Red Skeletons

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About the Red Skeletons[edit]

The Red Skeletons were created when some stupid future-neckbeard brought Dawn of War to high-school to play with his friends. (Y'know, if he... HAD any friends.) A major problem was, NONE of his friends actually knew what in the Billy-Blue-Smurf-Fuck 40k was, so when he gave DoW to his Best Friend, he immediately went into the army painter and make ALL the colors bright red, took the Night Lords Badges and Banners, and named this new chapter "Red Skeletons." After his friend (the idiot who brought DoW to school in the first place) commented on how dumb the Chapter looked, they decided to make up a bunch of lore for the Chapter. So here you are, Neckbeards and other Neckbeards : The red Skeletons. They are Descendants of the Imperial Fists, but, due to a prank by Fabulous Bill, They got their Gene-seed mixed up with that of the Lazy-Marines. Because of this, they are Lazy as fuck, but not quite as Lazy as the Lazy Marines, and use the Imperial Fists Chapter tactic, But are quite notoriously cowardly.

Interesting Boring as fuck... things...[edit]

  • They Have a warcry for each company, but members of a higher ranking company can use the warcry of Lesser Ranking companies.

(For example, the 10th company can only use the 10th company warcry, but the 8th can use the 8th, 9th, and 10th company warcries, the first company can use all the warcries and so on.) List of Warcries: -10th- SUBTLE SNEAK ATTACK! -9th- A-BOOGEY-WOOGEY-WOO! -8th- BRAZEN CLAWS ARE BITCHES TO PAINT! -7th- LEMAN RUSS SPAM! -6th- CONGA, CONGA CONGA! -5th- ~MEAT PIES AN' TAMATA SAUCE! SAME AGAIN FOR SECOND COURSE~! -4th- SCOTT MCNIEL! MIGHTY IS HE! -3rd- NO, DAVIAN COOL DIDN'T DIE IN RETRIBUTION! -2nd- FALLOUT 2 WAS THE BEST! -1st- ~SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS~!

  • No, that last one wasn't just for random "Humor", it was infact, because of a Chapter Tradition. After someone put a Chaplain's helmet on the MOST HONORABLE CHAPTERMASTER, MOST HONORABLE CHAPTERMASTER as a prank, when he woke up the next morning, took one look in the mirror and screamed out "I, MOST HONORABLE CHAPTERMASTER MOST HONORABLE CHAPTERMASTER, AM A SKELING-THE-TON!" Red Skeletons of the first company started putting Chaplain Helmets on new 1st Company Members, as a prank. Then the Newly helmed 1st Company marines started believing they were skeletons, and started a tradition of "turning" new 1st company members "into" skeletons, until eventually the entire first company believed they were skeletons.
  • Their original color was, infact, pink, but became red after MOST HONORABLE CHAPTERMASTER, MOST HONORABLE CHAPTERMASTER had the bright idea to get several galleons of tomato sauce, put it in the armory and hide a frag grenade in it, and no one could be bothered to clean of the tomato sauce. This is the chapter's most closely guarded secret, and whenever anyone old enough to know their armor should be pink asks about it, Red Skeletons simply say that their armor is coated in several layers of the blood of heretics. And the Emperor's BLAM! HERESY!
  • All Red Skeletons have mustaches, although you can't really see this with the 1st Company.

"Notable" members.[edit]

  • MOST HONORABLE CHAPTERMASTER, MOST HONORABLE CHAPTERMASTER: Promoted to chaptermaster simply because of his name, MOST HONORABLE CHAPTERMASTER believes he is a skeleton. This does not stop him from eating large amounts of Chips, and injecting Custard straight into his Blood-Stream.
  • Chaplain HERESY: Named after the thing he constantly shouts, Chaplain Heresy's original name has been lost to antiquity. He has to sleep in the void of space, because his constant shouting of "HERESY!" echoes throughout the Chapter's Battle Barge, "The Law and the 'Stache." despite this, many Red Skeletons claim "I can still hear that fucker's chanting!" Probably because they keep forgetting to turn of the vox.
  • Super-Glue the 17th: A chapter serf, Super-Glue the 17th is from the proud serf family of the Super-Glues, who are notorious for stealing the Toe-nail clippings of the Red Skeletons. What the Super-Glues do with this is not known, although it is suspected that they are trying to make a cheap alternative to GW models.

Daily Rituals of a Red Skeleton[edit]

  • 0600 : The Red Skeletons are woken up by the shouts of Chaplain HERESY. Those who forgot to turn off their vox the night before are already wide awake.
  • 0601 : Desperately needing to piss, the Red Skeletons enter morning prayer.
  • 0602 : Morning prayer is cut short by every marine leaving for the toilets.
  • 0655 : Pissing finally ends.
  • 0700 : Coffee Break. Cookies may also be consumed.
  • 0705 : Morning Firing Rituals.
  • 0855 : Coffee Break. Cookies may also be consumed.
  • 0900 : Morning Battle Practice. Marines descend to the battle cages. Actual combat is entirely optional.
  • 0905 : Coffee Break. Cookies may also be consumed.
  • 0910 : Marines are sent off to do glorious battle against the foulest enemy of the Red Skeletons, exercise. Actual exercise is entirely optional.
  • 0915 : Breakfast. Up to 27 courses may be consumed by a single marine.
  • 1000 : Free time. Marines are free to Piss, Drink Coffee, Eat, Drink Coffee, Play Video games, Drink Coffee, Debate whether Batman could actually beat superman or not, Drink Coffee, and of course, Drink Coffee.
  • 2030 : After Kicking out Chaplain HERESY, Brushing their teeth, getting on their PJ's and being read a bed-time story by Chaplains that DO NOT include Chaplain Heresy, the Red Skeletons retire for the night. Any who forgot to turn off the vox severely regret their life decisions.

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