Gregor Eisenhorn

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Inquisitor Gregor Eisenhorn, recognizable by the grumpy expression.

Gregor Eisenhorn is an Inquisitor of the Ordo Xenos operating out of the Scarus Sector, and the hero of the eponymous Eisenhorn novels by Dan Abnett. He essentially is the Grimdark James Bond, in that he ran around, saving the galaxy from all kinds of heresy, while scoring with dozens of sexy women the entire time. He is responsible for training the equally awesome Inquisitor Gideon Ravenor, who was incredibly similar to his master in terms of efficiency, though Ravenor did things with a much more angst-y monologue.

Eisenhorn is a psyker, for whatever it's worth. He is definitely not the strongest, but his meager abilities serve his duties well, in that he can sense disturbances in the warp, communicate with people over distances without producing noise, and he can also rape your mind. This comes in handy several times, as he frequently uses psychic weapons and items. The one distinct problem brought up by his psychic abilities is the fact that his one true love, Alizabeth Bequin, is an Untouchable, making physical proximity painful for him, let alone physical contact. She wound up eating shit and was placed in a cryo-tube after falling comatose, before Eisenhorn could finally suck it up and admit his feelings after a century of working with her, and thus he is now so ronery ;_;. He does, however, occasionally visit her tube and talk to her.

He suffered a terrible amount of torture under a real psycho's intense care, permanently damaging some of his facial muscles, rendering him unable to smile for the rest of his life. In the novels, however, him being so charming and witty, he sometimes forgets his disability and has "forced a smile" or he "had to smile" or sometimes even "can't help but smile". This is how space James Bond rolls.

If anyone made a film of the series, he would likely be played by Sean Connery Sir Sean Connery (May he rest in peace). From the jacket art however, he looks like Hugo Weaving.

Ideology and Its Development

The man in his later years. He got scarier and yet cooler as well as acquiring a pimp cane. Still grumpy though.

Eisenhorn started off his career as a Puritan Inquisitor, meaning that he was fucking hardcore. He went around with high-bar morals, shooting other Inquisitors for being radical pricks, gaining him cool points with the rest of the Inquisition. However, shit hit the fan and he ultimately found himself chasing a daemonhost named Cherubael across Scarus while picking up more and more HERESY as he went along. He became obsessed with screwing that prick Cherubael over, and stumbled on a HERESY so big it cost him his high and mighty Puritan status to be able to clean it up. He wound up taking advice from a major, imprisoned heretic on how to deal with heresy, and in the process set himself down the road of becoming a Radical Inquisitor. He saved the galaxy, imprisoned Cherubael using an extra HERETICAL book and then went along his merry way.

The heretic who Eisenhorn got advice from was Pontius Glaw, an arch-heretic who was thought to have been dead after causing mass havoc in the sector years before Eisenhorn's time; in reality he escaped the Inquisition by having his mind placed in a little box. Glaw had a distinct problem with Eisenhorn, as the Inquisitor had cheated him out of returning to a physical form. Life gets lonely inside a small box, and so Eisenhorn managed to convince him to give him information in exchange for being able to wander around in a servitor body. Eisenhorn left Glaw's box to be attended to by a Tech-Priest friend, which was probably the biggest mistake he ever made, as Tech-Priests have a tendency to make everything dangerous. Rather than simply give him a normal servitor chassis like Eisenhorn asked, the Tech-Priest apparently gave Glaw a body that would make General Grievous envious, complete with a cloak made of knives. Glaw killed the poor guy then escaped, in order to take vengeance on Eisenhorn. It was ultimately due to Glaw's assault that Eisenhorn became a full-blown radical. He began implementing more and more heretical means to figure out Glaw's plans, estranging himself from his remaining colleagues in the process. He went as far as to, with the help of his student Ravenor, enlist the aid of the eldar Farseer. After completely falling from grace, being named a rogue by his peers, and losing his friends, Eisenhorn disappeared, followed close by Cherubael, who he has bound into his servitude.

