" Damn 'umies. Cant even run away right!"
- – Ufthak Blackhawk, Gargant Smasha
" 'Ows about I name ya Princess? You like dat name?"
- – Ufthak, to Princess the Squig
The Protagonist of the novel Brutal Kunnin' by Mike Brooks, and the preceding short story Where Dere's Da Warp Dere's a Way. Ufthak Blackhawk is a Nob (sorry, BIG Nob, he gets rather picky about that) of the notorious Bad Moons. He is unique in the fact that he currently is the only Ork to be the protagonist in a novel, and is as lucky as he is cunning. His feats include, but are not limited to, killing a Kastelan robot by himself, beating Kaptin Badrukk in a 'umie techpriest dominus killing contest (although with the help of his personal attack squig, Princess), BOARDING AN 'UMIE TITAN, KILLING DA KREW, AND HAVING HIS SQUIG KILL DA "PRINCESS" FLOATING IN A TANK CONTROLLING DA DAMN THING AND ON TOP OF DAT, NIKKIN' KAPTAIN BADDRUKK'S PERSONAL WAZBOM BLASTAJET, AND CRASHIN DA JET INTO A LITERAL POSSESSED CHAOS TITAN! He also can read 'Umie, which actually makes him smarter than the average human, depending on which part of the galaxy you're in.
|This article contains spoilers! You have been warned.|
Before becoming a Big Nob, Blackhawk was a Boy in the Boss Badgit Snazzhammer mob. Blackhawk claimed he was Snazzhammer's second in command, but this was contested by his fellow Boy, Mogrot Redtoof. Their rivalry for this position continued, even when Da Meklord's hordes fought an Adeptus Mechanicus fleet. Snazzhammer's mob invaded one of the Mechanicus ships and were charged by the Da Meklord with escorting the Mek Da Boffin, to its Warp Engine. This was so Da Boffin could install his invention, the Warp Dekapitator, which would take Da Meklord's Ork Fleet, to where the Mecaniucs ships had last Warp traveled from. Before they reached the Engine, though, the mob was attacked by a Kastelan Robot, which blew apart Snazzhammer's head. Blackhawk gave the order to retreat and the surviving mob followed him, much to Redtoof's outrage. His rival questioned why they retreated and Blackhawk knew that if he wanted to take Snazzhammer's position as Boss, he had to lead the attack on the Robot. Acting quickly, Blackhawk picked up the dead Boss' weapon, the Snazzhammer, and led the mob against the Kastelan. He managed to destroy the Robot using the Snazzhammer, but the resulting explosion tore apart Blackhawk's body. As his rival lay scattered across the ship's floor, Redtoof picked up the Snazzhammer and claimed he was the Boss now. The mob did not argue with him and they left the dying Blackhawk behind with the Mad Doc Drozfang, who had accompanied them. After being told what had happened, Blackhawk called the mob a bunch of ungrateful Grots and asked Drozfang to finish him off. Blackhawk hoped he would be reunited with the Ork Gods Gork and Mork and they would grant him a new body so he could fight again.
The Mad Doc, however, had other ideas, as Drozfang felt Redtoof was not fit to lead the mob. Instead it should be Blackhawk, as he was the one who was brave enough to attack and destroy the Kastelan. Despite being fearful of what Drozfang would do, Blackhawk gave in, as he came close to death. Thankfully the solution to fix Blackhawk was close by and the Mad Doc soon attached his head to Snazzhammer's body. The operation was a success and Blackhawk not only lived, but was now larger and more powerful than he was before. Drozfang then led Blackhawk to the Warp Engine room, where the Mek Da Boffin had already installed the Warp Dekapitator. However Redtoof demanded to be the one to active it, instead of Da Boffin, and the two were arguing with each other when Blackhawk approached them. Just as Redtoof was about to bash Da Boffin's head in with the Snazzhammer, Blackhawk grabbed it and presented himself to the mob. Blackhawk then headbutted Redtoof and as his rival collapsed, he brandished the Snazzhammer and asked if anyone else wanted to the mob's Boss. No one did and Blackhawk solidified his position as Boss. This pleased Drozfang and Blackhawk privately swore he would repay the Mad Doc, with Teef and "volunteer" patients for saving his life. He then told Da Boffin to active the Warp Dekapitator, which the Mekboy did.
Continuing the "war against the Mechanicum" theme, their Mekboss led a Waaagh! against the Forge World Hephaesto, and was briefly interrupted by the arrival of another ork, the infamous Kaptain Baddrukk. This led to a contest between the two Waaagh!s, to see who could kill more 'Umies and get the loot first. Frustrated by this development, the Mekboss sent Blackhawk to the planet, who was eager to prove that his warband was better than Baddrukks.
