Jetbike

From 1d4chan

"Kevlar 9 helmet and body armor. Yours, when you graduate. Lawgiver 2. 25 round sidearm with mission-variable voice-programmed ammunition. Yours, IF you graduate. Mark 4 Lawmaster, improved model. With dual onboard laser cannons, vertical takeoff and landing capability, range 500 kilometres. Yours... if you can ever get it to work."

– Judge Dredd

"VRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOMMM"

– Any Imperial Jetbike

Jetbikes are freaking sweet rides that any fan of sci-fi will know and imagine owning one day. They fly so no fear of getting a flat tire or getting bogged down need trouble the enthusiastic soon to be dead nujack pilot (what with probably hitting an unseen protruding object below that catches and flips you onto your poor vulnerable skull or running right into an object a la Imperial Bike Scouts in Return of the Jedi.) They often have sweet weaponry that you can fire as you streak towards your enemy, meaning that between your firepower and speed you will often outdo them easily. And like the Eldar of Saim-Hann and the Ork Speed Freakz, you can get that rush from going really, REALLY fast.

Eldar Jetbikes[edit]

Warning. Always in large numbers. Even bigger if Saim-Hann.

As you should know, the damned knife-ears are the only faction other than the Necrons to field Jetbikes en masse. Possibly because it is due to the fact that unlike some other people they actually try to preserve and use their technology to best of their expertise. They are used by not only Craftworld Elfdar but also the Harlequins and even the Dark Eldar (Albeit at lesser quantities and amounts to the point it is not even in their armory). These sleek and elegant craft, capable of high speeds and extreme maneuverability, are testament to the Eldar's mastery of anti-gravitic technology, much to the amazement and jealousy of the Adeptus Mechanicus. On the battlefield they are commonly used as skirmishers, scouts, and fast-response units.

Contained within the body of these Jetbike are powerful anti-gravitic motors, allowing the craft to attain such great velocity that without an Eldar's enhanced reaction speed it would be lethal to ride, so for all you Guardsmen out there who will try to sneak up on one and do a wheelie. Please don't. Through subtle manipulation these motors can also send the bike into a steep climb or sharp dive, though its shape naturally inclines it towards level or upward flight. Long, curved vanes on either side of the bike allow for incredibly sharp mid-air turns. Like most Eldar technology the Jetbike is mentally attuned to the natural psychic abilities of the Eldar so even if you were to ride one without getting your ribs crushed by XTREME! g-force, if you aren't a Psyker then consider it a dud. Anyways, these psychic mumbo-jumbo works via small patches of psychotropic crystals, within the bike's handlebars and the rider's gauntlets, allowing the rider to control the craft through mental commands. For an Eldar to master the Jetbike is an exhilarating challenge that can take years of practice to reach their full potential, but those who do are said to build a rapport with their steeds comparable to the horsemasters of legend.

Jetbike armament consists of twin-linked Shuriken Catapults, although special craft known as Shrieker Jetbikes instead mount a single Shuriken Cannon. Jetbikes are most commonly used by Guardian Jetbike Squadrons for a number of battlefield duties, particularly the Wild Riders of Saim-Hann. The only known Aspect Shrine dedicated to the Jetbike are the Shining Spears, a rare group found on only a few Craftworlds, but they are so in tune with their steeds that they can perform complex maneuvers with but a single gesture. As well, many war-leaders of the Eldar are also known to ride into battle on Jetbikes, including Farseers, Warlocks and Autarchs.

Imperial Jetbikes[edit]

Unfortunately due to a certain chapter and a certain adept, the glorious remaining Jetbikes have been hidden deep inside the secret vault of secrets. Just don't tell the Blood Ravens about this.

As with everything cool and deciding humanity needs to be fucked from every angle possible, GW has decided the Imperium doesn't need Jetbikes and has thus made it a lost technology to the Imperium, dumping your proud marines back onto tired (pun intended) old bikes.

