So let me get this chapter right. Somehow, Guilliman and Cawl okayed this blatant mutation of Primaris Astartes. (Never also mind that the mutants Corax put down most likely would have never had their progenoids extracted and mixed into the Raven Guard's genepool, for obvious reasons. Hint, it involves painful physical and mental degradation.).
THEN, somehow Shrike and the rest of the Raven Guard's leadership, completely throwing out centuries of indoctrination and dogma about hating the mutant and potentially the reputation of the Raven Guard, actually allows them to live AND given a ship, equipment, and other gubbins. THEEEEN, somehow they got an unidentified Battle Barge out of nowhere, spat out of the warp, and finds a well-stocked medbay that somehow isn't corrupted beyond use from the simple fact of drifting around the Warp. Somehow this Battle Barge would give Guilliman's Gloriana a run for it's money, considering they're typically only capable of carrying and supporting 3 companies of marines. This is carrying all 11, plus support staff and equipment. PLUS a forge and workshop that's, from the sound of it, is a forge world crammed into one section of the ship, considering they're making all their specialized equipment out of it.
AAAAAAND somehow, despite suppose to be a "shadow company" of sorts who supports the Imperium from the shadows out of loyalty to the Emperor whilst being unanimously declared as mutants, they're thriving in numbers AND have no problem in supplies by salvaging (somehow managing to out-Blood Raven the Blood Ravens by routinely "salvaging" enough gear to outfit a chapter at full-strength), and somehow having the facilities to manufacture their own Astartes equipment, despite having no mining capabilities to even anywhere near the amount of material needed to constantly re-supply a full-strength Astartes chapter on an perpetual crusade. And all of this, they're capable of outfitting 11 companies of marines, among other things. And DESPITE the size of their operation they've somehow managed to keep hidden from the Inquisition (who are unaware of their situation) that they haven't been found yet, putting the Dark Angels' web of secrecy to shame.
Also despite being literal lizardmen who would have a vastly different DNA and genetic structure than pure humans, have no problems integrating Space Marine and Primaris gene-seed. Said gene-seed are so finicky that chapters have strict genetic screening to ensure best compatibility and have to be installed in kids because any older and the organs have an increasing level of failure. SOOOOMMMEEEHOW, there's no attrition rate for these guys, since their numbers were described as "growing".
I have to say, this is some Chakat levels of Mary Sue.
Response: At first paragraph I had an impression that you did not read a single thing of the written lore. By second paragraph it became clear that you did, but failed to understand most of it, instead filling in the blanks with stuff that you have pulled out of your own imagination. I do not claim to be a good lore writer, but I sure did my best, limited by my own knowledge of an incredibly vast setting.
- If you bothered to read anything about Space Marines, you'd know why your backstory doesn't make sense from a lore perspective.
The stuff I did write though, the events, I tried to keep similar or be based on the stuff that did happen in the official lore. Like the sudden appearance of the Martyr ship. Keep in mind, that is under a page of general lore, it has been compressed heavily to only cover the surface of the points I felt were important.
- I'll make this brief: your chapter isn't written in the confines of the setting that lends to an air of believability. Your chapter is written outside it and forcefully ham-fisted in for the setting to interact with. In short, its written like most shounen anime OC Donut steels.
In a world where belief makes things happen, where chaotic being's body can creative ammunition for their grafted guns, and where a corpse powers an imaginary galactic-scale lighthouse; a useful, uncorrupted medbay makes you scratch your head?
- That's not even half of it.
Take a deep breath, chill out, try not to be such a hardcore purist/gatekeeper; enjoy your way of the hobby and let me enjoy mine. I pour a lot of heart and soul into what I create. Hope you can find some inner peace.
- Then take your scalie Chakats back to reddit if you don't want to get called out. You aren't even posting this on a chan board, the main thing we chronicle.
- And you do realize that on the chan boards, Reddit is considered to be the lowest of the low, right? If this got onto /tg/ they'd tear it apart.
- More elitist behavior. Fantastic. Enjoy whatever you have created and keep tearing people down.
- If you bothered to lurk around a bit on the website we're commonly based on or on this wiki itself, you'd know this would be inevitable.
- Imagine crying about the "stifling" of your CrEaTiVe FrEeDoMs in an environment you didn't take even two minutes to learn about. I'm not one to quip about the sanctity of lore, but it took me five seconds to spot why this wouldn't work for this specific setting.
- If you have to resort to cherry picking through (admittedly blunt) criticisms to "debunk" and diagnose anyone who dares attempt it with a case of """lack of inner peace""" from your armchair, then consider it might just be easier to your lumps. --2600:387:B:982:0:0:0:25 21:47, 24 September 2019 (UTC)
Also I'd just like to add again, incase you come back: post your fan-chapter on /tg/, avoid getting instantly shunted into obscurity for crowbarring in your scalie/otherkin marines into the setting (I mean, you good or bad we'd still list it down if people know about it), and we'll consider keeping this here. Otherwise, reddit doesn't count. Tactical Mehren (talk) 22:17, 24 September 2019 (UTC)
- With all due respect, I was not the one who originally created this page. I did not mean to intrude in your community. I am sorry. -Dragten.