History of Traditional Gaming

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Clean-Up.jpgThis page is in need of cleanup. Srsly. It's a fucking mess.

7000-6000 B.C.[edit]

  • Mancala invented in Jordan.
  • The most second most recent Necron update is released.

6000-5000 B.C.[edit]

  • People toss sheep knuckles to entertain themselves.
  • Pick-Up Sticks is probably invented.

5000-3000 B.C.[edit]

  • The cubic d6 is invented in Sumer. The first FLGS opens shortly thereafter. They sell a backgammon-like race game.
  • Go is invented in China (estimated).

3000-1500 B.C.[edit]

  • Lady Puabi of Ur is a boardgame fan. Boardgames and d4s were interred along with her body. One of the games is Senet[1], another very early version of Backgammon.
  • The Chinese invent the dice tray, rolling their dice into pottery bowls to keep track of them (probably because they kept knocking over the miniatures)
  • In India, stick dice are in wide use. Like a huge toothpick with flat sides. Most of the ones found were 4 sided. Some primitive neckbeards still make d3's this way.

1500-1000 B.C.[edit]

  • Native Americans used stick dice. This is the earliest evidence of Indian Casinos.

1000-500 B.C.[edit]

  • The Greeks design more intricate polyhedral dice than the 4 and 6 sided ones previously made. An 8-sider and 12-sider join the ranks. Greek Soldiers are punished with buttsex when caught playing Ares and Argonauts while on guard duty. This becomes widespread. Some people theorize that anal rape was far too lenient a punishment for playing a d12-based system, while others say the system was punishment enough. That's for the philosophers to decide.

500 B.C.-75 A.D.[edit]

  • Parcheesi is invented in India. No, really.
  • Tic-Tac-Toe invented in Egypt. The propensity for all of the games to end in a draw required a name, so the Egyptians named it after the sacred Cat. Now any game that ends in a draw is said to have been won by the Cat. This is probably false, but it sounds plausible as hell.
  • Checkers is invented in Egypt.
  • The D20 is invented in Egypt. Because they spend so much time inventing board games, it is believed that they invented Pyramids & Petsuchos and Sarcophagi & Sphinges shortly afterwards.
  • At some point Egypt invents lead miniatures. Airfix is believed to still have this mold somewhere.

75 A.D.-100 A.D.[edit]

  • The first weighted dice are made in Pompeii. These have little bits of lead in them to make certain numbers come up more often. The jig was up 4 years later when someone was caught using the bogus dice to gyp people out of their chariot payments. The resulting nerdrage was horrific.

100 A.D.-300 A.D.[edit]

  • Romans invent the Slavepunk genre. Glass d20s are being made, and now gaming is becoming part of the artisan circuit.
  • Xiangqi is invented in China. It's like a cross between Go and Chess, but Chess won't be invented for another 400 years. So that last sentence made no sense.

300-500 A.D.[edit]

  • Chinese invent dominoes. It's basically a flat dice game, and a predecessor to Mahjong.

500-900 A.D.[edit]

  • Chess is invented in India, only it's called Chaturanga. It's slightly more complicated than Chess as we know it today.
  • Vikings begin making dice from antlers and from the bones of their enemies. Vikings are fucking badass.

900-1100 A.D.[edit]

  • Feudal Europe is heavy with dicing games, with some people even betting their life on the roll of the bones. Many people diced themselves into slavery. To be caught cheating was often instant death. Knights and ladies often diced, and there were even guilds of dicers (I am so not making that up).

1100-1200 A.D.[edit]

  • Playing cards are invented in China.

1200 A.D.[edit]

  • Cards become known in Europe around this time, possibly coming from Egypt. The phrase "I'd tap that" comes into use.

1800-1900 A.D.[edit]

  • Mahjong invented in China. Those Chinese sure do like to make games huh?
  • Kriegsspiel introduced to Prussian officers in 1811. Official, compiled edition produced by by von Reisswitz (A lieutenant in the Prussian army) in 1824 in a manual entitled (In the typical Prussian pithy style) "Instructions for the Representation of Tactical Maneuvers under the Guise of a Wargame." First known instance of bilking people by producing superfluous books you'll get anyway. Victory over France in 1871 partially attributed to constant practice by the Prussian officer corps with Kriegsspiel. France vows revenge, invents rules lawyering.
  • First civilian wargame produced; naturally, being English, it's about boats.
  • Reversi invented in England, in the 1890's.

1900-Present A.D.[edit]

  • H.G. Wells, worried he wouldn't be immortalized in nerd history just for being one of the first sci-fi writers, makes two wargame books: Floor Games (1911) and Little Wars (1913). Has rules for spring loaded cannons and such.
  • E. Gary Gygax invents Chainmail, Dungeons and Dragons, and an industry with help from a couple other guys. 30 years earlier, nerds around the world all felt a shudder on the day of his birth, but nobody could explain why at the time.
  • 1967: Braunstein, the granddaddy of all RPGs, is created. One of the players, Dave Arneson, goes on to create D&D with Gary Gygax in 1974.
  • In 1971 a Japanese dude changes the name of Reversi, a couple basic rules, and steals the credit calling the game Othello.
  • In 1979 a white guy copies a version of Gomoku, changes one rule, and enjoys success selling Pente for 10 years. Hasbro buys it and the game fails. This establishes a trend.
  • 1983: Four British dudes at Games Workshop create Warhammer Fantasy Battle. This is widely regarded as a good move. Warhammer would later spawn Warhammer 40,000.
  • 1993: Magic the gathering is invented, and the joy of collectible card games is introduced in the world. a certain japanese nobody decides to rip it off by creating his "own" card game that would be released to the joy of weaboos around the world 5 years later, thank goodness its slowly dying.
  • 2002: FATAL is invented and released by Byron Hall. Jesus wept.
  • 2004: A strategy board game with an Egyptian theme and lasers was created, called Khet. This was fuckwin, I don't care who you are. Fucking Lasers? Awesome.