Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it.
Monopoly was originally an adaptation of an obscure game known as "The Landlord's Game," which was intended as an educational tool to illustrate the negative aspects of concentrating land in private monopolies, and explain the benefits of the single tax theory of Henry George. However, since "The Landlord's Game" was made by a woman, who was also a Quaker, nobody gave a shit, which was why Charles Darrow was able to modify the original game and sold it off as his own original creation. Also, he chopped out half of the game, namely, the second half where everyone loses all their money and an Important Lesson is learned about capitalism. Which is why it sucks. Imagine if 40k didn't have a turn limit, and you just played until the opponent was tabled, and both of you got two free units every turn. (Isn't that just Apocalypse though?)
As an historical aside, Mr. Monopoly is an amalgam of William Randolph Hurst (the newspaper billionaire who owned most of Congress and started a war) and Samuel Insull (the fellow who monitized electricity).
- 1 How to play Monopoly
- 2 Monopoly license everything...
- 3 /tg/-Approved House Rules
- 4 The Rules Nobody Use
- 5 Special Rules to Make It Fun
How to play Monopoly
- Go around for 3 hours
- Land on Mayfair with someone else's hotel on it (Boardwalk if you're an Americanfag). Jealous much!
- Flip the board
Yah rly. The winning condition is "when everyone is broke except for one player." Aside from how "last man standing" boardgames suck, it's possible to play a game that never ends. Try this: get one of the Monopoly computer games, tell it to play with 4 computer players and 0 human players. Put it on 'fast', and come back in a few hours. All four players will have hundreds of thousands of dollars each, with no signs of anyone "losing."
The only way to win is to convince one of your fellow players to do something stupid, like sell you a property you need to complete a set.
This game takes forever. No, I am not kidding you. You, the person who wanted to play the game, will be the only one left after 5 hours of straight gameplay who still wants to play. Everyone else will have lost patience, fallen asleep, run out of snacks, died of old age, or some unholy combination of any or all of the previous four. I seriously played one game of Monopoly for THREE MONTHS with my grandmother. My grandfather left after the first three weeks. I have no idea who won. In that time, I probably could have made a pretty awesome character in ANY RPG SYSTEM (yes, even Rolemaster), and have had four or more truly memorable moments in a campaign.
Most modern iterations of the rules focus on either the game ending when the *first* player becomes bankrupt, or for an arbitrary value of cash and property to be reached. These, along with oft-unused house rules, can actually speed up the game and make it suck infinitely less.
Monopoly license everything...
It is no small joke that Monopoly have made a version of itself to cover just about everything under the sun. You're into normal vanilla monopoly? Get lost, there is way too many weird and wacky flavors to take, although you may get sick after having them.
Here is a concise list of some of the different kinds of monopoly available:
- Batman and Robin;
- Big Bang Theory;
- Bob's Burgers;
- Despicable Me;
- Disney Princesses;
- Disney Theme Parks;
- Doctor Who;
- Dot-Com (where the properties are all Internet companies like Google);
- Dragonball Z;
- Sailor Moon;
- Dublin (the actual city);
- Edinburgh (the fucking city as well);
- Fortnite (suprisingly good for it's source material);
- Game of Thrones;
- Gay (not even fucking lying);
- the Golden Girls;
- Guardians of the Galaxy;
- Harry Potter;
- Lord of the Rings;
- National Parks (like Yellowstone and the Grand Canyon and shit);
- The Nightmare before Christmas;
- Nintendo (which is not to be confused with the individual Mario, Zelda, and Pokemon versions of Monopoly);
- Northampton (the city, seriously);
- Pirates of the Caribbean;
- Powerpuff Girls;
- Royal Family;
- Spongebob Squarepants;
- Star Wars and a fuckload of variants:
- Star Wars Limited Collector's 20th Anniversary Edition;
- Star Wars Episode 1 Edition;
- Star Wars Classic Trilogy Edition;
- Star Wars Original Trilogy Edition (apparently there is a difference between the "classic" trilogy and the "original" trilogy);
- Star Wars the Clone Wars;
- Star Wars 40th Anniversary Special Edition;
- Star Wars with a goddamn Rubik's Cube because that makes a fuckton of sense;
- Stranger Things;
- Street Fighter;
- Super Mario Bros;
- Toy Story;
- The Walking Dead;
- 2010 Fifa World Cup South African edition;
- CHEATERS EDITION;
- Guildford (the town in Surrey);
- Warhammer 40,000
And Twilight. GOOOOODDAAAAAMMMMNNNNNN.
