Talk:Time Wizards

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Playtest Discussions, notes, etc[edit]

Hey guys, it's the guy who compiled the rulebook. Let me know of any changes you'd like to see in future editions, playtest notes, etc, and I'll make a new rulebook when I get enough of them. Enjoy! --Aleph (talk) 03:07, 15 October 2013 (UTC)

Online Play Rules[edit]

I liked the idea of playing this via an online tabletop, so I'll include the proposed rules modifications to at least emulate the slap phase. Denizens of /tg/ suggested:

The roll (a d5) determines the number of dice you slap. You then roll the outcome of the combination of dice you were able to slap. The sum of the dice left unslapped go to the TM. Player and TM roll against each other. Yes/Nope card drawn.

While this certainly doesn't emulate the "fear of physical pain" very well, it certainly gets the job done(tm). Any better ideas? --Aleph (talk) 03:35, 15 October 2013 (UTC)

  • I do a lot of IRC gaming (see the storytime below), and have found the problem with this is that it has no equivalent of the Chaos Rating. What I ended up doing was increasing the size of the die for repeated Time Dilations (d6 for second and third dilation, d8 for fourth). While this does not map perfectly to the problem, at least it adds dice with more dilations. --Fishsicles (talk) 04:36, 22 January 2014 (UTC)

A Tale Of Time Wizards, Emprahs, and Midwestern Banks[edit]

Hello 1d4chan, dropping this storytime here due to not wanting to drop a random Time Wizards thread on /tg/.

Yours truly was the Time Master. Our wizards were Friday at One in the Afternoon (whose powers were Turn the Key, Prepare the Lunch, Empty the Garbage, Pet the Kitten, and Tidy the Room) and Wednesday at 10:15 in the Morning (whose powers were Grease the Chain, Hit the Gas, Duck the Branch, Wound the Leg, and Apply the Bandage). The game was played over IRC using the modification to the online rules I discussed above.

We had three relatively crunchy Doctrines:

  1. Any time a player rolled over 22 total on the dice, they could use another power the same Time Moment at no penalty, with the same slapped dice.
  2. Players could use two powers simultaneously, with the second power having one fewer dice than the first.
  3. Any time a player misspelled a word with over two letters wrong, they took a -2 on their next die roll.

Of these, only the first one ever really mattered.

The scenario: our two Time Wizards emerge from the mists of the fourth dimension onto the middle of some douchebag's huge-ass spaceship, with said douchebag standing over a very pretty corpse. As soon as the Emprah bursts through the door, we get our first call of "TIME MOMENT!", from Friday. Friday decides to Tidy the Room, and Wednesday tries to Apply the Bandage. Both of them lose their rolls pretty badly. The failed attempt to Tidy the Room pulls the entire cast of the 2003 cinematic trainwreck The Room right into the middle of the room, while Wednesday's botched bandaging simply adheres every single person (including the cast of The Room) to the floor with an incredibly adhesive swarm of Band-Aids.

Wednesday dilates time. Friday Turns the Key and Wednesday Hits the Gas, in that order. Both of them botch their rolls, so naturally the Battle-Barge goes flying off into the Warp with a truly stupid amount of impulse. Friday dilates time, and decides to... Pet the Kitten, sending a huge cloud of cat dander into the room. Then they let the event resolve.

So essentially, the Emprah makes his dramatic entrance... and then the cast of an ancient B-movie bursts out of nowhere as everyone's feet are wrapped in bandages. Then the battle-barge suddenly accelerates, sending the Time Wizards and the cast of The Room as far as the bandages would allow (and everyone else on the Vengeful Spirit significantly further) as a huge cloud of cat dander fills the air, triggering at least one Room actor's allergies. As things settle down, Wiseau stops mid-"I did naht hit her", struck dumb by the radiant might of the Emprah.

Horus has basically no idea what the fuck is going on. Friday gives his kitten a congratulatory pat. The Emprah tries to lecture Horus about the folly of siding with the Ruinous Powers, because seriously, how did he not expect them to dick him over in needlessly bizarre ways for their own amusement? Horus starts charging his daemon lightning, and then... Wednesday calls a Time Moment. Wednesday tries to Wound the Leg, while Friday attempts to Tidy the Room. Both of them botch their rolls.

Wednesday tries to Wound the Leg. I argue that a "leg" is just something that holds something up, so Wednesday just critically damaged the structure of the battle-barge. In the Warp. Friday again attempts to Tidy the Room, which simply gives the cast of The Room a trim and some nice suits. I make a point of mentioning that Wiseau's face (still shocked at the incredible majesty of his Emprah) is adorned with "a particularly sporty monocle".

