Marines Malevolent

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Evil Marines
Marines Malevolent Icon.jpg
Battle Cry This ancient Terran chant
Founding A mistake
Successors of Unknown, as no Chapter in their right mind would admit it.
Successor Chapters No Chapter would admit it anyway
Chapter Master Scumbag Steve
Primarch Secundus Unknown
Homeworld Worse off for having them
Strength Hopefully declining
Specialty Being absolute assholes, dickwards and douchebags, pissing off the Salamanders, and getting completely burned by said Salamanders
Allegiance Imperium (much to their chagrin)
Colours Piss Yellow and "Hangover poop" Black trim, similar to yellowjackets
Witness the very pinnacle of douchebaggery, the yellow that reeks of scum PISS. They are every Salamanders' nightmare and major cause of ragequits. They are... the Marines Malevolent.Notice they are also the colour of wasps, undisputed douchebags of the insect world.

"The Marines Malevolent are the worst."

Games Workshop itself

The Marines Malevolent are a Space Marine Chapter in Warhammer 40,000. They have only two real defining characteristics: they are complete assholes (even by WH40k standards), and they hate (and are hated by) the Salamanders, which is probably related to the first point. It may also be related to their unique approach to hostage situations (hint: it involves Whirlwinds). They're such super massive assholes that, if their douchebaggery was a real and actual thing, it would collapse into a black hole and suck in the entire universe. Imagine Angry Marines but with all the anger and rage, and lolrandom cursing replaced with passive-aggressiveness, zeero empathy, and complete dickishness. They're pretty much the poster boys of everything bad about the Imperium rolled into one collection of chucklefucks.

They have a shortage of power armour (pissing off the Adeptus Mechanicus tend to have that effect), so they use whatever parts of it they can find. In the novel Salamander by Nick Kyme they even steal some from an abandoned forge ship. Their callous and insufferably smug attitude towards authorities and civilians has even caused the ire of the Inquisition to press charges to censure the chapter. Yes, even the trigger-happy Dickbags that pop Exterminatus like Christmas presents, find the Marines Malevolent to be fucking unpleasant and cruel towards civilians. They even blackmailed a First Founding Chapter Master to the point that he had to physically restrain himself from smacking the fuck out of the Malevolent representative. When the two met again at the end of the Third Armageddon campaign, said Chapter Master openly insulted the Malevolent Captain (after he beat the ever-living fuck out of him in private) in front of the entire army, causing much sniggering amongst the nearer Guardsmen and earning the Chapter Master (Tu'Shan) the title Hero of Armageddon.

Well OK, he got it for kicking Thraka's ass, but who cares.

Most Chapters such as the Imperial Fists or Ultramarines regard casualties, particularly those of the collateral nature, to be unfortunate but largely unavoidable. Yes, many civilians and Guardsmen died during the orks' assault on the hive, but had we not fought the xenos there, many more would be dead. Civilian casualties should be avoided but the mission always comes first.

A few Chapters (such as the Salamanders and the Space Wolves) go out of their way to minimize casualties. Battle-brothers, we few are all that stand between the heretics and the refugee camp behind us. The PDF and the Guard have not the men to spare to protect this place as they withdraw themselves. But curses upon ourselves and our Chapter if we allow that degenerate rabble to harm the Emperor's faithful!

But then there are the Marines Malevolent; their attitude is that the dead are worthy of contempt, for they were too weak to live, and if the wounded suffer, then it is likewise because they are wretchedly weak. Help, Guardsman? No, you will only have my scorn. This might be why the other Space Marine assholes known for sacrificing civvies, the Star Phantoms, nearly destroyed the chapter during the Macharian Heresy.

In short, in a galaxy of horror and tragedy, most suffer jadedly, a few grieve but only the Marines Malevolent jeer.... well, and the Iron Hands, but that's basically retconned now. Alternately: a Marine Malevolent is, on average, ten pounds of dicks in an eight pound bag.

Other forces in the Warhammer 40k universe may be EEEEEEVIL!!! on some sort of grand cosmic scale of grimdark, but very few are just nasty, petty, and cruel in an all-too human way. They treat their Chapter Serfs like slaves, and for those not in the know, this is otherwise unheard of. That's not grimdark, M&Ms, that's just... unpleasant.

They have only a few named characters, and only a few are alive at the time of the 'present day' in 40k. The only Malevolent known to be alive at the time of Medusa was Vinyar, a Company Captain with a raging grudge against Tu'Shan. They had no fewer than thirty three of their men (including a Veteran Sergeant, two Techmarines, a pilot, and a fucking APOTHECARY) get infected by the Obliterator Virus while they were boarding the ship Demetrion, so Vinyar basically told them to go hit themselves with Tu'Shan's Thunder Hammer until they were purified. We are not kidding.