You think the above list is a joke? Then my dear friends you will truly weep, when you discover each one is very, very real... even Gay Monopoly, though it wasn't actually made by Parker Brothers, who sued its creators out of existence back in the '80s for intellectual property infringement.
P.S. Just in case you weren't depressed enough; every single version of Monopoly is literally exactly the same from a rules perspective. Every property and card gets renamed, but the functional rules of the game don't change at all. (Not true with Lord of the Rings Monopoly, Pokemon, and at least a few of the fifty or sixty Star Wars editions)
Monopoly for Millennials
Instead you win with the most Experience Tokens, which conveniently look like social media upvotes (and downvotes).
The only thing funnier than the game is the meltdown it caused on the internet. Between the condescending tagline and blatant “how do you do fellow kids” theme, this makes the perfect gag gift for that one friend who takes himself too seriously. The only way to make it even better is if the game really did have participation awards for all the losers.
/tg/-Approved House Rules
Not to be set back by the monotony of Monopoly, /tg/ has, after a period of discussion, decided that the following rules can potentially make a game of Monopoly strategic and more fun.
- Landing on an unowned property incurs an Auction, not a sale. (See below.)
- Bidding can start either at $1 or the value of the property, with the former allowing cheap purchases and the latter ensuring that all properties will sell at or above their face value.
- A completed color group is not required to purchase improvements on a property, with the exception of Hotels.
- Properties don't collect rent until there is a house on it. Not only does this remove the insanity of paying rent for an empty lot, it makes the utility actual useful, at least in the early game, as those will always be able to collect money.
The Rules Nobody Use
BREAKING NEWS: While this speeds up the game, and makes it possible to complete sets without some player doing something self-destructively stupid, and it's already in the rules but nobody uses it!
If you do not wish to buy the property, the Banker sells it at auction to the highest bidder. The buyer pays the Bank the amount of the bid in cash and receives the Title Deed card for that property. Any player, including the one who declined the option to buy it at the printed price, may bid. Bidding may start at any price.
It's right there in black and white, per the Hasbro Official Rules.
The board gets sold off fast and everybody gets a weird portfolio of random properties, both of which make Metanopoly (see below) more fun and brutal. Note there are plenty of other often-missed rules (no extra houses, no P2P loans, no Free Parking jackpots) that speed the game up, too.
Special Rules to Make It Fun
Fixes Monopoly by replacing it with a different property-management game built around the shell-company mechanic from Illuminati. You're acquiring property... so you can modulate the house wiring and put fluoride in the water and control people's MINDS. (fnord)
This improves the game by replacing it entirely with a different roll-and-move real estate game.
A vidya version of Monopoly that manages to be a much better game, in the same vein as Solarquest, by replacing it with a better roll-and-move real estate game with more choices and more finance.
For the fa/tg/uy who's got no moral qualms about giving money to Hasbro and/or you have a bunch of Normie friends who still want to play this drek, here's your next best bet. It's a card-based version that focuses on trading in order to create complete property sets. Unlike its parent game it's fast-paced, requires some strategy and can actually be fun.
For the anti-American commies who are protesting on Wall Street, you can play the game as the 1%.
Powers for each of the pieces
- Wheelbarrow: Move an additional spaces equal to your lowest die; gain an additional 25 dollars when passing Go.
