From the Fortress

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This is a companion fluff story for the /tg/ homebrew game Server Crash.

The Mayday files definitely made everything better.

"Howie", somehow it was difficult to think of his name without the commas, carried his lunch to the dining hall. It looked so delicious. It was made from masterfully minced turtle, well-minced plump helmet, well-minced plump helmet, and masterfully minced dwarven ale. He sat down at a table and began eating, and it tasted just as good as he thought it would.

After his meal, "Howie" headed back to the food storage, picked up a finely crafted barrel, and drank deep of the Whip Wine inside. Then it was back to work. Shortly after exiting the food storage, he spotted an obsidian boulder in Stone Stockpile #247. Since they got the pumps figured out, they'd been producing the stuff non-stop.

He carried the boulder, big as he was though the weight didn't bother him, up the tall stairwell. Soon he was above-ground. Higher and higher, up another seven flights. He set the boulder down, pulled a chisel from his beard (which was getting pretty long by now), and set to work making another flight of stairs. There was a thunderous boom in the sky box, as the God spoke thus:

20XX/02/22: FINISHED UP THE ORGAN PROBLEMS, SO THAT PIECES OF RIB WON'T APPEAR INSIDE LUNGS UNLESS THEY PUNCTURE IT. THIS SHOULD PREVENT MOST CASES OF FATAL PNEUMONIA. ALSO, HAIR (INCLUDING BEARDS) CAN NOW BE BRAIDED, WITH BRAIDS VARYING IN QUALITY DEPENDING ON THE BRAIDER. THIS WILL FALL UNDER THE 'STYLIST' JOB.

And then it was over. "Howie" climbed up the stair he had just built, and looked out over the valley. Maybe he shou- GOOD LORD, A RHESUS MONKEY!!!