Meatbread

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This is huge picture of delicious meatbread. With Jalepenos.
The Meatbread with the browned meat and cheese before baking.
A Meatbread, fresh from the oven

Meatbread is bread with meat. Or meat with bread. Either way, it is regarded as the Orkiest of all possible meals a fa/tg/uy could consume (when did Orks learn to cultivate and process wheat for baking? They make grots do it for them) and has become somewhat popular as a snack for gaming groups who prefer something a little beefier than cheetos at their tabletop sessions.

Actually, meatbread is a part of traditional Eastern European cuisine, known in Russia as kulebyaka.

The Quick-n-Dirty Procedure of Creating Meatbread[edit]

1. Get a large loaf of bread.

2. Cut off one end and empty most of the interior on a plate.

3. Stuff loaf with minced meat, sausages and other types of meat along with some of the previously removed bread.

4. If you wish add cheese, spices, mustard etc.

5. Bake.

6. ???

7. HHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhnnnnnnngggggg-

8. Profit


Alternative, Much More Technical Procedure[edit]

Recipe:

  • 1 pkg frozen bread dough (3 per pack)
  • 1 lb extra lean ground beef
  • 1 roll sausage (hot or mild)
  • One 16 oz pkg. smoked sausage (hot or mild)
  • 8 oz grated Mozzarella cheese
  • 8 oz grated Cheddar cheese
  • 1 lb chopped Velveeta Pasteurized Prepared Cheese Product
  • One 3 oz jar stuffed olives, chopped
  • One 4 oz can of mushrooms
  • Small bunch onion tops, chopped
  • Small bunch parsley, chopped
  • 1 cup chopped onion
  • 1/2 cup chopped bell pepper
  • 2 stalks celery, chopped
  • 3 tbs margarine

Cook ground beef until it is very brown, then drain. Saute bell peppers, onions, celery, onion tops and parsley. Add to ground meat. Stir in half of the chopped Velveeta cheese and set aside.

Cut roll sausage in slices, brown, and put aside. Let cool and crumble. Roll out all three loaves onto floured surface. Spread melted margarine over dough.

Divide all ingredients into three parts and layer as follows:

  • ground meat mixture
  • roll sausage
  • smoked sausage
  • olives
  • mushrooms
  • Cheddar cheese
  • Mozzarella cheese
  • Velveeta cheese

Bring bread over, folding ends first. Bake 30-35 minutes if ready to bake. If not, bake at 350F for 10 minutes or until light brown, then freeze. Defrost. Bake another 20-25 minutes or until brown. Use a bread slicer machine if you have it, in order to dish perfect slices just like the ones in the photo above.

This recipe cribbed from [1]

One more Procedure[edit]

The actual way to make it, you prat!

You take: 1KG MINCED BEEF! (2 pounds of ground or cubed beef)

BAM!

500G MINCED SAUSAGE! (1 pound of pre-packaged Italian sausage, or 1/4 pound of Andouille/Portuguese Sausage, chopped)

BAM!

500G MOZZARELLA! (1 pound of mozzarella cheese, patted dry)

BAM!

500G STRONG CHEDDAR! (1 pound of cheddar cheese)

BAM!

1 FULL PACK OF SAUSAGES! (Roughly 12 hot dogs, or 8 of whatever higher quality sausage you buy. Chicken sausage with pineapple, for instance, from Costco)

BAM!

1 FULL PACK OF BACON! (1 pack of thick-cut American bacon, quartered)

BAM!

TWO FULL PACKS OF PREMADE BREAD MIX!

BAM!

YOU MIX THE BREAD! GET THAT FUCKER RISING!

GRATE ALL THE CHEESE!

BROWN ALL THE MEAT!

COOK THAT BACON! COOK THOSE SAUSAGES! (Unless pre-cooked)

ROLL OUT YOUR BREAD DOUGH!

CHUCK ALL THAT SHIT IN THE MIDDLE! PUT THE CHEESE ON TOP!

ROLL THE BASTARD CLOSED!

PINCH THE SEAMS!

OVEN!

TEMP 190°C! (375° Fahrenheit, use Bake function)

UNTIL BROWN!

(IF YOU WANT, GIVE IT A BLAST FROM YOUR SPICE WEASEL! BAM!)

DONE.

(Elzar and G Ramsey approve this recipe)

Bite Sized Meatbreads[edit]

  • One pound regular Jimmy Dean's sausage
  • 2 to 4 cups shredded cheddar cheese
  • 2 cups Bisquick

(If you short anything, short the cheese as it doesn't always like to mix in. For a more white-trash version, substitute one small jar of Cheez Whiz.)

    • Submitter's note** The last time we made these, we used a full 4 cups of cheese and they came out pretty awesome. So more cheese is not bad, provided you like cheese. Your tastes/crowd may vary.

Mix all ingredients by hand in a large bowl. Roll into 1 inch balls and space evenly on cookie sheet. Bake at 325 degrees for ~25 minutes (possibly a bit more, no more than 30) Let cool slightly, and enjoy!

Alternative, Semi-Professional method[edit]

Recipe: Bread:

  • 3.5 cups bread flour (or all purpose, or wheat, or a mixture, whatever.)
  • 1 Cup warm water
  • 2 tsp (one packet) yeast
  • 2 tsp sugar
  • 1 tablespoon butter
  • 1 egg

Combine water, sugar, and yeast, mix well and set aside.