Wednesday dilates time, because why the fuck not? Friday botches his roll, but against all evidence Wednesday actually succeeds and Applies the Bandage... to fix up the holes in the battle-barge. Meanwhile, Friday's attempt to Empty the Garbage simply dumps all garbage on the ship right into this room, mostly centered on Horus. With a few spare bandages, Wednesday gives Horus the most feeble cuffs in the history of humanity, let alone the history of fucking Primarchs. They let the moment resolve, and suddenly Horus is covered in the filth of an entire battle-barge of Chaos Space Marines and has a pair of bandage bracelets around his incredibly thick wrists. Horus, now understandably cross, attempts to lightning the Emprah.

Wednesday declares a Time Moment. Both of them botch their rolls. Wednesday's attempt at Hitting the Gas causes a massive shockwave to reverberate through the atmosphere of the battle-barge, including the lungs of anyone in it who is still breathing. Friday again attempts to Empty the Garbage, causing one of the Room actors to have an existential crisis about his acting talent.

Wednesday dilates time. Friday tries to Tidy the Room and Wednesday tries to Duck the Branch... but both of them botch their rolls. Wednesday's attempt to Duck the Branch caused a flock of ducks to suddenly appear in the path of Horus's lightning (which looks kind of like a branch, right?), while Friday's latest attempt to Tidy the Room floods the entire chamber with a thick layer of shampoo.

Time resumes, and the duck a la Chaos drops into the shampoo froth. Horus is pretty much sick of this shit. Friday declares another fucking Time Moment. Friday attempts to Prepare the Lunch, while Wednesday tries to Grease the Chain. Both of them botch their rolls. I pull some chemistry bullshit out of my ass (the structure of non-ionic detergents is kind of chain-like) that means Wednesday turns the shampoo into grease. The attempt to Prepare the Lunch simply acquires the delicious, delicious tears from the Room actor's existential crisis and bottles them for later consumption.

Wednesday, not knowing how to cut his losses, decides to dilate time. I botch my rolls and they both succeed. Wednesday Hits the Gas, igniting the grease-and-cat-dander mixture that has settled over the floor of the battle-barge. Friday Pets the Kitten to calm the Room actor's existential crisis. So he is pretty happy, except for the whole trapped almost thirty thousand years in the future, knee-deep in burning grease and cat dander thing.

Wednesday decides to Dilate Time again, raising the die rolled for the Slap to a d6. Friday attempts a double roll (the only use of Doctrine 2) of Empty the Garbage and Clean the Room, while Wednesday is happy to Duck the Branch. As if in retaliation for the previous round, both of them botch their rolls. The attempt to Empty the Garbage simply hollows out the garbage dumped on Horus. Then, to make everyone Duck the Branch, a TCF Bank appears floating slightly overhead, forcing everyone to crouch. (Making them duck beneath a branch.) Cleaning the Room just resulted in the TCF venting its paperwork all over the burning grease and dander mix.

Wednesday dilates time AGAIN, since he still has two Powers left this Moment. Wednesday succeeds his attempt to Apply the Bandage, creating a bandage spring that pulls Wednesday, Friday, and the Emprah into the relative safety of the TCF. Then Wednesday says fuck it, he is dilating time one last time. I upped the slap die to a d8 for giggles, but oh how this was a mistake. Friday and Wednesday both only had one power left. Wednesday got a meagre 1 on the slap and did not even bother rolling his d8. I rolled stupendously well, getting a 6 on the slap and a 27 total. Since I was the TM, I did not benefit from Doctrine 1... but Friday did.

Friday rolled a 24. Not enough to beat me, but enough that Friday decided he was to become as a god. His attempt to Turn the Key failed at a 24... but he rolled an attempt to Empty the Garbage. 22, but enough that, by Doctrine 1, he could roll again. You see, when I suggested Doctrine 1, I forgot to add a limit on the number of times it could activate in a Time Moment. Friday burned through all of his powers, until finally he attempted to Tidy the Room.

Every previous roll to Tidy the Room had failed and failed hard, but armed with a mighty 7d6, Friday had had enough of this shit. 29. Friday won a roll against me, and that was the only roll that mattered; Friday decided to clean the room the TCF was in from this eyesore giant floating bank branch, sending it right back to where it belonged in the 21st century American midwest, and bringing Wednesday, Friday, and the Emprah with it.

And that is how Wednesday at Quarter Past Ten in the Morning and Friday at One in the Afternoon managed to save the God-Emperor of Mankind through the powers of bicycle accidents, cleanliness, and the Twin Cities Federal Bank.

The fuck? --Fishsicles (talk) 04:36, 22 January 2014 (UTC)