User:TheSpoilerHeretic/Dark Souls

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User:TheSpoilerHeretic/Dark Souls/vg

Dark souls death.jpeg

Do you like RPG? do you like to kill monster that's bigger than you? do you like to die while having rage for losing all your score? then Dark Souls is the game for you. It was originally on eksbawks 360, but now is also available on PC with new content to troll those console fanboy. This game is also known for its realistic sword fighting mechanic, parry, back stab. Swinging a big sword has never been felt so good, almost the same kind of enjoyment you get when reading Berserk.


In the beginning, the earth was a shitty place to live. Filled with dragons and darkness. But one day, some awesome power was born and it was given to three asshole: Gwyn, the witches of Izalith and Gravelord Nito. There was the fourth power and was claim by some unimportant asshole name Pygmy the furtive (the human's ancestor, aka the player's race). After become awesome, Gwyn decided to launch a Great Crusade on the dragons with his fellow allies, his four chosen knights and a shit load of faithful knight, also during the war, a scaleless dragon name Sheath decided to join because he is a freak to the dragon kind. After the dragons were extinct (some of them exist, but very few), a huge empire was created. But then, Gwyn and others realize their awesome power are fading, that they decided to recreate their power, but all attempts ended up terribly unsuccessful. First, Gwyn decided to link the fire so the age of fire could extend(but is utter useless anyway, since it'll just fade out from time to time), and turning him into undead after being burning alive for a thousand years. Then the witches try to recreate the power, but also failed. Not only the witches got mutated, it also created the bed of chaos, which is where all demons came from. After realize the fire kept fading out, the god decided it would be a good idea to sacrifice humans to keep the fire, but created the undead in the process. The undead then started to rip and tear through every town center and completely turning the one mighty empire into a grimdark shithole.The human in respond to the undead plague, send the undead to asylum, where they will have the finest life of their lives until the world end. To make things even worse, that fucking Sheath went insane after countless of researches on immortality, that he became a sick fuck, kidnapping people and turning them into octopus snake. You, the player, decedent of Pygmy, you are the chosen undead. It is up to you to either like the fire once again, or become the dark lord of humanity!!!


Like Skyrim, NPC can be kill for pissing you off. They also drop some good item that is very important if you want to survive in this game. But don't weep and rage if you accidentally attack the useful NPC (like blacksmiths), because you can always pay that creepy dude on the church for a visit, but he will need a lot of your souls. Also, most of the NPC will turn hollow in the end no matter what you do.

Notable NPC:

Crestfallen Warrior - An emo warrior with no balls that afraids to die. He can only provide information that you already know. He should be kill for 1000 soul since he will turn hollow anyway. The most usless NPC in the game.

Knight Lautrec Of Carim - A fucking dick that deserves to die once you release him. He will kill the fire shrine keeper and making the bonfire useless unless you go to Anor Londo and stab him in the balls.

Patches the Hyena - Another dick in the game that kick you down to a pit just because you are religious. But he is actually useful because he sell some good item that might help you in a dark tomb full of giant skeleton.

Gwynevere - FAKE TITTIES created by that damn drag queen. She is Gwyn's daughter that is twice the size to the player.

Gwyndolin -A guy who was raised as a girl because he has strong connection to the moon. He created illusions on Anor Londo such as that amazing chest to fool the player into believing linking the fire is good.

Petruc - Your typical fat religious cleric. He wasn't such an asshole until you found out he is the one that left Reah in the catatomb. He also kill Reah after you rescue her. One of the dick that deserves gruesome death.

Solaire of Astora - The great Gatsby of this game. He had a dream of finding the great sun until he realize it was all a lie. He is favor by the fanbase for his notable quotes. He is rumor the banish first son of Gwyn.

Those bastards in the Darkloots forest - They kill any trespasser, but are just as dumb as any AI existed in any video game.

Iron Tarkus - That fucking motherfucker from dawn if war 2 realized putting a grenade on a tomb spider isn't enough for him, that he decided to take a small vacation in this game. He can SOLO THE FUCKING IRON GOLEM

Notable Bosses[edit]

Asylum demon/stray demon/demon firesage - 3 version of these fatass looks slightly different. Asylum demon is the first boss you encountered, while the other two are the upgraded version.

Gaping dragon - one of the remain dragons. It now rely on survival to the point it's belly lost it's organs and turned into a giant mouth.

Chaos Witch Quelaag - One of the mutated daughters of chaos. She possess a fucked up spider vagina that vomit larva.

Gravelord Nito - The most awesome looking skeleton with a big sword made out of corpse. Don't get your guards up too much just because he is bigger than you. He is actually one of the easiest boss to kill after obtaining the lordvessel, since his attack is slower than a turtle. The only thing that makes him difficult to fight would be his never fucking die skeleton minions and his sword-shove-in-your-ass attack.

Snorlax and Pikachu - What a fair fight. Fighting two guys that are bigger than you, one is a big fat hammer wielder, while the other is a speedy lightning shooter. kill any of them will allows one of them to become super saiyan. Have fun.

Bed of Chaos - A giant tree that loves to swept the floor, also the most poorly design boss in the game.

Great Wolf Sif - A giant wolf who has mastered Zoro's sword-in-the-mouth blade style. He also appears to help you to fight Manus if you save him.

Gwyn - The man himself. You must defeat him in order to beat the game. He is lightning fast with his flame sword, but ironically, can be parried.

Notable Enemies[edit]

In this game, is not the bosses that kills you, but the ghost, the undead, the monsters, the knights that is always waiting you behind the bonfire, and backstabs you, torch you, rolling over you, parry you and even devouring you. So remember kids, if you ever see these creatures, let us know and we will help you.....Just kidding, no one is gonna help you, so go die a hundred times more.

Mech Boar - is a lot like juggernaut, except they are not completely machine.

Black Knight - They rape you in early level, but drops some game breaking gears like black knight halberd.

Skeleton Wheel - This is what happen if Doomwheel ever had any skeleton minions. You see them rolling over you, you hating.

Ghost - You can never hit these motherfucker unless you are cursed.

Posion Dart Shooter - I FUCKING HATE THESE BITCHES!!!! They deliver toxic to you and never stop shooting their damn dart until they die. Thanks god they don't respawn.

Crazy Forest Cat - They are the size of a lion and they spins like sonic. Have I told you this game is made in Japan?

Monster Size Rat in the Depth - Good luck trying to fight him one on one with melee, or just snipe the shit out of him with arrows if you had the patience.

Chaos Eater - creepy looking penis monster that puke acid and breaks all your gears.

Giant Skeleton Beast - Lurking in the dark, deals tons of damage and ignores all your defense.

Mimic - They are basically tall white naked man with treasure chest as a head. They can karate kick your ass and nom you.

relation with Berserk[edit]

Before this balls-grabbing-meat-grinder was born, the creator was amazed by the awesomeness of Berserk that he includes lots of Berserk references in this game. Such as:

Great inspiration makes great game.

-Artorias of the abyss DLC cover art share similarity with one of the Berserk manga cover art.

-many enemies in Dark Soul resembles some of the apostle from Berserk, such as capra demon = goat demon and tartarus demon = Zodd apostle form.

-Artorias fighting with a giant sword while his left arm is broken, just like when Gutts was fighting Grunbeld.

-skeleton wheels, bitch!