Warhammer: Age of Sigmar Initial Release

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The rocky beginning of a rocky ride.
Warhammer: Age of Sigmar is a wargame made by Games Workshop. Released in 2015, it busted through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man (Oh Yeah!) after the disaster known as The End Times.

Whereas most people were expecting a slight change in fluff, maybe a character or two dies or the clock stopped until it was retconned, instead, GW totally rebooted the entire setting and killed off not one, but two entire factions and greatly diminished the available models for most others.

Problems With AoS[edit]

AoS appeared with several new "improvements" that fucked the game into hell. Here is a non-exhaustive list of them:

  • No points: AoS was marketed as a game meant for casual play that could create narrative battles in an exciting setting. The way they achieved this was by offering free rules on their website and removing fucking point values. Trust me, it was as pants-on-head retarded as it sounds. This, by itself, rendered the game totally unplayable, or the best game in the history of Mankind, depending on your perspective.
  • Stupid fucking rules: The "new and improved" Warhammer boasted ... interesting rules that carried over into real life. Yes, you heard that right. Real. Life. Highlights include getting to reroll saving throws for Sigvald if you can see your reflection, rerolling wound rolls for Helborg if you have a bigger mustache than your opponent, and getting to add 1 to the charge rolls of a Wargor if you scream like a retard.
  • Sigmarines: Games Workshop's designers had a fucking aneurysm while coming up with the new faction to replace Bretonnia and Tomb Kings, and decided that the best course of action was to instead put in fucking Space Marines. Fuck, I wish I was joking.

"Friendly" Nicknames for AoS[edit]

As you might expect, Age of Sigmar has gained more than a few names used by the Fanon to describe its ... problems. These include, but are not limited to:

  • Nuhammer
  • Age Of Shitmar
  • Age Of Shillmar
  • Ugh Of Sigmar
  • Skirmishhammer
  • Groundmarine 40k
  • Goldmarine
  • Sigmar and Friends
  • Sigmarines vs Rob Liefeld's Chaos Warriors (guest starring WFB special characters)
  • Warhammer Lite
  • Fucking Bullshit
  • Testicular Cancer: The Wargame
  • Skub: The Wargame
  • Age Of Smegmar
  • Sigmar's Big Day Out
  • Age Of Skubmar
  • Warhammer 40k: In Fantasy!
  • Age Of Sigmarines
  • Skubhammer 40k
  • Age Of Houserules
  • Warhammer: New Coke
  • SPACE MARINES OOOOON THEEEE GROUUUUUUUUND!
  • Why You Should Never Feel Bad Buying Chinese Recasts
  • EA Games Presents: Warhammer
  • Why We Can't Have Nice Things

In response, Sigmarites responded with autistic yells of "Grognard" and "Oldfag," creating what they thought was offense. What they don't realize is that the tears they saw in their opponents eyes were really shed for the death of Oldhammer.