Jetbike

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Jetbikes are freaking sweet rides that any fan of sci-fi will know and imagine owning one day. They fly so no fear of getting a flat tire or getting bogged down need trouble the enthusiastic soon to be dead nujack pilot (what with probably hitting an unseen protruding object below that catches and flips you onto your poor vulnerable skull or running right into an object a la Imperial Bike Scouts in Return of the Jedi.) They often have sweet weaponry that you can fire as you streak towards your enemy, meaning that between your firepower and speed you will often outdo them easily. And like the Eldar of Saim-Hann and the Ork Speed Freakz, you can get that rush from going really, REALLY fast.

Eldar Jetbikes[edit]

Warning. Always in large numbers. Even bigger if Saim-Hann.

As you should know, the damned knife-ears are the only faction other than the Necrons to field Jetbikes en masse. Possibly because it is due to the fact that unlike some other people they actually try to preserve and use their technology to best of their expertise. They are used by not only Craftworld Elfdar but also the Harlequins and even the Dark Eldar (Albeit at lesser quantities and amounts to the point it is not even in their armory). These sleek and elegant craft, capable of high speeds and extreme maneuverability, are testament to the Eldar's mastery of anti-gravitic technology, much to the amazement and jealousy of the Adeptus Mechanicus. On the battlefield they are commonly used as skirmishers, scouts, and fast-response units.

Contained within the body of these Jetbike are powerful anti-gravitic motors, allowing the craft to attain such great velocity that without an Eldar's enhanced reaction speed it would be lethal to ride, so for all you Guardsmen out there who will try to sneak up on one and do a wheelie. Please don't. Through subtle manipulation these motors can also send the bike into a steep climb or sharp dive, though its shape naturally inclines it towards level or upward flight. Long, curved vanes on either side of the bike allow for incredibly sharp mid-air turns. Like most Eldar technology the Jetbike is mentally attuned to the natural psychic abilities of the Eldar so even if you were to ride one without getting your ribs crushed by XTREME! g-force, if you aren't a Psyker then consider it a dud. Anyways, these psychic mumbo-jumbo works via small patches of psychotropic crystals, within the bike's handlebars and the rider's gauntlets, allowing the rider to control the craft through mental commands. For an Eldar to master the Jetbike is an exhilarating challenge that can take years of practice to reach their full potential, but those who do are said to build a rapport with their steeds comparable to the horsemasters of legend.

Jetbike armament consists of twin-linked Shuriken Catapults, although special craft known as Shrieker Jetbikes instead mount a single Shuriken Cannon. Jetbikes are most commonly used by Guardian Jetbike Squadrons for a number of battlefield duties, particularly the Wild Riders of Saim-Hann. The only known Aspect Shrine dedicated to the Jetbike are the Shining Spears, a rare group found on only a few Craftworlds, but they are so in tune with their steeds that they can perform complex maneuvers with but a single gesture. As well, many war-leaders of the Eldar are also known to ride into battle on Jetbikes, including Farseers, Warlocks and Autarchs.

Imperial Jetbikes[edit]

Unfortunately due to a certain chapter and a certain adept, the glorious remaining Jetbikes has been hidden deep inside the vault doors of secrets. Just don't tell the Blood Ravens about this.

As with everything cool and deciding humanity needs to be fucked from every angle possible, GW has decided the Imperium doesn't need Jetbikes and has thus made it a lost technology to the Imperium, dumping your proud marines back onto tired (pun intended) old bikes.

Boo!

To rub grimsalt in the wound, GW has done two things. First of all the pesky Eldar and the wimpy Tau both have access to Jetbike/Jetbike-like rides, so they can fly around blowing raspberries at you. (I guess Marines do get land speeders but that is like a car to the motorbike that is the Jetbikes. Instantly not as trendy). So if the enemies of the Imperium having it wasn't even, there is the second thing. During the Great Crusade the Imperium DID have Jetbikes. Only in small numbers but growing and the Legiones Astartes used them as dedicated fast response units and to pick up chicks (check out this motor baby!).

But the Imperium is ridiculous at keeping back-up copies of all its technical data and they just....forgot or lost the means to make Jetbikes, a gross example of the failure that has continued to haunt the Imperium and Imperial players to this day. (Heck, I wonder if the Imperium is even aware now they used to have Jetbikes.....hmmm).