Retinue

Besides Ravenor, Bequin, and Cherubael, Eisenhorn maintained a retinue of individuals hired for their skills:

  • Godwyn Fischig: Former chastener in the Adeptus Arbites, he joined Eisenhorn around the same time as Bequin. A person of strong morals and faith in the God-Emperor, Fischig basically served as Eisenhorn's conscience. When he learned about Cherubael, Fischig went to some of Eisenhorn's rivals in the Ordo Malleus, mostly out of a desperate attempt to save Eisenhorn's soul. Medea Betancore was forced to shoot him in the back, and Aemos later bound Cherubael to his dead body. If a good man struggling to do the right thing ending up getting killed by his friends and made a daemonhost doesn't show you that that 40k is grimdark to the max, we don't know what will.(Also, his name means "fishy" in German.)
  • Uber Aemos: Savant and Eisenhorn's longest serving friend. He acquired a meme-virus where he became addicted to information (it's 40k, don't think too hard). He stayed by Eisenhorn's side when he went full radical, eventually reading the aforementioned heretical book to help Eisenhorn figure out what Glaw was after. Chaos tomes being what they are, Aemos went insane, with the knowledge eventually killing him. Fond of the phrase "most perturbatory".
  • Midas and Medea Betancore: Midas served as the pilot of Eisenhorn's personal gun-cutter, and was one of the best pilots Eisenhorn ever had. He was killed by a heretic (the same one that ended up causing Bequin's death) one month before the birth of his daughter Medea (lol, Greek mythology reference). Medea eventually became the pilot for Eisenhorn's gun-cutter, giving up a potentially wealthy life for service in the Inquisition.
  • Harlon Nayl: Former mercenary who Eisenhorn hired on as extra muscle. Probably the second-most badass member of the retinue after Eisenhorn. Later went to work for Ravenor, but returned to mercenary after Ravenor was "retired" by the Inquisition.
  • Kara Swole: A former circus acrobat who was hired by Eisenhorn. Constantly described as "voluptuous" (a term Dan Abnett insists on using, even though voluptuous wouldn't be good for acrobatics. This is, however, pointed out more than once.). Remained as part of Ravenor's staff in retirement.

"I am truly irredeemable!"

Eisenhorn and his retinue at the start of his journey, and at the end of it. Oh how the mighty can fall...

Eisenhorn understandably has quite a few things to feel guilty about. However, some of those that have affected him the most took place while he was still at the Elementary Scholam.

-"I colored outside the lines on my Empra coloring book. I feel like such a heathen."

-"I smoked Lho sticks in the restroom. May the Emperor have mercy on my soul."

-"Once, I failed to properly answer a history problem. I fasted for 3 days in penance for my failures."

-"I neglected to knot my footwear in a manner pleasing to Our Schola. I can hardly live for my shame."

-"I hid porno slates underneath my cot. I am truly irredeemable."

-"My best friend Billy kept beating me at Rock-Paper-Scissors, so I had him publicly accused of Heresy and he was executed by being bathed in holy promethium in front of the Schola. I shed a single tear. I was never more ashamed. I should not have cried."

-"Once, I cut in line when the class was being served their daily rations. Truly, I am beyond redemption."

-"I missed a step learning how to perform The Emperor's Sacred Ballroom Dance. Why they did not execute me on the spot, I will never know."

-"On a rainy day on which recess was held indoors, I cheated at Go-Fish. I am the scum of the Imperium."

-"In my executions class, it took me longer than one of the other students to learn proper execution format with Bolt-pistols. I must pray for forgiveness."

-"I allowed three of my pawns to be taken in regicide today. I am a failure in life."

-"God-Emperor, how was I supposed to know all those initiates were Orders Famulous."

-"I showed weakness by blushing in front of this girl, Marcy, in my basic arithmatics class. I flagellated myself for an hour. Blushing is a sin."

-"How was I supposed to know the cheerleader was a guy? Emperor help me."'

-"I once had heretical thoughts about my young female instructor in basic combat training. I must be impure."

-"I missed a line in my recital of the hymns of the Emperor. I wore an Imperial Fist pain glove for a day without stopping to atone for my sins.

-"I misspelled a word on a spelling test in my basic Low Gothic class. I am no better than the arch-traitor Horus."

-"I once chuckled at a joke disparaging the Schola headmaster. They should throw me from the top of the hive."

TL;DR:

Eisenhorn is a total fucking badass. An angsty badass, but a badass nonetheless.

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