Elfslayer Chronicles

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A glorious drawfag's depiction of the aftermath

In December of 2009, a fa/tg/uy posted the story of his campaign. After the prince of a human kingdom had wandered into an elven kingdom and was presumably killed by the xenophobic elves with a "shoot first don't bother asking questions" policy, the king declared war on the elves, and sent the party in.

What had actually happened though, is that the prince was injured by a fall from his horse and was taken in by the elves, nursed to health and was in a gay relationship with the captain of the royal guard. The elves were prepared to send the prince back home to avoid hostilities, but the party didn't go with that. Instead, they murdered the prince and blamed his death on his elvish lover.

As you might have guessed by now, the DM was a yaoi fangirl. To her credit though, she didn't throw a fit or went "Rocks fall, everyone dies" on the party; instead she pitted the elves against the party in an attempt to discover the truth and bring the true killers to justice.

What happened next was a campaign-long game of cat and mouse between the OP and his cohorts against the DM. For four weeks /tg/ got to enjoy the brilliant scheming and planning of the OP, being one step ahead of the DM at every turn. It was like just like Death Note, except with elves.

It involves elf-murder, plans going exactly as planned, and a half-orc woman raping OP's character. It is a must read for every neckbeard.

Dramatis Personae[edit]

There were two groups in the game: those gathered behind the OP and those on the DM's side.

  • OP played a human Illusion Mage, and was one of the most magnificent of bastards to ever post on /tg/.
  • OP's second in command was a female half-orc Ranger, who went beyond the call of duty to provide an alibi for the night of the murder.
  • A pair of Dwarven twins: a Fighter and a Valorous Bard who brofisted all the time, had a theme song, and during interrogation using Discern Lies by the elves one of them would make a false statement, and the other would confirm the story. Since the bard had insane CHA, and the fighter had it as his dump stat, this truly fucked up the interrogation. Dwarves love to make elves suffer.
  • A human artificer, who did little during the campaign, and was likely there just to watch the campaign world burn.

Then there's the DM's side.

  • The DM was a yaoi fangirl who was obsessed with elves, and tried to stop the OP from carrying out his plans (at least she kept her attempts within the confines of the system).
  • A weeaboo Tiefling Swordmage who based his character on several anime and vidja characters, who had a penchant for flipping his shit every time OP's plan went just as planned, and ranged from being a hurdle for the OP to outright threatening him IC.

The Story[edit]

/tg/, I'm a dick.

My DM had set up a long, involved plotline in her game, involving the diplomacy between two incredibly hostile nations, one human and one elven.

The reason for their fighting was that, years ago, one of the Human princes (not the Crown Prince, though) had wandered into the Elvish-controlled part of the forest during a hunt, and been killed by the incredibly xenophobic elves, who took the whole "kill anyone who enters our land" thing very seriously. This led to the grief-stricken Human King declaring war and personally leading the attack that burned part of the forest and slaughtered several Elf villages.

...or so we were told. In reality, the vicious propaganda we'd heard about the Elves simply wasn't true, they were a kind and noble and loving people of sparkly naturalistic values and peerless artisanship. The prince had pitched from his horse and snapped several limbs, but had been taken in by the Elves, who repaired his broken body with magic. He was even in a condoned-by-the-Elves-because-Humans- are-NEVER-okay-with-it-lol-so-unenlightened gay relationship with the captain of the Elvish royal guard. Yes, my DM is female. Yes, she was practically squeeing over descriptions of how beautiful the two were together.

Humanity had an advantage due to its ruthlessness, the fact that the Elves would only fight a defensive war, and generally because the Elves were supposed to be tragic as fuck. We were asked to bring the prince back to his homeland when the time was right, to ensure peace and the preservation of the Elvish way of life.

So I did the only thing I could, I murdered the Human prince and framed his lover for the crime. That's where last week's session ended.

Now, to explain, this is 4e and I'm playing an Illusionist Wizard. Naturally, I keep this fairly quiet, since I have a decent number of non-illusion spells. Pretty much every Illusion spell I CAN have an alternate for in my spellbook, has one that isn't an Illusion which I make a point of using more, often publicly.

