Trazyn the Infinite
|This article or section involves Matthew Ward, Spiritual Liege, who is universally-reviled on /tg/. Because this article or section covers Ward's copious amounts of derp and rage, fans of the 40K series are advised that if they proceed onward, they will see fluff and crunch violation of a level rarely seen.|
Trazyn the Infinite, also known as Trollzyn the Tarpit Breaker and Trashy the Incontinent, is the best Necron Overlord/Phaeron (while technically his title is Overlord, he has his own Overlord subordinates and rule his own little empire like Phaeron). Basically what you'll get if you combined Doctor Doom, a Tomb King, a Bloody Magpie and the Terminator.
Trazyn the Infinite is a preserver of histories, artifacts and events. In his possession are technologies and relics that are so valuable as to be priceless. Amongst his collection are the fabled wraithbone choir of Altansar, the preserved head of Sebastian Thor, the ossified husk of an Enslaver and a suit of baroque power armour, complete with the Space Marine who was still wearing it. (
Who according to a recent White Dwarf issue hints that it may or may not be Vulkan It's a Custodes.) This means that he is the only creature in this or any other universe that rivals the stealing power of the Blood Ravens. In such a dangerous galaxy, Trazyn is loath to go out and explore it himself, but with so many exquisite artifacts to see and catalogue, he cannot afford to miss out. As a result he will send out substitutes of himself to do his dirty work. On the battlefield this can become increasingly irritating, as killing what appears to be Trazyn may simply be a Lychguard or a Necron Lord. Meanwhile, somewhere nearby, the real Trazyn is busy smashing his way through his foes to get his metal hands on his latest acquisition.
(That's how the fluff handles it; the crunch rules imply that he simply takes over the body of another Lord, Lychguard, or Cryptek. He was there; you killed him; he just ran like the troll he is. Oh, and you didn't get Slay The Warlord by the way. Just imagine this guy politely trolling with the voice of Terl from Battlefield Earth : "Oh, dear ! What a wonderful contingent of Imperial Guards ! I shall thank you with all my heart, General, for this marvelous gift. Please tell them to strike a nice pose while I prepare a stasis grenade...")
/tg/ has gained a fondness for him, due to his thieving ways, his Doctor Doom-esque body doubles, and his polite yet trollish attitude, he is also known for using completely self-evident aliases, which nevertheless seem to work quite well. It is generally agreed that he is one of the only good things Matt Ward has ever put into the fluff.
"A war-torn city in the Ultramar system. The Ultramarines, aided by an Imperial Guard regiment led by Lord Castellan Ursarkar Creed, prepares to face an Ork incursion in a final battle. The Orks are numerous, but the Imperium has the upper hand, just barely, as Lord Creed's tactical genius has proven invaluable. As the Orks begin their final assault on the city, the Ultramarines ready their defenses. Creed, ever oddly silent, gazes intently at a large flagpole in the center of town, watching through binocs as the Orks' charge is funneled towards the center of the city. Suddenly, as the Orks near the square, the tip of a Baneblade's main gun can be seen coming around the flagpole. The great tank begins to emerge from behind the thin metal object, perfectly and impossibly concealed. It begins to move into its firing arc, and a great shout is heard from the Warboss down below, just barely carrying over the rest of the din. "CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-" Suddenly, the cry cuts off in confusion, as Creed spits out his cigar. Where the Baneblade once stood, there is air, thin air. Not a trace remains of the enormous tank. It has vanished completely. Then, gradually, a green, crackling, electrical rune appears hanging in the air where the Baneblade was. It extends gracefully, for its platonic geometric form. If Creed was given to poetry, he might even say it resembled a rose. But he knew better. A rage he had felt only once before began to boil deep within, and his cry shook the world as the Orkish tide began to hack his guardsmen and the Marines to pieces. "TRAAAAAAAAAAAAZYYYYYYYYN!"
