General Sturnn

From 1d4chan
Grit Incarnate. (if you look closely you'll notice his entire face is a bulletproof callus)

"To each of us falls a task. And all the emperor requires of us Guardsmen is that we stand the line and we die fighting. It is what we do best. We die standing."

– General Sturnn in Dawn of War: Winter Assault.

Not to be confused with Jeff Bridges.

General Sturnn AKA Grit Incarnate or Grit made Manifest, is the commander of the Cadian 412th Regiment in the Dawn of War: Winter Assault game.

Unlike the other Imperial Generals in the succeeding Dawn of War games, Sturnn is actually old (rather than looking in his early 40s), and looks like he's been into a fight or ten. He and his Regiment were ordered to secure the Emperor-class Titan, Dominatus, on Lorn V, left behind when the Planet was lost to Chaos Forces.

The main difference between him and General Vance Motherfucking Stubbs is that Sturnn's got the one thing that separates the Man-General from the Boy-General: Grit. His idea of a planetary beachhead against super-human, power armour-wearing chaos worshipers is to personally land with a single Commissar and 6 squads of Imperial Guardsmen right on the doorsteps of a god damn Chaos-held Defense Fortress. His choice of tactics might be connected with the fact that since he possesses a gritted, roached out voice, he possibly drinks himself to sleep at night, but that's just how he does things (although he's got so much grit he probably doesn't even need to sleep).

He also doesn't feel the need to wear a golden breastplate, have a Plasma Pistol, super-duper powerclaws, bodyguards, optical bionics, Over-sized Pauldrons, fancy golden boots or a shiny new cape. He only wears his gritted face, cheap powerclaws, forearm storm Bolter and his Medal covered Imperial Guard uniform, which offers good protection against anything, especially against Space fairy trickery and guile. The sheer amount of medals he has gained literally gives him about as much armor as a Space Marine Terminator. All of these have been earned from incredible feats of manliness, such as killing an Ork Warboss by beating him to death with his own severed arm, or single-handedly holding off a Tyranid Hive Fleet while pleasuring three women.

His Manly Grit has earned him praises from Space Marines, right after defeating a bunch of Necrons who just woke up and had a bad case of the morning blues, Orks looking for trouble and the Chaos forces on Lorn V.

Sadly, he did not make it to Dawn of War: Dark Crusade, being replaced by some snot-nosed Boy-General, who laughably tried to imitate his grittiness by finding A SINGLE ARM OF SOME RANDOM TITAN WHICH WAS JUST LYING 5 FEET FROM HIS SUPER SECURE AND OUT OF REACH LANDING ZONE. That General was Named Governor-Militant Lukas Alexander, if only because Sturnn was elsewhere, possibly busy killing some other enemy of the Imperium of Man with but a glance of his Grit-filled stare.


Some would have you believe that Sturnn died in Winter Assault and the Eldar ending is canon, but a piece of Imperial Guard wargear in Retribution outright states that General Sturnn did lead his men to the Imperator Titan. In Eldar ending, however, the Imperial Guard did retake the Titan, but it exploded after overheating, therefore killing everyone near it (except the pointy-ears faggots who had departed back into the Webway). Yeap, Sturnn included, so he is totally dead His adamantium balls are graded at 0.7 Sly Marbos on the wardian plot-armour scale, as such he is easily capable of surviving something as trivial as an exploding Titan.

However, the FFG Only War sourcebook Hammer of the Emperor states that General Sturnn was betrayed by Taldeer and the Eldar and "cut down in a hail of shuriken fire." BLAM! HERESY!!! DID YOU NOT JUST READ WHAT IT SAID ABOUT HIS MEDALS?

Then there's that Eldar campaign intro in Dark Crusade where the narrator hints that the Eldar pitted the Imperial Guard against the Necrons on Lorn V. However, this piece of dialogue only raises more questions than answers (typical). However, there's also the Imperial Guard campaign where Alexander's secondary goal (besides 'liberating' the planet) is hunting down Taldeer and taking her out, and we don't mean on a romantic HERETICAL date. She must've done something big... say, blowing up an irreplaceable war machine that could single-handedly turn the tide of an entire campaign?

Really, who knows. The majority of evidence points to an Eldar victory on Lorn V, but it's highly unlikely that Sturnn would allow himself to be killed by any amount of Space Fairy faggotry, and frankly any notions to that are ridiculous and extra heretical.

Actually, it is quite possible that he originally died in Winter Assault (As evidenced by the Taldeer hunt in DC), but then Relic retconned it into him winning (As evidenced by the Retribution Wargear). That, or the Eldar victory had elements of the Imperial Guard victory (as in Sturnn survived and got the Titan Dominatus, albeit heavily damaged due to Wraithbone shenanigans). So it's really a toss up if you really think about, I'd say that there's a 50/50 chance he was kicking ass at the Fall of Cadia.

Speaking from an entirely hypothetical perspective, it would in many ways make sense if Gorgutz killed him, as he and Taldeer are the only characters that carry over, and it directly shows Sturnn being pulverized by Gorgutz, so this is entirely possible.

Though this too seems unlikely as Gorgutz' only real tactic seems to be runnz away from all dem otha gits. Some Ork warboss amirite? *WHAM!* Shut it yeh git! This also only happens in the disorder campaign of Winter Assault, which is definitely non-canon (aside from Gorgutz smashing Lord Crull and claiming his head).

And if you STILL think he isn't already badass enough, just listen to him address his men.

Famous members of the Imperial Guard
Commissars: Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt - Commissar Anton Gebbet
Commissar Ciaphas Cain - Commissar Holt - Commissar Severina Raine - Commissar Yarrick
Senior Officers: Colonel Greiss - Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken - Knight Commander Pask
Lieutenant-Colonel Mikail Leonid - Lord Castellan Ursarkar E. Creed
Lord Solar Macharius
Junior Officers: Captain Al'Rahem - Commander Kubrik Chenkov
Enlisted Guardsmen: Arden - Colour Sergeant Jarran Kell - Gunner Ferik Jurgen
Mogul Kamir - Nork Deddog - Ollanius Pius - Sergeant Harker
Sergeant Lukas Bastonne - Sly Marbo
From Dawn of War I: Colonel Carus Brom - General Sturnn
Vance Motherfucking Stubbs - Governor-Militant Lukas Alexander
From Dawn of War II: Commissar Lord Bernn - Lord General Castor - Sergeant Merrick