Uwe Boll

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This article is about something that is considered by the overpowering majority of /tg/ to be fail. Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it.

Making shitty films pleases him

Uwe Boll (Pronounced as OOva-Bawl) is a horrible, horrible German director who is known for his terrible video game film adaptions .He is so terribly bad that he has been dubbed as the new Ed Wood of the filming industry.

Overview

He's just so bad. He's just so unspeakably bad. His films are just as bad as a huge mound of bull shit. And yet, despite his constant failures he calls films, he continues to make more foul creations. He uses a German tax loophole in order to fund more of his abominations. He's probably doing this just to scorn us. He is a constant whiner and complainer, and is very jealous and hostile to his supposed arch-enemy, Michael Bay (Despite also being hated, Michael Bays films are actually decent and enjoyable).

He's also very prideful. He sees his movies as masterpieces and blames every flaw blatant enough to get past his ego on the people he hires. Though we all know that they are just crap. His pride goes so far as to challenge his haters in boxing matches, lies to them about it just being a publicity stunt and then going all out in beating them senseless. Though he ironically refuses to fight people who are bigger than him. This shows that he is actually a chicken who just cant face real challenges.

Video Game Movie Adaptions

• House of the Dead - Fans of the series wept as their beloved franchise was raped by the kraut sucker. This filmed had little to nothing to do about the films plot. The films appeared more like a dark comedy than an actual horror film.
• Alone in the Dark - Hey, you know Alone in the Dark? That old as balls horror series, and the ones that started the whole 3D horror survival genre? That had tension, proper horror and shit? Well, the film is like that, but instead of having proper pacing, the "film" (using the term loosely here) has horrible CGI monsters, horrible acting, a shitty story and lacklustre action. So...not like the games then. Fucking typical. One of the worst parts was that Boll refused to take responsibility for this movie and instead blamed its failure on Tara Reid refusing to show her tits on camera.
• Blood Rayne I, II: Deliverance, III: The Third Reich - Terrible adaptions of a decent video game, turning a bad-ass half-vampire babe (the awesome sort, not that sparkly shit) into an incompetent whiner who fucks around a lot, even though the Rayne in the games would most likely nut-punch any asshat who hit on her (poorly that is. If you are charming and clever, she might engage in some banter instead. Still no sex though). Oh, and the plot of the movies have nothing to do with the games (Oh, what a fucking surprise!) Fucking bullshit.
• In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege tale - His greatest failure yet. And whats worse is that Ron Perlman (One of the greatest movie actors in the world), just had to be part of the cast. The world wept.
• Postal - THIS FILM DOES NOT EXIST !!! Anyone whoever brings this up will be shot by your local Commissar.

In summary, Uwe Boll is That Guy, or possibly a relation of Matt Ward. Hell, for all the flak he rightfully gets for, Matt Ward still has a better track record than Boll.