The only remaining known one is used by the Master of the Ravenwing of the Dark Angels Chapter, Sammael, who uses it to hunt Fallen Angels HERETICS FROM THE NINE TRAITOR LEGIONS. Like the rest of the Dark Angels, he is a dick who doesn't share the fact outside of the chapter he has a working Jetbike. Of course if you thought that would mean the Imperium could, you know, start making Jetbikes again for it's armed forces, think again. The Adeptus Mechanicus is so anal about anyone touching technology they would probably hide it in a museum technobrothel somewhere to gawk at on some stand have sex with.

Then again, it wouldn't be out of character for the Dark Angels to have secretly collected a bunch of jetbikes (or even an STC) and lied about it to the rest of the Imperium, as Sammael's jetbike has been working surprisingly well for many centuries despite being dragged into one warzone after another, not to mention the numerous times it's been seemingly destroyed, only to reappear without a scratch on it...

Basically the Imperium has no Jetbikes left because everyone who might have access to one is a greedy superstitious twit who would rather hoard their goodies then share. And who are the victims? WE ARE because we don't get to have Jetbikes in our armies..... unless you play Horus Heresy, where the flying dildos Jetbikes are your standard Fast Attack unit. Doesn’t this mean the traitors should have Jetbikes in huge quantities?

And then...Custodes!!![edit]

In a move that surprised exactly nobody, the Emperor’s personal pimps have now got access to Jetbikes. Guess they saw Sammael on his when they got off their asses and pulled a Ferrari Mechanicus in complaining, and are now riding around on giant golden eagles and holding huge jousting spears a la knights in shining armour. They also get Hurricane Bolters as standard.

Forces of the Eldar
Heroes: Eldrad Ulthran - Illic Nightspear - Prince Yriel - Phoenix Lords
Command: Autarch - Avatar of Khaine - Exarch
Farseer - Seer Council - Spiritseer - Warlock
Troops: Bonesingers - Guardians - Rangers - Storm Guardians
Aspect Warriors: Crimson Hunters - Dark Reapers - Dire Avengers - Fire Dragons - Howling Banshees
Shadow Spectres - Shining Spears - Striking Scorpions - Warp Spiders
Wraiths: Wraithblades - Wraithguard - Wraithknight - Wraithlord - Wraithseer
Support: Support Weapon Battery - Vyper - War Walker - Wasp Assault Walker - Windrider Jetbikes
Vehicles: Hornet - Falcon - Fire Prism - Firestorm - Night Spinner - Warp Hunter - Wave Serpent
Flyers: Hemlock Wraithfighter - Nightwing Interceptor - Nightshade Interceptor
Superheavy
Vehicles:
Deathstalker - Cobra - Lynx - Phoenix - Scorpion - Storm Serpent - Tempest
Vampire Hunter - Vampire Raider - Void Spinner - Void Dragon Phoenix
Titans: Eldar Knight - Revenant Scout Titan - Phantom Battle Titan - Warlock Titan
Auxiliaries: Harlequins
Forces of the Harlequin
Command: High Avatar - High Warlock
Shadowseer - Solitaire
Troops: Black Guardian - Death Jester - Master Mime
Mime - Troupe Master - Trouper - Warlock
Vehicles: Black Guardian War Walker - Black Guardian Vyper
Jetbike - Skyweaver - Starweaver
Venom - Voidweaver
Allies: Dark Eldar - Eldar
Forces of the Codex Compliant Astartes
Command: Apothecary - Brother-Captain - Brother-Sergeant - Chaplain - Chapter Master
Command Squad - Honour Guard - Librarian - Techmarine
Troops: Assault Squad - Centurion Squad - Chapter Serf - Devastator Squad
Scout Squad - Tactical Squad - Terminator Squad - Veteran Squad
Transports: Drop Pod - Land Raider - Mastodon Heavy Assault Transport
Razorback Transport - Rhino Transport - Spartan Assault Tank
Vehicles: Bike Squad - Dreadnought - Javelin Attack Speeder - Jetbike - Land Speeder
Predator Tank - Sabre Tank Hunter - Sicaran Battle Tank - Vindicator
Ordnance: Hunter - Rapier Armoured Carrier - Stalker - Thunderfire Cannon - Whirlwind
Flyers: Caestus Assault Ram - Fire Raptor - Landing Craft - Storm Eagle - Stormbird
Stormhawk - Stormraven - Stormtalon - Thunderhawk - Xiphon Interceptor
Superheavy Tanks Cerberus Heavy Tank Destroyer - Fellblade Super-Heavy Tank
Typhon Heavy Siege Tank
Allied Space Marines: Fallen Angel - Primaris Marine - Blood Angels - Dark Angels
Deathwatch - Grey Knights - Space Wolves