"Trazyn's also no slouch in combat. Whenever his empathic obliterator kills an enemy, it has a chance to kill all other enemies of the same type in the same combat - perfect for Ork mobs. This isn't so useful against characters, but that's why Trazyn also carries a clutch of mindshackle scarabs - why kill an enemy when you can take over his mind and have him kill for you...?"oh wait nope, mss are now just a useful fear test.So now the only real use you'll find for him in a duel is whacking them with a stick.
The Infinite List of Dickings
Trazyn is universally regarded as a
huge dick pretty fun guy to be around due to his rampant kleptomania erudition and wit. Here is a list of his crimes many-splendored accomplishments, compiled for the warning edification of /tg/.
- Killed five invading regiments of Catachans, then turned them into miniatures for his collection.
- Sent Inquisitor Valeria fan mail (maybe, we can't tell if he was being sarcastic in the letter) attached to an armed tesseract labyrinth as a reward for "gifting" him said Catachan regiments. Being a true gentleman, when Valeria managed to unravel said tesseract labyrinth and use it 'safely', he took it with good grace and they became pen pals of sorts... But since no good deed stays unpunished, as of Fall of Cadia Trazyn has revealed that while Valeria became his human waifu for some time she eventually got BLAM'med for consorting with xenos, hence why he releases Greyfax the Angery instead of getting Valeria to tag along (Just as planned? How about Tau start summoning daemons for battle? And maybe Orks start building their own webway.)
- Banned from the Necron throne world of Mandragora after trying to loot Imotekh's staff.
- Stole Sebastian Thor's head. Maybe (there's like five other museums claiming to have his skeleton; the only reason Trazyn stands out is because his Thor head is preserved in a jar, rather than a skull).
- Took the World Spirit Shrine of Carnac, an Exodite world as a trophy for helping to conquer it.
- Uses other Necron Lords as body doubles without telling them.
- Told the greatest amongst us all he was old pals with Rawbutt Girlyman. Considering that one of the pokeballs he unleashed against Chaos at the Fall of Cadia was a bunch of Ultramarines fresh from the aftermath of the Horus Heresy, he might be telling the truth ("old pals" by his definition, of course).
- And then informed them that maybe he was going to take Papa Smurf, as he'd be better off with him than in the company of the Ultramarines.
- Has a fucking PRIMARCH stored at his pad, supposedly... Possibly Vulkan according to White Dwarf, which makes the next one all the more hilarious.
- Told Vulkan He'stan he had the Song of Entropy, luring the Salamanders into a 10-year war with the Necrons. At the end of it, Trazyn pretty much said "just kidding, I don't have the Song of Entropy," as he tried to steal the Spear of Vulkan. Kind of back fired when Vulkan He'stan decided to just give him the Spear. Tip first. He'stan was pretty pissed when he learned Trazyn just jumped into another body.
- Invaded the Imperial planet of Midgardia and nabbed a C'tan shard of Nyadra'zatha, despite Logan Grimnar's attempts to stop him. It's notable that he pulled this off in Logan's own codex supplement, where most other battles in the book were a resounding Space Wolf victory. To be fair, Space Wolves destroying (and thus accidentally freeing) a C'tan shard would make them look like an assholes. I mean even more assholes than they already are.
- In retribution, Logan hunted him down to another planet, Vhaloth IV, and ended up kicking Imotekh's ass instead. (Just As Planned. The dick deserved it for hanging on to his staff anyway.)
- Captured an Ork warboss and the Deathwatch kill team that was hunting said warboss, and sat them in front of each other in his collection for all eternity. And he double-checked they were both still self-aware, just to feel them suffer.
- Caught a bunch of tech priests evacuating from the necron invasion of Magogue, and set them up in stasis as a monument to that planet's fall. Notable because he pulled it off in the Skitarii codex. Trazyn's apparently the go-to guy for being able to win outside of his own codex.
- May or may not be the one pulling the strings behind the events of Xenology, as probably he won't have any problems impersonating a C'tan shard.
- Has been hanging out on Cadia for who knows how long as the "man of iron" which all but confirms the pylons are necrons made.
- Steals Creed himself after the fall of Cadia.
- Steals Papa Smurfs' (The Ultramarine bloke that can't spell Robert properly) pillow from his lumber.