I enlisted the aid of a party member, and cast Phantom Mask from Arcane Power on both of us, so that we assumed the form of the prince and his lover. Both were currently engaged in a tryst deep within the prince's luxurious apartments, far enough away so as not to hear us. I had already learned the routes the gardeners took...the Elf gardeners were all low-level Druids for whoknowswhatreason, incidentally...and timed it precisely so that we would be seen in our disguises as one of the gardeners passed, and overheard arguing violently. Tears were shed, angry words spoken, and finally, said gardener saw and heard the "Prince" strike the "Elf" across the face.

Now, doubtless you are wondering how I got the DM to go along with my obvious shenanigans, when she could have just fiated the Prince and his lover walking in on us mid-illusory-argument, or the gardener asking about it. Simple, I told her OOC that I feared the Prince might have enemies...perhaps a traitorous elf general wishing to use the war to seize power, or assassins from outside, and that I wished to make it seem like the lovers had had a fight and the Prince was going to leave his lover's home for a few days, to travel to a remote village for solace. This would draw out any assassins, while we clandestinely transported the prince homeward.

Now, it is worth noting that I worked almost entirely through servants, each carrying out tiny parts of my plan. Or I would disguise my shape and be the "servant" myself, such as the one that brought wine to the two lovers that evening. Drugged wine, of course. The DM still thought I was amusingly wrapped up in an overcomplicated plot to return the prince homeward.

Now, as an Illusionist Wizard, it is important to note Arcane Power has gifted me with a number of options to create phantasmal warriors. Previously in the game, it had been established that I could make them look like whatever I wanted (I'd used Phantasmal Assailant early on to make it look like we had a legendary assassin on our side) and that the wounds they gave looked authentic. The DM had also made the mistake of letting us see the Prince's stats...and had made him fairly helpless (level 1 Bard NPC) so that his big, strong, Elvish lover could protect him. Coup de Grace. FAR above his bloodied value using one of my "make a phantom enemy" spells. Shaped like his lover, just in case they tried used any sort of forensics. I wore gloves, clean ones, as I picked up the Elf's sword, put it in his hand, and soaked it in the victim's blood.

Incidentally? I'd already set up ironclad alibis for all of this. Alright, as I see it, my remaining obstacle is the fact that the accused is the leader of the elvish Royal Guard, he's important. And, while the Elves profess to be egalitarian (the Princess is allowed to play with peasant children) as all hell, his word is going to hold up above that of the gardener when establishing motive. That, and there might be a few Rituals that can establish truthfulness. The gardener genuinely believes he saw an argument, any primitive forensics will support the version of events I've tried to create. The problem is what will happen if they use truth-detecting magic on the Royal Guard. Not if they ask him whether he killed the Prince, because he was unconscious during that time, but if they ask him about the argument, because he'll tell them honestly he wasn't fighting with the Prince, but screwing him, at the time.

...The obvious solution seems to be "kill him before trial, make it seem like suicide."

Now, apparently, there was a small problem, I'm guessing one of the other players had a talk with her beforehand, from some of the remarks that went back and forth, because she didn't immediately ban me.

Nobody had told the weeaboo player what happened last session, and when he was filled in on it, he spent a good ten minutes screaming at me about how I was a murderous racist, and how he'd kill me himself. I reminded him that he had no evidence I did it, and hadn't even been there In Character. More threats ensued.

The DM, couching it in language that made it no secret she was looking for (and failing to find) any flaw in my plan she could use to have me killed, explained that Elves all venerate life (to the extent of releasing or converting Human prisoners) and so...there would be a trial.

Naturally, I had zero intention of playing fair.

To begin with, I researched a few rituals. Yes, apparently Discern Lies exists, but it just gives a massive power bonus to one's Insight to detect untruths. Namely, one rolls Religion and adds the result to one's Insight for purposes of detecting lies for the next five minutes.

Also, the trial was/is not for me, but for the prince's lover, the leader of the Elvish Royal Guard.

