Goliath Mega-Cannon

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Behold! The true winner of the penis extension contest.

Oh boy, you thought the Cyclops War Machine was the ultimate penis compensator weapon? Ladies and Gentlemen I introduce to you the Squat's Goliath Mega-Cannon AKA The Giant Dong of Destruction, The Penis Extension Program, The Weapon of Merciless Penetration and the AEonic Orb's true unknown rival. The Goliath Mega-Cannon is a huge, mobile artillery piece which fire monster shells weighing several tons. A Goliath shell can blast apart the strongest fortifications like matchwood or shatter a super heavy tank. Squats use batteries of Goliaths to bombard enemy emplacements at long range and pound hostile cities to rubble. This gives the Warrior Brotherhoods and giant war machines invaluable supporting fire while they move into position to launch their assaults against the weakened foe.

Goliaths are covered and defended by a group of Thunder-Fire Cannons, creating a hilarious image of a phallic object being surrounded by more phallic objects.


The power of the Goliath means that each cannon fires its own barrage template. A Goliath attack is worth four barrage points plus the roll of a D6, giving a score between 5 and 10. The super heavy shells fired by the Goliath are so good at reducing fortifications to rubble that it ignores hit modifiers for cover altogether. Despite what appearances might suggest, Goliaths aren't static guns but is mobile (The moving mechanism is hidden by its stabilizing clamps, essentially think of a modern track vehicle with a giant tower cannon on top). Goliath's can move slowly from position to position propelled by their heavy track units, but because a Goliath needs time to dig in its massive recoil dampers it can't be moved and fired in the same turn. This means that there is no point placing a Goliath on advance orders. On charge orders it can move up to 10cm but can't shoot, on first fire orders it can shoot but it can't move.

The Goliath lobs its shells high into the air to achieve its mammoth range, but it can't depress its barrel to hit a very close target. This means a Goliath can't shoot at targets closer than 50cm, so it has a min range of 50cm. They also don't have any self-defense secondary weapons so you need a few Thunder-Fire Cannons to offer cover support and picking off any units near the Goliath.

Forces of the Squats
Command: Guildmaster - Living Ancestor - Squat Warlord
Troops: Brotherhood Heavy Weapons Team
Commissar - Hearthguard - Mole Mortar Team
Squat Berserkers - Squat Thunderers
Squat Trooper - Tech Priest
Vehicles: Cyclops War Machine - Colossus War Machine
Land Train - Leviathan - Rhino - Squat Bike
Squat Trike - Tunneling Transport Vehicles
Flyers &
Iron Eagle Gyrocopter
Overlord Armoured Airship
Artillery: Heavy Quad-Launcher
Thunder-Fire Cannon
Goliath Mega-Cannon