Skarbrand

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SKARBRAND RESENTS THE COLOR BLUE!

"HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT FOR YOU. HATE. HATE."

– The Allied Master Computer, I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream

"SKARBRAND DOESN'T APPRECIATE PHYSICAL CONTACT!"

Skarbrand, stating his feelings on physical contact.

"The Lord of Rage. Born of destruction, of insatiable bloodlust. We are his savagery incarnate, the epitomy of brutality, rewarded for our ferocity. Join our relentless hunt! Enact the wrath of the Blood God! Unleash your fury! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!"

Skarbrand, explaining what his faction does in the trailer in Total War: WARHAMMER 3...which he hates.

Skarbrand the Exiled One,"SÄäsbrand", "That Bloke", was formerly the most powerful Bloodthirster in the service of Khorne. He was so powerful, in fact, that Tzeentch took notice and began encouraging him to kill, maim and burn even more in the service of his lord until he was considered a seething tower of rage. This might seem counterproductive in the extreme, but eventually Skarbrand got so angry that he tried (and failed) to cheap-shot Khorne himself, just as Tzeentch planned.

Skarbrand's blow that could've split a mountain or killed a nation took only the tiniest of chinks from Khorne's armor and got his attention. Khorne was somewhat displeased with this treachery, and proceeded to choke Skarbrand of all thought or reason (insomuch as a Bloodthirster has either) until all that remained of him was his boundless rage. He then yeeted Skarbrand away so hard that he flew for a solid week.

Skarbrand's wings were destroyed by the impact, but he kept on killing indiscriminately in the name of the Blood God. In fact, he's so goddamn angry that he makes everyone near him go crazy with blood-lust too. In a somewhat ironic twist of fate, he kills far more than he did when he was in Khorne's good graces. Then again Khorne can no longer directly command Skarbrand after his banishment, so if Tzeentch didn't push him to the edge; he could have been even more powerful and dangerous than An'ggrath or Angron, given enough time under Khorne's leadership. It should be noted however, that the Masque of Slaanesh considered Skarbrand to be the only demon powerful enough to destroy arcane defenses guarding the portal to Biel-Tan.

He recently appeared on the fortress world Lutoris Epsilon and caused all the Guardsmen defending the planet to go all 28 Days Later on each other, which makes one wonder why Khorne doesn't just send him to Cadia. Probably the disowning for the whole "tried to kill me" thing. He then butchered his way out of a Grey Knight ambush on Phaedes Ekron. In his last known appearance, he was unceremoniously one-shot by Dante, being cut in half and sent back to the Warp. Sadface.

That did not last long however, as he appeared in the second Gathering Storm book "teamed up" with The Masque of Slaanesh as part of a bet on who could slaughter the most Eldar on an Exodite world. Of course, that was all just so The Masque could use him to break though seals placed on a webway gate which led straight into Biel-Tan His reaction when he discovered this was reportedly bellowing his scorn for the color green, one of the primary colors of Biel-Tan, before he charged the webway gate to further express his hatred. He joined The Masque in the fighting afterwards (or rather, continued to compete for their bet), but was surprisingly defeated and banished by the craftworld's Avatar of Khaine (we're really just surprised GW didn't decide to use the Avatar as punching bag yet again, to prop up Skarbrand's BBEG levels like what they typically do).

He also appeared on the Blackstone Fortress where Roboute Guilliman and his Crusade were being held prisoner. After Kairos refused to kill Guilliman due to wanting to spare him for future plans Skarbrand attacked the Fortress with a Khornate Warband so he could take Roboute's skull for Khorne and also because he is repulsed by disagreements. However due to the Black Templar Emperor's Champion sacrificing himself and planting his sword in Skarbrand's chest, Roboute was able to give the Bloodthirster a good beating and escaped.

On the Tabletop[edit]

Skarbrand is a HQ choice for a Daemons army. He's got the standard 'thirster statline, minus wings. He has a S5 AP- template called "Bellow of Endless Fury" (yes, he's so angry that his roar can kill you) and a pair of axes called Slaughter and Carnage, which have Fleshbane and Armorbane, respectively. Note that this gives you an extra attack for paired CCWs. Plus, every unit, friendly or enemy, within 12" of him gets Rage and Hatred, including himself. If made the warlord, all his attacks inflict instant death, giving you a ridiculous melee beatstick that will take down pretty much anything you point him at. Nine WS10, I10 hits, rerolling, on the charge that wound on 2s, ignore armor, and inflict instant death? That Wraithknight is done. And all this for less than the cost of a standard Bloodthirster of Unfettered Fury.

The problem, of course, is getting there: Skarbrand has no wings to get him into the backfield. Skarbrand hates not being able to fly. A supporting Grimoire of True Names can help him get where he needs to be. And the bricks that an opponent will shit when your Skarbrand rocks a 2++ from Warp Surge + Grimoire is worth every second.

Trivia[edit]