The weeaboo outright accuses me, in-character, his justification being that I apparently hated them for being in love. Before I could really respond, the other player who had cooperated with my plans points out that I had 1) no reason to kill the prince of MY OWN NATION (as my patriotism had been clearly established already) and 2) been friends with both of the lovers (I think the DM had actually been trying to rope me into either a threesome or gaying it up with some other members of the Royal Guard). Also 3) I had an ironclad alibi, having been at a party with the rest of the group all night, and passed-out drunk from having underestimated Elvish wine when the murder occurred.

In actuality, I had cast Phantom Mask on my Familiar (who very few people even knew existed), and had her pretend to be exceptionally drunk, then pass out on the couch. I also had instructions for the party member who cooperated with me to be the one who carried "me" to my quarters at the end of the evening.

The DM, glaring at me, meanwhile constructs a "touching" scene of the bodies being found

We were among the ones who found the bodies, just as the Guard was waking up and discovering his lover's corpse with his sword in its back. I and the other humans had to be forcibly restrained.

Incidentally, to cover my tracks even more, I'd spent the rest of the night after the murder drinking elvish wine to make sure I smelled like I'd been partying the night before, and had a headache and temper to match.

As he began to cry, tears dripping down his face, I demanded his immediate arrest. Although the guards were hesitant, I pointed out OOC there were no other suspects. Then I pointed out IC that if they could not deal with the murderer, then we would. Again, securing peace between the Humans and Elves was the current goal, so they complied.

I intended to bring about peace, the only way it could exist...by ensuring the victory of my people.

The DM sends me a vindictive PM. She points out, smugly, that the Elves do not have prisons. Criminals are not put to death (like those mean, nasty Humans would do...in fact, she often harped on how barbaric the death sentence was) and actual CRIME is so rare among Elves that the few deviants are banished or magically imprisoned on palatial estates guarded by Elvish soldiers. The WORST criminals, for example (and yes, she did mean me if I get caught) Humans found guilty of war crimes, get turned into trees.

I point out that, as the semi-official ambassadors, and because this is a matter of national security and potentially stopping war, we do have the right to hold him.

We had a human-style manor in the forest, it had a cellar. Now, I'd like to thank /tg/ here. Long ago, you had a thread on how to imprison an Eladrin criminal when they can teleport (remember, the "Elvish" kingdom in this setting includes Eladrin and Elves). I took full advantage of what I learned from that thread.

To begin with, I had the Royal Guard blindfolded, and his hands bound together in a sort of iron sleeve or tube that kept him from being able to remove the blindfold. You cannot teleport to a location you lack Line of Sight to, in most circumstances.

Then I had the cellar cleared, the wine moved, and spent a substantial amount of time painstakingly constructing a Magic Circle (ritual in the PHB, one I highly recommend) against Fey that went along the entirety of the wall, and a secondary one inside the room he was kept in. I also used, and hid, an Eye of Alarm (another ritual, also in the PHB) in the "indefinite" mode in case Weeaboo has any ideas about freeing the Royal Guard.

Before I begin, a quick explanation of the cellar in which the Captain of the Royal Elvish Guard is being kept. The cellar beneath the once-human manor assigned to us in the depths of the Elvish forest near their capital is a long, rectangular room, almost a square. It is lined with small rooms here and there. At one end, viewed longways, is the staircase leading into the cellar. On the other end, and to the left near the corner are some manacles driven into the floor and welded in place by my magic. The Captain of the Elvish Royal Guard is an Eladrin, so we blindfolded him, and put his arms together in a sort of metal sleeve behind his back, so he can't remove the blindfold and teleport around. The manacles are attached one to the wrist portion of the sleeve, and one around one of his ankles, to make it difficult for him to stand up and get leverage. One large Magic Circle against Fey (Ritual in the PHB) covers most of the room except the corners and part of the end near the stairs. A second, much smaller, Magic Circle against Fey is around the Captain, with him at its center, and goes all the way to the nearest corner, so that the two Circles have a substantial interlap. Wooden shelves, two or three columns of them and many rows, fill the room, holding wine bottles (I have moved several out, as my character pretends sometimes to have something of a drinking problem). Eyes of Warning (ritual in the PHB, misidentified as Eyes of Alarm in the last thread) have been set up in several key locations through the room to ensure nothing enters the circles.

