From 1d4chan

Santa Claus, as statted in the New World of Darkness.

One merry December, just as the shopping season got into full swing and all the little fa/tg/uys started counting the days for Christmas, Anonymous worked out how to make an obese World of Darkness vampire run at supersonic speeds. After much discussion, some good hard number crunching and much intellectual masturbation, it dawned on one inspired poster that the character discussed fit the profile of Santa Claus to a tee. /tg/ was inspired.

Bits and pieces started tumbling together, with the realization that the new World of Darkness already had elves crawling out of its gothy woodwork, the Changelings. Writefaggotry, creativity, and a surprising amount of genuine kindheartedness ensued.

The story goes like this: Santa lives a happy life with his daughter and wife. Daughter turns out to be a mage, Santa gets turned into a vampire... And his wife dies. He can't stand his existence anymore, but he still loves his daughter. His daughter loves children, so he makes a pact with a changelings to give her the best birthday celebration ever - An international tradition to make children happy. Santa only wakes up once a year, helped by the Changelings who give him vampire blood. During the year, his hideout is defended by were-reindeer and Taskforce Valkyrie prevents people from ever finding his hideouts, killing potential leaks and giving false hints to opposing groups. The changelings, meanwhile, look everywhere for good children. Children which, with the right present, could cause joy even in other people. Only a few children every year get such a present, as - even at Mach 1 - Santa can't be everywhere at once. But theses few presents are enough to convince a few people of the reality of Santa Claus, which keeps the whole tradition alive.


Why Hunters help Santa

Shanda hated Christmas. Mom tried her best to make it all festive and stuff, but she knew she was putting on a show. "Things'll be good this year, you'll see!" her mom chirped, her smile not quite reaching her eyes. "Put the past behind us, we're going to have a great Christmas this year!"

Shanda had heard this before. She remembered this was mom's usual attitude before the day, before she locked herself in her room trying to drown out her dad's yelling and her mom's sobs and desperately trying to pretend the crashing noises were just bad dreams.

She doubted the fact dad was now in jail would somehow make things so very different.

"Look what Santa brought this year!" mom chimed, gesturing too emphatically at the small pile of wrapped parcels laid out on the kitchen table.

Shanda knew Santa didn't deliver the presents in a van from the Boys & Girls Club she saw at the door a few days earlier, and that he sure as hell didn't employ a scrawny recovering druggie with a tanglewire goatee as one of his elves.

Still, she played along. Mom wanted to believe in this stuff. Someone might as well be happy this time of year.

Most of the loot was pretty good, actually - a new Barbie and some plushes with dorky-yet-kinda-cute smiles and stuff like that, that mom'd never been able to afford before. But it was the one package without a body that stayed with her.

It was wrapped without a box in a crinkly green parchment which smelled of fresh sawdust and maple leaves, with a bare tag tied around the end. Clearly whoever wrapped the toy sword hadn't bothered to conceal its shape or purpose. Only the note on it ("To Shanda, braver than she knows") had any semblance of a traditional Christmas gift.

Shanda peeled away the wrapping like the skin of a fruit, marveling at the craftsmanship on the pommel, which looked - for all the world - like the stem of some exotic flower. The blade was graceful, like a thistle's leaf, and, as she touched the blade, she could have sworn she had a flash of some knight - her hair tied into a bun and her armor polished bright - charging boldly at some fearsome dragon.

Shanda held the thing in wonder, feeling it like an extension of her hand, and, as she gave it an experimental swish, caught sight of a second note, pinned to the tip.

Plucking the note, she unfolded its neatly-folded creases, and read it aloud in spite of herself.

"Fairy Tales are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten."

Her mom made a sound halfway between choking and laughing. Shanda instinctively looked up at her mom, and found she couldn't see right, her eyes were blurred with tears.

"I think that's the first time I've seen you smile like that in I don't know how long," Mom sobbed, sweeping her daughter to her chest in a tight hug.

Despite herself, Shanda grinned. This Christmas was different, that's for sure.


"Big Red's on the move again," Stephenson barked, the stream of data on his monitor updated, flashing frenetically. "Bogeys 2 & 3 are primed to engage. Teams Watchdog and Blueberry are in range. Awaiting your instructions, ma'am!"

