Talk:Camaxtli

Notes/thoughts on Camaxtli

Weaponry: Macuahuitl: Basically a souped-up Eviscerator whose pattern is more common on Camaxtli's homeworld. Though not to the extent that this thing is built. The thoughts (from the group) are: Macuahuitl with buzz saw blades, Tungsten-ceramite saws, Or explosive bits. Admantium toothed macuahuitl. Carvings along the side Easily removed blades Explosives(?)

tlatlacoti means slaves

Advice on beating the deadline

I'll go through this section-by-section. You should have a short synopsis at the top of the page, just saying that he's a Primarch of the whatever Legion and was notorious for turning against the Imperium. Two to four sentences, don't pull your hair out. On to the meat of the page:

Appearance and personality

• other primarchs were clad in the precious metals common to the greater Imperium - I'm not sure that they are. Probably better to keep the focus on Camaxtli. You could open the sentence "Camaxtli insisted on displaying the customs of his world" or similar.

• The exchange with Merrill suggests that the two hate each other. Do you have plans for that?

Youth

• Coatl - as discussed on /tg/, leaving the reader mystified as to this guy's origin is a problem. With the short deadline that people are trying to force on you, you might be better off tidying him up as a psyker - a witch-king in the making. That does mean the guy is going to fall to Chaos. Also note that Cama is an infant when he comes out of the pod. I'd avoid calling them "twins", because you talk about Coatl as the older half. If you want to disclose more on this route, perhaps Coatl picks up Cama because he believes the child will be a great Champion of Chaos?

• Abuse - I think that you should avoid the "nights asleep" reference and instead specify physical and emotional violence. It could also be worth exploring a changing relationship as Camaxtli becomes more physically powerful than Coatl, but you don't need that in the next two days.

Emperor of Chalchihuitl

• I find this section quite odd, because you basically just drop the close association of the brothers without any kind of resolution. If you're attracted to my suggestion above, you could keep Cama as Coatl's henchman, bullied and abused into serving the new witchking.

• Regardless, Camaxtli needs to get in charge somehow and it should grow out of what's come before. If you're following my line advice throughout, tip your hat to the figure "Nath" in Nathanog's background, having one of the warriors of Coatl's bodyguard take a shine to the Primarch and actually treat him like a man (rather than a chained monster) opening up Cama's road to human society. If you'd rather stick with what you already have, it looks like you're heading towards a display of supernatural power and/or the arrival of the Emperor of Mankind.

Great Crusade

For the time being, you can just drop a couple of paragraphs on "how", rather than dwelling on "what".

Heresy

Leave it blank. You can fairly cite the upheaval in the general conception as a reason for not proceeding.

In summary, this page is mostly complete for purposes of the review that's been pushed onto you. The real problem is working out the Legion. I'll pick up the discussion on the talk page there. --Lumey (talk) 05:22, 3 February 2015 (UTC)