As I mentioned, the manor is near the capital. A ride of a day or so, and we've already received reinforcements in the form of Elvish guards (who, OOC, are there to murder/arrest me the moment the DM sees her chance, IC they're to secure the scene while the various Elvish bigwigs or their hippie equivalent decide what to do)

My Magic Circle against Fey has another use, you see, it will keep them from entering the room where the prisoner is kept, and more importantly the location where he is at is difficult to see from there.

I also had a bit of an interesting surprise. The DM decided that the Elf guards who showed up WOULD question everyone about their alibi on that night. Mine came into question.

Everyone else had been awake and active at the party, while I had seemingly underestimated Elvish wine, consumed far too much, and was only able to mumble incoherently and doze on the couch. In reality, as I mentioned in an earlier thread, I had cast Phantom Mask on my Book Imp Familiar, made her look like me, and swapped us out when I went to go deliver the drugged wine, wait for it to take effect, and kill the Prince. My assistant and helper made sure she was the one who carried who carried 'me' up to bed a short while after I had carried out my mission, thus ensuring that I was seemingly within sight of several trustworthy people for the entirety of the span.

The DM, however, handwaved it as "they don't know precisely when he died, just generally." and had me questioned anyway. I don't know if she expected me to just...break or something, or slip up, so I kept reiterating that I'd had too much wine and had been soundly unconscious that night.

To avoid being caught by any potential lie-detection spells, I told only the utmost truth...I had, indeed, drank quite a bit of wine after returning to my room, and had then lapsed into a deep, drunken slumber. I slept the deep sleep of the just, that night.

This, of course, was when things got...perhaps weird is the best word.

I mentioned this before, but my assistant plays an incredibly mercenary female Half-Orc Ranger. I'd explained to her earlier how imperative it is that we always tell the technical truth, and being caught in a lie could be disastrous.

Add to that, while I have insanely high Bluff, due to being an Illusionist with Charisma as my Secondary trait, she doesn't have that advantage. Since she had gone to her room after dropping off 'me' at mine, she was questioned at some length, too.

She was asked, by a Cleric with Discern Lies, if she had remained in her room all night after leaving me . She answered in the negative, and...the NPC Cleric's lie detector goes off. She's pressed on the issue (because if she left again right after leaving me, that leaves her with zero alibi AND she is very handy with a sword, like the murder weapon) and finally comes clean.

As I warned you, this is where things got weird, she admitted that she had been sleeping with me that night. An event I was totally unaware of, and had never come up before. She doesn't roll Bluff, the Cleric registers the statement as true.

The rest of the interrogations went smoothly. Aside from a single servant who'd been informed by another elf servant that he was relieved of duty for the evening and could go party with the others (the 'other' servant could not be found, with good cause, since it was me in disguise)

The Dwarf brothers spent their time telling outrageous lies to mess with the person casting Discern Lies. The Bard brother had insane Charisma, high Bluff, and would make up an outrageous story, the Fighter brother had Charisma 9ish (dump stat) and no Bluff, and would confirm it. First giving a positive, then a negative, on the truthfulness of their statements. Sometimes they'd switch off. Also, they wore identical clothing. Dwarves just love making Elves suffer.

The Weeaboo did everything he could to make me sound bad, said I'd been a bigot from the beginning, recommended I have nothing to do with the investigation...etc. Because we were all making sure he rolled for all of his Bluff checks, and that the Cleric using Discern Lies was doing Insight properly, he actually got caught in a few lies where he claimed I'd been "sneaking off".

Our final player had nothing really of interest to say, had a rock-solid alibi, hadn't seen anything.