At this point, with the amount of hatred the Chapter has garnered, it's pretty amazing in and of itself that several other, cooler Chapters don't just petition the High Lords to disband them and give the armour and weapons to other Chapters who don't shit themselves laughing after launching artillery at a refugee camp. Hell, since the Imperium is so bumfuck retarded, they could probably be hit with the 'Traitor' stamp for killing civilians for no reason (ooh, some Kommandos are nearby. It'd be nice if we had some sort of low-key, un-Power Armoured marine who has been trained in stealth and reconnaissance to go and take them out). And should that happen, I can't think of too many Chapters who would turn down the chance to kick the Marine Malevolent in their collective dicks. Especially if the Minotaurs and SPESS SHARKSH!!! happen to be in the area. One of the Malevolents challenged a Black Templar to an honor duel, just so he could take the Templar's armor when he won, so the Templars would probably be first in line as well.

One could make the argument that this dickishness is just extreme pragmatism, combined with scorn towards everyone (including their own) who show weakness. You'd be wrong. Being pragmatic isn't bad in itself as such Chapters like the Raven Guard, or their successors like the Raptors, show multiple times, but the Marines Malevolent are just callous. They see others as an interference in doing their job as Marines, while those who prevent them in doing so actually do so because even they draw a line. An Inquisitor must be pragmatic due to the things he has to deal with constantly, but even then he wouldn't go that far as to put an entire sector to the torch unless he has enough evidence to justify this act, and even then he'll go to great lengths to hit places where heresy and corruption are at its worst and then cauterize the rest before it grows and strengthens itself. The Raptors Space Marines are known for their pragmatic take on warfare, yet even then they will never go so far as to waste allies or bombard a place with civilians in it. This is the reason why Marines Malevolent are not liked that much by the Imperium.

They also have piss-coloured armour, the ungrateful fucks.

They're still active in the 42nd Millennium (unfortunately). A Marines Malevolent relief force arrived to rescue some Custodians defending Primaris Marine Gene-tech on Loque II, just in time to rescue the last surviving Custodian and the gene-tech. Knowing the Marines Malevolent, they probably not only tried to take the gene-tech but they probably took the credit too.

As a hilarious side note, when asked what the chapter opinion was of the Marines Malevolent, the Angry Marines immediately proceeded to kick the interview crew out of their battle barge, and procceded to the warp to find those sick crumpets.

Chapter Tactics[edit]

Friend no one Likes: When determining the level of allegiance between a faction with this chapter tactic and another without it decrease the standard level of allegiance as shown on the allies matrix by one to a minimum of Come the Apocalypse.

Victory at any Cost: Units with this chapter tactic may make shooting attacks at enemy units that are locked in close combat with any allied unit that does not have this chapter tactic. To represent the nature of firing into a swirling melee use the following rules when firing: If using a blast or template weapon place them as usual but allied models may be under its starting position and roll for scatter as necessary. If firing another kind of weapon target the enemy unit as normal and roll to hit with a -1 to ballistic skill. For each successful to hit, roll to wound against the enemy unit, but for each miss roll to wound against the allied unit. All wounds are randomly allocated and saves may be taken as normal.

Disdain for the Weak: Units with this chapter tactic automatically pass morale checks the unit must take due to Casualties or to Losing as Assault.

Daily Rituals[edit]

04:00: -Morning. Marines Malevolent awaken and turn off the obnoxious heavy metal music and strobe lights playing outside of their soundproofed bedrooms. The chapter slaves serfs are beaten and whipped to awaken them from their 4 hours of sleep. Any who protest are shoved into hunter missiles.

05:00: -Enforcement of morale. Said hunter missles are launched to awaken the local populace. They always try to aim for adult care centers or hospitals.

06:00: -Morning Prayer. The chapter serfs are sent to collect cotton in the fields whilst the Marines Malevolent pray to the Emperor. These prayers are usually outright ignored.

07:00: -Morning Firing Rites. The chapter serfs return in time to be used as target practice for neophytes. They also practice yelling passive aggressive insults at the serfs for when any Salamanders show up.

08:00: -Morning Meal. The Marines Malevolent eat a light meal of waffles and milk. Any slightly overcooked waffle demands the immediate creation of ten serfs into servitors.

09:00: -Morning Battle Practice. Said servitors are destroyed with extreme prejudice with their families being sent messages about how worthless they were in life and death with pictures of their corpses attached to the letters.

10:00: -Midday Battle Practice. The chapter gathers to verbally abuse the majority of the Imperium. This takes a large portion of the day, as the Mechanicus, Militarum, Ecclesiarchy, Inquisition, Iron Hands, Ultrasmurfs, Black Templars, Salamanders, half the population of their planet, and Angry Marines are all talked copious amounts of shit. This time is also set aside to defend the chapter when someone hears that they were talking shit.

15:00: -Afternoon Battle Practice. Realise they wasted all that time pointlessly, and so take it out on the chapter serfs by either killing them or burning the cotton they collected. May also fight any Salamanders that happen to be nearby.

