Talos Pain Engine

From 1d4chan

Oh boy, you thought the Dark Eldar have reached rock bottom? Well as the saying goes, "In Commoragh, there is no rock bottom," for the DE have outdone themselves yet again. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Talos Pain Engine, the most widespread of the Dark Eldar's many so-called Engines of Pain. Festooned with multiple surgical apparatus and grotesque weapons of war, the Talos is a part organic and part mechanical device conceived by the creations of a mad/insane genius AKA those fucking Haemonculi again. Like all things Dark Eldar, the Talos was first constructed as a torture device, but is now deployed across the galaxy's innumerable battlefields.

The Talos moves with the aid of anti-gravitic motors as it sweeps across the battlefield, its unique sting wildly spews death in all directions and its many-bladed arms cut through armour and bone alike with lashing blows. If the Talos catches a victim in its array of claws, it either immediately incinerates them or rapidly vivisects and dismembers them with an array of manipulators, scalpel-keen claws and surgically sharp tools. Of course, the fate of those caught within the death-grip of a Talos does not end with death. The remnants of its dissected victims are drawn into itself to be used in the creation of potions, poisons and elixirs. The pain and death spasms of the victims invigorate the Talos and propel it towards its enemies. Dark Eldar being Dark Eldar, the Talos' wanton displays of Hellraiser-level torture are extremely amusing to its owner.

Seriously the Talos make everything from Chaos including the Daemonculaba look like pushovers in comparison. Amp up your game, Chaos.

What the Talos used to look like.
How they look now, in all its rapey glory

The standard Talos is armed with an array of torture devices. This includes twin-linked Splinter Cannons that can be swapped with Stinger Pods, the latter of which fire pulses of "raw agony"; alternatively it may be equipped with Twin-linked Haywire Blasters and Twin-linked Heat Lances as well as one or two Close combat weapons. The CCWs can themselves be swapped with Ichor Injectors which are used to inject their foe with the Talos's own boiling ichor, an effect that causes enemies to explode. The Talos may also be equipped with Chain-Flails and/or Macro-Scalpel which can be used to slash and entangle enemies. Lastly the Talos can also be armed with a Twin-linked Liquifier Gun that melts enemies.

Prior to the 5th edition revamp of Dark Eldar the Talos looked like a comical version of a Brass Scorpion of Fail as seen during Dawn of War Soulstorm. Nowadays the new, drastically more awesome Talos model rapes the Brass Scorpion in its metallic ass.


Of course the Talos is just one variety of Pain Engines. There are countless flavors to choose from but here are the most identifiable ones by the Imperium.

  • Chaingoul - The Chaingoul is a clanking, cumbersome Engine of Pain favored by the Dark Eldar Haemonculi Coven called the Prophets of Flesh.
  • Shrivener - The Shrivener is a drill-legged Pain Engine used to guard facilities of the Haemonculi Coven known as the Everspiral.
  • Flayer - A Flayer is a smaller variant of the Talos. Even though it is smaller than the other variants of Talos Pain Engines, it bears the same malevolence and thirst for blood and screams as its larger counterparts.
Forces of the Dark Eldar
Command: Archons - Haemonculi - Kabalite Trueborn
Lhamaeans - Medusae - Sslyth - Succubi
Troops: Beastmasters - Commorragh Slaves - Grotesques
Hellions - Incubi - Kabalite Warriors - Mandrakes
Scourges - Wracks - Wyches
Beasts: Clawed Fiend - Khymerae - Razorwing Flock - Ur-Ghul
Pain Engines: Cronos Parasite Engines - Talos Pain Engines
Vehicles: Raider - Ravager - Reaper - Reaver Jetbike - Venom
Flyers: Raven Fighter - Razorwing Jetfighter
Voidraven Bomber
Spacecraft: Impaler Assault Module - Raptor Fighter
Slavebringer Assault Boat
Super Heavies: Tantalus
Auxiliaries: Harlequins