Brandishing his steel Evil is now riding deadly wheels He. Is. The Doom-ri-der This. Is. The Doom-ri-der AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH *Instrumental* Faster than a Bolt-gun rocket Louder than a sonic gun Chromium plated daemon metal Better than the Thousand Sons *Instrumental* Riding high on co-caine Wreathed in eldritch fire Armed with daemon weapons He lights their funeral pyres Firing Plasma weapons Forever he stands tall He's bringing Armageddon to them all- He. Is. The Doom-ri-der This. Is. The Doom-ri-der Bane. Of. Man. Doom-ri-der Dead. Ly. Wheels. Doom-ri-der *Instrumental* He. Is. The Doom-ri-der This. Is. The Doom-ri-der He. Is. The Doom-ri-der This. Is. The Doom-ri-der Doom. Doom. Rider. Rider. Doom. Doom. Rider. Rider- Can't. Stop. The Doom-ri-ddddddddddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-- DOOM.
Doomrider's luck would not last forever though: one day Doombreed, greatest of all of Khorne's servants found Doomrider while he was busy wrecking the shit of Fulgrim's Daemon world with Angron, An'ggrath, Kharn, and the other World Eaters. Doombreed found Doomrider filling up his Bike with cocaine and took the opportunity to chop Doomrider's head off with his giant flaming axe. Then Doombreed burned Doomrider's essence into ash with his fire breath and threw the ashes into a Black Hole. And that, kiddies, is why Doomrider isn't in the recent Chaos codices.
This editor was found dead several days later, dildos shoved in both of his eye sockets. The only evidence authorities found were traces of cocaine on the body and motorcycle tracks that lead straight into a wall, up it, and then end without explanation.
Anyway, the real reason none of us have seen Doomrider for a while is because of his "experiment," which involved him taking EVERY SINGLE DRUG known to sentient creatures (and quite a few that aren't) in under a minute. It took him three weeks of repeated testing until he got it under a minute, after which he fell off his bike, blacked out and has spent the last few editions comatose.
This editor was also found dead several days later with dildos shoved into his ears. The only evidence authorities found was traces of cocaine and some heroin needles on his body and motorcycle tracks that lead straight into the wall, up it, and on to the ceiling before disappearing without any explanation. The only suspect is a spider bike.
Anyway, Doomrider is busy in another galaxy trying to find stronger drugs, because he got bored with this galaxy's drugs and he is searching for a new high.
DOOMRIDER has too much awesome to be contained/restricted to a single 40k match. He might show up in apoc, but only if the table is covered in COCAINE! FUCK YEAH!
Disregard all the above cocaine-addled shit. Kor'Sarro Khan cut his head off.
he became more drug than man and was busy having spasms for several editions
Holly shit look at this ! HE'S FUCKING BACK! And about to be roflstomped by
the entire company worth of Scars Kor'sarro Khan only... by ripping Doomrider's head off with his bare hands. Fuck you, Black Library! Fuck you with a chainsword!
Apparently he wins the duel but ends up getting his head ripped off afterwards while dragging the Khan to a warp portal. The White Scars take it, but the head's still alive (which probably leads to problems with the White Scars' tradition of putting their foe's heads on display). They sealed his mouth shut at least, probably because otherwise he'd drive them all crazy with constant ramblings and demands for cocaine. Meh, it means that he wasn't defeated, he was ambushed by a dude he thought he had bagged. Probably completely unexpected from an Astartes, who are usually all about honor.
Despite the shitty ending, there are some good points. First of all, it's fucking Doomrider; better to have him come back to be killed off rather than just fade away in the depths of the retconnian. Plus they didn't fuck up Doomrider himself, presented as a pretty badass guy and having killed four other Masters of the Hunt who'd tried to take him down (although let's be fair, previous holders of ANY Space Marine rank exist only to die like bitches for the BBEG's reputation).
Well, given that Doomrider is a Daemon Prince, he isn't finished. He's just been banished for a while, and will ride again soon. Although the specifics of a daemon prince returning when his still-alive head is being held captive are unknown. Also probably not smart: bringing home the living head of a Slaaneshi Daemon Prince to hang out with your adrenaline junkie biker pals and not expecting anything to go wrong. So all in all, who's ready for some headcanon?
But at least Headrider and Headpool can get up to some 4th wall breaking dickery (because if we're all honest Doomrider is just a grimdark version of Deadpool before Deadpool with cocaine).
|Famous members of the Traitor Legions|
|Abaddon - Ahzek Ahriman - Argel Tal - Cypher - Doomrider |
Eidolon - Erebus - Fabius Bile - Haarken Worldclaimer - Honsou
Iskandar Khayon - Kharn - Kor Phaeron - Lheorvine Ukris - Lucius
Lugft Huron - Luther - Madox - Necrosius the Undying - Sevatar
Shon'tu - Svane Vulfbad - Talos - Typhus - Ygethmor - Zhufor
|Araghast the Pillager - Azariah Kyras - Bale - Crull - Eliphas The Inheritor |
Firaeveus Carron - Kain - Nemeroth - Neroth - Sindri Myr - Varius