Giles

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Small Book.pngThe following article is a /tg/ related story or fanfic. Should you continue, expect to find tl;dr and an occasional amount of awesome.

Giles is Fat.

Giles[edit]

Giles was a fatty. A huge fatty.

His singular goal in his pathetic life? Ascend into godhood as the god of gorging oneself on pork and wine. Born as an oversized commoner with feral instinct and a predetermined right to godhood, he weighed over one hundred and fifty pounds by age three. Now, at age twenty eight, he weighs over eight hundred pounds.

Surprisingly, despite his mass, he can still move. Barely, however. In roughly a minute he has been timed to move a scant twenty yards while walking. He doesn't even attempt to run. For now he sits on his throne, being fed by a...well, we'll get to that later.

First, let me tell you of his childhood. Growing up, he was feared by the other children, after an especially nasty incident in which one child went missing after being alone with Giles. The other children claimed Giles belched out a thumb, but the adults would not believe them.

Poor misguided adults. By age twelve, his hunger was so large that he went on a rampage around town and soon everyone was in his immense gullet. The town guard attempted to stop him, but cutting him with their swords only made him bleed acid into their puny faces. This was no child, it was a monster.

Still hungry and without anyone left to eat, Giles explored the woods, wresting and then eating wolves. Eventually he was large enough to even eat bears in about two bites. He had even grown massive claws. After six years of this lifestyle, Giles came across a goblin camp. Literally devouring their defenses, Giles soon made it to the leader's hut. Kla'gne, a blue goblin with psychic powers, managed to use his fast tongue to convince Giles to let him and the rest of the goblins live. In exchange, they would gather food for him and make him their new leader. Thus he became known as Giles, Gluttonous King of Goblins.

Giles lived in luxury atop a throne, being fed by a goblin slave. The throne sat in a metallic cart with ropes attached in case Giles ever had to be pulled somewhere. The goblins were not very strong, however, and it would take over twenty of them to pull the collective massive weight at a reasonable speed. So he ordered them to raid towns, stealing food and strong men. The food would feed Giles and the strong men would have their minds taken over by Kla'gne. The Holy Cart Pullers, as they came to be known, needed to only be in a band of eight to pull the cart. Of course, Giles kept more than just eight. As older ones would become weak, they would be devoured and a new one put in their place.

This lucrative lifestyle was not let to go on, however.

A band of four adventurers, hearing the tale of this despicable man, went to slay him. They easily cut though the goblin defenses and came to the main chamber room. Engaging in a battle with both Giles and Kla'gne, they managed to destroy Giles. Kla'gne, however, easily dispatched their severely weakened forces through clever manipulation. With the whole thing said and done, Kla'gne wept over the corpse of his fallen king. Despite the fact Giles originally attempted to eat him, Kla'gne had grown to like him as a father over the years.

So, using his psychic powers, Kla'gne set off on a journey disguised as a human, telling the tale of a fat and jolly man who would give, rather take. With eight magical deer instead of eight enslaved strong men. If Giles could not be a traditional god, at least he could be great in the mind of others. Good old Saint Giles. Kla'gne even decided to pay tribute to this man's massive claws, thus giving him the nickname of Saint o' Claws.

Little did the children of the world know, now that they all revere him, that anyone can become a god...with enough worship.

And so Giles ate the universe.