Bluddflagg

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GARROSH 'ELLSCREAM 'AS NOTHIN' ON ME!

KAPTIN BLUDDFLAGG leads a crew of Freebooterz based out in sub-sector Aurelia, where he passes the time plunderin', doing mercenary work and rocking his crazy accent. He gets (sort of) unwillingly mixed up in the coming shitstorm, but Bluddflagg isn't one to turn down a good scrap, and swiftly proceeds to get his stompin' on. If the first thing you picked in Retribution's campaign screen wasn't the ork in the pirate hat, an incredible number of boyz agree that you are a panzee git, thus making it true. Possibly Patrick Seitz' most balls-out role ever.

Retribution FOR DA KROOZA![edit]

Bluddflagg wakes up on Typhon as a sad, mad, planetlocked Kaptin, as his krooza has been shot to (even more) pieces. He and first mate Mr. Nailbrain quickly decide that those pointy-eared gitz are to blame, as the Eldar immediately jump out and attack them. After giving the downed kommando Spookums a good wake-up kick, they proceed to krump Autarch Kayleth with no real difficulty. Bluddflagg is then approached by Inquisitor Adrastia, who informs him of the incoming Exterminatus, and the obliteration of both his business, his boyz and himself. She proposes a deal: Kill Azariah Kyras, and the Inquisition will pay him by sponsoring a fight with three Imperial regiments of cannon fodder. However, the deal goes sour when Adrastia refuses to give him her fancy Inquisitor hat. Before teleporting out, she reveals that it was she who shot down his krooza, fueling Bluddflagg with untold amounts of raeg. This makes Adrastia feel randy as hell. Now determined to stomp Kyras and avenge his krooza a second time with that promised fight with Adrastia, Bluddflagg and his crew embarks on a goddamn hilarious rampage through the war-zone Aurelia has become. Eventually they find Kyras on Typhon, who seriously bursts into laughter at the sight of the orks that are supposed to stop him. One Exterminatus later, the Freebootaz have bailed out on a tellyporta, ending up on the Space Hulk, Judgement of Carrion. Despite the fact that it's infested with Nids, Bluddflagg immediately declares it his new flagship and wants to take off. Sadly, repairs would take about a year, and Exterminatus is coming in a couple of weeks. Demonstrating a shocking grip on maths, Bluddflagg realizes that if they want their Spacey Hulk, they have to stomp Kyras and halt the 'sterminatus first. After krumpin' some boyz led by the motherfucking Mad Mek ("Dat's just sad, dat is...") Bluddflagg shows some real kunnin' in realizing Kyras would be hiding out on the dead world, Cyrene, the one place that the fleet wouldn't waste good dakka krumpin'. (This might not sound impressive at first, but keep in mind that he figured it out on his own, as opposed to calling Daemons from the Warp to tell him.) Da orkz invade the demon-filled, lava-roiling, least-hospitable-place-ever, witnessing Gabriel Angelos's death by "a proppa smakk" from the ascended Kyras. The fact that he is now a Daemon Prince five times their height (and that's only his upper body) with a metric shit-ton of health doesn't deter the boyz, who proceed to layeth the krumpin' down and pulverize his head with a Rok. After saving the entire sub-sector, Bluddflagg somehow manages to ambush Adrastia (who weaseled out of that fight) and steal her hat before ditching town with his absolutely bitchin' new Spacey Hulk (which is probably still filled with Tyranids so they got things to kill while they travel).

About Bluddflagg[edit]

The good Kaptin is slightly better company than the average Warboss, since he is slightly more motivated by lootin' than he is fightin', meaning he can be reasoned with. Though Emprah help you if you shoot down his krooza. Apart from that, he has common orky values like krumpin' gitz and smashin', preferrably doing so in the most direct and brutal way possible. He has a particular hate for the Eldar, who are all cowardly gitz who keep running away from good scraps. As part of this, he considers fighting Eldar to be like a light warm-up session. Bluddflagg's accent is fucking crazy, and the only way to describe it is "like a pirate, but even more piratey". He also enjoys collecting fancy hats.

Bluddflagg is surprisingly intelligent for an ork, transcending the realm of mere kunnin'. He can read, write and do basic maths in his head. He's also more knowledgeable about humans than most, immediately recognizing Adrastia as "one o' dem Inquisitive type fingys". While he turns down Adrastia when she wouldn't add her hat to the deal, he later says that there's no way he could ever trust anyone from the Inquisition, anyway. He also applies basic logic to deduce Kyras's location after the Exterminatus begins, which leaves his entire crew stunned. Seriously, this needs to be seen to be believed.

He must be an ex-Kommando or something, because in his ending, he sneaks up on Adrastia in the middle of a really open forest just to mug her for her hat. Though why she was walking all alone in the woods in the first place is anyone's guess.

Since Bluddflagg is fun in corporeal form, he is the first boss in the Eldar campaign, where he's killed by the no-fun-allowed panzeez.

Most likely Bluddflagg is dead since it seems panzeez' campaign in Retribution is canonical one, judging by DoW III. Or on the rights of ex-Kommando he just pretends to be dead...

Kwotze[edit]

"HAHA! Dese gits just made da classic blunder. Attackin' an ork who hadn't found 'em already! Now we's can stomp 'em fasta!"

"Dem Inquisishun humies can't be trusted any further dan dey can be thrown. Which in dat one's case might be a bad example."

"Oi! You'z lot! You'z part of my crew now. Any problemz with dat, you talk to da complaintz department. Dat'z me gun, by da way." (Further proof that Bluddflag's a pretty decent boss, as most don't offer a complaints department at all.)

"I don't know what a "Finity Serkut" is but I's bet it'z shiny."

"Ya gotz gutz skinny, I'll give ya dat, an dere gettin' all over da place, eeugh."

"Maybe we's get lucky and it'll be an ambush or somefing."

"Poncy Eldar, eh? Well, I guess dis might count as an ambush. Limber up at least, boys. Don't strain yer'selves."

"Hit 'em 'ard enough and Eldar turn ta paste!"

"Blah Blah Blah urry up an die twiggy!"

Gallery[edit]

Ork Gitz and Bosses
From da canon: The Beast - Boss Snikrot - Boss Zagstruk - Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka
Grukk Face-Rippa - Mad Dok Grotsnik - Makari - Mek Boss Buzgob
Nazdreg Ug Urdgrub - Old Zogwort - Orkimedes - Tuska Daemon-Killa
Wazdakka Gutsmek - Zhadsnark
From da gamez: Brikkfist - Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter - Kaptin Bluddflagg - Grimskull
Mister Nailbrain - Orkamungus - Spookums - Stupid