Lazy Marines

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Schematics for a Lazy Marine Dreadnought.
Lazy Marine 1.jpg

They're SPESS MAHREENS. They're lazy.

From the personal memoirs of Sgt Albert Golfend, 4th Chanian Regiment.

It was many years ago, and I was but a young soldier in the Imperial Guard on a backwater Farm World. Despite how far out of the way of most trade paths this world was, it was of great importance to the Imperium as it had the exact climate to grow many crops that are not easily grown on most other Farm Worlds. Perhaps it was for this reason we were the victim of a massive WAAAAGHHHHHHHHHH!!. For weeks after requesting support, we held our own against the endless waves of Orkish destruction. After three months, we were nearly completely overrun, barely holding back the endlessly superior numbers of the Orks. Much of this season's crops had been devoured by the Orks, and I was helping to hold an outpost. As things seemed at their worst, the entire battlefield, even those green bastards, took pause as the air was filled with a hum I had never heard, but after that day, would never forget.

Over the horizon rode Space Marines, their armor gleaming in the sun, riding what I could only describe as hovering sofas and armchairs. As they approached, they opened fire, their bolters and heavy weaponry ripping through the Ork waves, and taking more tactical positions to flank the Orks and support our position. Within moments, the mass of the Ork attack had been annihilated. As I looked out on the ravage battlefield, I saw one Marine, sitting on his hovering armchair. Suddenly behind him, a group of a dozen Orks charged at him. I started to yell out a warning, but he had already seen them. He slowly reached up to his helmet, where two glass bottles were stationed, and pulled one off. He then reached into the cushions of the chair, and drew a small packet from it, marked "Waaaaghhhhhh! Rocks". He opened the packet, slipped it over the open bottle, shook it, and threw it at the oncoming Orks. Moments later, it exploded, the force blasting the bastards to pieces. With the day won, and the Orks routed, they left,as slowly and lazily as they came. I asked my commander who they were, and he simply looked on at them as they left, and spoke.

"Those son, were the Lazy Marines."

Thought for the Day: His Will be done. Eventually.