List of /tg/ Cuisine

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This article is delicious. DON'T FUCK IT UP.

Let's be fair, people. There are times when Meatbread just doesn't fucking cut it and you want some delicious edibles that are a bit more substantial than that. Not to worry; today, we have just that. This ongoing article (which will be updated regularly) will teach you how to make a shitton of good food that you can nom on and enjoy. At least until /ck/ comes back...

Stew of Manliness[edit]

Creator: This idiot.

Need a fucking good meal that won't take forever and is satisfying as fuck? Look no further.

Stuff You Need:

  • 1 can Beef or Turkey Chili (Beans or no beans - we're not prejudiced!)
  • 1 can sliced or diced potatoes (Alternately: 1 fresh sliced or diced potato)
  • Half a can of corn
  • 1 Lb Ground Beef
  • Hamburger Seasonings (I recommend a mix of about half a teaspoon each of pepper and salt)
  • Onion Powder
  • Cheddar Cheese, Shredded

Optional Stuff:

  • Onion, Chopped
  • 1 small can baked beans
  • Half a can of carrots

Cooking This Shit:

  • Ground beef: Break up, season, and cook up in a skillet frying pan whatever the fuck you cook beef on.
  • Canned taters: drain and throw in with chopped onion (if you're even using one), frying 'em up with the beef.
  • Give the entire fucking lot a dusting of Onion Powder whilst it fries up.
  • At the same time, heat the Chili up and mix in the corn, beans (if you're using them), and veggies (again, if you're using them).
  • Mix in the beef and such from the previous step once it's reasonably well cooked, and stir that fucker up and heat it thoroughly.
  • Top with shredded cheddar cheese and let it sit for about 5 minutes before eating.

Easy Dessert, /tg/-Style[edit]

Creator: This idiot.

Quick, easy, inexpensive, surprisingly good on a budget.

Stuff You Need:

  • 1 can Cherry Pie filling, frozen in can
  • half a can of Hershey's chocolate syrup
  • A tablespoon of rum extract (or rum if you prefer)
  • A blender

Cooking This Stuff:

  • Toss the contents into a blender and shred this shit until the contents are more-or-less smooth.
  • Pour it into a shallow dish and let it sit in the freezer for about an hour or two (or until it's solid).
  • Shave off some into a bowl with a spoon and then eat that motherfucker like ice cream.

Birds and Biscuits[edit]

Creator: Goddamnit this guy again.

Sometimes /tg/ needs dinner. Sometimes it gets it.

Stuff You Need:

  • 1 package refrigerated ready-to-cook Biscuits (Pillsbury Grands work particularly well)
  • 1 can of canned chicken
  • A half a can of mixed vegetables
  • 8-ounce package of chives and onion cream cheese
  • 1 can of cream of chicken soup
  • 1 cup milk
  • 1 teaspoon garlic powder

Cooking This Stuff:

  • In a skillet (the faggot who made this recipe uses an electric skillet) or frying pan, grill up the canned chicken. Shouldn't take long.
  • Grab a pot and combined the Cream of Chicken Soup, Milk, and Garlic powder, stirring it and heating that shit up until it boils.
  • Add the package of cream cheese. Stir it in until it's fully melted.
  • Add the vegetables and skillet-fried canned chicken, stirring it and toning down the heat so that shit thickens up.
  • Shut the heat off after it starts to thicken up and cover the dish. It'll thicken up more over a few minutes.
  • Cook up the biscuits, following the directions on the package if necessary.
  • Slice the biscuits and use 'em as sandwich rolls, serving a bit of the chicken-mix on them.
  • Makes enough for quite a few servings. Enjoy.

Mini-Meatbreads[edit]

Creator: Long Since Lost to the Sands of Time.

A slightly different means to make you some Meatbread.

