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A Certain Piece of Related Writefaggotry I Have No Clue Where to Put It[edit]
One upon a time, there was ass. A veritable plethora of ass. Round ass, sagging ass, lumpy ass, foam ass. Assed asses assing about in an alliterative association of ass. Truly, it was the best of ass, it was the worst of ass- a meandering flow of glorious and unyielding ass, in fact; if you've come here expecting not-ass or the terrible visage of the assless, you're in the wrong place. We're going to take this meandering and rambling train of ass's bounty directly into the furthest reaches of the stratosphere- nay, the assosphere, and beyond. Yes, we're riding a methane rocket into the Valhalla of ass as we continue our journey into the mystical realm of complete and utter ass.
We've no time nor tolerance for butt; no patience to spare for that unnerving and unjiggling pallor of juvenile assery that some doubtlessly expect from this text but for it's subject matter. This is the realm of ass, and ass is what we shall find in this assy, assy place- indeed, we make for the cleft of cheek, those firm mountains in the distance- titans of roundness on the horizon. Literal metaphorical ass mountains, curving and shining into the horizon like some unfathomable greased thing from beyond the stars; beyond the ken of mortal men.
Ass transcends the laughable boundaries of literature and the even more laughable restrictions of literature-rating programs. It is from the depths of the heart that ass springs forth bountifully, and to back to the heart it must return in a crashing wave, for better or worse, for good or evil, for richer or poorer. This is the quest of the ass, to find it's way into as many hearts as it can, a bountiful march of ass that worms it's way into the passion of man in an unstoppable evolution of jiggling assery. Truly, ass transcends any language and barrier, coming to be such odd wordy things such as assery, or asstastic, or assbyssmal- a true Assenstein's monster of slang. Words that have no strength in meaning, but are granted it unfleetingly and solidly by the grand power of ass itself, steadfast and rock-solid, firm in power and belief until they become true even to the eyes of assless heathens.
Out one true God The God-Emperor of Mankind himself once spoke thusly "Let there be hot bitches with white hair, bouncy tits, and round asses," and then there came to be just as such. Have you truly the unbending and unfathomable courage and stupidity to crassly call the ever-truthful words of The God-Emperor incorrect, heretic? Nine out of ten deities recommend ass and ass-related activities for the soul, especially round ones, and they are deities for a reason, not just out of cosmic coincidence. Bounce a quarter off of one and pray for divine inspiration, for this pleases the gods near as much as crusades, and is far less expensive and time-consuming for the mortals involved. But on the subject of Gods, men, and asses, he who desecrates the ass will find himself subject to the wrathful retribution of the god or gods themselves, as his very life and ass crumbles before his eyes.
Some say that to speak this much and this passionately of the great and bountiful literary harvest that ass is strange and unusual, yet what is it they sit upon as they would make such comments? It is ass, and it is good- no more need be argued, no more need be said, but will be heard in the words of an arrogant ass who gives a malignant name to true ass across the whole of the globes. They would make the shining future that is the truth of ass be unassed, an unprecedented and unbelievable dick move beyond all other dick moves that ever moved dickishly on God's green earth. One must not mix the dick and the ass in such a way, for it is unnatural, as are all such metaphorical and meta-fornical entendres of crude and offensive humour, such as this very essay that contains this very argument.
Some would call this foray into ass a waste, a sprawling and Sisyphean exercise, or any other of a bountiful array of flowery and flaccid terms that could bring a barbed literary whipping to this monument of literary ass. They are wrong, for it this essay of ass is a behinded Oddysey into the realm of absurdity in the written form, proudly displayed for exactly none to see, for none would deign to read such convoluted assery.
And so, it (being this rambling rant) shall remain here, assing away in silence, roundly and firmly as it goes; it is a testament to ass, and all that comes along with it, and goes along with it.
