Commissar Fuklaw

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REASONABLY EXPLOITABLE

Commissar John Fuklaw is a commissar attached to the Angry Marines chapter, trained by Commissar Raege.

The Angry Marines have a Commissar because Fuklaw was too damn angry to be put anywhere else. After the Angry Marines saw him in action, they started recruiting from his homeworld. Since the Angry Marines are too skull-on-dick insane to retreat, he rarely has any problems with morale issues with them, and has adapted his role to inspire greater levels of rage in his comrades. In short, being out-done by a shiteating old man pisses the Angry Marines off to no end and drives them to fight even harder. To date, he is the third fourth commissar in Imperial history to join with an Adeptus Astartes chapter. The others being Yarrick, Dan, and Cain.

For extra laughs, read his lines in the voice of that crazy teacher with the eyeball from Daria.

Commissar's detailed biography can be found here.

Codex: Commissar Fuklaw 7th Edition[edit]

Name Points WS BS S T W I A Ld Sv Unit Type Composition
Commissar Fuklaw 150 6 3 3 4 3 3 3 10 4+ Infantry (Character) 1 (Unique)



((Why does he have near meq stats? Because he is that angry.))

Wargear[edit]

  • Carapace armor
  • Bolt pistol
  • Chainsword
  • Frag and Krak grenades
  • Twisted Lump of Metal/Iron Halo

Options:

  • His Chainsword may be upgraded to a "Master Fuck Fist", a master-crafted powerfist, for an additional +25 points.
  • may exchange his Bolt Pistol for another ranged weapon from the Ranged Weapons list. He may also exchange his Chainsword for another melee weapon from the Close Combat Weapon list.
  • may take items from the Special Wargear list.

Special Rules[edit]

  • Inspiring Rage!!!
  • It Will Not Die
  • Eternal Warrior
  • Honorary Angry Marine: Despite not undergoing the surgeries and treatments needed for a human to be a Space Marine, Fuklaw's inhuman rage for everything and savage combat skills has allowed him to match up Angry Marines in combat, cursing, and anger, a feat even most Astartes of other chapters cannot hope to match. Temperus Maximus, deeming that Fuklaw is: "PRETTY FUCKING ANGRY ENOUGH IN MY BOOK", has also allowed him to earn the respect of the Angry Marines, treating him as an equal, despite his non-Astartes status.
  • This rule counts Fuklaw as having the Angry Marine special rule.
  • FUCK YOU POSER: If two opposing armies include Commissar Fuklaw, those models, and the units they are attached to, must, if able, move to get into close combat with each other. Neither unit will retreat until one of Commissar Fuklaws (who is obviously an impostor) is killed.
  • FUCK HERETICS!: Such is the anger that Commissar Fuklaw has against xenos, mutants and heretics, that he and any unit led by him will fight with redoubled fury against these enemies of the Emprah (as far as Fuklaw is concerned, anyone opposing him is at least one of the three). Commissar Fuklaw, and any unit he is attached to, gains Hatred (everything).
  • DRIVE ME CLOSER, I WANT TO HIT THEM WITH MY SWORD!!!:
  • Before deployment commences, Commissar Fuklaw may commandeer any friendly non-walker vehicle, even those that normally do not transport models. The original occupants, if any, will have to walk. As long as Fuklaw is on board, the vehicle uses his profile for ranged combat, count as chariot, and must move at least 6" towards the closest enemy unit during its movement phase and attack in close combat if able. If commandeering a normally non-transport unit, Fuklaw cannot accompany a unit, and cannot disembark unless the vehicle is destroyed. When the vehicle is destroyed, it is removed as a casualty but Commissar Fuklaw walks away unscathed and will perform the last action he was doing before his vehicle was destroyed.
  • Fearless - Fuklaw is totally fucking fearless and never has to take Morale or Pinning tests. He confers this ability to any unit he joins, as they fear him more than any enemy.
  • Independent Character: Commissar Fuklaw is an independent character and follows all of the rules for characters in the Warhammer 40,000 rulebook. In addition, he cannot join a unit wearing Terminator armor, jump packs, or power feet.
  • Leader:
  • In addition to his rank of Commissar, Fuklaw is a leader of men. He will not carry out Summary Execution (as any units he joins becomes Fearless), but he will execute a Sanctioned Psyker subject to the It's For Your Own Good! rule. Same goes for Angry Marine Masters of Mindfuckery. Furthermore, Fuklaw may make a ranged attack against any friendly squad within 12" that fails a Morale check (even if he is embarked in a vehicle - if the vehicle normally does not carry troops, Fuklaw will fire its main weapon at his ballistic skill). If that attack kills at least one model, the unit counts as if it had passed the Morale check. If Fuklaw traded his ranged weapon for a close combat weapon, he may only execute squads that are 6" of him. This is due to the fact that close combat weapons generally aren't as lethal as they're meant to be while thrown.
  • The Hammer of the Emperor - Fuklaw brings back the blunt fury of the Emperor's hammer. Angry "Serfs" may be taken as troop choices.

