Necron Lord of All Kaurava

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YOU.. FUCKING KIDS! GET OFF.. (ROBO-ASTHMA).. MY LAWN!!

"They...shall meet..(gasp)...their ends.....they...shall join...the army of........(gasp)..death."

– Necron Lord of All Kaurava in Dawn of War: Soulstorm

The Necron Lord of All Kaurava, sometimes jokingly called Great-Grandpa of the Kaurava Dynasty, is the Necron Lord of Dawn of War: Soulstorm. Notable for his slow, sibilant dialogue that sounds all in the world like an exhausted old man trying to say each and every word of dialogue as angrily and bile-filled as possible, he is ancient, even by Necron standards, therefore making him the guy even Papalith calls an old fuck. The stasis of his tomb broken by the encroaching Warp Storm (thanks a fucking lot, Carron), the Necron Lord of All Kaurava wakes up from his aeons-long hangover to find out that the Space Elves have returned and like half a dozen races in addition have shown up to make pests of themselves in the Kaurava System.

Like most of the characters in Soulstorm, the Necron Lord has almost no dialogue and virtually no interaction with other characters. He frequently responds with one or two word responses, making his dialogue especially terse and morose. In an army already criminally short on dialogue, the Necron Lord of All Kaurava manages to somehow be even worse in that regard. His dialogue is made infinitely funnier if you read way too deeply into it and re-interpret his efforts to subjugate all of Kaurava once again into the equivalent of ruining the local teenagers' block party so he and his retirement community can go back to bed. The truth, however, is far more horrifying; whereas many other Necrons are genocidal bastards or Tomb Kings in space, the Necron Lord of All Kaurava is a religious adherent to the Deceiver, and carries on a millenia-old grudge with the Eldar when he discovers the assholes on his front lawn. If successful, he takes over all of Kaurava as he had ages ago, ruling it as a conquering superpower once more, albeit a slow one.

One would be wise not to mistake his taciturn nature for incompetence, however: The Necron Lord of All Kaurava is bad news. He wants nothing less than complete dominion of Kaurava's worlds and has every intent of killing everyone in his way to make it happen. Sadly, his tomb complex, canonically, is raided by the Orks under the command of Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter, who succeeded at blowing up his Apocalypse Monolith formation and blowing up the power grid that kept his forces active, essentially taking him and his forces out of the fight. At some point they may rise again, but it will be ages before the tomb's maintenance scarabs can ever muster a threat, leading Kaurava IV to be used as a roight good source of fun for Gorgutz and his boys, who would probably pick a fight with the Resurgent tomb complex for either the hell of it, or to loot their shiny bits.

Statistics[edit]

Like all Necron Lords in Dawn of War, the Necron Lord of All Kaurava is obscenely powerful. In addition to all the usual benefits the Necron Lord gets through gameplay (artifacts, C'tan, etc), he gets a wide variety of wargear that makes him insanely strong. Compared to the Kronus Necron Lord, the Necron Lord of All Kaurava has slightly lower health, lower max morale, lower resistance to ranged fire, and lower speed, but makes up for it in other areas: He casts his powers much faster than the Kronus Lord, does much more morale damage, and boasts a secondary attack from the Gaze of Flame, which makes him do bonus anti-infantry damage and makes him extremely good at breaking morale (yeah, I'm scared too). His Death Grip artifact also actually works, unlike the Kronus Necron Lord's. Whereas the Kronus Lord was the kind you'd throw at the enemy and count on him surviving it all, the Necron Lord of All Kaurava is a crazy space robot zombie wizard with extremely solid damage output overall.

Ironically, despite his high damage and durability, he's grossly outclassed by other heroes in other areas. He can't hold a candle to Gorgutz' balls-out toughness, and has real trouble fighting Commander Or'es'Ka. Archon Tahril is another major hero he has trouble with, because Tahril can easily lock him down and isolate him while poisoning his ass to death. Thankfully, Essence of the Nightbringer remains a perfect equalizer and gives him a chance against damned near anything.

Notable Necrons
Necrons: Anrakyr the Traveller - Illuminor Szeras - Imotekh the Stormlord - Nemesor Zahndrekh
Orikan the Diviner - Szarekh the Silent King - Trazyn the Infinite - Vargard Obyron
Dawn of War: Necron Lord of All Kaurava - Necron Lord of Kronus
C'Tan: Aza'Gorod - Mag'ladroth - Mephet'ran - Nyadra'zatha - Tsara'noga