Dorfy

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This is a companion fluff story for the /tg/ homebrew game Server Crash.

Let me tell you the story of how I got to become a noble in this webfort. Let me tell you the story of why I look like this.

So there I was, lost in some random webpage. I was with an expedition from my old webfort. I was with a Coder and a fellow Cracker. When suddenly a whole heap of viruses come out of nowhere, I never found out why but I suspected some Virus Herder had lost control of his herd. Well we all panicked and jumped to the nearest link, unfortunately just as I was traveling the link got changed. I got separated from the group. Now boy, you must know by now that if you travel the internet alone you're damn near doomed. But I wasn't giving up hope so I begun to search for a safe haven.

It's a pity that what I found was a Cyber and a woman. Or maybe it was good luck. You decide. Anyway this woman was pretty badly damaged on the floor, down for the count. But by the looks of thing she had harmed the Cyber in the fight, and this Cyber was a mean looking thing. It was a giant snake but it's tail ended like a Scorpions and for a head it has a squid. Practically wanted to vomit. Now I don't know why I didn't run, maybe it was bravery, maybe it was stupidity. But I rushed at that thing's underbelly and pumped my hands into it and distorted it's code as much as a could. It screeched and noticed me, distracted from it's unconscious prey and now all eyes were on me. But I just kept on pumping, ripping apart the thing's code and boy was it getting madder. It uses it's head tentacles and RIP there goes my arm. Data was spewing right out of me. But I don't pay it any heed and draw my attention away from it's underbelly to it's now welcoming face. I rip the fuckers eyes out with two swift pulls as fast as lightening. The Cyber doesn't like THAT. Flails around like crazy and, if by some sense of where I was or if I was just unlucky, impales by arm with it's scorpion like tip and rips it clean off. So there I am with no arms in front of a very mad Cyber. But I just grin like a mad man. Want to know why? I had a special program for something liek this. Programmed right into my head. I pumping all my data and programs to strengthen my legs, jump high enough to go to eye level with the fucker - if it still had eyes, that is - and BAM. I headbutt him. Goes straight to it's core and with a final wail it dies.

After that I lie down next to this chick, had almost forgotten about her. I'm spewing data at a rapid rate so I figure I'm going to die next to her. But she drifts to consciousness and she figures out that I saved her. And you know, I guess I was luck despite the fact I lost my arms.

Because she was an admin of this webfort. Brings me back here and patches me up. Couldn't fix me any new arms but I tell her that's alright. So she allows me to stay in this bar and gives me a nice ale.

All in all It's a good life, she had a lot of power so I've got a good job and when you consider what's out there losing your arms is a small price. So that's my story. Now get me a simulated ale, would you?