The DM has been doing her utmost to ensure that I have had no chance to get near the prisoner, and has attempted to distract me. I will start with those attempts. While I was on my way to visit the Royal Guard, mostly to keep watch, she distracted me by describing a "pull" I felt towards the gardens. I followed, and encountered an ancient tree in the center of the garden. A blistering, festering hole burned at around chest height on one side, seeming to extend inward, and deep downward, as if the earth was spitting out the thing within through the tree's gullet. The DM's usual writing style is different, I assume she found the description somewhere. In the hole was an Orb of a disturbing, brown and green color, with hints of ochre and violet. I promptly buried it in the loose earth nearby. If you will recall, I earlier laid an elaborate series of wards that would prevent scrying into the area where the prisoner was held, would prevent creatures with the Fey origin from passing, and would set off a loud alarm if any intruder entered the area. Naturally, my own wards do not consider me an intruder, or most of the other members of the party (Weeaboo being the exception.)

My first goal was to ensure that the prisoner's time of death was obscured, and I had begun to lay elaborate plans to do so...when I came to an abrupt realization. It did not matter if I was apparently the one who killed the Royal Guard, so long as it looked as though I had a very good reason for doing so.

I used a shovel to maneuver the orb out, the fact that I wasn't discovered is probably due only to the fact that my DM still seems intent on me taking it up at some point and becoming the archenemy of all that is good, sweet, and fluffy.

Although I volunteered to take the guard shift immediately before Weeaboo, just so that he could personally go in and ensure I hadn't brainwashed the prisoner, this request was denied, and the order became instead Me => Half-Orc Ranger => Weeaboo.

I took my shift at guarding the prisoner at the entrance of the cellar (described at the start of Thread III, I believe). At the end of my shift, I gave it over to the Half-Orc. As you remember, she has been my confederate and confidante in this enterprise, and because she was so far under considerably less suspicion than I was, her next actions made Weeaboo FFFF extensively.

This was the tricky part. I spent time reading in my room, witnessed by the Dwarves, who professed to be bringing me food (which they mostly ate themselves) and sharing some wine (which they mostly drank themselves) and conversing, as friends do (they basically just drank my alcohol and ate my food, and we played some card games). For part of the time, however, I took advantage of a Hallucinatory Creature ritual and left a copy of myself there, seemingly passed out drunk.

Why did I not leave my Familiar? Easy, I needed her for the next part.

There was a short break, though, where I cast Greater Invisibility on myself and made my way down to where the Half-Orc was. I went into the cellar room, cast the Silence ritual, and killed the Royal Guard while he was helpless and tied up. The DM was frantically rolling Strength checks for him to break his bonds, but since I stood outside the circle and pinged him to death, even if he'd gotten free there was nothing he could do. That is why I laid out the Circles the way I did, so there would be a place for me to stand. I dispelled the Silence ritual, transferred the corpse (which was in rather messy pieces to free it from its bonds) to my Handy Haversack. The Phantom Mask affects multiple creatures, so I cast it on both my Familiar, making us each look like the Royal Guard, and put myself in his place, securing (but not locking) the manacles on my limbs, the "sleeve" on my arms, and the mask on my head with the aid of my Familiar. My Familiar then concealed herself behind a shelf where she would not be visible from the door.

The Half-Orc came to check on me, deliberately standing where she could see me, and not my Familiar, so that she could honestly claim she saw the Royal Guard if questioned magically. I had not shared the exact details of this portion of my plan with her for precisely this reason...to keep her from going down with me if I failed. This was between me and elfkind. The Half-Orc's shift ended. The Weeaboo did not try to check on me in my room, which I had been afraid of, since if he suspected anything he might prod the illusion and realize that was what it was, assuming he managed to get past the Dwarf brothers. I also had my familiar scuff the smaller Magic Circle, breaking it.

I waited until the Weeaboo had arrived, and subsequently gone to his post, to have the Magic Circle scuffed. Specifically, I had it scuffed someplace he would have seen from the door, due to the shape of the room, coming in. So that if questioned he couldn't claim the Half-Orc must have scuffed it. I have the feat that lets me communicate telepathically with my Familiar, so it wasn't hard to order her about.

