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Go bring up her virginity to her face, I dare you.

Not to be confused with Mecha.

Mocha Macha is an Eldar Farseer from Dawn of War infamous for being a 4000+ year-old virgin. Like Taldeer, she's another daughter of Eldrad (as far as /tg/ canon is concerned). Usually depicted to be mostly reasonable, outside of relationship matters where she falls into a self pitying, whiny wreck concerning her virginity. Fa/tg/uys masturbate furiously to pictures of her naked (many of which can be seen below). She can be distinguished from other Eldar by her cheek lines and red hair.

Later developments brought about the theory that Macha is destined to be with the Emprah, but due to Eldrad dickery these two will continue being a virgin and comatose corpse-god, respectively. There are also conflicting opinions on whether Macha is actually saving herself for the Emperor and choosing to be a virgin, or if she is simply extremely unlucky and is constantly frustrated as to why she fails to get laid when her body is the hottest piece of ass this grimdark universe has ever seen. For a while, she died, no thanks to C.S. Goto, but she got better (she was only a little dead).

Macha has had anal sex, frequently in fact, but it has always been with a Callidus Assassin masquerading as someone or another. While initially traumatizing for her, Macha has accepted this fact and views the unnamed Callidus as her sort-of girlfriend. Whether this makes Macha bisexual or not (considering that the Callidus always takes male form when they interact) is up for debate. Rumors of her getting laid for real with a mon'keigh fuckbuddy of hers have yet to be confirmed or denied, as the people who try to bring it up keep getting a Singing Spear jammed into their eye sockets. Often drawn by Chink before he left /tg/ for Skullgirls.

She has returned in Dawn of War III. Hilariously enough, her unmasked appearance is exactly the same as what /tg/ has always depicted her looking like, right down to the cheek lines and red hair. This has lead to some theories as to this design choice:

  1. The Designers are total fa/tg/uys and read this wiki and the boards
  2. The Designers want to appease 40k fans by throwing a little fanservice their way
  3. The character designer for Macha was a new guy who went looking for character references and didn't realize that all the drawings were just fanon interpretations

The meme about her being a perpetual virgin is rather ironic given that she shares a name with a Celtic goddess of, among other things, fertility (but it's not like virginity was not a custom in Celtic culture).

Oh fuck, What did you do...

Dawn of War[edit]

During the events of the original game, Macha leads a warhost of Biel-Tan Eldar on the planet Tartarus. Their mission was to safeguard an ancient artifact known as the "Maledictum", which contained a powerful greater daemon of Khorne that the Eldar had imprisoned millenia ago. When the Forces of Chaos arrived on Tartarus with the intention of obtaining the artifact, Macha lead her forces to ensure that they would not succeed. Though because of the Eldar's legendary arrogance and seeing themselves as the only ones capable of handling the situation, rather than explaining themselves to the imperials and maybe trying to ally with them, Macha led the warhost against the imperial forces and engaged in a bloody conflict with Captain Gabriel Angelos of the Blood Ravens that ultimately led to the Eldar's defeat and greatly weakening their forces. Since engaging nearly a whole chapter of warriors capable of devastating Craftworlds was somehow a bad idea. Who would've thought? Her mistake is compounded by the common knowledge that the Imperium basically is an anti-Chaos, daemon-slaying warmachine and so is very much far more capable of sealing away the Maledictum or outright destroying the daemon within than even the Eldar have ever been.

Macha was then confronted by Angelos and his Librarian friend Isador near the dig site which held the key to the Maledictum, and pleaded with them to bury the key. However the Chaos Sorcerer Sindri appeared and quickly took the key before teleporting away. Macha then told Angelos that if he wanted more answers, then he should ask Inquistor Toth as she states that he knows more than he lets on. Before she left, she informed Angelos of where the Forces of Chaos were entrenched while also blaming him for weakening the Biel-Tan warhost (conveniently forgetting the conflict between the Eldar and the Blood Ravens was partly her fault if not more).

She and the Eldar forces appear again during the final mission where they allied with the Blood Ravens against the Alpha Legion and Sindri, who had ascended into a Daemon Prince. After Sindri got his ugly face smashed thanks to Angelos and his newly acquired daemon-hammer, both the Space Marines and Eldar got a hold of the Maledictum. Macha implored Gabriel to not destroy the stone, but rather than straight out saying that destroying it would release the daemon, she just vaguely said that he knows little of what he is doing before ordering her forces to open fire on the imperials (thereby encouraging Gabriel not to heed her). Gabriel proceeded to destroy the Maledictum, causing the Eldar to flee and Macha cursing him that his action has doomed them all. Stupidly forgetting that she was speaking to a super-daemon killer fully capable of killing whatever was unleashed.

After that, she hasn't been seen since. Until.....

Dawn of War III[edit]

Macha returns after more than a decade since the first game. She serves under the command of Lord Kyre who seeks to obtain the Spear of Khaine, located on Acheron, the wandering world. She is still tsundere for Gabriel as when she receives orders to kill him for mucking up with Kyre's plans, she refuses. In the end she teams up with Angelos and Gorgutz to stop the chaotic threat. Her whole reason for being there originally, though, was to try to destroy the Blood Ravens and personally kill Gabriel as she blames the Chapter for weakening her warhost and she holds Gabriel personally responsible for the release of the daemon. Even though literally all of those things were direct and extremely obvious results of her actions. And if a fraction of the Chapter did that, attacking the Chapter as a whole is…uh…really damn stupid. Maybe challenging a Chapter full of extremely powerful psykers and precogs is a bad idea?

Stories Featuring Macha[edit]

See Also[edit]

  • Caerys, another farseer
  • Gabriel Angelos, an old crush of Macha's, although he was chem-gelded (which made bedding him out of the question). However, there are rumours that the reason he did not bed her was because he is gay[1]. Other rumors say that they did bed one another, but they had to call it off for fear of inquisitorial purging.
  • Callidus, Macha's stalker that keeps tricking her into thinking she's getting it on with a guy... EVERYDAY. And she falls for it... EVERY TIME.


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"W" Artel is now making a Mini:

Famous Eldar
Heroes: Eldrad Ulthran - Illic Nightspear - Prince Yriel - Yvraine
Visarch - Sylandri Veilwalker
Phoenix Lords: Asurmen - Baharroth - Drastanta - Fuegan
Irillyth - Jain Zar - Karandras - Maugan Ra
From Dawn of War I: Farseer Caerys - Farseer Macha - Farseer Taldeer
From Dawn of War II: Autarch Kayleth - Farseer Elenwe - Farseer Idranel
Ranger Ronahn - Warlock Veldoran