Things on Trazyn's 'Must Have' List
- Kartoth the Bloodhunger, both so he can say he won the game as well as rip holes to go back in time for more collecting.
- Abaddon. No, really, that's (one of) the reason(s) he came to Cadia in the first place: he wants to add the Warmaster of Chaos to his collection!
- Saint Celestine. (Go read The Fall of Cadia, this is not a joke!)
- A lock of the Emperor's hair (Assuming it hasn't rotted away by the time he gets to Terra).
- Magnus the Red's favourite eye.
- A 7th edition Sisters of Battle codex.
- The Sanguinor in a stasis field.
- One Sister of battle issue vibrator from each Order with viewing martial.
A living Tyranid zoo (no stuffed dolls for our old collector). Would be much easier to accomplish if 'Nids didn't try to keep the fuck away from Necrons and their worlds.Never mind. He gave up on this one after his specimens broke out of their exhibit and ate half of Solemnace. Attempting to redo it on another planet near Solemnace.
- One of each type of Eldar Aspect Warrior, arranged in complementing color order.
- Each Phoenix Lord, including the fallen Ahra or Drazhar (just in case he's Ahra); bonus points for the originals. Otherwise, something from them, such as one of Asurmen's twin-linked Shuriken Catapults or a lock of Jain Zar's hair (bonus points for getting things from all of their incarnations).
- A signed autograph from each Primarch. (Still asking Orikan for "access" to his time machine so he can get one from Ferrus Manus, Horus, Sanguinius, and Konrad Curze since they're all presently busy being dead.)
- A signed autograph from each chaos god.
- A sweet ride so he can cruise the galaxy looking for new junk.
- The Fortress of Arrogance, preferably with Commissar Yarrick as well.
- Sammael's Jetbike.
- A shoulder pad from each space marine chapter (Pre-heresy legions and post-heresy chapters all together of course, going for the complete set!)
- A Space Marine from each of the first Legions (this collection would be easily finished if not for the fact that he cant find any marines from the two missing legions).
- A painting of one of the Emprah, Tzeentch, Cegorach, and the Deceiver's card games.
- A circus filled with nothing but Eldar Harlequins.
school report and childhood itemsfirst set of kid-sized slave shackles of Asdrubael Vect.
- A garage filled with one of each type of the Imperial Guard's tanks.
- A feather from Sanguinus's wing.
- An Imperial Titan that has been CREEEEEEEDed.
- A snap shot of the look on Abaddon's face upon seeing aforementioned Titan in the middle of his battle line, shouting CREEEEEEEED
- Abbadon's arms. Creed hid them so well that even Trazyn is having trouble finding them.
- A matching pair of Angry Marine Powerfeet.
- A pair of a Sisters Of Battle Canoness Regulation Holy Panties from each Order, stolen from their quarters while they are asleep. Is surprisingly hard to pull off, even for Trazyn.
- A set of Lelith Hesperax's Combat Attire after a fight. This is even harder to pull of than the Sisters of Battle Canoness Regulation Holy Panties.
- One of the fingers from the Talon of Horus.
- Slaanesh's entire porn collection.
- One of Ferrus Manus's hands. He isn't picky which.
- An Imperial Knight from each house.
- The Panacea STC.
- And since Lady Malys got there first, anything cool she owns, as well as a selfie with her before and after she realizes he stole her stuff.
- The Eye of Horus. As in the actual Eye.
- Commander Puretide and/or all of his students.
- A calm and rational World Eater marine.
- A clean and disease free Death Guard marine.
- A Emperor's Children marine who shows restraint.
- Alive and fleshy non-sorcerer Thousand Son marine. (As of Ahriman: Unchanged, there is now exactly one of these)
- Remnants of the Inquisitorial acolyte who died of old age. Ones aged by a Hrud's entropic field do not count.
- The cure for the Red Thirst.
- The cure for the Curse of the Wulfen.
- The right hands of Helbrecht, Eldorath Starbane and anyone else who had their right hands cut off by Imotekh.
- At least one Jokaero.
- And anything they make/modify.
- A Female Space Marine.
- As many catgirls as possible.