Combine flour and melt the butter, then mix into the flour. Add the egg and mix well. Once the yeast mixture develops a head of foam, combine with flour mixture in a box, mix and knead well until the dough is springy. Dust with flour if needed to prevent sticking. Form dough into a ball and lightly grease it to prevent drying, let stand 1 hour in a warm place to rise.

Meat Filling

  • 1 lb extra lean ground beef
  • 0.5lb sausage of your choice
  • 6 strips of thick cut bacon.
  • 8 oz grated Mozzarella cheese
  • 8 oz grated Cheddar cheese
  • 1 medium onion, chopped.

Brown the beef, and sausage in a pan, and drain the grease into a container. Save this. Cook the bacon, save the grease from that as well, mix with the previous grease. Use a teaspoon of the drippings to caramelize the onions. Set mixture aside.

Gravy

  • 2 Beef Bullion Cubes
  • 1.5 cups water, boiling.
  • 2-3 tablespoons of all purpose flour
  • 3 tablespoons drippings from meat
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Oregano (optional)
  • Sage (optional)

Place the 3 tablespoons of grease in a small pot, and heat it up. Gradually add the flour, using a whisk to constantly stir the mixture until it is a paste-like consistency. Add more flour if needed to get this consistency. Allow the roux you made to brown while you prepare the bullion cubes to make a strong beef broth, stir the roux occasionally. When the roux has reached a lightly browned color, gradually add the broth until a desired consistency of gravy is reached. Add salt, pepper, and spices to taste. Set aside to cool while the bread rises.

Once the bread has risen, beat down the dough and cut into fourths. Roll the dough into a flat sheet and place it in a pie tin or high-walled bread pan, press it to the walls of the pan and leave a little hanging over the lip.

Make sure this layer of dough is fairly thick (about 1/4 to 1/3 an inch), or else your meatbread will collapse under its own weight.

Mix the gravy into the cooked meat mixture until it coats everything well. Add more if you wish, but it can get messy. Place a layer of the meat and gravy mix on the bottom of the pan and lightly sprinkle with cheese.

Now, take some more dough, and roll it flat, Cut to only just fit inside the pan. You will be layering bread, meat, cheese, and bread repeatedly.

Continue until the pan is full, then fold over the hanging lips of the lowest layer and pinch to seal around the entire loaf. Stab the loaf 4-6 times all the way through for gas release holes. Let this sit for 45 minutes so the dough expands again, then place in the oven at 375 and bake for 25~ minutes.

Lazy Southern-Style method[edit]

For the lazy shit that wants something that tastes good, and doesn't mind waiting for it, but isn't willing to spend hours manually slaving away to put the fucker together.

Shit you're gonna need:

  • Meat of choice (preferably ground or shredded, but cut into very small pieces will also work)
  • Cornbread mix (these instructions assume Jiffy, but any mix will work as long as it's essentially a liquid that turns into bread in the oven; it doesn't even necessarily have to be cornbread)
  • Whatever other stuff your cornbread mix asks you for

How to cook it:

  • Cook your meat. Cook it to brown, cook it to slightly pink, pass it through a warm room, whatever.
  • Mix your cornbread batter. Use a larger bowl than you think is necessary.
  • Drain your meat, rinse it, and add it into your cornbread batter.
  • Stir it until the meat is evenly distributed.
  • Forget that there's meat in the batter and cook it however you normally do.
  • Take your cornbread out of the oven and cut it, or remove it from the muffin tin cups, or whatever you're supposed to do for whatever you cooked it in.

Et voila, lazy southern-style meatbread. Yes, I know it's bare as fuck; it's a basic recipe that you can embellish to suit your tastes. You can season the meat however you like as you cook it, and you can add extra things like cheese or caramellized onions to the batter with the meat, but consider how the flavor of your seasoning/additions will work in cornbread before you add just whatever. Or don't consider it. I'm a wiki article, not a chef.

Gourmet shit, royale-with-cheese style[edit]

This is less of a recipe and more of a guide, for those who are past baking ground sausages. You will get progressively better results as you internalize the following:

  1. Use meat, your style of fat - bacon, lard, fat tail (the best, IF you are into the thing) - and probably cheese. Don't use the already digested-and-puked stuff like sausages or even salami and whatnot. Want spices - add spices, not a mix of soy and offal with those spices and hefty serving of MSG. Which you also can buy in bags, for pennies, and add to your taste.
  2. Learn to bake your bread. Seriously. Even for the laziest, find the pre-mix you like, and learn how it bakes to the condition you like.
  3. Learn to bake "onion bread", that is, bread flavored to the max by caramelized onions. For one, you will learn to caramelize onions without burning them - good skill in itself - and secondly, you will see if your favorite dough from the previous point can "take it". Some dough just can't - it puffs up quite right on it's own, but add a good helping of onions in there and it's suddenly stiff as you only wish your body parts to be.
  4. Dry all the meat/fat/onions/olives/whatnot you prepared before stuffing! This includes drying of water, marinade, roasting oil, e t.c. if you don't want the meaty middle to be limp. If you want it to be extra juicy - add more fat/lard, and/or undercook it during preparation. (By the same virtue, "extra lean" isn't actually that great of a choice, unless you're mixing lard in separately)
  5. Experiment with meats. Lamb, liver/hearts/lungs/kidneys, fat tail, e t.c. It's not everybody's piece of cake but most of it at least worth a try.


See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]