16:00: -Tactical Indoctrination. The Marines Malevolent study the works of history's greatest shitcunts, assholes, piss stains, arse weasels, ovary thieves, and cock munchers for inspiration. The first company read the collected works of the most revered of the Chapter's icons; the xenos abomination Assholetep, and the horrid Eldrad, kept secret from the rest of the Imperium.

17:00: -Recruitment. Kidnap innocent civilians to replenish their dwindling number of surfs. May also kidnap orphans to become future Marines Malevolent.

18:00: -Evening Meal. The Marines Malevolent giggle to themselves about how mad they made everyone else during their feast. Sometimes they try to eat cake stolen from Children's birthday parties, but usually cannot because the Inquisition ordered the Blood Ravens to steal it back. The Blood Ravens are all too happy to oblige.

19:00: -Night Fighting Training. The Marines Malevolent initiate evening battle practice. May or may not involve deepstriking directly into a funeral and making death jokes, depending on how they feel at the time.

20:00: -Free Time. The Marines Malevolent do all sorts of recreational activities. Typical activities include fine tuning their lack of empathy for any other living being, running up as big of an astropath charge as possible with long, meandering but awkward conversations that you aren't quite sure if you should hang up on, trying to start fights between loyalist chapters, "urban driving practise" which involves smashing civilian homes over with land raiders, verbally harassing any nearby orders of the Sisters Of Battle, and acquiring sweets by stealing them from small children after popping their balloons.

23:00: -Bed time. The Marines Malevolent decide to go to bed. They turn the heavy metal back on turn on obnoxiously bright strobing middle finger pattern spotlights to make sure none of plebs get any sleep, whether they be the Techpriests at the nearby manufactorum or the lowliest peasant.

00:00: -Actual Bed Time. The Chapter Surfs are finally allowed to "sleep".

Gallery[edit]

Chapters of the Adeptus Astartes
First Founding (M29): Blood Angels - Dark Angels - Imperial Fists - Iron Hands - Raven Guard
Salamanders - Space Wolves - Ultramarines - White Scars
Second Founding (021.M31): Angels Encarmine - Angels of Absolution - Angels of Redemption - Angels of Vengeance
Angels Porphyr - Angels Sanguine - Angels Vermillion - Aurora Chapter - Black Consuls
Black Guard - Black Templars - Blood Drinkers - Brazen Claws - Crimson Fists - Destroyers
Doom Eagles - Eagle Warriors - Excoriators - Fists Exemplar - Flesh Tearers - Genesis Chapter
Inceptors - Iron Snakes - Libators - Lions Sable - Marauders - Mortifactors - Nemesis
Novamarines - Obsidian Glaives - Patriarchs of Ulixis - Praetors of Orpheus - Rampagers
Raptors - Red Talons - Revilers - Silver Eagles - Silver Skulls - Soul Drinkers - Storm Lords
White Consuls - Wolf Brothers
Third to Twelfth Founding
(M32-M35):
Astral Claws - Charnel Guard - Dark Paladins - Executioners - Flesh Eaters - Halo Brethren
Howling Griffons - Iron Knights - Mantis Warriors - Marines Malevolent - Night Swords
Sable Swords (initial) - Scythes of the Emperor - Space Sharks - Sons of Guilliman
Thirteenth Founding (M35): Death Spectres - Exorcists
Fourteenth to Twentieth Founding: Angels of Fire - Celebrants
Twenty-First Founding
(991.M35):
Black Dragons - Blood Gorgons - Fire Hawks
Flame Falcons - Lamenters - Minotaurs - Sons of Antaeus
Twenty-Second to
Twenty-Sixth Founding (M35-M41):
Angels of Vigilance - Celestial Lions - Disciples of Caliban - Fire Angels
Imperial Harbingers - Knights of the Raven - Marines Errant - Mentors
Fire Claws/Relictors - Star Phantoms - Steel Cobras - Subjugators
Ultima Founding
(999.M41):
Angels of Defiance - Blades of Vengeance - Castellans of the Rift - Fulminators
Knights Cerulean - Knights of the Chalice - Knights of Thunder - Necropolis Hawks
Nemesors - Praetors of Ultramar - Rift Stalkers - Silver Drakes - Sons of the Phoenix
Storm Reapers - Umbral Knights - Void Tridents - Wolfspear
Unknown Founding: Angels Eradicant - Astral Knights - Blood Ravens - Blood Swords - Brothers Penitent
Crimson Castellans - Crimson Scythes - Dark Hands - Death Eagles - Emperor's Spears
Fire Lords - Guardians of the Covenant - Hammers of Dorn - Invaders - Iron Talons
Knights of Blood - Knights Unyielding - Marines Exemplar - Night Watch - Rainbow Warriors
Reclaimers - Red Hunters - Red Scorpions - Sable Swords (refounded) - Solar Hawks
Star Dragons - Storm Wardens - Valedictors - Viper Legion - Vorpal Swords
Unsanctioned Founding: Consecrators - Sons of Medusa - Steel Confessors
Others: Adeptus Custodes - Astartes Praeses - Deathwatch - Grey Knights