Fairy Meat

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Fairy Meat is a fantasy wargame released by Kenzer & Co, authors of Knights of the Dinner Table and creators of Kingdoms of Kalamar and Hackmaster. It revolves around a version of the real world in which the fey subtly live alongside humans (whom they call "Big People"), escaping notice because they consist of cute little fairies smaller than squirrels. Except something has gone horribly wrong and those cute little fairies have turned into violent, bloodthirsty psychopaths who think killing is fun and who are addicted to the taste of fairy flesh. You and your buddies each control a warband of fairies, seeking to hunt down other bands of fairies and kill each other so you can feast on that sweet, sweet fairy meat.

Stats for cannibal fairies as monsters actually appear in the 4th edition bestiary for Hackmaster, just in case you ever wanted to pilfer them for Advanced Dungeons & Dragons.

Gameplay[edit]

Fairy Meat is essentially a warband game, where players use their band of fairies to kill and eat the other fairies until only their band or one remains over a pile of mangled meat.

Players use poker cards to determine the success and effects of different moves, such as moving, and fighting (with weapons or with their own hands), pouncing (knocking down an enemy fairy), killing, and eating their targets. Characters and tokens (who represent the characters' strength and wounds) are placed in the LIVE or MEAT boxes. MEAT boxes are where tokens are put away after they are used, and where killed characters are placed after they are defeated.

As Fairies are magical creatures, spells they use to attack their enemies are known as Twinkle. Each spell cast may cost action tokens.

Expansion Packs[edit]

In the first expansion, Clockwork Punch, the Gnomes were bent on world domination and attempted to test their insane devices on the fairies. This included mechanized gnomes with cyborg parts and such.

In the second expansion, Sugar and Vice, the Moon Fairies, vain descendants of royalty, return from exile.

In the third expansion, Wicked Things, the title characters join in the carnage and try out their dark magic. These fairies, simply known as "Wicked Things", were corrupted by sorcerers and witches.

In the fourth expansion, WAR!, a special breed of fairy forms armies in an attempt to kill the rest of their cannibalistic kin.

Races[edit]

The sugarcoated carnage of Fairy Meat is populated by a colourful cast of pint-sized murderers.

All Fairies are female.

Base game[edit]

  • Woodland Fairies - the default fairy, who is sorted into different tribes named after plants. These little buggers relish killing and eating other fairies since the day they emerge from a plant that blooms every spring. They are very primitive, using only knives and pincers as their weapons.
  • Glitter Fairies - the descendants of lesser fairy nobles and sorcerers before the cannibals caused their civilisation to collapse. They are a sub-breed of Woodland Fairy. Although they are physically-weaker, they have stronger magic. They use two kinds of magic: Nasty (attack) and Nice (healing and defence).

Clockwork Punch[edit]

  • Gnomes - After many years of working with humans, the gnomes felt jealous that the humans became more advanced than them. So they lost their magic and became the most technologically-advanced race in the whole game, only to destroy most of their kind in a great war. The survivors live alone in laboratories, away from even other Gnomes, where they build Clock-Fairies and other machines to become more powerful. As for the occasional human who managed to escape after stumbling into a Gnome's lair, he might eventually be killed in his sleep...
  • Clock-Fairies - The result of a Gnome's attempt to create a robotic slave, Clock-Fairies consist of a robotic body with the head of a slain fairy, or containing the fairy's brain. However, in spite of all the technology used to stop the Clock-Fairies from rebelling, they might go haywire after being exposed to light, causing them to escape or murder their abusive makers and masters. In one case, the first Clock-Fairy used her master's head as a football.
  • Gremlins - the mortal enemies of the Gnomes, they are notorious for what they do best: sabotaging the Gnomes' machinery for fun.

Sugar and Vice[edit]

  • Moon Fairies - the hedonistic descendants of the nobility who fled to the Moon, Moon Fairies centre their modern culture on rock music. When some of them did return to Fairyland, they were upset that their former subjects have descended into cannibalistic barbarity, refusing to obey their orders and becoming too strong to fight against due to their cannibal strength. As they are too weak to fight their cannibal kin with weapons or even their fists, Moon Fairies use a magical lipstick called "Pink" to steal their enemies' souls. They also use magic, but with their own lores, known as Glamour and Glitz.
  • Beat Pixies - the obnoxious minions of the Moon Fairies, these pixies are naturally drummers and front-line warriors who are obsessed with music and rhythm.

Wicked Things[edit]

"Wicked Things", the titular creatures of the supplement, are creatures corrupted by witches and sorcerers.

  • Bitter Fairies - corrupted Glitter Fairies, these mischievous tricksters are imbued with powerful spells to defeat their opponents. They can develop into Gloom Fairies and then as the more-powerful Doom Fairies.
  • Blood Fairies - bloodthirsty, murderous Fairies obsessed with killing.
  • Cricken - demonic Fairies.
  • Leperchauns - filthy and diseased Gnomes who revel in illness and their poor hygiene.
  • Night Fairies - converted Glitter Fairies who use their additional powers for mischief.

WAR![edit]

  • Straightedge Rebellion - In every few fairies that emerge from their plant, there is one or two who is more serious and joyless than the rest. For not taking in the twisted pleasures of their tribes, these fairies had to leave and form their own armies. They live a very strict life, as soldiers in their ultimate goal, to slaughter all other fairies as cannibals. However, their rules also forbid eating other fairies' meat.
  • Feral Queen - the Moon Queens who were lost in the forests of Fairyland, they now rule over their own tribes of barbaric Fairies by killing and eating their way to dominance.