To rub grimsalt in the wound, GW has done two things. First of all the pesky Eldar have access to Jetbike/Jetbike-like rides, so they can fly around blowing raspberries at you. (I guess Marines do get land speeders but that is like a car to the motorbike that is the Jetbikes. Instantly not as trendy). So if the enemies of the Imperium having it wasn't even, there is the second thing. During the Great Crusade the Imperium DID have Jetbikes armed with Heavy Bolters, Multi-Meltas, Volkite Culverins, and Plasma Cannons. Only in small numbers but growing and the Legiones Astartes used them as dedicated fast response units and to pick up chicks (check out this motor baby!).

But the Imperium is ridiculous at keeping back-up copies of all its technical data and they just....forgot or lost the means to make Jetbikes, a gross example of the failure that has continued to haunt the Imperium and Imperial players to this day. (Heck, I wonder if the Imperium is even aware now they used to have Jetbikes.....hmmm).

The only remaining known one is used by the Master of the Ravenwing of the Dark Angels Chapter, Sammael, who uses it to hunt Fallen Angels HERETICS FROM THE NINE TRAITOR LEGIONS. Like the rest of the Dark Angels, he is a dick who doesn't share the fact outside of the chapter he has a working Jetbike. Of course if you thought that would mean the Imperium could, you know, start making Jetbikes again for it's armed forces, think again. The Adeptus Mechanicus is so anal about anyone touching technology they would probably hide it in a museum technobrothel somewhere to gawk at on some stand have sex with.

Then again, it wouldn't be out of character for the Dark Angels to have secretly collected a bunch of jetbikes (or even an STC) and lied about it to the rest of the Imperium, as Sammael's jetbike has been working surprisingly well for many centuries despite being dragged into one warzone after another, not to mention the numerous times it's been seemingly destroyed, only to reappear without a scratch on it...

Basically the Imperium has no Jetbikes left because everyone who might have access to one is a greedy superstitious twit who would rather hoard their goodies than share. And who are the victims? WE ARE because we don't get to have Jetbikes in our armies..... unless you play Horus Heresy, where the flying dildos Jetbikes are your standard Fast Attack unit. Doesn’t this mean the traitors should have Jetbikes in huge quantities?

And then...Custodes!!![edit]

In a move that surprised exactly nobody, the Emperor’s personal pimps have now got access to Jetbikes. Either they were locked up in the palace with the rest of their gear, or they saw Sammael on his when they got off their asses and pulled a Ferrari Mechanicus in complaining. Either way they are now riding around on giant golden eagles and holding huge jousting spears a la knights in shining armour. They also get Hurricane Bolters as standard. The older Gyrfalcon pattern is even better and starts out with a Lastrum Bolt Cannon.

Star Wars[edit]

Speeder Bikes are fast moving vehicles that can reach as high as 10 meters off the ground. They've been in common use by most developed factions in the galaxy, and have been for quite some time. The notable exception is the Confederacy of Independent Systems who only used them for a limited number of officers due to the nature of their soldiers, and even then they had the STAP which was essentially a speeder bike you stood on. Typically used for reconnaissance, probing enemy defenses, chasing down intruders, or in one particularly hilarious example from the (now non-canon) clone wars cartoon, literally jousting against enemy walkers.

A specific type of speeder bike that was tuned more for raw speed and coolness than secondary things like rider safety is the Swoop Bike. Swoop racing is popular throughout the galaxy, from the Core to the Outer Rim, and only became more popular when pod racing was outlawed (though as Knights of the Old Republic shows it was the perennial favorite for the criminal underground and betting for thousands of years, entire gangs forming over the races). This popularity stems from the fact that Humans were physically capable of competing at high levels. Han Solo was a swoop racer in his youth. Swoop gangs are common outlaw organizations.