- Along with a selfie with each of them.
- And as many kitsunes as possible, along with selfies and a shrine to their name.
- Along with a selfie with each of them.
- Any 100% reliable information about Alpha Legion.
- Any 100% reliable information about Alfa Legion.
- The Blood Ravens Armoury. Since most of the above was already "gifted" to the Chapter.
- A machine to control the Warp so he can create impossible things.
- A complete and unblemished cosmetic kit 'gifted' by a Pretty Marines' Company Captain, still with a wrapping bow attached. (Getting one each from both Loyalist and Chaos Pretty Marines Captains would be even better!)
- The very Ethereals who united the Tau race back when they were limited to only their homeworld, or their bodies.
- A picture with Kharn.
- One of each type of Imperial Assassin in the position they held before trying to kill him. This wouldn't be so problematic if it wasn't for the fact that he has yet to convince the Assassinorium to send a Culexus assassin against him.
- A 1st Edition copy of the Codex Astartes with Roboute Guilliman's autograph on the dust jacket.
- A recording of Warboss Ghazghkull famous: "Wez gonna Waagh!"speech.
- A prison capable of holding Cypher, containing the man himself.
A STC detailing how to finally have enough Dakka. HERE...HERESESS...BLOODY 'ELL WHOTEVER DAT WORD IS YOU 'UMIES KEEP SAYIN' BEFORE Y'SHOOTS EACHUVVER! An interdimensional portal device so he can collect artifacts from Warhammer Fantasy.
- An interdimensional portal device so he can collect artifacts from Lord of the Rings. (Trazyn has now accomplished this according to some writefaggotry posted on fanfiction.net. Much nerd rage shall ensue. You have been warned.)
An interdimensional portal device so he can collect artifacts from Star Wars.(He has also accomplished this due to MORE Writefaggotry on Fanfiction.net.)
- An interdimensional portal device so he can collect artifacts from Star Trek.
- All the NON-Grimdarkness of the 41st millennium in a bottle. So nothing in bottle then.
- Temperus Maximus' Adamantium Cigar. Trazyn almost managed to loot this, but Temperus suddenly called an Orbital Strike on top of himself before this happened. Temperus' armor received minor scorch marks when the strike ended and Trazyn's body double was obliterated.
- One marine from each chapter of the cursed founding.
- A death corps of Krieg gas mask serial number 0000000000000000000000001.
- Names, addresses and personal phone numbers of the two unknown Primarchs.
- Cardinal Anton Fedelicus and his collected writings, which if introduced would have allowed for a very large degree of sexual freedom to have been integrated into the ecclesiarchical theology without increasing the risk of Slaaneshi corruption.
- A living Astral Knight.
- A "lucky" Lamenters marine (also count as one of the cursed founding collection).
- A working time travel device create by the Ordo Chronos (if it was ever made). The purpose for this device being, you guess it, collect more artifact from the past.
- His own body double in an alternative universe, if only he did not manage to turn into dimensional sponge in the process or lost to his alternative self in a collection contest.
- A lock of hair from each of the infamous baldraven marines.
- A "My First Assault Cannon* box set (even better if unopened).
- A photo of the Emperor as a boy.
- As well as all of his photographic recording scatter throughout the time, whether it is rock scribble from the stone age or painting in the Da Vinci Era or the youtube video he has made back in 20XX.
- A Squat.
- A living Boneripper.
- The personal battle standard of Gabriel Angelos used at his ascension to chapter master.
- The Blood Ravens also want one of Trazyn's personal banners.
- An Ogryn's 'Guardsman's Primer: Colour Book Edition' and matching 'The Great Crayon Crusade' coloring set.
- The oldest dreadnought of each Space Marine chapter.
- Samus' armor.
- The Entire first Season of "If The Emperor had a text-to-speech device" in blue-ray signed by Chapter Master Alfabusa.
- Limited collectors edition of Half life 3(After all, it's only been 38,000 years in development, maybe Valve will finish it before chaos/da WAAAAGH/the Tyranids/Imotekh's ego consumes the entire world!)
