Stormrider

From 1d4chan
AwesomeWTF.gifThis article contains something which makes absolutely no logical sense, such as Nazi Zombie Mercenaries, Fucking Space Orangutans, anything written by a certain Irish leper or Robin Crud-ace, Matt Ward creating (against all odds) a codex that isn't completely broken on every level. If you proceed, consider yourself warned.
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This article is about something that is considered by the overpowering majority of /tg/ to be fail.
Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it.
You better watch out, you better not die, you better not fight, I'm telling you why: Santa Grimnar's coming to town!

Oh yes Stormrider, the infamous and we mean INFAMOUS Santa's Sleigh chariot/relic of the Space Furries used by King Furry himself, Logan Grimnar.

Overview[edit]

This ridiculous and frankly, absurd piece of contraption is an ornate war chariot held aloft by anti-grav gyrostabilisers. Why in Leman Russ's wolf tits the Vlka Fenryka thought it was a good idea to waste precious anti-grav technology on a fucking overgrown chariot instead of, you know, sensibly mount it on a Land Raider, we have no clue. But then again, these are the same idiots who thought that the Stormfang and Stormwolf were even remotely aerodynamically sound. So it honestly shouldn't be that surprising.

Since these chuclefucks designed it as a chariot, the Stormrider obviously has no means of self-propulsion. Instead, it is perpetually pulled by a pair of Thunderwolves in its stead. Power fields and runes of enchantment are wrought within the chariot’s framework to protect both man and beast from incoming fire, to better ensure that whoever rides this thing could bonk the enemy with his sword. But then again, why not mount a ranged weapon on the platform. Or even better, why design a chariot in the first place? As you can guess Santa is very vulnerable to snipers and artillery while riding it. Good thing for him it hasn't appeared in any Black Library books yet and post Horus Heresy Space Wolves are Mary Sues on par with the Ultramarines and Grey Knights. Terminator armor also comes standards with a teleporter, so he better hope that the Iron Priests weren't drunk that day.

Crunch[edit]

On 9th Edition, everybody's favourite Santa could ride on his Merry Sleigh for a mere 25pts extra. Bumping his stats to T6, W14, and M10"/7"/4". He also gains 6A with the Thunderwolves teeth and claws (S+1, AP-2, D1), because fuck GEQs. He can also advance and charge like other Thunderwolves. Beware though; he swaps Infantry for Chariot, so some rules, abilities, or stratagems may not apply to him.

With a number of wounds over ten means that he can't hide among his soldiers to avoid being sniped. As stated in the description above, he will get sniped or blasted by anything with decent range. Snipers will headshot him, artillery and bombers will table him. Grimnar won't last that long if he's shot at by Forgeworld vehicles (like 30K Dreadnoughts, Knights, Titans, aircraft or any other superheavy). He can't stand up to a Primarch or Cawl (mecha tentacles increases his wound chances) even with help from his poodles. As they have more attacks or durability than he does. Maybe Guilliman, but even that's a stretch when Grandpa Smurf's squad shoots the shit out of him and the puppies by the time Santa gets into melee range and grandpa causes extra wounds on rolls of 6. Take old Saint Nick in a Land Raider, Forge World IFVs or one of the transport flyers (a Storm Eagle or larger) instead if you prefer not to footslog him.