  • Skarbrand hates trivia.
  • Skarbrand hates pants.
  • Skarbrand hates signs.
  • Skarbrand hates knocking sounds.
  • Skarbrand also hates going outside.
  • Skarbrand hates going INSIDE.
  • Skarbrand hates standing in doorframes slightly less than the above things.
  • Skarbrand spends most of his day to day life standing in said-doorframes…and hates that he hates it less.
  • Skarbrand hates people touching the gate of Khaine.
  • Skarbrand hates traffic jams.
  • Skarbrand doesn't appreciate physical contact.
  • Skarbrand hates Dreadknight. It has the most silly stupid fucking design Skarbrand has ever witnessed.
  • Skarbrand hates coconut water.
  • Skarbrand despises inconveniences.
  • Skarbrand hates attacks that hurt him more than they hurt the material.
  • Skarbrand hates you.
  • Skarbrand dislikes being misinterpreted.
  • Skarbrand hates bath time.
  • As a respectable member of society, Skarbrand loathes stealing.
  • Skarbrand hates people looking at him.
  • Skarbrand hates being ignored.
  • Skarbrand hates skinny bitches.
  • Skarbrand has trouble internalizing his accomplishments. Naturally, he hates it.
  • Skarbrand hates the bald, and the balding almost as much.
  • Skarbrand hates this list (as it is getting longer).
  • Skarbrand hates that thing you like.
  • Skarbrand hates named characters and will subsequently beat them to a literal pulp. Whether or not Skarbrand hates himself for being a named character is unknown, as no one has asked Skarbrand this question and survived.
  • Skarbrand hates when people project their issues onto him.
  • Skarbrand hates charity.
  • Skarbrand hates your mum.
  • Skarbrand hates cutting his nails.
  • Skarbrand hates furries (both types).
  • Skarbrand hates noisy theater patrons.
  • Skarbrand hates durian.
  • Skarbrand hates Erebus.
  • Skarbrand fears does not hate Sly Marbo, but hates the distance between them.
  • Skarbrand once had a crush on Valkia the Bloody, but Khorne beat him to the kiss. In fact, this may have been the actual reason Skarbrand tried to overthrow Khorne.
  • Skarbrand does not hate rye bread, oddly enough.
  • But he does hate Sourdough.
  • Skarbrand hates most American bread because it’s sweeter than cake.
  • Skarbrand hates cyclists.
  • Skarbrand hates a small anal circumference.
  • Skarbrand hates Covid-19, because that’s got Nurgle written all over it.
  • Skarbrand doesn’t appreciate being the Legendary Lord option for Khorne in Total War: Warhammer III, but he accepts it since he hates the other choices more.
SKARBRAND HATES SHARPENING HIS AXES!!! SKARBRAND HATES THAT SKARBRAND'S AXE HAS JAGGED SPIKES THAT IT CAN NEVER BE SHARPENED!!! SKARBRAND HATES THE ADVISOR FOR CALLING HIS AXES "BLADES"!!!
  • Skarbrand hates da po’lice (unless they worship Khorne).
  • Skarbrand hates himself.
  • Skarbrand would go to therapy for the mentioned self loathing, but he hates it too much.
  • Skarbrand hates That Guy.
  • Skarbrand hates Finecast.
  • Skarbrand hates.
  • Skarbrand does not hate the Angry Marines, but hates that he can’t find a suit of their power armor that fits.
  • Skarbrand hates that Khorne still does not love him again, despite all his hard and bloody work.
  • Skarbrand hates tortilla chips but strangely not those razor sharp shits one takes after eating too many tortilla chips.
  • Skarbrand hates that everyone thinks he talks in the third person. Skarbrand knows proper grammar.
  • Skarbrand hates sharpening his weapons.
  • Skarbrand hates his weapons being blunt.
  • Skarbrand hates negotiating.
  • Skarbrand hates The Advisor. Skarbrand will tolerate him until he led Skarbrand to Ursun.
  • Skarbrand hates Ursun. Skarbrand will sacrifice his skull to Khorne for forgiveness.
  • Skarbrand hates ponies.
  • Skarbrand hates ogres slightly less than everyone else.
  • Skarbrand hates other Khornate factions, they also hate Skarbrand in turn.
  • Skarbrand hates friendship! friendship is hatred!
  • Skarbrand hates that his Total War: Warhammer III campaign was all for nothing, as Daddy-Khorne STILL HASN'T forgiven him.
  • Skarbrand hates auto-correct, it calls him soarbrand
  • Skarbrand has filed a restraining order on all purple daemons!
  • Skarbrand hates N'kari! it makes Skarbrand feels extremely violated! which Skarbrand hates!
  • SKARBRAND HATES FEMBOYS!!!

Total War Warhammer[edit]

Skarbrand appears in the third game, representing the Exiles of Khorne faction, the first Khornate faction in the game. The Advisor visits him and SOMEHOW manages to convince Skarbrand of all people to spare him in exchange for guidance to Ursun. Skarbrand plans to take the god bear's skull to earn Khorne's forgiveness. His faction is the most overpowered of all the Five Daemon factions! Even a bare Skarbrand is already strong, but with the right skills, his unique items (and some more) he can become a one-daemon doomstack of a RAPE-TRAIN WITHOUT BREAKS.

You can take over the map much faster than Taurox!!!

A little fun thing, in total war if you choose to engage in diplomacy with skarbrand, for a raging daemon who hates everything he remarkably civil and “calm”, which is pretty funny as the exalted bloodthirster who unlike skarbrand shouts at you in all caps

Gallery[edit]

The Daemons of Chaos
Khorne mark.png 220px-Nurgle Symbol.png Slaanesh mark.png 934501-tzeentch mark.png Hornedratsymbol.jpg Chaosundivided.png
Greater Daemons: An'ggrath
Skarbrand
Ka'bandha
Ku'Gath
Scabeiathrax
Ulkair
Rotigus
Dexcessa
N'kari
Shalaxi Helbane
Synessa
Zarakynel
Aetaos'Rau'Keres
Amon 'Chakai
Kairos Fateweaver
Madail
Lesser Daemons: Karanak
Skulltaker
Epidemius
Horticulous Slimux
The Masque
Syll Lewdtongue
The Changeling
The Blue Scribes
Daemon Princes: Angron
Doombreed
Mazarall the Butcher
Samus
Valkia the Bloody
Bubonicus
Foulspawn
Mortarion
Azazel
Dechala
Fulgrim
Esske
Sigvald
Magnus the Red Skreech Verminking Be'lakor
God-Slayer
Lorgar
M'Kar
Perturabo