Stuff You Need:

  • 1 Pound of Ground Beef
  • 1 Pound of Ground Sausage
  • 2 packaged of Crescent Rolls
  • Seasonings of your choosing (most of /tg/ favors a mix of onion powder, pepper, and salt)
  • Cheddar Cheese (Shredded)
  • Mozzarella Cheese (Shredded)

Some Other Stuff You Can Use:

  • Parsley
  • Origano
  • Parmigiano Cheese
  • Chopped and fried or sauteed onions
  • Mushrooms

Cooking This Stuff:

  • This is going to take a bit, so be ready for it.
  • Combine the ground beef and ground sausage in a big container, mixing it thoroughly and adding any pre-cooking spices you favor.
  • Once thoroughly mixed, form the meat into small balls and cook thoroughly.
  • Break out the Crescent Rolls.
  • Sprinkle a bit of cheese and any secondary ingredients onto an uncooked Crescent Roll.
  • Add a cooked mixed-meat ball (from step 3), and roll the cheese-loaded dough tightly around the meatball to make a sort of pocket around it.
  • Arrange a bunch of these fucking things on a baking sheet.
  • Bake that shit at 350'F for about 20 minutes or until golden brown.
  • Allow to cool for a few minutes before serving.
  • Great for when you have company and wish to share delicious Meatbread with friends.

Sliders of Fiery Manliness[edit]

Creator: User:Warpspiderfag

Sometimes, you want a ton of mini burgers. Like, ten mini burgers. Sometimes you want your ten mini burgers to firebomb your mouth out. Sometimes you're a man. Well, here you go.

Stuff You Need:

  • 1 lb ground beef
  • Shredded Mozzarella Cheese, to taste
  • 1 Jalapeno pepper
  • 0.5 Habanero peppers
  • Tabasco Sauce, to taste
  • Frank's Red Hot Sauce, to taste
  • Ketchup, to taste

Some Other Stuff You Can Use:

  • Garlic powder
  • Onion Flakes
  • Paprika
  • Old Bay
  • NaCl

Cooking This Stuff:

  • Take the ground beef. Put that shit in a bigass mixing bowl.
  • VERY FINELY chop the Jalapeno and Habanero together. DO NOT TOUCH EYES, MOUTH OR PENIS FROM NOW ON.
  • Dump peppers into bowl with Beef. Mix in cheese, sauces, and ketchup.
  • Mush all that shit together with your hands. Unless you're a bitch.
  • Shape into sliders. Kinda like meatballs. Hell, shape them into burgers if you want. Make sure everything's mixed.
  • Grill that shit until it's done to your mantastic liking.

Extra Advice:

  • Seriously, don't fucking touch your eyes. You'll scream like a small child.

Ass-Chowder[edit]

Creator: Desperate People

Some days, standard cheese dip just won't cut it. You need MEAT and PAIN. Enter Ass-Chowder.

Summoning the Meat and Cheese Gods

  • Cook 3 lbs. ground beef until brown (keep juices if you are a manly fa/tg/uy.
  • In a crock pot meltdown 2 blocks of Velveeta Cheese shit (NO OTHER CHEESE WILL DO YOU FOOLS!)
  • 1/2 Gal of Salsa (preferably Picante)
  • Add 20 oz of Jalapenos or serrano peppers (or to taste) to CHEESE
  • Add 12 FL. OZ. OF TABASACO to CHEESE (If you really enjoy pain, try Dave's Insanity or Blair's Death)
  • Mix in beef until done, set to simmer. IT'S READY FOR THE DEVOURING

After eating be prepared to shit razors. This stuff is hot. This crap will burn it's way through your colon and out into the toilet bowl. Enjoy.

Satan's Cheese Cock[edit]

Creator: Jerry Seinfeld The 3rd

In perspective, the Satan's Cheese Cock might be too much for one man to handle but with proper training, you too can take it in the ass.

Summoning Vectrex Specifications

  • 6 Pounds of Velveeta Cheese
  • 6 Pounds of Monterey Jack Cheese, Spicy Kind Only.
  • 66 Hotlink Sausages, They must be Habanero Style.
  • About a quart and a half of black rooster blood, Chilled in a refrigerator.