Codex: Commissar Fuklaw 8th Edition (from Codex - Angry Marines 8th Edition)[edit]

Commissar Fuklaw is now a very angry old fart with a Power arm, who has to use his Master-Crafted Chainsword as a cane and his Commissar-Cane when he walks.

Name M WS BS S T W A Ld Sv Points
Commissar Fuklaw 4" 2+ 3+ 3 4 4 3 9 4+ 130



Weapon Range Type S AP D Abilities
Death stare 3" Pistol 1 3 -2 1 -
Commissar-Cane 18" Assault 1 4 0 1 If the target is within half range, change this weapon's Type to Assault 2,

and add 1 to this weapon's Strength, Damage.

Power arm that handles a Master-Crafted Chainsword Melee Melee +2 -2 2 -

Composition: This unit contains only Chapter Master Temperus Maximus. (Power Rating 7)

Wargear:

  • Death stare (in the literal sense of the word.)
  • Commissar-Cane (a Master-Crafted shotgun Cane.)
  • Power arm that handles a Master-Crafted Chainsword.
  • his old trusted Bolt pistol.

Abilities:

  • Honorary Angry Marine: Despite not undergoing the surgeries and treatments needed for a human to be a Space Marine, Fuklaw's inhuman rage for everything and savage combat skills has allowed him to match up Angry Marines in combat, cursing, and anger, a feat even most Astartes of other chapters cannot hope to match. Temperus Maximus, deeming that Fuklaw is: "PRETTY FUCKING ANGRY ENOUGH IN MY BOOK", has also allowed him to earn the respect of the Angry Marines, treating him as an equal, despite his non-Astartes status.
  • Fuklaw has the Angry Marine Keyword.
  • FUCK HERETICS! - Such is the anger that Commissar Fuklaw has against xenos, mutants and heretics, that he and any unit led by him will fight with redoubled fury against these enemies of the Emprah (as far as Fuklaw is concerned, anyone opposing him is at least one of the three).
  • you can re-roll failed hit rolls in the Fight Phase for Friendly Imperium units units that are within 6" of Fuklaw.
  • Twisted Lump of Metal: Fuklaw has a 5+ invulnerable save.
  • this old fart just will not die: each time Commissar Fuklaw loses his final wound; place this model on its side instead of removing it. At the start of your next turn, roll a D6; on a 4+, he regains D3 wounds, and Fuklaw is placed as close to his previous position as possible while remaining more than 1" from any enemy models. if the roll is a 1,2 or 3 Fuklaw will not wake up before the battle is over (remove him as normal).
  • Aura of Fuklaw: Friendly (Angry Marines) units within 6" of Fuklaw can use Commissar Fuklaw's Leadership instead of their own. In addition, Friendly Astra Militarum units within 6" of Fuklaw can re-roll failed Morale tests.
  • BLAM! HERESY! - only Fuklaw is enough of a badass to execute Angry Marines: in the Morale phase, any Friendly (Angry Marines) units that have lost 2 or more models early that turn within 6" of Fuklaw suffers 1 mortal wound and will automatically pass their Morale test. In addition, If a Friendly Imperium Psyker unit is slain as a result of Perils of the Warp whilst within 6" of Fuklaw, they are executed before anything untoward can happen - the power they were attempting sill fails, but units within 6" of them do not suffer D3 mortal wounds as normal.
  • FUCK YOU POSER: If two opposing armies include Commissar Fuklaw, (I do not know how to explain how ability works.)
  • DRIVE ME CLOSER, I WANT TO HIT THEM WITH MY SWORD!!!: if Fuklaw is embarked on a Transport that is not a Flyer; In the Charge Phase, the Transport must try to charge the closest enemy unit if possible. In addition, in the Fight Phase, the Transport must use Fuklaw's Weapon Skill, Strength and Attack characteristic instead of it's own, and use Fuklaw's Power arm that handles a Master-Crafted Chainsword.

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Astra Militarum, (Angry Marines)

Keywords: Infantry, Character, Angry Commissar, Fuklaw, Commissar

NOTE[edit]

  • Commissar Fuklaw is uncircumcised. Also of Note is that Commissar Fuklaw Lost his Penis fighting a Khorne Berserker. (more importantly that Berserker was Kharn, a pretty cool guy) I don't need a penis I have a chainsword.
  • Fuklaw throws the best Halloween parties.
  • Fuklaw is a fan of Nosferatu.
  • Fuklaw's prefers Szechuan and Indian cuisine.
  • Fuklaw was purportedly a friend of Colonel Greiss. This appears to have carried on with his successor; Fuklaw and Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken are rumored go out drinking at a local Imperial Guard pub whenever they're in the same sector to exchange war stories and news.
  • Commissar Fuklaw was made by a drawfag called Gannadene (or Plague of gripes).

See Also[edit]

Gallery[edit]