As I mentioned before, the Weeaboo cannot enter past the outer, much larger Magic Circle, without my Eyes of Warning going off and making an almighty racket. This forces him to go inconveniently into one corner, on the far side of the room from the prisoner, to see the Royal Guard at all He can't get closer, it's well out of his range with most teleporting Swordmage powers. He comes in, sees me-masquerading-as-the-royal-guard. Due to the manacles being behind me from this position, he can't see that they are unlocked, either. He CAN hear me weeping and apologizing to the dead prince. The Weeaboo goes to stand outside the door and guard, after a maudlin description of his sympathy for the prisoner.

OOC, he was raging, because when he saw me delivering the Prince's lines, he KNEW something was up, and couldn't investigate it. I confess dickish glee at that.

I PM my next few actions to the DM directly, to keep Weeaboo from metagaming. I remove the "hood", "sleeve" and manacles, use a Salve of Power to get my Invisibility back (misidentified earlier as Greater Invisibility). Among the items I was carrying were a loose button from my cuffs, I tossed that button to my Familiar, who carried it to the edge of the outer Magic Circle. I leave, invisibly, going back to my room. My Familiar then scuffed the Circle and, and swallowed the button.

Earlier, I had designated "anything that has swallowed a button" when setting up my Eyes as an Intruder. The alarms go off with weeaboo barely any distance away. My Familiar, in the guise of the Royal Guard, flees the cellar. Weeaboo is still shrieking OOC when I point out that he has no way of knowing it isn't the person he acted sympathetically toward earlier. Having returned to my room and dispelled the Hallucinatory Creature there, I can finally act.

The Weeaboo pursues. Now, a fun thing about Familiars is that when you get more than 20 squares away from yours, it teleports back to you. I had been careful to coordinate this with my Familiar throughout these adventures. For example, the Prince's room had not been far from mine when I had my Familiar masquerading as me there, the kitchen (when I was masquerading as a servant, getting the wine) had not been far from the room where my Familiar was pretending to be drunk on a couch and the others were partying.

The Royal Guard was a Swordmage, Swordmages are known for teleporting.

My Familiar doesn't need to outrun Weeaboo, just get a certain distance away...from me. In my room, on the floor above. "The Royal Guard" appears in a flash of light in my room, swings his sword at me in front of two stout, Dwarven witnesses, misses, and goes for the window. I follow.

I had prepared a number of Wall and Zone-type spells that day, enough to obscure the space outside with clouds of various sorts, Walls of smoky flame. Vision was obscured, but thanks to my friends Prestidigitation (fun spell, and invaluable in cleaning up the blood and smell of the Guard's corpse earlier), Ghost Sound, and my natural skill with Illusions, made it seem as though an epic battle was taking place. Some Bluff checks were rolled, and easily passed. I even used some of my phantom-warrior tricks from earlier to give myself a few injuries, since Familiars can't actually attack (just menacingly pretend to). During the fight, I spilled the parts of the Guard's corpse onto the burning ground, with my Familiar over them (the pieces, naturally, were obscured by the fmales). Finally, with a last attack that would slice a foe to pieces as I described it...I killed my own Familiar.

The fun thing about Familiars, you see, is how easy it is to bring them back.

I had finally achieved victory in one respect, murdering the Royal Guard, and giving myself plausible deniability...after all, if questioned, I can honestly say I killed him in self-defense. It was unquestionably his corpse found upon the field, and equally unquestionably me who killed him.

Incidentally, another factor here is time. Many spells, like Raise Dead and certain Divinations, become more difficult to use or fail to function past a certain time limit, so stalling for ingame time is...while boring...something I've been forced to do.

In a way, I have been lucky so far. I was not fully aware of the Whispers of the Edifice ritual on page 158 of Arcane Power when I committed my murders, but in both cases I was disguised as someone else at the time I committed them. The Royal Guard himself, during his murder, and a generic elvish servant during the death of the Prince.

I have also held off on sending a...well...a Sending to my mentor, for fear of DM fiat, that she might decide to keep up her "humans are bastards" theme by having him kill me and steal the credit for my deeds.

