From 1d4chan

Divine Politics[edit]

Chapter one: Divine affairs[edit]

Inside a warm bath-tub, inside a dim redish room, in the Tallest tower of a black marble palace, inside pocket dimension no.34, sat Kalisphera "goddess of blood", "punisher of the wicked","mistress of vengence" and watched a speciefic point in the human world.

It was at this time every five years that the small hamlet of Yisraban would celebrate the initiation of five new paladins of Pelor(a cranky old geezer in her opinion) into the ranks of the Ramos-Celestior. A glorious celebration would take place in a small hillside church to congratulate the five novices on the completion of their training and the start of their new lives as servitors to all that is Good,Just and most of all Lawfull. Kalisphera couldn't mind less what old Pelor was teaching is followers about the flexible notion of justice, but she couldn't help but notice who it was being taught to.

Namely Makai gro-Bulreh, son of the human Marcus Bulreh, a savage orcish maiden and a two gallons of illegal smuggled Dragonborn made peach liquer. By all rights he should be hers (there's so much you can do with paladins); he was born by orcs , who appreciated her kind of justice; he loved slaying the wicked more than arresting them, which was HER sphere of power; and he loved baked boar ribs...... She ADORED BAKED BOAR RIBS. Not to mention that his masculine beauty (which she confirmed many times) was an obvious provocation made by Pelor(that old wrinkled sock) to annoy her. Direct confrontation with Pelor on the matter would lead to nothing, as the stubborn fool will simply deny the truth...but Kalisphera made it in her mind that this mortal will be hers...and there are other ways to make that happen...ways that require clerics...

Chapter two: Matters of the soul.[edit]

Adremelech Martanius Cohentrius "the exceptionally long named" was a scholared man. §cholared enough to know that deamons are not to be trusted, and especially not to be dealed with, and especially not with souls. But this one had a point, the point being at the spear of the two remaining bandits. Adramelech looked around at the wreckege of the caravan...he and the two guards tried to protect the caravan, but to no avail. The bandits were too numerous and he was armed only by a hand-scythe used for farming. They overwhelmed the caravan gaurds in seconds and immidiately started slaughtering it's denizens. He managed to kill all but two, but they defeated him as well. They were about to kill him when time suddenly stopped. He couldn't move but neither could they.

The demon apeared shortly after through a hole that he seemingly Ripped in the fabric of the universe, and started making it's barter. Standard story as far as Adramelech could understand: sell your your life...unbelieveable power...yada yada yada... Though Adramelech never before saw any reasoning behind a mortals choice to sell his soul. However now with the threat of death looming over his head, he was begining to see the apeal. The apeal being not dieing today. With the inevitability of his death settling in He was now willing to make the deal, if anything at least he'll have his vengence over the bandits on this day. The demon, probably smelling his surrender stopped his sales pitch and proceeded to summon an attractive looking scroll when suddenly another hole broke in reality behind the demon and from whitin in exited...a four harmed floating women...

Kalisphera projected a small sum of her power into the mortal realm and the avatar created came to glimpse with her new mortal follower ...and that bitch Mya from the seventh hell. Mya looked back at her with suprise. But quickly changed her expression to fear as Kalisphera raised her two left hands. "Get the F##% OUT she said in perfect infernal and bitchslapped Mya back to hells kitchen. With the disturbance gone, she than proceeded towards the mortal.Adremelech, being human, didn't understand the vocal exchange between the two beings, but the obvious aggression wasn't lost on him. He conteplated for a second the possibility of him recieving a lucky brake over the banishment of the demon, but soon stifled that notion. The bandits were still there and the new outsider seemed just as focused on him as the last one. There wasn't much difference to whom he was gonna sell his soul. "Hear me mortal..", the new apearation started "I am Kalisphera godess of blood, mistress of vengence, punisher of the wicked... Pledge your life to my service and I shalt give thee the power thou requireth". Adremelech, now fully convinced that his soul must be made of ethereal bacon was already prepared to take any offer and so answered: "I conceid to you in all things my goddess". "Very well", responded Kalisphera (pleased with how easily this ordeal went) "I bless thee with the power and authority to act in my awesome name upon this realm. Go now and sacrifice the wicked in my name". With that said the outsider approached Adremelech until the mortal's head was leveled with the creatures exposed breasts. "Now mortal suckle deep from my bossom so that thou willth be born anew". Adremelech stared at the tall women-like creature and spat "what?". "You must suckle from my...", "YES I have HEARD what you said, I was just expecting....something else!". "Like what?", said the the outsider, it's face seemingly insulted over the mortal's lack of enthusiasm(none of the others had any problems with this part). "Like... zap me with lightning, or give me a staff or something...". Kalisphera laid her two bottom arms on the red fabric covering her curvy thighs and used the upper ones to raise both her breasts from beneath, with a expression of annoyance said:"Look mortal there are two ways to do this, one-you suck my breasts, on the other-I manifest a schlong and spear you...which one would you rather?!". Adremelech was taken back by the sudden attack, he was already threatened by one spear. "Do not missumderstand me,I have no qualms about sucklin...", "THEN BE A MAN AND DO IT".Seeing no point in arguing any further the man leaned in and placed his lips on the left breast of the outsider. The creature sighed comfortably under the slight tug on it's mounds seemingly enjoying itself more than a religious ceremony was healthy to enjoy. "Drink deep mortal- you will require much power for the tasks ahead", it said with an expression of delight on it's feminine face. Adramelech ceased not his suckling, instead he reached with his left arm to gently grab the other breast, massaging it with care. Between suckling on one tit or another he reckoned he did feel something, a sort of energy being cast into his being, but as questioning it would surely lead to more rage he felt it was best not to ask.As she felt that the mortal had his fill (and mord pressing matters to attend) Kalisphera put her upper arms on his shoulders and pushed him from their embrace. "Very good mortal", she said, praising her new earthly representor. "But now you must embark on your journy". Wearing a more serious expression and a stern godly voice the godess said;"Go to the hamlet of Yisraban and find an half-orc paladin that goes by the name of Makai gro-Bulreh, he will aid you on your journey. With him at your side proceed north to the now dwarven settlement of Sorrows-reach by the nothern trade Routes. NOW GO MORTAL AND DISPENSE JUSTICE IN MY NAME".With a crack of lighning and the sound of thunder both the outsider and the gate disapeared leaving Adramelech to stand his own against the bandits. But this time he wasn't completely on his own. The bandits approached him with spears at hand, "Any last words saint!?" sneered one of them. Adramelech was unafraid, for in his hear was the whispers of devine guidance. He stood up before them, raised his arm to point at the nearest one and spouted "Cheshel Maharachut Totaly". The bandit stopped at his tracks, convulsing in agony. It apeared like he was trying to sneeze, cough, yawn and belch at the same time. In two seconds he lay on the ground foaming at the mouth and bleeding from every orifice on his head. The other bandit seemed taken back for a few seconds, but quickly regained his bearings and charged towards Adramelech, who (now facing only one opponent) easily dodged and rolled towards his scythe. Grabbing scythe at hand Adramelech swinged at the bandit's leg, slicing the tendons and causing him to trip forward. Adramelech got up towards the bandit(who was now reconcidering going to the mage university like his mother told him) and grabbed him by the hairs. "Zar li, ah Kalisphera Doreshet Kurban", said Adramelech sorrowfully repeating the whispers in his hear, and sliced the bandits throat.As the criminal lay in a pool of blood, a former tax collecter concidered his new position as enactor of devine justice.'Well atleast the boss is nice' he thought to himself as he turned back into the caravan. He was gonna need supplies for the journey ahead, and Yisraban is a long walk ahead.