Forces of the Space Wolves
Command: Wolf Lord - Wolf Guard
Priesthood: Iron Priest - Rune Priest - Wolf Priest
Troops: Blood Claw - Fenrisian Wolf - Long Fang - Skyclaw
Swiftclaw - Thunderwolf Cavalry - Wulfen - Grey Hunter
Walkers: Dreadnought - Space Wolves Dreadnought
Wulfen Dreadnought
Vehicles: Bike Squad - Rhino - Razorback
Land Speeder - Predator - Vindicator
Whirlwind - Land Raider (Land Raider Crusader
Land Raider Redeemer - Wrath of Mjalnar)
Special Vehicles: Stormrider
Flyers: Stormfang - Stormwolf
Spacecraft: Boarding Torpedo - Drop Pod
Space Marine Landing Craft
Allies: Space Marines - Primaris Marines
Vehicles of the Imperium of Man
Walkers Contemptor-Galatus Dreadnought - Contemptor-Incaendius Dreadnought - Death Company Dreadnought
Deathwatch Dreadnought - Dreadnought - Nemesis Dreadknight - Doomglaive Dreadnought - Furioso Dreadnought
Ironstrider Ballistarius - Invictor Tactical Warsuit - Librarian Dreadnought - Mortifier - Mortis Dreadnought
Onager Dunecrawler - Penitent Engine - Redemptor Dreadnought - Sentinel - Space Wolves Venerable Dreadnought
Sydonian Dragoon - Telemon Heavy Dreadnought - Wulfen Dreadnought - Paragon Warsuit
Transports Aurox - Chimera - Coronus Grav Carrier - Crassus Armored Assault Transport - Goliath Truck
Gorgon Armored Assault Transport - Hades Breaching Drill - Immolator - Impulsor - Macro-Hauler
Pegasus AAV - Razorback Transport - Repressor - Rhino - Road-Wheeler - Taurox - Testudo
Titan Train - Trojan Support Vehicle - Triaros Armoured Conveyer - Tunneling Transport Vehicles
Light
Vehicles
Atlas Recovery Tank - Achilles Ridgerunner - Bane Wolf - Bike Squad - Centaur Utility Vehicle
Cyclops Demolition Vehicle - Devil Dog - Galvanic Servohauler - Hellhound - Invader ATV - Land Crawler
Pegasus AFV - Salamander Reconnaissance Tank - Scylla Light Tank - Siegfried - Squat Bike - Squat Trike
Tauros - Tectonic Fragdrill - Venator - Wolfquad
Battle
Tanks
Castigator Tank - Caladius Grav-Tank - Gladiator Tank - Krios Battle Tank - Land Raider
Leman Russ Battle Tank - Predator - Ragnarok - Repulsor Tank - Sabre Tank Hunter
Sicaran Battle Tank - Spartan Assault Tank - Vindicator
Ordnance Basilisk Artillery Gun - Colossus Bombard - Deathstrike Missile Launcher
Exorcist - Goliath Mega-Cannon - Griffon Heavy Mortar Carrier - Hunter - Hydra Flak Tank
Land Train - Legion Arquitor Bombard - Manticore Launcher Tank - Medusa Siege Gun
Rapier Armoured Carrier - Stalker - Thunderfire Cannon - Whirlwind - Wyvern Suppression Tank
Superheavy
Tanks
Astraeus - Baneblade - Capitol Imperialis - Cerberus Heavy Tank Destroyer - Colossus War Machine
Cyclops War Machine - Fellblade - Leviathan - Macharius Heavy Tank - Macrocarid Explorator
Malcador Heavy Tank - Mastodon - Ordinatus - Typhon Heavy Siege Tank
Skimmers Dawneagle Jetbike - Gyrfalcon Pattern Jetbike - Imperial Jetbike - Javelin Attack Speeder
Grav-Cutter - Grav-Rhino - Kharon - Land Speeder - Land Speeder Vengeance
Pulpit of Saint Holline's Basilica - Skorpius Hover Tank - Stormrider - Storm Speeder
Pallas Grav-Attack
Flyers Archaeocopter - Ares Gunship - Caestus Assault Ram - Container Transporter - Corvus Blackstar
Fire Raptor - Iron Eagle Gyrocopter - Nephilim Jetfighter - Orgus Flyer - Orion Gunship - Overlord Gunship
Overlord Armoured Airship - Sky Talon - Space Marine Landing Craft - Storm Eagle - Stormbird
Stormhawk - Chiropteran - Stormraven - Stormtalon - Stormwolf - Thunderhawk - Valkyrie - Vendetta
Vulture
Fighters &
Bombers
Avenger Strike Fighter - Lightning Fighter - Marauder Bomber
Stormfang - Thunderbolt Fighter - Xiphon Interceptor
Spacecraft Aquila Lander - Arvus Lighter - Boarding Torpedo - Devourer Dropship - Drop Pod
Faustus Interceptor - Fury Interceptor - Gun-Cutter - Shark Assault Boat
Starhawk Bomber - Tetrarch Heavy Lander
Titans Imperial Knight - Warhound Scout Titan - Reaver Battle Titan - Warlord Battle Titan
Warbringer Nemesis Titan - Warmaster Heavy Battle Titan - Emperor Battle Titan