Talos Pain Engine

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Oh boy, you thought the Dark Eldar have reached rock bottom? Well as the saying goes, "In Commoragh, there is no rock bottom" and woe to be told, the DE have outdone themselves again. Ladies and gentlemen meet the Talos Pain Engine, the most widespread of the Dark Eldar's many so-called Engines of Pain. Festooned with multiple surgical apparatus and grotesque weapons of war, the Talos is a part organic and part mechanical device conceived by the creations of a mad/insane genius AKA those fucking Haemonculi again. Like all things Dark Eldar, the Talos was first constructed as a torture device, but is now deployed across the galaxy's innumerable battlefields.

The Talos move with the aid of anti-gravitic motors, in which it sweeps the battlefield, and if the Talos catches its victims with its razor-sharp claws it then incinerates them from the inside out. The death spasms of those captured propel the Talos towards its enemies as its unique sting wildly spews death in all directions and its many-bladed arms cut through armour and bone alike with lashing blows. Of course, the fate of those caught within the death-grip of a Talos does not end with death. The remnants of the victims caught within its grasp are siphoned out to be used in the creation of potions and elixirs. If the Talos doesn't burn its victims from the inside out than they will by rapidly vivisected and dismembered by an array of manipulators, scalpel-keen claws and surgically sharp tools. As the Talos gruesomely flays its victim layer by layer, it feeds and draws every removed part into itself, invigorating itself with even greater power as well as at the same time putting on an amusing display of torture for its owner.

Seriously the Talos make everything from Chaos including the Daemonculaba look like pushovers in comparison. Seriously Chaos, amp up your game.

What the Talos used to look like.

The standard Talos is armed with an array of of torture devices. Such as twin-linked Splinter Cannons that can be swapped with Stinger Pods that fires pulses of "raw agony", Twin-linked Haywire Blasters and Twin-linked Heat Lances as well as one or two Close combat weapons which can be swapped with Ichor Injectors which are used to inject their foe with the Talos's own boiling ichor that makes enemies explode and Chain-Flails which Multiple-barbed chains used to flail enemies. Lastly the Talos's tail is armed with a Twin-linked Liquefier Gun that melts enemies.

Before the DE was vamped up by 5th Edition. The Talos look like a comical version of a Brass Scorpion of Fail that was best seen during Dawn of War Soulstorm. Nowadays the new, drastically more awesome Talos model rapes the Brass Scorpion in its metallic ass.

Variations[edit]

Of course the Talos is just one variety of Pain Engines. There are countless flavors to choose from but here are the most identifiable ones by the Imperium.

  • Chaingoul - The Chaingoul is a clanking, cumbersome Engine of Pain favored by the Dark Eldar Haemonculi Coven called the Prophets of Flesh.
  • Shrivener - The Shrivener is a drill-legged Pain Engine used to guard facilities of the Haemonculi Coven known as the Everspiral.
  • Flayer - A Flayer is a smaller variant of the Talos. Even though it is smaller than the other variants of Talos Pain Engines, it bears the same malevolence and thirst for blood and screams as its larger counterparts.
Forces of the Dark Eldar
Command: Archons - Haemonculi - Kabalite Trueborn
Lhamaeans - Medusae - Sslyth - Succubi
Troops: Beastmasters - Commorragh Slaves - Grotesques
Hellions - Incubi - Kabalite Warriors - Mandrakes
Scourges - Wracks - Wyches
Beasts: Clawed Fiends - Khymerae - Razorwing Flocks - Ur-Ghuls
Pain Engines: Cronos Parasite Engines - Talos Pain Engines
Vehicles: Raiders - Raven Fighters - Razorwing Jetfighters
Reapers - Reaver Jetbikes - Venoms
Super Heavies: Ravagers - Tantali - Voidraven Bombers
Auxiliaries: Harlequins