- Battleship: You may fire at any piece directly opposite the Battleship, sending them back to Go. They do not gain money from passing Go.
- Money Bag: Gain $300 when passing Go.
- Horseman: Move an additional spaces equal to your lowest die; when the Horseman lands on an occupied space, the Horseman can choose to send all other pieces back five squares or to the Horseman's nearest property, whichever is closer; when sending a piece back to his property, the Horseman must accompany them.
- Automobile: Move twice the number of spaces shown on the die.
- Locomotive: All railroads cost half as much; when rolling a double and not in jail, the Locomotive can move to any owned railroads instead.
- ̶T̶h̶i̶m̶b̶l̶e̶:̶ ̶W̶o̶w̶,̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶,̶ ̶a̶ ̶f̶a̶g̶g̶o̶t̶?̶ ̶S̶t̶a̶r̶t̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶h̶a̶l̶f̶ ̶m̶o̶n̶e̶y̶.̶ ̶J̶e̶e̶z̶.̶ While everyone else is arguing over the popular pieces, take an extra 500$ from the bank. Lie if asked about it. You also get to mock the other players mercilessly if you win. "Who's the fag now?"
- Loom: Pay half as much when renting; mortgages pay 20% more.
- Shoe: Same as Horseman.
- Dog: The Dog may take the roll of the previous player instead of rolling their own die.
- ̶I̶r̶o̶n̶:̶ ̶S̶a̶m̶e̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶T̶h̶i̶m̶b̶l̶e̶,̶ ̶Q̶u̶e̶e̶r̶ ̶E̶y̶e̶.̶ Oops, got removed. Congrats on being retro, I guess. Or you just didn't care enough to buy a new set. Probably that.
- Hat: Same as Money Bag; Hats are classy.
- Cat: Ignore the first time you have to pay rent after passing Go because half the neighbourhood feeds you.
- Bike: Same as Automobile
- Hashtag: Start a smear campaign! Same rules as Battleship
- Emoji: You start with a Get Out Of Jail card.
- Penguin: Can move straight to Free Parking if you begin the turn just visiting in jail.
- Tyrannosaurus: Roll a six on the Go to Jail Square and you don't need to go.
AKA how many ways can you get your opponents to derp. Use underhanded meta-game tactics to win, and none of it is "technically" illegal. Haggle, brown-nose, backstab, and generally play pre-WW1 European politics. Barter for everything, trick people with word games, do whatever you can to be the nastiest SPAH in a game full of SPAHS. Works well with 7+ players, and is great fun against that one crafty uncle who shows up at family reunions. You know, for a game of Monopoly. Goes shorter than most games because everyone either gets curb-stomped by one guy, calls everyone else a cheater, or gets so enraged that the game turns into a bar fight and you must use your Weeaboo Fightan Magic to escape unscathed.
In the grim darkness of the future, there is only passing Go...
In other news, GW has just announced an official Warhammer 40k Monopoly game.
Until that comes out, just use the above board. It'll be basically the same thing. And it's out it looks pretty good except for the classic jail and free parking. But there is HERESY! with you being allowed to own the Planet of Sorcerers, The Plague Planet, Titan, and Holy Terra.
Settleropoly and Talismanopoly
|Classics:||Backgammon - Chess - Go - Tafl - Tic-Tac-Toe|
|Ameritrash:|| Arkham Horror - Axis & Allies - Battleship - Betrayal at House on the Hill - Car Wars |
Clue/Cluedo - Cosmic Encounter - Descent: Journeys in the Dark - Dungeon!
Firefly: The Game - HeroQuest - Monopoly - Snakes and Ladders - Risk - Talisman - Trivial Pursuit
|Eurogames:||Agricola - Carcassonne - Settlers of Catan - Small World - Stratego - Ticket to Ride|
|Pure Evil:||Diplomacy - Dune (aka Rex: Final Days of an Empire) - Monopoly|
|Others:||Icehouse - Shadow Hunters - Twilight Imperium|