- Sly Marbo's personal pistol, though not even Trazyn is willing to try and collect it.
- An actual ork sniper.
- Butlin-Class Titan.
- The Man of Iron.
The Cigar Creed always chews but never smokes.Acquired as part of the new Creed exhibit.
- The legs from an Imperial Sentinel (must have attachment for his own legs)
- A list of names of the fallen to wave at the Dark Angels.
- A ham personally provided by the Ordo Draigo.
- A book borrowed from the black library with a selfie of him and Cegorach.
- A picture of himself before he turned to necron.
- The best pole dancer in the Commorragh in a stasis chamber.
- The best pole dancer out of all Slaanesh cultist in a stasis chamber.
- A photograph of a Cyclonic torpedo the moment it impacts the ground.
- A group photo of Thunder Warriors with Arik Taranis and the Emperor.
- An acknowledgement from GW that Malal does indeed exist.
- An actual affordable GW Warhammer 40k miniature from any faction.
- Carlos McConnell, or at least one of his catgirls, in a stasis chamber.
- A jar of Skub.
- The book "Standard Template Construct" for dummies.
- Sensible Blood Angels.
- Hairless Space Wolves. Being shaven doesn't count, the Marine has to be hairless naturally.
- A copy of Battletoads.
- The Statue of Liberty, shrunk to 10 feet size and taken from Nova Yourk hive of Merica.
- Blueprint of Angron's Butcher's Nails.
- A WW2 Era Luger pistol, original.
- Enough Blood for the Blood God.
- Enough Skulls for the Skull Throne.
- One of Roboute Guilliman's new Super Space Marines.
- A Pokeball that can Hold a C'tan.
- A Living member of the Interex.
- A Picture of Eldrad and Vect trying to out-dick one another.
- An STC that has technology that will allow him to do some Dark Eldar Drugs.
- A video of Nemesor Zahndrekh putting on glasses and realizing that he is now a Skeleton Robot and the Other Necrontyr are not what they seemed to be
- An member of an Alien race the Imperium actually gets along with. (
Pretty damn impossible.(Yvraine. Next?)
- An Ork who can actually think.
- An Autograph from Nagash.
- A video of Yarrick taking over the Orks. (
Only a Matter of time nowIt's mentioned in the 8E rulebook that the Orks and Humans on Armageddon formed an alliance to fight chaos, so this is pretty much canon now.)
- The Golden Throne. That means Trazyn is not allowed on Holy Terra.
- Belisarius Cawl.
Enough DAKKA.WUT DID WE SAY 'BOUT DAT?
- An official GW ninth age tournament.
Ever-increasing Trazyn's aliases List
- Bob The regular non-necron guardsman.
- Bob the Builder
- The Fat Controller
- Every notable persons from your childhood
- Borris the generic soul-less warrior
- Phaeron Imothephek the Thunderboltlord.
- Onionkyr the Voyager.
- Nemesor Zahnpasta.
- The grinch
- Barack Obama
- Vanguard O'Brien.
- El Bandido Dickbag de la Muerte
- Trellsin the Singular.
- BenderBending Rodríguez
- The most fabulous Necron of them all (after he said this, Sanguinius appeared before him and told him that if he ever said the word fabulous again, he would steal everything he owns)
- Illuminor Spookyras.
- Notc'tan the Diviner.
- Sissy Rack the Loud Queen.
- Dio Brando/ZA WARUDO.
- Thanquol the (In)Competent.
- Marisa Kirisame
- Shas'O Wi A'bu.
- Inquisitor Emprah of Catachan.
- Anon Y. Mouse.
- Captain Inkoc Nito.
- Winona Ryder
- Dean Isle.
- Kaz Miller.
- Mideer Laydee.
- Eliphas the inheritor.
- Commissar Hugh Mann.
- Korporal Dick Goesinzya.
- Canoness Ivanna Purgealot.
- High Scout Henrick Day-o-midis.
- Farsighter Loldrad Gretchinbane.
- Lord-sergeant Ultramarius Sicarius.
- Archservitor Robotnik Wilhelm.
- Warboss Ghozkull Grotstealer.