Forces of the Eldar
Heroes: Eldrad Ulthran - Illic Nightspear - Prince Yriel - Phoenix Lords
Command: Autarch - Avatar of Khaine - Exarch - Yncarne
Farseer - Seer Council - Spiritseer - Warlock
Troops: Bonesingers - Guardians - Rangers - Storm Guardians
Aspect Warriors: Crimson Hunters - Dark Reapers - Dire Avengers - Fire Dragons - Howling Banshees
Shadow Spectres - Shining Spears - Striking Scorpions - Warp Spiders - Swooping Hawks
Exodites: Dragon Knights - Eldar Knight
Structures: Webway Gate
Wraiths: Wraithblades - Wraithguard - Wraithknight - Wraithlord - Wraithseer
Support: Support Weapon Battery - Vyper - War Walker - Wasp Assault Walker - Windrider Jetbikes
Vehicles: Hornet - Falcon - Fire Prism - Firestorm - Night Spinner - Warp Hunter - Wave Serpent
Flyers: Hemlock Wraithfighter - Nightwing Interceptor - Nightshade Interceptor
Vampire Hunter - Vampire Raider - Void Dragon Phoenix
Superheavy
Vehicles:
Deathstalker - Cobra - Lynx - Phoenix - Scorpion
Storm Serpent - Tempest - Void Spinner
Titans: Revenant Scout Titan - Phantom Battle Titan - Warlock Titan
Spacecraft: Darkstar Fighter - Eagle Bomber
Auxiliaries: Harlequins
Forces of the Harlequins
Command: High Avatar - High Warlock
Shadowseer - Solitaire
Troops: Black Guardian - Death Jester - Master Mime
Mime - Troupe Master - Trouper - Warlock
Vehicles: Black Guardian War Walker - Black Guardian Vyper
Jetbike - Skyweaver - Starweaver
Venom - Voidweaver
Allies: Dark Eldar - Eldar
Forces of the Codex Compliant Astartes
Command: Apothecary - Brother-Captain - Brother-Sergeant - Chaplain - Chapter Master
Command Squad - Honour Guard - Librarian - Techmarine
Troops: Assault Squad - Centurion Squad - Chapter Serf - Devastator Squad
Scout Squad - Tactical Squad - Terminator Squad - Veteran Squad
Structures: Castellum Stronghold
Transports: Land Raider - Mastodon Heavy Assault Transport
Razorback Transport - Rhino Transport - Spartan Assault Tank - Termite
Vehicles: Bike Squad - Dreadnought - Javelin Attack Speeder - Jetbike - Land Speeder
Predator Tank - Sabre Tank Hunter - Sicaran Battle Tank - Vindicator
Ordnance: Hunter - Legion Arquitor Bombard - Rapier Armoured Carrier - Stalker
Thunderfire Cannon - Whirlwind
Flyers: Caestus Assault Ram - Fire Raptor - Orgus Flyer - Storm Eagle - Stormbird
Stormhawk - Stormraven - Stormtalon - Thunderhawk - Xiphon Interceptor
Superheavy Tanks: Cerberus Heavy Tank Destroyer - Fellblade Super-Heavy Tank
Typhon Heavy Siege Tank
Spacecraft: Boarding Torpedo - Drop Pod - Space Marine Landing Craft
Allied Space Marines: Fallen Angel - Primaris Marine - Blood Angels - Dark Angels
Deathwatch - Grey Knights - Space Wolves - Black Templars
Vehicles of the Imperium of Man
Walkers Contemptor-Galatus Dreadnought - Contemptor-Incaendius Dreadnought - Death Company Dreadnought
Deathwatch Dreadnought - Dreadnought - Nemesis Dreadknight - Doomglaive Dreadnought - Furioso Dreadnought
Ironstrider Ballistarius - Invictor Tactical Warsuit - Librarian Dreadnought - Mortifier - Mortis Dreadnought