Shanda flicked the plastic badge pinned to her lapel absently for a moment. The words Taskforce: VALKARIE bobbed in the command room's light, and she smiled wistfully.

"Tell them to engage at will, Mr. Stephenson." She smirked, with mixture of professionalism and satisfaction. "Those fundie freaks should know that I owe the old fat bastard a favor."

More Taskforce: Valkyrie action


SUSPECT: "I don't know what the fuck you're holding me here for. I've got rights damnit. We never did anything wrong. Who the fuck are you people?"

OPERATIVE: "We'll be the ones to decide that, [REDACTED]. And we're the ones who'll be asking the questions tonight. Now. Tell us why you and your friends were waiting in the car outside [REDACTED] last night."

S: "Alright, fine. We were waiting for someone. We didn't know who, all we know is he was gonna do something to our kids. And the police wouldn't listen. So we were gonna protect them ourselves."

O: "How did you know this someone was going to come for your kids, and why then?"

S: "It started a few weeks back. [REDACTED] was just going to bed and checking on the kids, when he saw this... guy leaning over his son's bed. So he goes in and tries to ki- incapacitate the fucker. But the guy heard him coming and ran out through the door to his other son's room and when [REDACTED] got through the door the guy was gone. [REDACTED] says the room got cold and he swears that he saw some snow melting on the floor, but no sign of this guy. So he called us up."

O: "Why did he call you up, rather than the police?"

S: "We'd dealt with some weird shit before. That's all I'm gonna say till I get a lawyer in here."

O: "Fine, what happened when he called you up?"

S: "We got together and made a plan. If this guy was targetting our kids, it wouldn't be long before he tried again. So we'd all be watching and waiting, ready to fuck 'em up when they tried anything. It was me he went after next. I was waiting up in the next room with my shotgun ready when I heard him, creepin around like he fuckin owned the place. I surprised him, got the gun pointed at him and made very clear my intent to defend my property and make a citizen's arrest until the proper authorities arrived. He wasn't trying any funny stuff this time. And then the proper authorities arrived."

O: "Those being your friends?"

S: "Yeah. We tied the fucker up and... questioned him vigorously until he started talking. He wasn't admitting anything. But he said that we needed to let him go, that he was just trying to help the kid. And that soon 'He' would be coming to give our kids exactly what they deserved. Solstice time, he said. So we gave the fucker another working over and left him to think on it. When we cam back, there was just a chair, some loose ropes and a big pool of blood."

O: "So what happened next?"

S: "We got ready. We found out that solstice was what they called Christmas before Jesus was born. So we didn't tell the kids, but we had to spend more time getting ready. [REDACTED] was the smart one, so he did the reading but he didn't find anything much out. So we got everything. Silver, flares, holy water, the whole shebang. When it came to Christmas Eve we put all the kids in one house and set the wives to watching them, and we parked outside, ready to get the fucker when he tried to come back. We didn't expect what happened next."

O: "And what was that?"

S: "[REDACTED] saw it first. This... blur, visible even in the dark. Red and white. And moving so goddamned fast. Just as soon as we saw it, it was on top of us, then it was stood outside the house. This fat fuck in a Santa costume, dragging a sledge or something. He went for the door and then more guys starting getting out of the sledge, more than could ever have been in there. So we get down to it. We pile out of the car and open up with everything we've got. A couple of the sledge guys drop, but the fat fuck barely even flinches, he just calmly goes for the door, this big bag over his shoulder. Then it all gets hazy. I remember seeing one of the sledge guys right up close, like he fucking teleported into us and starts cutting, then one of them this big, mountainous motherfucker just charges over and lays one of us out flat. I remember hearing one of them shouting about how we should have used iron or something. And then I heard my family screaming, but that's all. I musta gotten knocked out. Next thing I know, these guys in suits are dragging me into a helicopter, and I can hear my kids shouting about Santa Claus. What the hell happened?"

O: "Exactly what's supposed to. Sorry your kids have to lose something this year, as well as getting something",

S: "What the hell does tha-"


[Link] - The Thread which started it all on SupTG