Anyway, Whispers of the Edifice, for those unfamiliar with it, is a ritual that lets you ask questions of a room or structure about events occurring in or near it. The room knows whatever happened in it, at face value, but cannot make analysis or judgements about it.

As for the dungeon, our DM had some of the Elves ask us to help them with a Wretch Dragon that had ensconced itself in an ancient Elvish barrow and animated a number of undead fey, which itself is complete anathema to the Elves. We set out after taking a day to prepare, and I stalled it into two days with the necessity of gathering supplies...and by convincing the Dwarves to talk a number of Elvish guards into getting roaring drunk with me. The DM doesn't seem to realize I am stalling, or that I am doing so because, after thirty days, a corpse cannot be Raised.

Incidentally, the DM tried to convince me that, in fact, peacefully trading with the Elves would benefit the Human Kingdom more. I realized, however, that with the superiority complex her Elves possess, they would undoubtedly never concede to being our vassals or allies, but would condescend to give us artisan-goods we don't really need. Besides, at this point, I think their most valuable commodity is lumber, and they would never sell that.

Now, at the last minute, she threw in a tidbit in one of the rooms near the end, on a yellowing fragment of parchment, that told us something about the Eye of Blight. Apparently, in ancient times, it was a weapon of execution...back when Humans and Elves lived together as one shiny sparkledust peaceful society. Essentially, a magic-implement version of an executioner's axe. It represented the forces of decay in the natural cycle, and could instantly rot a person away to dust. I think, she wasn't very clear. What she WAS clear about was that it was powerful, an Artifact, and had BECOME an Artifact because it was corrupted by killing so many people. I'm convinced the whole "superpowered execution weapon" thing is something she stole from Bleach.

Incidentally, due to the Weeaboo refusing to do his job as a Defender and trying to get me killed repeatedly during the fighting, the Dwarves have become my unofficial bodyguards.

...which roughly translates to "they drink my expensive wine, eat my expensive foods, and attempt to convince me that a beard will make me a better spellcaster." Something about facial hair forming a natural magic array, or something.

Weeaboo got a new sword, a Spellblade Bastard Sword of some sort, a curved, katana-like weapon with elvish runes written on the blade, a handle made of natural wood, that belonged to an ancient Elvish hero. He's been threatening, OOC, to live up to its reputation by quenching it in my blood.

Anyway, the Wretch Dragon was, I was afraid, part of a Human effort to saborate the Elvish homeland and that, if we killed it, we would be guilty of treason. Fortunately, I speak Draconic, and talked with it. It was actually simply trying to eat and harm the Elves, and...I think...looking for the Eye of Blight. If it was lying, I have plausible deniability for letting our Artificer finish it off after we hacked it to pieces

Now I'm thinking about my next goals. First, I need to destroy any potential evidence...although I am, unless I am very wrong, safe. Then, I believe we are being rewarded for our dragonslaying, although Wretch Dragons are truly pathetic creatures, even one elevated to Solo status with the Death Master template. Which technically can only be applied to Humanoids, but...that's a silly and arbitrary restriction. We might get a chance to meet the Elvish royalty, in which case...

...Do you think I should kidnap the Elvish princess, /tg/?


I think I have Weeaboo already. He can honestly say he didn't break the Magic Circles and free the Guard, but...we've already shown it can be beaten. He's already under suspicion for his actions, I just need to let him keep doing what he has been doing.


The Aftermath[edit]

One of the posters sketched the image that celebrated the OP's then-unsure victory: sit on a throne next to an open window, granting a view of the burning elven forest. His henchwoman at his right hand, the dorf brothers on his left, brofisting. The weeaboo tied and gagged at his feet, and the heads of the prince and the elven captain nailed over the throne, the words "DEVIANT" and "MURDERER" on small plaques under them.

And in the end, isn't this what all true warriors strive for?

TL; DR verion[edit]

Elves die. Just as planned.

See also[edit]

The first thread
The second thread
The third thread
The fourth thread
The fifth thread