Onager Dunecrawler - Penitent Engine - Redemptor Dreadnought - Sentinel - Space Wolves Venerable Dreadnought
Sydonian Dragoon - Telemon Heavy Dreadnought - Wulfen Dreadnought - Paragon Warsuit
Transports Aurox - Chimera - Coronus Grav Carrier - Crassus Armored Assault Transport - Goliath Truck
Gorgon Armored Assault Transport - Hades Breaching Drill - Immolator - Impulsor - Macro-Hauler
Pegasus AAV - Razorback Transport - Repressor - Rhino - Road-Wheeler - Taurox - Testudo
Titan Train - Trojan Support Vehicle - Triaros Armoured Conveyer - Tunneling Transport Vehicles
Light
Vehicles
Atlas Recovery Tank - Achilles Ridgerunner - Bane Wolf - Bike Squad - Centaur Utility Vehicle
Cyclops Demolition Vehicle - Devil Dog - Galvanic Servohauler - Hellhound - Invader ATV - Land Crawler
Pegasus AFV - Salamander Reconnaissance Tank - Scylla Light Tank - Siegfried - Squat Bike - Squat Trike
Tauros - Tectonic Fragdrill - Venator - Wolfquad
Battle
Tanks
Castigator Tank - Caladius Grav-Tank - Gladiator Tank - Krios Battle Tank - Land Raider
Leman Russ Battle Tank - Predator - Ragnarok - Repulsor Tank - Sabre Tank Hunter
Sicaran Battle Tank - Spartan Assault Tank - Vindicator
Ordnance Basilisk Artillery Gun - Colossus Bombard - Deathstrike Missile Launcher
Exorcist - Goliath Mega-Cannon - Griffon Heavy Mortar Carrier - Hunter - Hydra Flak Tank
Land Train - Legion Arquitor Bombard - Manticore Launcher Tank - Medusa Siege Gun
Rapier Armoured Carrier - Stalker - Thunderfire Cannon - Whirlwind - Wyvern Suppression Tank
Superheavy
Tanks
Astraeus - Baneblade - Capitol Imperialis - Cerberus Heavy Tank Destroyer - Colossus War Machine
Cyclops War Machine - Fellblade - Leviathan - Macharius Heavy Tank - Macrocarid Explorator
Malcador Heavy Tank - Mastodon - Ordinatus - Typhon Heavy Siege Tank
Skimmers Dawneagle Jetbike - Gyrfalcon Pattern Jetbike - Imperial Jetbike - Javelin Attack Speeder
Grav-Cutter - Grav-Rhino - Kharon - Land Speeder - Land Speeder Vengeance
Pulpit of Saint Holline's Basilica - Skorpius Hover Tank - Stormrider - Storm Speeder
Pallas Grav-Attack
Flyers Archaeocopter - Ares Gunship - Caestus Assault Ram - Container Transporter - Corvus Blackstar
Fire Raptor - Iron Eagle Gyrocopter - Nephilim Jetfighter - Orgus Flyer - Orion Gunship - Overlord Gunship
Overlord Armoured Airship - Sky Talon - Space Marine Landing Craft - Storm Eagle - Stormbird
Stormhawk - Chiropteran - Stormraven - Stormtalon - Stormwolf - Thunderhawk - Valkyrie - Vendetta
Vulture
Fighters &
Bombers
Avenger Strike Fighter - Lightning Fighter - Marauder Bomber
Stormfang - Thunderbolt Fighter - Xiphon Interceptor
Spacecraft Aquila Lander - Arvus Lighter - Boarding Torpedo - Devourer Dropship - Drop Pod
Faustus Interceptor - Fury Interceptor - Gun-Cutter - Shark Assault Boat
Starhawk Bomber - Tetrarch Heavy Lander
Titans Imperial Knight - Warhound Scout Titan - Reaver Battle Titan - Warlord Battle Titan
Warbringer Nemesis Titan - Warmaster Heavy Battle Titan - Emperor Battle Titan