- Skitarius Ranger Alpha Stroheimus JJ-1337.
- Archon Kim Ke.
- Suede O'Niim.
- John Smith.
- Alan Smithee.
- Ned Cron.
- Mouse M.D.
- Victor Domashev.
- Bernie Madoff
- Carmen Sandiego
- Lara Craft
- Master Thief
- Sir Welland Dowde
- High Admiral tankcommander Pascual.
- Techpriest 01110100 01110010 01100001 01111010 01111001 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101001 01101110 01100110 01101001 01101110 01101001 01110100 01100101 00001010 .
- Gordon Freeman.
- Mr. Roboto.
- Nyzart the ending
- Sly Cooper
- The God emperor of Mankind.
- Mac Tonight.
- The G-man.
- Venom Snake.
- Iron Man.
- Albert Wesker
- Gabe Newell.
- SLYYYY MARBOOO!! (When Trazyn assumed this disguise, every necron in the segmentum had a Catachan Fang spontaneously appear in its skull and teleported to self repair, and the knife that appeared in Trazyn's hands had "I'll let you off this time" written on the grip."
- Big Boss Final
- Zharn the Bee Trainer
- Tray the Model Man
- BIg BobbyG.
- not omegon.
- pantheon of 40k (GW)
- Belisarius Cawl
- Donald Trump's pubic wig
- JOHN CENA!!!
- The Immortal Jod Emper of Space-skeletonkind
- Danger Powers
- The Second Coming of Matt Ward
- Fresh Prince of Ultramar
- The King of Games
- Mr E. Man
- The real thief of the Primarchs
- Sister Superior Wendy
- Chaplin Hamburglar
- Donald Trump's intellect
- The Doctor
Fall of Cadia
Oddly enough, it appears that Trazyn decided 'aid' the Imperium in their defense of Cadia (he decided that after 60 million years it would be interesting to play the hero for once). He knows the secrets of the Pylons on Cadia, and he even releases Imperium people from his collection (represented in game by letting you deep strike units, if you take Trazyn in your Imperium army). What a great guy giving up his collection to have more space for other exotic exhibits... Specifically he got the feeling that something was coming after the Bell of Saint Gersthal started chiming in his collection, messing with the programs of his Tomb World and sending his forces back into stasis, ringing thirteen times before ceasing. He then headed off to the Celestial Orrery on Thanatos to see what the fuck was going on (but not before casting the bell into the webway, hoping it would be as much of a pain in the Eldar's ass as it was his). And what do you know, there was but the Crons' watching over the thing could do nothing about it cause they were just meant to watch over the thing, not play galactic peacekeepers (although they eventually let him in, the guards weren't happy that Trazyn was there, due to an incident where some priceless artifact mysteriously went missing the last time he visited). Thus Trazyn decided to take up the role as a savior for once (mostly because he was bored and wanted to try something other than grave-robbing), and find the source of the corruption, which happened to be the little boring world of Cadia.
Long story short, Trazyn went off to Cadia released some parts of his collection (most notably Inquisitor Greyfax, though that is mostly just because his old Pen Pal Valeria was apparently killed by another human), and helped the Imperial forces screw around with the Pylons. Which somewhat backfired to put it lightly, though not that it mattered much to him because he stopped caring about playing the hero role and figured that while he was around he could find something for his collection to commemorate such a historic moment. And while he was originally hoping to claim Abaddon for his collection, his second choice was no less impressive.
Creed stands alone on the ruined surface of Cadia. He sees a metal giant in a scaled cloak in front of him, hand outstretched.
"Ursurkar E. Creed - This is not your end. Eternity Awaits"....
|Necrons:|| Anrakyr the Traveller - Illuminor Szeras - Imotekh the Stormlord - Nemesor Zahndrekh |
Orikan the Diviner - Szarekh the Silent King - Trazyn the Infinite - Vargard Obyron
|Dawn of War:||Necron Lord of All Kaurava - Necron Lord of Kronus|
|C'Tan:||Aza'Gorod - Mag'ladroth - Mephet'ran - Nyadra'zatha - Tsara'noga|