Conjuring Ritual

  • First you need to take the chilled black rooster blood and boil it in a black iron skillet until you get a nice congealed reduction.
  • Before adding your cheese, be sure to chop it up into manageable pieces, otherwise it will cook slowly and unevenly, leading to burning.
  • In the same skillet take your 6 pounds of Velveeta and melt them down, mixing in the reduction of the black rooster blood.
  • As with the Velveeta take your Monterey and melt it down in the same skillet.
  • Let the mixture similar until the desired consistency is reached.
  • Take large syringe with a big enough needle to take the cheese mixture into it.
  • Now inject all the Hotlink sausages with the cheese mixture, be careful of over injecting.
  • Fry the sausages in grape seed oil to cook them thoroughly.

These Cheese Cocks are a popular party favor for many people attending a WarHammer40k game night or for any occasion. Failure to follow the recipe might cause an anomaly where Beelzebub is summoned and he bores deep inside your anus to start a franchise taco restaurant. Prayer and exorcisms may be recommended

Snack Plate[edit]

By Biggus Berrus

Having the guys over for game night and want to serve some snack up, but you don't want to turn your game books or minis to turn into messy orange blobs? That's okay! Gather the following:

  • Any kind of food that can be eaten in one bite and can be put on a toothpick. Slices of meat, tiny sausages, blocks of cheese, small pickles, bits of fish: you name it.
  • Toothpicks.
  • A plate to serve it on.

How to prepare:

  • Put whatever you want to serve on a plate to serve on. Heat stuff if needed, pour away any present liquids that might come with certain items.
  • Add whatever condiments you want at the side or in seperate small scales.
  • Put toothpicks through every single item on the scale. Another option would be giving every player their own toothpick and tell them to recycle, but this might result in players having to lean over the table trying to get something on it.
  • Serve. Keep additional picks at the side to stab that chucklefuck who spilled mustard on your Hive Tyrant in the eyeballs.

40 Fucking Cloves and a Chicken, Motherfucker[edit]

Creator: Some Transylvanian peasant, fuck, I don't know.

This one takes time to make, but is completely delicious. If you disagree, GOTCHA YOU BASTARD!

Stuff You Need:

  • 1 chicken, cut into 8 pieces (Or if you live in a first world nation, buy 8 chicken thighs. It's the best part anyway.)
  • Salt, ideally kosher for texture
  • Black pepper
  • Lots of toast or dry, crusty bread
  • 2 tablespoons plain olive oil (Not extra-virgin; get the slutty oil.)
  • 5 sprigs of fresh thyme
  • 1/2 cup olive oil (Yeah, it's on here twice. Different uses.)
  • 40 peeled cloves of garlic (What, you thought the name was an exaggeration?)

Cooking This Shit:

  • Heat your oven to 350 degrees.
  • Season the chicken pieces with as much salt and pepper as you like, then use the 2 tablespoons of oil to coat them evenly on all sides.
  • Pan-fry your chicken on high heat until it's nice and brown. Should take 5 to 7 minutes a side. When they're all tanned, take it off the heat.
  • If your pan is oven-safe, pour in the rest of the oil and add the garlic and thyme. If it's not, put the oil, garlic, and thyme in a ceramic baking dish and move the chicken into the dish.
  • IMPORTANT: Make sure the garlic cloves and thyme are swimming in the oil at this point, not piled on top of the chicken. Otherwise you'll lose most of the thyme's flavor and your cloves will shrivel.
  • Cover your fry-pan/baking dish (aluminum foil works if you don't have a proper topper) and pop it in the oven for 90 minutes. Clean up your kitchen and have a cold drink or something.
  • Take the pan/dish out of the oven and let it sit for 15 minutes with the cover on.
  • Bring the pan/dish to the table and FEAST! The chicken will be tender, flavorful, and juicy, and the garlic cloves should be plump and soft, perfect for spreading on your toast/bread. Don't forget to dredge your toast/bread in the delicious greasy juices!

Gallery[edit]

"How exactly do you bake a tank?" "Much the same as one bakes any other machine of war."
~/tg/, The Bakening