|This article or section involves Matthew Ward, Spiritual Liege, who is universally-reviled on /tg/. Because this article or section covers Ward's copious amounts of derp and rage, fans of the 40K series are advised that if they proceed onward, they will see fluff and crunch violation of a level rarely seen.|
Marneus Augustus Calgar: Also known as The Notorious M.A.C, The MAC Daddy, Manliest Cattleguard, Pimp Daddy Calgar, and Papa Smurf. And as of his latest incarnation, Primarneus Cawlgirl.
LOOK AT THEM PIMP-SLAPPIN' HANDS!
A character from the fictional Warhammer 40k universe. According to Matt Ward, 5th edition codex writer, Calgar is the spiritual liege of every Space Marine ever and is now playing second fiddle to his newly resurrected primarch. All the Space Marines look up to him (or down to him) and strive ever jovially to be more like him and his Ultramarines, but because of their laughable shortcomings, most Chapters, including the Dark Angels, White Scars, Imperial Fists, Blood Angels, Iron Hands, Salamanders, Raven Guard, Space Wolves and all their successors, will never be as good (with the possible exception of the Hammers of Dorn). It is stressed constantly in the vanilla Space Marine codex and even mentioned a bit in the Blood Angels codex. The entirety of the Imperium awaits the day the Emperor awakens so that he may proclaim Calgar the rightful heir to the Imperial throne. As a surely irrelevant side note, Matt Ward plays Ultramarines (then later Necrons).
Just who is he?
Calgar is one of the big three, the others being Dante and Logan, the three Chapter Masters the whole Imperium knows. While Dante is worshiped as a larger than life legend and Logan is beloved for being a bro to the common man, Calgar is respected for his leadership, both in battle and ruling Ultramar.
His characteristic weapons are the Gauntlets of Ultramar, which were reclaimed by the Primarch Roboute Guilliman from a Chaos Champion (Where'd he lose them in the first place?). These gauntlets allow Calgar to bash gaping holes in enemy lines, allowing his men to achieve victory for the Imperium in a joyous slaughter of the heretic forces across the galaxy. They do, however, make it extremely difficult to use restroom facilities, turn door handles, or hold small objects. They also have attached Storm Bolters on each arm. Like a baws.
Following a skirmish against the Tyranid Hive Fleet Perseus in 976.M41, Calgar lost all four limbs as well as large areas of body tissue and his left eye. Fitted with bionic replacements, he is more machine now than man
twisted and evil. So his giant, power fist, gun hands are pretty much his actual hands. Several guys have argued that he currently bears a prosthetic robotic penis. For unexplained reasons, his augmetics are inferior to Col. Straken's
An unofficial nickname for Marneus is "Papa Smurf", due to other players referring to the Ultramarines as Smurfs and Calgar being their leader. The nickname has its origin in the actual miniatures' diminutive size and the fact that they are blue. One could also point out, of course, that the average cartoon smurf is either a total dick or pants-on-head-retarded, and requires Papa Smurf's constant leadership and guidance just to function on an everyday basis. This allows us to extend the metaphor in a hilarious way. Further extending the metaphor is that he once got his shit kicked in by the Swarmlord, who has since been nicknamed Gargamel, while Roboute Gulliman (see below), who was the original Ultramarines leader, came back after a long time and, seeking to restore them to greatness, now gets the moniker of Grandpa Smurf.
As of 6th edition he is also a xenos-loving bastard, having allowed the Tau to evacuate a planet that was facing Exterminatus due to a Tyranid infestation. To be fair, though, the Tau are one of two races (the other being Eldar) who work with the Imperials at points, so this could be just a bargaining chip to be used later. He also wielded a Necron Pylon (which are several stories tall) while the Ultramarines were retaking Damnos (before you ask, Phil Kelly wrote this, surprisingly).
His response to his Primarch getting back up and running things again has not been explored a great deal, although his first act was to transfer command to his Primarch in perpetuity, without any dispute or deliberation. So the guy who GW has been plugging for decades as the guy that everyone else looks up to has now taken a back seat for someone better.
Guilliman does note how competent Calgar is and decides to keep him around as an advisor. When the Terran Crusade begins he leaves Calgar in command of Ultramar in his original position of Chapter Master while he's gone (which due to Guilliman's early declarations of sovereignty is now close to its original 500 worlds, rather than just eight). So assuming Guilliman stays on Terra to assume control of the Imperium, Calgar has command over one of the largest territories and collective armed forces in the galaxy.
Dark Imperium has suggested that he hasn't been taking it that well since the Indomitus Crusade, even though he's been named head of the Ultramar Tetrarchs; he seems to be one of the first in the Chapter to realize Guilliman's not the infallible savior figure the Chapter has romanticized him as, and he took Guilliman's reorganization of Ultramar's government as a veiled criticism of his own governing skills. Further complicating things is Guilliman's currently unexplained choice to begin tutoring Cato Sicarius personally. This led Papa Smurf to assume he might be replaced in the future. (It's actually because Cato reminds Bobby of another unruly Ultramarine from the Great Crusade era, Aeonid Thiel; and has nothing to do with Calgar's performance.) It's only fairly recently that he's accepted that it was arrogant of him to think his actions had anything to do with his Primarch's recent choices, and while he's not taking it out on the people of the Imperium (which he had blamed at first) he's still feeling rather guilty about letting his old accomplishments give him a swollen ego. Intriguingly, this bears quite a few parallels to the case of Luther and Lion El'Jonson as well as Horus feeling distrusted by the Emperor when he returned to Terra. With the key difference being Calgar's continued loyalty even in the face of his personal doubts. For now.