Once on the planet, Blackhawk began slaughtering any 'umies he found, while placing some "accidental" shots into Baddrukks boyz. Unfortunately, the Mechanicum had deployed several knights and titans to deal with the incoming Waaagh!. While the Mekboss tellyported his gargant in the middle of the battlefield to deal with the threat, Blackhawk realized the titan could destroy their gargant. After stealing a Shokkjump dragsta from a Speedfreak, he accidentally teleported himself, Mogrot, a random squig, and a particularly annoying grot named Nizkwik, onto the Titan. Surprising the 'umies inside, Blackhawk and his lot quickly dispatched the crew. After pondering how to best pilot the titan, Mogrot pointed out the Princeps currently floating in a tank behind them. After a quick mishap involving Nizkwik and the particularly hungry squig, the squig leapt towards the grot, missing, and accidentally broke the glass around the princeps, ending up biting and killing it. Congratulating the squig, Blackhawk named the squig after the princeps it killed. Unfortunately, his reading skills weren't quite up to par, so when reading the nameplate next to the pseudo bacta tank, the squig ended up being named "Princess".
Upon finding and successfully infiltrating the last Mechanicums "shiny buldin'", he began helping himself to the loot, which included a prototype centurion suit, which Mogrot fashioned into Mega Armour for him. Looking for more 'umies to fight, he than ran into Baddrukk again, who had decided to settle this fight once and for all. However, a flashgitz then pointed out the last 'umies were escaping, probably with the best loot. As the mechanicum ship began to depart, two were left behind, one being the Techpriest Dominus, and the other being a High ranking techpriest. (They had both been declared heretics by another Techpriest on the council. Verdict still out on whether or not they actually were, or if the others had simply been paranoid. Read the book and decide for yourself.) Nonetheless, Baddrukk declared a bet. First person to defeat their 'umie was the better ork. After a truly challenging fight, Blackhawk finished first, with the help of his squig, Princess. Baddrukk, a sore loser, declared that using a squig was cheating, and Blackhawk agreed to declare the bet a draw, which Baddrukk was surprisingly content with.
Unbeknownst to the Orks and the Mechanicum, Chaos had a foothold in the planet, and released a daemon titan to protect their investment while destroying both the mechanicum and the orks. Realizing this titan could also destroy the gargant, Blackhawk had Nizkwik the grot (a truly lucky grot to say the least) steal Kaptain Baddrukks choppa, which doubled as a makeshift teleport homer. After using it to board Baddrukks ship, he then nicked Baddrukks personal wazbom blastajet. After the ships dakka proved inneffective at best, Blackhawk found the eject button. He then promptly put the ship on a collission course, killing the titan in one MASSIVE explosion while he struggled to find a parachute, and instead found a rocket engine on the bottom of his ejected seat. He then landed/crashed safely, and was titled "Gargant-killa" and "Big Nob" by the mekboss. Baddrukk decided that watching the two vehicles explode was hilarious, and told Blackhawk that the sight more than made up for the loss of his ship. Baddrukk then tellyported (dat flashy showoff) and promptly left the planet, truly respecting Blackhawk and considering him his equal.
- The audiobook is read by Tom Allenby, who portrays the characters flawlessly in his first debut of narrating an audiobook, with a right n proppa Australian ~AHEM~ "orky" accent.
- The author, Mike Brooks, also wrote Nexus and Other Stories, Rites of Passage, and funnily enough, Power Phone Scripts (while definitely not a 40k book, maybe theres some mechanicum git out there that would love it)
- Mike Brooks also made Ufthak Blackhawk as a model. Pic is to the right, but he has a Twitter that you can and should check out for more pics.
- Blackhawk has a truly Massive amount of cunning for a non-Blood Axe, which he is constantly teased about by Mogrot.
- Blackhawk ends up killing Nizkwik by throwing him out of a plane without a parachute, which he found deeply satisfying.
|Ork Gitz and Bosses|
|From da canon:||The Beast - Boss Snikrot - Boss Zagstruk - Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka |
Grukk Face-Rippa - Mad Dok Grotsnik - Makari - Mek Boss Buzgob
Mozgrod Skragbad - Nazdreg Ug Urdgrub - Old Zogwort - Orkimedes
Tuska Daemon-Killa - Wazdakka Gutsmek - Zhadsnark da Rippa - Zodgrod Wortsnagga
Kaptin Badrukk - Herman von Strab - Ufthak Blackhawk
|From da gamez:||Brikkfist - Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter - Kaptin Bluddflagg - Grimskull |
Mister Nailbrain - Orkamungus - Spookums - Stupid