He also has undergone the procedure that turns regular marines into Primaris Marines, an agonizingly painful ordeal that left him briefly dead before his new Belisaran Furnace kicked in to bring him back. So we now have PriMarneus Calgar as an excuse to give him a new overdetailed $20 model (it actually doesn't look much more detailed than the old one). It's probably only a matter of time before the other named Chapter Masters are subjected/treated to the same; hopefully their models are as badass as Calgar's. When the process has a much reduced failure rate all Space Marines should do this. It isn't like a little thing such as agony would be enough to deter them in the slightest and being briefly dead is more like an intriguing experience than something to fear. Hell, at least one Chapter outright has dying and willing yourself back to life as both a final test and a promotion requirement. Can you imagine a million Primaris Marines with no questionable loyalties and millennia of accrued experience? Fuck YES! The major downsides is that they can't use Terminator Armor, their tanks or Bikes. Not good for chapters that have them as a major part of their operational doctrines. It'll be another decade until Games Workshops give Primaries Marines their own equivalents. Plus we have no evidence of a how squad of Primaries would fare on a Space Hulk mission. Where non Terminator Marines are cooked alive in their own armor by radiation.
On the Tabletop
|Marneus Calgar (Artificer Armour):||235||6||2+||2+||4||4||6||5||9||2+/4++|
|Marneus Calgar (Armour of Antilochus):||200||5||2+||2+||4||4||7||5||9||2+/4++|
|Marneus Calgar (Armour of Heraclus):||200||6||2+||2+||4||5||8||6||9||2+/4++|
First, you have to notice that Calgar has three profiles, because he has three minis. Only one "Marneus Calgar" is allowed per army, though, so do not start imagining heretic cloning technology here.
Only 2 of these versions are realistically usable, however, since the one in Artificer Armour has not seen its point costs revised, and the other two versions give him the nifty ability to halve all incoming damage.
In Terminator armor, he gets the ability to deep strike and while he still suffers from the usual 5" Terminator models have, this may be the incentive to take this version.
His new Primaris Form, referred to as the Armour of Heraclus, he is absurdly beefed up. With a new 8th wound and a 6th attack, he can withstand even more punishment and deal a fair amount too, not that the Terminator version was shabby. The point cost will be the decider here (as well as your taking on that Primaris stuff and whether or not the loss of deep striking and the ability to ride non-Repulsor transports is worth it).
Apart from that, Calgar comes with the usual Chapter Master's ability: you can reroll all failed to hit rolls in a 6" bubble, which is a pretty nice ability to have.
Taking him in a Battle-Forged army, you automatically gain 2 Command Points, allowing two more reroll, one extra disruption of the combat phase or anything you'll fancy. As an Ultramarine, he has the Commander trait allowing him to recycle CP on a 5+, the two factors combined make sure you don't fall short on stratagems.
Gear-wise, he comes with the fabled Gauntlets of Ultramar, legendary relics taken by Guilliman off the corpse of a dead Chaos Space Marine. And Guilliman didn't ask them back when he woke up, he's such a nice guy. They now count as a single weapon, and of course do not grant an additional attack since this rule disappeared in 8th (but now he has 5 base attacks, so...). Basically, they are power fists, hitting at S8, -3AP and D3 damage. While a fixed damage would have been nice, they still bring the pain and few characters in the game will be able to survive a turn of combat with Calgar, especially with 2+ rerollable to hit, almost guaranteeing all 5/6 attacks will always connect. Because, yes, he is so good with them he does not take the usual -1 to hit with that kind of weapons.
They can also shoot with what is basically a master-crafted Storm Bolter, gaining -1AP and 2 damage instead of one. Four shots in Deep Strike range and up to 12 inches, so nice to soften a target or thin down a horde a little bit.
For the two non-Primaris version, he replaced his old power sword with a relic blade for more pimp. While this might seem useless at first, since his fists have zero drawback, powers such as Jain Zar's Disarming Strike now rob him entirely of the Gauntlets' power, as they are no more "a pair". So he can still wack her face with 5 rerollable S6 -3AP Dd3 attacks, which is almost as good. The Primaris version ditched it entirely.
In a nutshell, Calgar is like a budget Guilliman, solid in close combat, able to take pot shots with reasonnable efficiency, and adds to your army. He is also the most expensive Chapter Master of all (baring those with special mounts), but he has a few more aces up his sleeve. Also, he only costs 50% of what Guilliman costs and doesn't eat up a Lord of War slot so he is a really good alternative to the latter.
It's just a flesh wound. He still deals with it better than a certain armless failure.
Calgar back in ye olden days. Note the Beakie helm and PET DESK DINOSAURS! AAAAGGGGHHHH!